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BULLET, CHAPTER FORTY FIVE
Jul. 9th, 2013 11:26 amLet me tell you a story of Boo. Boo, short for Bubonic, was one half of a pair of my first rats, the other one being Fidget. Fidget was a pretty normal rat, though he had quirks and stories of his own which I shall also some day share, but Boo...Boo was something else.
To start with, Boo was BIG. I don't mean fat, i mean he was just plain HUGE, and all of it was muscle. When my dad and I first saw him in the pet store, he was sitting on his tail, so Dad couldn't see it was a naked rat tail, and Dad said, "Look, they sell skunks here!" He wasn't joking. He really thought Boo (a black and white rat, obviously, though he wasn't at all skunky-patterned) was a skunk because he was just that big! "No Dad," I said, "That's a rat, and that's the rat I want!" Dad said that I could have a rat, but I could not have THAT rat. But the next time I went to the store, I not only got that rat, I got his buddy too!
That's a story in itself, actually. See, I didn't know it at the time, but Dad was actually even more against letting me have rats than Mom was. Mom is still...not very thrilled about them...but Dad loves them now! Back then, though, he was ignorant of their wondrous ways, so in the pet store, when I told Mom we needed to get two or the one we got would be depressed, and she agreed that "If we have to have a rat, I don't want a depressed rat" my father reacted by shouting "WHAT THE HELL, MAUREEN, ARE YOU ON CRACK?!" in the middle of a pet store full of kids. It was terrific. And so we walked out of there with two rats, one of which being the one my dad said I couldn't have (FYI: I am my Daddy's princess, I won't lie. There's pretty much only *two* things I was never able to get out of him, and that's a horse and junk food. He's a health food nut, see. Other than that, though? Yeah, I get anything. It's awesome.)
Boo liked Fidget, and he liked people. Anything else had to WATCH THE FUCK OUT though. Especially dogs. He *hated* dogs. He would chase our dog Jessie (she was 70lbs, not a small dog at all!) and if he caught her, he would bite up her face, her ears, her nose, her paws...he did not like her. At first we thought he just had an issue with Jessie only, but then middle school had pet day and I brought them....Boo went after A LITTLE OF PUPPIES. And someone also though he *was* a puppy (I told you, he was big---I also had someone once look at a photo of him and ask "What's wrong with your cat's tail?") Meanwhile, Fidget was hardly well-behaved himself. He went up a teacher's pant leg and got into that same teacher's desk where he peed all over his papers. Needless to say I never brought them back into that building ever again. In fact, I can't totally remember, but I think I may have killed Pet Day permanently at that school, or at least as long as I was in attendance. I know I don't remember there ever being another, at least.
Now that the groundwork of just what badassery and 'tude this rat was packing has been laid down, I shall regale you with Boo's ultimate assault on our dog!
We were watching a movie. The Day After Tomorrow, to be specific. Boo was hiding in the couch cushions. Jessie came in, and decided she would try to be cute and act like a much smaller dog than she actually is and jump up on the couch. I waited for Boo to fly out and attack her. Oddly, he didn't. What he did was creepy slowly out of the cushions and sneak towards her. She did not spot him. When he reached her, he did not bite her, which puzzled me further. Instead, he went underneath her. Then, with a howl of pain, Jessie made an EPIC LEAP off the couch, and Boo was hanging by his teeth on her belly! She ran from the room, taking Bubonic with her.
Since then, Jessie was afraid of all rodents all her life.
BUBONIC THE RAT: More badass than Anita Blake could ever hope to be!
( BULLET, CHAPTER FORTY FIVE )
To start with, Boo was BIG. I don't mean fat, i mean he was just plain HUGE, and all of it was muscle. When my dad and I first saw him in the pet store, he was sitting on his tail, so Dad couldn't see it was a naked rat tail, and Dad said, "Look, they sell skunks here!" He wasn't joking. He really thought Boo (a black and white rat, obviously, though he wasn't at all skunky-patterned) was a skunk because he was just that big! "No Dad," I said, "That's a rat, and that's the rat I want!" Dad said that I could have a rat, but I could not have THAT rat. But the next time I went to the store, I not only got that rat, I got his buddy too!
That's a story in itself, actually. See, I didn't know it at the time, but Dad was actually even more against letting me have rats than Mom was. Mom is still...not very thrilled about them...but Dad loves them now! Back then, though, he was ignorant of their wondrous ways, so in the pet store, when I told Mom we needed to get two or the one we got would be depressed, and she agreed that "If we have to have a rat, I don't want a depressed rat" my father reacted by shouting "WHAT THE HELL, MAUREEN, ARE YOU ON CRACK?!" in the middle of a pet store full of kids. It was terrific. And so we walked out of there with two rats, one of which being the one my dad said I couldn't have (FYI: I am my Daddy's princess, I won't lie. There's pretty much only *two* things I was never able to get out of him, and that's a horse and junk food. He's a health food nut, see. Other than that, though? Yeah, I get anything. It's awesome.)
Boo liked Fidget, and he liked people. Anything else had to WATCH THE FUCK OUT though. Especially dogs. He *hated* dogs. He would chase our dog Jessie (she was 70lbs, not a small dog at all!) and if he caught her, he would bite up her face, her ears, her nose, her paws...he did not like her. At first we thought he just had an issue with Jessie only, but then middle school had pet day and I brought them....Boo went after A LITTLE OF PUPPIES. And someone also though he *was* a puppy (I told you, he was big---I also had someone once look at a photo of him and ask "What's wrong with your cat's tail?") Meanwhile, Fidget was hardly well-behaved himself. He went up a teacher's pant leg and got into that same teacher's desk where he peed all over his papers. Needless to say I never brought them back into that building ever again. In fact, I can't totally remember, but I think I may have killed Pet Day permanently at that school, or at least as long as I was in attendance. I know I don't remember there ever being another, at least.
Now that the groundwork of just what badassery and 'tude this rat was packing has been laid down, I shall regale you with Boo's ultimate assault on our dog!
We were watching a movie. The Day After Tomorrow, to be specific. Boo was hiding in the couch cushions. Jessie came in, and decided she would try to be cute and act like a much smaller dog than she actually is and jump up on the couch. I waited for Boo to fly out and attack her. Oddly, he didn't. What he did was creepy slowly out of the cushions and sneak towards her. She did not spot him. When he reached her, he did not bite her, which puzzled me further. Instead, he went underneath her. Then, with a howl of pain, Jessie made an EPIC LEAP off the couch, and Boo was hanging by his teeth on her belly! She ran from the room, taking Bubonic with her.
Since then, Jessie was afraid of all rodents all her life.
BUBONIC THE RAT: More badass than Anita Blake could ever hope to be!
( BULLET, CHAPTER FORTY FIVE )
