FLIRT, CHAPTER 8, PART 2

[a_sporking_rat]

At my request, this pretty awesome spork/chapter-by-chapter review blog is currently featuring the second Merry Gentry book
http://creativedoubledipper.blogspot.com/
Through this, I learned about Kitto. Kitto is one of Merry's men, a phrase which always makes me think of Robin Hood. Kitto is half sidhe, half snake goblin. Ok, so far so good.

Kitto is, like Nathaniel, described as very child-like...and he's also child-sized. Like about the size of a twelve year old. And she keeps him under her desk at work and pets him like a cat to calm herself. Uhhh.

And this excerpt...oh my god:

He clambered into my lap like a child, forcing my hands to encircle him to keep him from falling. My right hand slid over the slickness of the scales on his back; my left cupped the smooth, hairless curve of his thigh. The sidhe didn’t have much body hair, and snake goblins had none. The mixed heritage had left Kitto smooth and perfect like he’d been waxed from neck to toe. It added to the doll-like image and made him seem perpetually childlike.

I don't think I need to say anything at all. This points out all the creepy on its own.

FLIRT, CHAPTER 8, PART 2 in which Anita commits needless murder now that she's covered needless rape (and it's not just Silas!)

Jacob agrees to let Anita kill Silas. Ellen begs him not to, so he screams at her CAN YOU RAISE THE DEAD HUH CAN YOU THEN STFU because Ellen seems to exist basically so her powers can be called insufficient by everyone despite the fact she's done her job just fine. That's what she gets for having a vagina, I guess. And yes, I am 100% sure she has a vagina, because transgender people do not exist in the Anitaverse...and thank goodness for that because, given the way she portrayed an intersexual crossdresser, I really don't wanna know what LKH would do with a person who was trans.

Nicky asks Anita what he can do to help (to help KILL YOUR FELLOW PRIDE MEMBER?!) and Anita just tells him to stay close. Jacob tells Anita she needs to put up a circle of power, and Anita says that "Ellen's put up a circle so wide and deep that I can't feel anything from my vampire master or the men I'm tied to metaphysically. I think her circle will keep out any damn thing." Oh so NOW her circle gets credit as soon as having it up will keep Anita from having to do the work of putting her up her own! Jacob asks what she means by this, she says to give her a blade "so I can finish him." Fucking murderer. Also, instead of saying all that...she could have just said "Ellen's circle will work just fine and it's already up, so let's use that." We already KNEW it cuts you off from everybody. Also it makes me snicker that her logic is "oh well since it can cut ME off then I guess absolutely NOTHING else could possibly get through it, because what's stronger than ME?"

Jacob gives her a hunting knife, and of course it's only ALMOST as big as the one that she had strapped to her back. Anita asks the crying Ellen if she can hold the circle, Ellen glares and says she can and that Anita had better be as good as her reputation. Hey Ellen, maybe you should just collapse the circle right now. True, it'll bring Anita's men running when she contacts them, but I think if Jacob helps you and Silas could make a getaway before that happens. And if Jacob doesn't...well, I think Silas would rather go down like that then be used like a damn chicken in a sacrifice.

Anita bends Silas's neck back and Nicky makes a remark about how you only do that in the movies and how it makes more sense to do it this way instead (LKH really, really likes making remarks about how such and such is only this way in the movies YES I GET IT, YOU DO RESEARCH AND KNOW ALL THE THINGS). Anita cuts his throat and monologues about all the power you get from killing a human and how you get even more from "someone who wasn't a person, but something more than human." Uh, being a therian doesn't mean he's not a person. I think you should rethink that word choice, Anita.

Anita puts her bloody hands on the grave and calls for Ilsa Bennington and "I shoved the power into the grave, into the pieces of body, and there was so much power. I felt her re-form, felt pieces coming together that weren't in the grave. The power remade her into something perfect and whole, and that something grabbed my hands through the dirt, and I pulled it from the grave."

Ilsa does indeed come up as a whole human body, not even a scrape. Somehow she's even wearing perfect makeup. Okay, I get this is magic, but I don't think animation, or even necromancy, should be able to regrow a human body into a perfect state when it was just charred bits. Why? Because necromancy is by definition DEATH magic. It should have nothing to do with growth and rejuvenation and healing, even of the dead, at least in my opinion. And I don't see HOW the fuck she got MAKEUP on. I don't think it could possibly be funeral makeup, because I feel like it was made pretty clear there wasn't enough of her body left for that. Necromancy making messed-up remains into whole bodies again I may not be on board with (at least not in the way it's done here; if it made them into creepy ugly abominations, I'd be down with it) but I could be okay with it just as YMMV thing, but NECROMANCY MAKING PERFECT MAKEUP APPEAR? That's just...stupid doesn't even begin to cover it.

Ilsa's eyes are still empty though (as in expression, I mean, her eye sockets themselves aren't empty!), so Anita takes blood from Silas's neck and puts it to Ilsa's lips. She licks it and then "she was suddenly in there." Ilsa looks around and Tony comes to her and she asks him what's going on and is that a dead guy? Tony walks "his dead wife" away from the grave and Anita talks about how there is still SO MUCH POWER from Silas's death inside her and how "it pulsed through me, hammered along my bones" and that's actually pretty cool to me and then she falls on the grave writhing in pain from it and how it wants to be used. Okay, awesome. This is stuff I like. This is the necromancy I signed up for.

Nicky kneels by her and asks what's wrong, she says that was too much power for her to be raising just one zombie, and Nicky logically points out that they're in a cemetery so maybe she could raise some others?

...I feel like there are probably grave-tampering laws against that in the Anitaverse. Or at least there should be. It's kind of unpleasant to think that someone with the right magical abilities could just yank your loved one up out of the ground if they wanted to any time they felt like it, after all.

So Anita brings up every body in the cemetery, and they haven't been all prettied up like Ilsa. The power it takes to do this shatters Ellen's circle, and Anita feels that Jean-Claude is less than two hours away and that all her men are safe and some are on their way. She hears Jacob yell at Ellen because "You stupid bitch. You didn't just shield her from her people, you cut me off from ours. They were captured hours ago." Then he hits her so hard she falls down and stays there. Guess we couldn't have her getting uppity after Anita said her circle was passable. How did it take Jacob this long to NOTICE he was out of contact with the other lions, though? To the point he didn't realize it until the contact was resumed? That seems weird. Also, way to take the 'now what do we do about the snipers' problem out of it, LKH. That could have been pretty cool to have to deal with. Instead it just worked itself out on its own offscreen. Alas. And wait, since when are therian leaders in constant psychic contact with their people anyway? Is it just Jacob because he had Ellen there to link them all up, or is this another super-inconsistency?

While Ellen is getting beaten up by her Rex, Ilsa is "having hysterics" over how ugly the zombies are and has to be soothed by her husband. Jacob goes over to Tony and states the obvious, that he has what he wanted, and Tony agrees that "she's perfect" so Jacob asks him to transfer the rest of the funds and Tony says he will once "my wife" is safely home. Jacob says that three of his men are captured, one is killed, one is lost to me, and that he's just hit Ellen...because that last part is not his fault somehow I guess...and that Tony had better "make the damn call now." Tony does so and tells him it should be in his account now. Jacob checks his own phone, confirms it, and says he can take Ilsa home now.

Tony tells Ilsa not to be afraid, Anita tells Jacob the obvious (that he has his money) and then that Ilsa is going to rot, that "even with this much power, she won't hold together." Firstly, why should Jacob care about this? Second, why couldn't Anita send all that excess power from Silas into Ilsa instead of using it to raise all those other zombies, and that could make her last longer, if still not permanently? Anita asks Jacob "how do you think a man like Tony Bennington will take it when his flirty wife starts to forget she's alive and starts to rot?" I like that she has to point out Ilsa was flirty, lest we forget the very forced title of this book. And what kind of man is Tony? So far, he's shown to be a guy who operates out of grief and has no malice towards anyone. He even admitted he had second thoughts about this and was going to call it off, but then seeing Anita with her men reminded him of what he lost. He doesn't seem like a vindictive person (he doesn't even come off as particularly mad at Anita for originally refusing him, just desperate and jealous) or someone who would take it out on Jacob (which would make no sense and be very dangerous) when things went wrong.

Nicky says that "He'll go to the cops" (uhhhh, and that makes sense HOW, considering he'd basically be turning himself in too in that case?) and Anita says "or he'll hire someone else expensive to hunt you down, and he'll kill my flirty boys if he can't have his flirty girl."

JUST IN CASE YOU GUYS FORGOT, THIS NOVELLA IS CALLED FLIRT AND THIS IS WHY DID YOU GET THAT IT'S FLIRT BECAUSE FLIRTY PEOPLE FLIRTING WHO LIKE TO FLIRT

What Anita is saying makes no sense at all. If Tony was going to go after someone for Ilsa rotting, it would be Anita, not Jacob and his Pride. Anita is the one who raised her, so if he was going to blame someone when she rots, it would logically be Anita. Jacob and the others have nothing to do with bringing Ilsa back and keeping her whole. That was Anita's job and hers alone, impossible or not. So yeah, he might go and have someone kill Anita's men, and that might lead Anita to go to the police and get Jacob's Pride arrested along with Tony...except that killing Anita's precious "flirty boys" will most likely kill her as well. And even if it didn't, Tony could still rat her out for Silas's murder, which she could try to spin as self-defense ("I had to sacrifice someone or they'd kill me") but given the bias against animators in this universe, I doubt she'd get away scot-free. Actually, come to think of it, that means that killing Anita's guys anyway is probably the best way for Jacob to keep the whole thing shut up, not killing Tony. Which is what Anita is trying to justify doing here. No, seriously. Jacob asks her what she's asking him, and she says she's asking him not to interfere, he asks what she's going to do, and she says "Something symmetrical."

He understands what she means by this, and says he won't stop her. Anita tells Nicky and Jacob to stand by her because "zombies aren't particularly smart". And, uh, I guess Ellen, who is still presumably unconscious and helpless on the ground, is just gonna be left to chance? Oh, right, sorry, vagina, forgot. Luckily for her, Jacob thinks to grab her and make sure she isn't eaten or stepped on. I feel like Anita might be disappointed with that. Then Anita tells the zombies to "Kill him" while picturing Tony's face. They move forward and surround Tony, who asks "Mr. Leon" what is going on, and Jacob just says "It's symmetry, Tony."

It's really not. I don't think LKH knows what that word means. I think she might mean "cyclical" or something like that. Although I still don't think this situation counts as such, myself. Though that may be because I'm just so disgusted with Anita right now. She is not in danger. Her men are not in danger. And out of all the people in this graveyard, it's actually more likely that Jacob and his people will kill Anita and/or her harem than it is that Tony will harm her guys, for the reasons I just explained. She has no reason to be killing Tony right now aside from sheer spite and vengeance, and while that COULD be pulled off well by someone else, I'm sure, it's not here. It makes Anita look not only like a petty murderer, but also a stupid one, since, again, Jacob has a logical reason to want Anita dead RIGHT NOW, while Tony only MAY have that as an emotional reaction later.

But Tony is human, and he didn't have the hots for her like the lion guys did, and he had the audacity to love a BLONDE woman. So I guess he just has to die.

Which he does. The zombies, including Ilsa, eat him. According to Anita, "It was like every horror movie you can imagine, but worse." and stuff about how real bones are whiter and real blood is darker and yes I get it it is the grossest most edgy thing ever but god forbid you just actually describe it. No, she just tells us how bad it is while saying absolutely nothing about what it actually looks, sounds, and/or smells like. Man, you know what I love about Stephen King's horror? How he fucking lingers over every bit of pus and blood and entrails. He does not skimp on gore. He doesn't just TELL us it's bad. He SHOWS it. Big-time.

And then the zombies go eat Silas. I don't think LKH meant to, but Anita implies that Silas is still alive, even though he can't be since his death powered all this.

The zombies then look at Anita for what to do next and gives this paragraph-long monologue of trying-to-be-dark nothing about how "there are things that wait in the dark, that wait for a chance to find a body they can walk around in, things that were never human" and it would be really cool if zombie were possessed by these things but it's never expanded on in the series at all so clearly she's just saying this for the it-sounds-cool factor and then forgot it, and she looks at the zombies and says she realizes "I could keep the dead" and keep them animated as her own private army. Wow, that's the first interesting idea she's had in, like, forever. Jacob and Nicky get freaked because they can see "something in their eyes" and Anita says it's "shadows" and then she sends them back to their graves. Since Tony wouldn't let them bring salt, and so she uses "steel, and grave dirt, and power" to put them back and somehow manages to bring up the fact that she does judo. We also get a neat tidbit that "something about them eating human flesh without a circle of power" has caused the "shadows" in the zombies eyes and that "it kept things out" was one of the reasons for putting up circles. Ugggh, that is so cool, I WANT MORE POSSESSED ZOMBIES, WHY COULDN'T THE BOOK BE ABOUT THAT?

She then monologues her history of being an animator, the whole dead dog and dead professor gig, and a lot of purple prose about how she can call the dead...because we didn't know that. And in the process of sending them back, she shoves her power into them and "something shoved back" but instead of sticking around and BEING CREEPY AWESOME "the bodies were too much mine" and so they obey her. Poop. Ilsa is mentioned as still being a "lovely flirt." She's still a flirt as a ZOMBIE? What, was she making eyes at the other undead?

You remember how I said that this reminded me of the second book, with Harold Gaynor? Guy comes in, wants zombie raised, Anita won't do it even with a crazy amount of money offered, etc.? It ends like the second book too--there's a human sacrifice (but not of the intended victim) to raise not only the intended zombie but also the entire cemetery, that Anita then orders to kill the guy who wanted the zombie raised even though he is no immediate threat to her. That was what happened to Gaynor. He was a bad guy, but he was also unable to do anything to harm Anita or even to get away from the zombies, since he was in a wheelchair. She pretty much murdered a helpless man out of vengeance BOTH these times in the SAME way. I wonder if Miss Knows Everything About Serial Killers Anita Blake would class this as a pattern like she did beautiful vampire men who were burned by priests? *eyeroll*

Seriously, there's just nothing heroic about this. Not even in a dark antihero way. And unlike in a dark antihero type series, there's never any moral questions raised by either the narrative or by the protagonist. Seriously, she even acknowledges this: "I'd been arrogant, and I prayed for forgiveness for that particular sin. Killing Bennington didn't bother me."

...killing an unarmed man who was not attacking you and who was not guaranteed to harm you or your loved ones later? That doesn't bother you? And you don't think God has a problem with that either? I thought you were Christian? Like, it's been awhile since I stepped in a church or read any kind of religious material, but I am pretty sure the Christian God in EVERY denomination frowns on that kind of thing. I wish Ellen would wake up now and get her back for the "harm none" line by reminding her "Thou Shalt Not Kill".

Jacob tells Anita she almost got them eaten alive (and she would have if she had any brains--it wouldn't be moral at all either, but it would be smart as long as she's gonna go murdering people anyway) and Anita points out that he had her kidnapped and Jacob nods. He also says that Ellen will be alright and Anita snarks in her head "as if someone had asked the question." Yeah, Jacob, jeez, why the fuck would Anita care about a WOMAN, eeew, what do you think she is some lesbo?

Jacob looks at his gun and Anita can tell he is thinking about shooting her I guess because she tells him "Don't" and he says "Why not? You don't have any more zombies to eat me" and Nicky says "Don't" and Jacob is like "You'll kill for her, won't you?" and Nicky nods. Yeah, plug her now, Jacob. His being bonded to her means he'll die the second she does, and it would be a mercy at this point. Instead, Jacob just says he wishes he never took this job, and Anita says she does too. SO DO I, THEN THIS BOOK WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED.

Jacob says that Anita's people tortured his lions to find out where she was, Nicky says their Pride would have done the same (so...Anita's people do the same as the bad guys? what makes them different then?) and Jacob says that Anita has destroyed his Pride and Anita says "You destroyed it when you put yourself on the wrong side of me and mine." OOOH, BADASS! You can still put a bullet in her head now for it, Jacob. But instead he says he's just going to try to get out of here before Anita's people get there and makes a joke about how Anita doesn't need rescuing BECAUSE SHE'S SO BADASS HURRDURR...yeah, against completely incompetent excuses for villains, sure. He also says that if her name ever comes up in a job again, he won't take it and "there isn't a price tag big enough to get me to come near you again." I agree, Jacob, I'd feel the same...for different reasons though, maybe.

Nicky hugs Anita and tells Jacob he isn't leaving, Jacob says he knows and that "I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to leave" and that "I'd put a sign above St. Louis for all the hired thugs, if I could."

...do hired thugs actually REFER to themselves as hired thugs?

Anita, who is clearly fishing for compliments in my opinion, asks what that sign would say, and the answer is "Here is a bigger motherfucker than you are."

SO THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH THE VILLAIN JUST KISSING HER ASS ABOUT HOW COOL AND TOUGH SHE IS. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK.

He gives her weapons back to her, takes Ellen, and leaves. And she totally knows he'll never be back because her lioness says so. I am really too stunned by the badness of this chapter to snark anymore on it.

Comments

[nanoquill.livejournal.com]

...You know, I'd managed to completely block Kitto out of my memories. I was a lot happier for it.

LKH somehow made Ellen competent, and then couldn't stand the fact that this is a non-Anita woman doing something well and had all her other puppets smack Ellen for daring to be better than Anita.

Anita puts her bloody hands on the grace
Is that a typo of grave, or did I miss something?

The makeup thing is irredeemably stupid. Also, if killing a person gave Anita so - much - power then doesn't that mean she should have had enough for what Bennington wanted without it?

Anita convinces Jacob by the hold she has on his mind; the words are just there to make him think he has a better reason for agreeing than 'because She-Who-Cannot-Practise-Self-Control-Or-Demonstrate-Moral-Fibre says so'.

I thought that Harold Gaynor's death was anti-hero (at the time; I haven't read it for a while) because he was a genuinely nasty person who destroyed people's lives and would have continued to do so if he had survived.

I love the fact that she prayed for forgiveness for being arrogant, but not for murder. I have this image of Spirit!Anita in front of the Pearly Gates, arguing that she's meant to get in, and the angel guarding them serenely tells her 'You were only forgiven the sins you asked forgiveness for. There are many still blackening your soul.' And then Spirit!Anita throws a hissy-fit and the angel gets bored of her and kicks her straight to Hell.

Jacob gets out of Dodge before he succumbs to the Doomcrotch like Nicky, saying whatever seems likely to placate her and make her let him leave. He'll never be back because the part of him that's still himself is horrified by how narrow an escape this is.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Is that a typo of grave, or did I miss something?
Oh, no, I made a typo *goes to fix*

I thought that Harold Gaynor's death was anti-hero
Depends on your definition of anti-hero, I guess. There's...a lot more than I thought, it turns out
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SlidingScaleOfAntiHeroes
I think at this point Anita is a Type V at best but still being treated like a Type II

'You were only forgiven the sins you asked forgiveness for...then kicks her straight to Hell.

Now THAT would be sweet!

I've skipped ahead in Bullet. Jacob does make a reappearance. THE FOOL!

[nanoquill.livejournal.com]

With Harold Gaynor, I think she was Type III, shading to Type IV. Of course, now she's a flat-out villian, and LKH and the troos are the only ones who don't know it.

Poor Jacob. The Doomcrotch was too strong for him, after he pissed off his competent and intelligent packmate who was capable of shielding him from it.

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

I really hate how women in this series need to work twice as hard to get a quarter of the respect the men get for half the work.


She hears Jacob yell at Ellen because "You stupid bitch. You didn't just shield her from her people, you cut me off from ours. They were captured hours ago." Then he hits her so hard she falls down and stays there. Guess we couldn't have her getting uppity after Anita said her circle was passable. How did it take Jacob this long to NOTICE he was out of contact with the other lions, though?

Wait a moment. Jacob had a cell phone that he was using to keep in contact with the snipers. Did that mysteriously stop working at some point? If the snipers were caught hours ago, that sounds like he missed a call and they (being "villains" in the Anitaverse) all missed their shots. LAME. And then Jacob has the gall to blame Ellen for him forgetting he has a cell phone? DOUBLE LAME.


Since Tony wouldn't let them bring salt, and so she uses "steel, and grave dirt, and power" to put them back and somehow manages to bring up the fact that she does judo.

No she doesn't. Anita uses too much brute force to say that she does judo.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

I really hate how women in this series need to work twice as hard to get a quarter of the respect the men get for half the work.

It's funny how Anita talks about this as being a challenge that she faces but then she doesn't, the author just enforces it on every other woman instead.

Hahaha, that's right, he DOES have a cell phone, wtf

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

...Wow. I had apparently repressed how incredibly dumb this all is. I mean, I remember it being lame, but jeez.


I think she kills Bennington for making her do some damn work for a change.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

He caused Plot to happen, however half-assed. That is clearly unforgivable.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Man, you know what I love about Stephen King's horror? How he fucking lingers over every bit of pus and blood and entrails. He does not skimp on gore. He doesn't just TELL us it's bad. He SHOWS it. Big-time.

Yeah, Stephen King tends to be what I compare LKH's supposed horror scenes unfavourably to, too. He's awfully good at describing something gross and horrific and making you whimper inside with how demoralisingly mundane it all is - that gruesome accidents and murders don't just happen in some parallel universe, but here, in this one, and runs on the same kind of physical rules that are in effect every moment of our safe, cosy lives.

LKH tends to be more like, "it was a corpse AND THAT'S HORRIBLE OH GOD PEOPLE SOMETIMES DIE ISN'T THAT HORRIBLE IT'S SO HORRIBLE THAT I CAN'T BEAR TO THINK ABOUT IT!!!" Which doesn't illicit any reaction from me other than, "uhm, would you like a moment to calm down before you go on with the story...?"

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

You know, I never quite knew how to put it into words before, but you're right, the ORDINARYNESS of death and trauma and gore is part of what makes King so scary. Anita's hysterics over crime scenes used to make me like her, and see her as human with human weaknesses. I loved that the first time she ever saw a crime scene, she barfed on the corpse, I really do. But the way she never seems to get over it, waxing on about "so much meat" and puking nigh-every time, has made me get frustrated with her and find her frankly unrealistic. It's a horrible thing to get adjusted to, but if you don't, you can't have the career that she does. Not to mention it seems in-congruent with how she also tends to sometimes be bizarrely callous to the point of offensive at the same scenes once in awhile, like when she was competing with this guy (who she kept calling a DAGO wtf) to see who was the toughest at this grisly scene and they play catch with the fucking entrails of a zombie attack victim. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT MESSING UP EVIDENCE OR ANYTHING.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

I have the sinking feeling that if there were a Trans* character in her books, Anita would bang her into accepting her penis.
What? There are FtM's in the world? Haha, of course there isn't!

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

Yeah. The character would have angst along the lines sex always felt wrong (due to possible childhood rape), and the only time her (though LKH would use him all the time) penis felt right was when he she was with Anita. Of course, Anita would also be the only person who understands him her.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

It makes me feel so ill how absolutely likely that is to be the case. And it would be an excuse for her to have a "man" who is all about cooking and cleaning and wearing pearls and shit like Nathaniel and have it fit right into both her fetish for that AND her highly gender-essentialist 'men are like THIS and women are like THAT but it's okay for him to be like this cuz he's really a girl see except with me' or something

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

"What? There are FtM's in the world? Haha, of course there isn't! "
Shh! Not so loud, or Anita will decide to undergo magical HRT...

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

I skimmed because while the spork is awesome the sheer overwhelming amount of "WTF WHY" made me rage-quit to the point of skimming. Also had two hours of sleep.

Why didn't Anita just put the all the power into Ilsa

AHAHAHAHAHA. WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWESOME IF SHE EXPLODED? Like just one dead charred corpse can't handle that much "non-person" (whatever the fuck that is) power and it EXPLODES. She could'a been all cheeky, like. "Oops?" at Tony or whatever and it'd have been EPIC. Also, exploding zombies. That were glowing from necromancy power.

Raising a charred corpse with full makeup?

... I could totally get behind this if it was canon for Anitaverse necromancy to be able to reach the "power level" of making a zombie look exactly like it did when it died. So the fact Ilsa was wearing makeup before she became BBQ, would make sense. However, I still don't think that's how it works. Right? ANITA IS JUST THAT AWESOME.

Charred corpse to fully functional, realistic body.

Uh, no. Does LKH not know anything? HAS SHE NOT WATCHED FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST? You have to have all the pieces! Anita shouldn't have been able to just make the extra flesh, blood, and bone that Ilsa required after all the ash blew away and the charred bone and crispy flesh remained. That doesn't make any sense! WHY DO YOU HATE SCIENCE, LKH, WHY.

The ending. Just the whole thing.

Wait, what? Why did it take Jacob UNTIL FUCKING NOW to realize his guys were captured? Regardless of psychic link, he was supposed to be calling in every hour or so! What the hell, LKH, did you just think no one would remember your own damn story that you wrote pages ago? Did you even re-read your own book? DID ANYONE PROOFREAD THIS THING AT ALL?

Ellen, just leave that Pride. Just get up, babe, and walk away. Just, just GO, okay? You deserve so much better. You held a CANDLE to ANITA "DOOMCROTCH" BLAKE and had to be shut down by your own creator.

Here, just come over to the Misused Characters Support Group, we meet every Wednesday. Leah Clearwater can be your sponsor. We have guest characters sometimes from various fanfictions. You'll feel right at home.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA. WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWESOME IF SHE EXPLODED?

HAHAHAHAHA OMFG YES

However, I still don't think that's how it works. Right?
How necromancy works in this universe is really anybody's guess since Anita is the first true necromancer in centuries. This originally just meant she had the potential to control ALL types of undead, not just zombies, but it's spread to being the excuse for a lot of her super special bullcrap since.

What the hell, LKH, did you just think no one would remember your own damn story that you wrote pages ago?

At this point, I think I can confidently say that she does not.

And yes, Ellen totally deserves better, and I bet that support group is FULL of AB characters

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

How necromancy works in this universe is really anybody's guess since Anita is the first true necromancer in centuries. This originally just meant she had the potential to control ALL types of undead, not just zombies, but it's spread to being the excuse for a lot of her super special bullcrap since.

Oh... well that's... so LKH stupid

And yes, Ellen totally deserves better, and I bet that support group is FULL of AB characters

Yes. AB, Twilight, True Blood/Southern Vampire Mysteries... it just never really ends.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Ah, I haven't read and don't know much about the Sookie series, but I had a hunch it wasn't for me. So it has that same problem, huh? (The fact that praise from the author was on the front of this very book does not endear me to try her work either).

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

I'm not a fan of Sookie, but I think it's more personal tastes for me than anything else. I wouldn't say they are bad, just a bit boring, definitely no where near as bad as AB or Twilight.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

How far did you read in them?

I just found Sookie's "voice" obnoxious and whiny.

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

I've read them all. Sookie started out okay, but I agree, she was pretty annoying. I do know there is one book where I wanted to smack her. Dead in the Family, I think (I can never keep these titles straight). Anyway, she finds out there is a dead body in her backyard, but instead of doing something about it, she only wants sex. It's like, hello? Priorities? There are other factors where Sookie is pretty horrible. I mean, she is pretty judgmental, for one, or how what she ended up doing to Quinn. Dick move. For the most part though, Sookie didn't fill me with the rage and constant eye rolling with the way Bella and Anita did.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

It was less Sookie that filled me with eye-rolling rage, and more Harris' writing. Or, well, the voice she gave Sookie.

... so I guess Sookie.

I stopped reading after the second book, but my friend likes them and spoiled them for me. And I've read summaries and reviews online. I just... as soon as she found out her Big Secret Heritage I threw up my hands.

I just got tired of her "OMG THIS IS TOO MUCH I CANNOT HANDLE THE VIOLENCE" then next page/chapter "I MISS YOU SO MUCH BILL/ERIC/[insert beau of the moment]/ERIC/BILL/ERIC". I mean, damn, girl, make up your mind. Either you're in, or out.

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

I have to agree. I only read as far as I did since I owned half the series, and by then, I felt I put this much time in it, I might as well finish the series and write reviews for them.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Eh, if you don't mind self-insert fanfic. Or weird fanfic.

Within the first chapter, you're provided with the numbers for Sookie's breast-waist-hip measurements. She's exceedingly whiny as a first-person point of view character (with mild racist connotations).

Also it kind of devolves into Sookie just fucking a bunch of different non-human races. Also she starts getting Special Rare Powers Of Specialness because of reasons.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

Later in the series, the author tries to explain Sookie's Special Rare Powers of Specialness. It only succeeds in making Sookie more Spechulful and Su-ish. Also, it makes no sense in regards to the previously established world and people in the series. So really, in this case, Special Rare Powers of Specialness are actually better than the alternatives.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Her Special Heritage Secret made me throw up a little. Both figuratively, and my hands in the air in disgust.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Okay, I have to know--what is the Special Heritage Secret? Since I don't plan to read the series anyway,

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

She's part fairy. Which makes her blood like ambrosia for vampires.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

Sookie isn't just part fey, she's the grand-daughter of the last fairy prince and thus SUPER IMPORTANT in the supernatural community. (He will KILL people who are mean to her or hurt her or whatever. Because that's a sign of personal bass-ass-ery on Sookie's part.) Sookie gets a fairy godmother (who is actually a purely fey cousin from the fey side of her family) from her prince grandfather.

Sookie uses this opportunity, by the way, to judge her grandmother for cheating on her grandfather with a half-fey traveler when it became apparent that her grandfather couldn't give her grandmother children... for reasons, obviously.

The half-fey traveler is originally established as not being interested in the granny or his illegitimate offspring via her then ret-conned as a dub-con sex exploiter from a young!granny despite his UNEARTHLY BEAUTY which gives him the ability to get ANY man or woman that he wants. (These Hottness Powerz are inherited by Sookie and, to an even greater extend, her brother and father. This power drives people crazy, to the point that her mother was in competition with Sookie for her father's attention and Sookie's brother's suddenly!gay BFF goes on a murderous spree for her brother's love... so sort of like AB but without the necessity of sex?) Then the half-fey traveler/one night stand is ret-conned as being a dub con, possible young!granny rapist/sexual blackmailer who loves his mostly human grandchildren, glamours himself into looking like their grandfather on several occasions, and creepily sneaks into several family photos with them.

And then there's this weird stuff about a demon lawyer giving Sookie her powers... or quickening them... or something. Which makes no sense since a.) half-fey grandfather is an integral part of plot in previous books and b.) there are other people with the same abilities that the demon lawyer doesn't even know exist. Also, despite having the same magical powers, those other people aren't as spechulful or desirable as Sookie and they obviously do not face the same trials, hardships, or general hate-ons for their powers as she does... and in one case, Sookie looks down on the guy for trying to get ahead in life using his magic brain reading powers. Needless to say, his brain-reading powers are not as strong as Sookie's. They are, in fact, proven to be inferior in a couple of books.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Ah, yeah, I was trying to forget about the fact she was royalty. Because it made me cringe, and vomit, and just roll around wanting to die at the Mary-Sue. And Harris expects me to believe this is all pre-written out and planned? And not self-insert at all? Bitch please.

We just need to rescue Eric and Pam. Because Sookie is ruining the series and she's the main character.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

I hadn't heard those claims but I call foul on both of them! (I do, however, believe that certain plot lines were at least preconceived inklings. But I don't think she had anything close to an actual plan. Otherwise, the books that drag would be tighter. And there'd be fewer ret-cons and random "OH LOOK AT THE COINCIDENCE!" moments. Plus, that whole problematic thing where the vamps force the black guy to be their slave-gladiator-event planner (the one whose whole purpose in the plot is to give Sookie ill-advised orgasms and kill that creepy guard of Queen Sophie to protect Sookie from her own bad choices?) probably wouldn't have happened.)

We could put Eric and Pam and Sophie and her creepy guard on the Ark of Rescued characters and send them far away to better plotted lands. ^_^

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Within the first chapter, you're provided with the numbers for Sookie's breast-waist-hip measurements

Hahahaha, wtf, really?

Also it kind of devolves into Sookie just fucking a bunch of different non-human races. Also she starts getting Special Rare Powers Of Specialness because of reasons.

Yeah, not my cup of tea. And sounds all too familiar.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

To be fair, the Sookie books usually have a (fairly tight) plot and continuity from one book to the next but Sookie herself isn't likeable to me. And the author is supposed to be somewhat gracious, especially the one time that she met LKH in all of her overbearing glory, so it's hard to say if she's being generous, misquoted, or sincere.

The narrative never wrestles with the basic violation that Sookie's powers are for the people around her. Sookie bitches and moans that people are mean to her for being different and special when, in reality, she is rifling through their thoughts without permission, stealing their secrets, and judging them. She complains that she cannot turn her powers off but never makes an effort to just not look/listen/whatever happens when you're reading someone's mind expressly against their will.

The other thing that the narrative has a lot of are the Evil and/or Deviant Gay People, especially those Menz Who Dare To Quietly and Non-Obtrusive Love Straight Men Without Ever Making Their Love Known. Because Those Dudes Are Freaky, Straight Up Nuts, and Cold-Blooded Murderers. Also, gays and people of color are frequently the victims of violent crimes, up to and including murder.

Sookie frequently murders people and hides the bodies but she's a good, moral woman, dammit, and it's not like she's advocating uggos and non-special people get away with murder. She's special and unique and she had to not call the police for REASONS. This, by the way, is carried to the point where the entire group of patrons in a bar, some of whom previously loathed Sookie form a lynch mob and murder a vampire to protect Sookie rather than restraining him and calling the police. This, by the way, is presented as "down home Southern justice" and okay because they murdered that man to save Sookie and protect her from the consequences of her previous actions!

Additionally, Sookie frequently refuses to help the stupid, awful, narrow-minded people who are willing to overcome their discomfort with her to ask for her help with their super huge problem. She has... reasons. That she refuses to share, thank you very much.

Also! Sookie presents herself as the Epitome of Southern-ness and she's just not. She's not even the epitome of Southern hick-ness... although she puts in a mighty effort in that second category. It's kind of weird but even though she says that she is Super Broad Minded because she's not prejudiced against vampires, she's totally prejudiced against other people. And some of those prejudices that she holds against other people are Real Things that they either can't help or make total sense to sensible people in the real world.

The example that springs to mind there is the co-worker that she babysits for. The woman is a single mother who is going on a date (which gets vaguely judgmental you-are-slut-tastic thoughts from Sookie) and doesn't want Sookie to let her unknown, blood-sucking boyfriend come around her trailer/kids while she is away. This is presented as being Narrow-Minded and Super Prejudiced despite the fact that, until recently, all vampires ate humans, the man is an unknown quantity, and her children are quite young. It's not unreasonable to expect someone that you are paying to watch your kids to actually watch your kids instead of inviting her (super old, bloodsucking) boyfriend over during babysitting hours for make-out time.

Sookie, however, sees it all as Super Unfair. So she wears this poor woman down with her judge-y-ness and her super bad attitude at their mutual workplace until she apologizes and lets Sookie do what she wants.

Finally, Sookie maintains that people only find "Southern" accents charming if they want to bang the speaker. Otherwise, they're slow and stupid sounding. This general theorem is applied to a variety of personal characteristics, with other personal descriptors being substituted for 'accents.' And, of course, every vaguely attractive man wants Sookie... and she's cool with them being overbearing, making decisions for her, and general being dicks. Even the rape in one book is okay and not-a-rape because he's her vamp-boyfriend and he didn't mean to and he was hungry. Mhmm. Yeah.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Wow. Yeah, pretty much all of that sums up my annoyance.

That and I just got so tired of her bitching about not being able to handle the violence and manipulation and backstabbing in the vampire/monster world, and how she wanted to get out of it, but then instead of doing that--she would just fuck one of the people responsible (in part) for the violence. Or, you know, one of the more violent and manipulative characters in the book (yes, Eric, I am looking at you, and it's okay, I like you as you are).

But then she gets all I Can Change Him about her vampires, and when she can't just magically erase centuries of adaptation to their new world's rules, she judges them for being too monstrous. I just was like... Sookie, either you accept them for being the blood-thirsty (no pun intended, or maybe it is) monsters they are, and love them anyway, or you don't, and you date a human. But, no, heaven forbid she date a human. She can hear their thoughts, and they might be thinking naughty things about her. CLUTCH YOUR PEARLS.

Also, both the book and show fandoms are fucking nuts. The Team Eric vs. Team Bill war is worse than Jacob vs. Edward, and they're more ruthless and cutthroat which makes no sense to me. I support Sookie dying an old maid. Bam.

Sookie goes from being a self-imposed virgin, to having the glittercrotch (as opposed to AB's doomcrotch) that dazzles everyone who might see it.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

I admit, I again only read a couple of books near the beginning of the series (and skimmed a few others in the bookstore because I have a friend who loves the series ferociously) but I always found it hilarious that Sookie was all 'OH NOZ! VIOLENCE!' regarding the vampires murdering & manipulating & lying to people but it was Okay and Completely Necessary when she did it. Right. *eye roll*

I love Eric! He's definitely the series' best character with his quiet awfulness, tacky t-shirts, and general ruthless murderousness. But yeah, he's definitely not a nice man/vamp. But then, neither is Bill. (And of the two of them, I think Bill's the more unthinkingly awful of the two. At least Eric always intends to do the harm that he does.) It's sad, though, because Harris loses the thread of Eric as the series goes along and he becomes a shouting, woman-beating, overly emotional, irrational Love Interest for Sookie. And, dude, while I can believe that Eric does not possess modern social norms, he isn't overly emotional or irrational at the beginning of the series. Nor does he shout or beat women. The earliest books are filled with Pam being mocking/cutting/disobedient and Eric never shouts at her or beats her. Mostly, he finds her amusing. In fact, he even says he turned her because he liked her that way. So the internet's reports regarding his later personality/decisions and his general love of smacking Pam around really doesn't make any sense within the context of his established character or the narrative. I blame the glitter-crotch.

And I hate that Sookie and the other women in the series always think that they can change their men-folk with the power of their Love. It never works in RL but for Sookie (and the side characters who don't need to be 'put in their place') it works like a charm. (And then Sookie dumps them anyway.) And for those poor girls who are uppity and need to be squashed, it's always awful and abusive and a huge mistake.

LOL! CLUTCH YOUR PEARLS! I love the naughty thoughts thing! Especially since she thinks fairly naughty things about the men that she dates/will eventually date all the time! (Also she thinks a huge variety of Sexy Thoughts that are really just horrifying. Those dirty human boys ain't got nothing on Sookie!)

I really don't get the fandom's Team Eric or Team Bill thing. I mean, I've never really ventured into that dark corner of the internet so I've got no first hand knowledge/experience of it but Bill's an unapologetic rapist, horribly selfish, and generally uses Sookie. Eric is an unapologetic user of Sookie, manipulator, and murderer... but he does a better job of looking out for Sookie's best interests than her vamp-boyfriend Bill does. (At least, at the beginning before Harris loses the thread of What It Means To Be Eric.)

LOL to Sookie dying an old maid! Although, to be fair, no one deserves to date her or her brother. They're both just awful.

I think living in the Stackhouse universe might be pretty frustrating. There's Sookie who rifles through your brain, you might get gratuitously tortured, raped, abused, or murdered, especially if you're not white or Sookie. (Seriously, your chances of surviving meeting Sookie go way down if you're a woman or not white or, heaven for-fend, BOTH.) And, a lot of time, you KNOW that smug bitch over there murdered your sister but you can't prove it and, unlike Sookie, society's laws apply to you so murdering her butt is not an option. And even if you make taking Sookie down legally be your life's ambition (and making her as miserable as possible in the process), everyone will agree that you're being Unfair, Unreasonable, and Psychotic (and possibly slutty) and conspire to help Sookie get away with it!

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Eric is, to be completely honest, my favourite character hands-down. (And not just because the actor is delightful to look at and does a really good job of playing him.) I won't lie, I have a huge fan-crush on him, even with his Evil Ways but I at least accept that's how he is/how he's adapted to survive this long as a vampire. C'mon, Sook, he's not going to change after being a vampire for 1,000 years, in just a handful with you! Jesus.

Wait, wait wait. He starts bashing women and being overly... what? The only time Eric is emotional in the early books is when his maker dies (reasonable). And there are still fans of this? AND GLITTER-CROTCH GOT IN THE WAY OF ERIC AND PAM? No, okay, Harris, that's not cool. Just turn in your shit and quit. Stop raping your characters.

I don't get the Eric/Bill thing either. I mean, I personally would rather be with Eric. But I'm not Sookie, and I can accept his flaws and still "love" him anyway. Or whatever. But in all seriousness, I just think the whole "ERIC AND SOOKIE MUST BE TOGETHER FOREVER" is hilarious because, in an interview, Harris admitted that Sookie won't end up with a vampire because (like all these novels) vampires can't have babies. And apparently Sookie wants a family/children? Which is news to me.

Yeah, pretty much. At least Jason is admittedly a racist dumb-as-rocks redneck, though.

I wouldn't survive. I'd make it my mission to somehow leech the glitter-blood from Eric so that he wouldn't be under her ~*influence*~ anymore. And of course, that would just... Not Be Okay with anyone, except maybe Pam. Hell, maybe I'd just end up with Pam. She's hot, and I like her attitude and her desert-dry sarcasm. She can protect me while we de-glitter her maker. Does Sookie have a problem with brunettes the way AB has with blondes? Because then I'd really be fucked.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I read the one where she was interviewed alongside LKH and she seemed like a much nicer, more humble, more SANE lady. But the series is getting less and less appealing to me the more I hear about it D= I already knew it was the basic 'human girl and supernatural guys romance' setup, which I've never been into, and what I've heard of the treatment of GBLT folks and how they're portrayed sounded iffy to me.

What. Omg. Most people would not let their babysitter bring their boyfriend over in the REAL world, for crying out loud. And I cannot begin to tell you the hate I have for "vampires are a persecuted minority!" crap, especially when there's every reason for people not to trust them. I swear to god, it's always straight white cisgender people who come up with supernaturals/mutants/etc are just like sexual and racial minorities and do not see the terrible, terrible flaws in that metaphor. It's like the most irritating case of 'I'm sure you mean well, but you are Just Not getting it'.

As a Southern person, I don't really know what to say about that Southern accents thing. I just...don't. it's just such an odd belief.

Are her prejudices/hypocrisies presented as being such even through the first-person lens, or is more like Anita where we're supposed to believe her and the flaws aren't shown as flaws?

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

I hate that Vampires = Misunderstood Woobies Who Are Unfairly Persecuted thing, too! It's like saying that people are wrong to say no to cannibalism. If you insert the phrase 'face-eating cannibal' in the place of 'vampire' in a sentence and it sounds insane and/or ludicrous, then you're doing vampires wrong. But I've never really thought of vamps as standing in for gay people or minorities or predatory sexuality, even... possibly because I've never liked vampires? Like, even as a child, they gave me the creeps because they look like everyone else except they're literally planning to eat us alive. So they mapped onto 'face-eating cannibals' and the like in my mind rather than anything more, uh, prosaic.

(And speaking of (inadvertently) predatory gay-ness, have you ever seen Downton Abbey? Thomas! Oh my poor Thomas!)

Huh. I'd thought to try to argue who writes misunderstood, sexualized, predatory minority = vamps but, as far as I know, Charlene Harris, LKH, Bram Stoker, and Anne Rice all fit within that description, despite their individual foibles. (Off the top of my head, I have no idea who wrote Varney or the lesbian-Contess-whose-name-I-can't-remember stories.) Except, I'm not sure that they're doing it to help anyone out. I'm pretty sure that Stoker wasn't looking out for anyone except himself.

It's just such a weird thing for someone to say about any accent, especially when that person lives within the geographic area that she is dissing. And, since she lives in a southern state (I forget which) and apparently has all her life, you'd think she'd know that there are variations between regions, socioeconomic classes, and what have you. So a man from Dallas, Texas and a woman from Podunk-ville, Louisiana aren't going to sound the same... which the narrative fails to account for in that eye-roll-inducing passage.

If Sookie dislikes someone on sight for X, Y, Z, reasons than that person is X, Y, Z, hands down. We're supposed to believe her, no questions asked, and the flaws that are shown as flaws are *noble* and *teehee the marks of someone better than the people around her.* And some of them are Telling How Awesome I Am Flaws - Like being too forgiving or helpful which are definitely and totally not words that I would associate with her, much less cite as being among her flaws. Her actual flaws are never acknowledged or addressed as such. And they're never the cause of her woes. Only other people are hoisted on their own petards by their flaws/mistakes.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I hate that Vampires = Misunderstood Woobies Who Are Unfairly Persecuted thing, too!

GOD SO MUCH! At this point I pretty much refuse to watch/read anything that has that in it.

I don't watch Downton Abbey, but my mom does.

Carmilla, you're thinking of Carmilla by Sheridan le Fanu. Which I actually loved. Carmilla had depth and sorrow but was also nonetheless totally predatory. I honestly think Rice was the last one to do sensual vampires well (and I still got fed up with hers at points--I only read Interview and QotD though, it must be noted.)

And yeah, I had that same thought about accents---even in the same state, there's still going to be strong variances based just on which part of the state and what kind of background you're coming from.

that are shown as flaws are *noble* and *teehee the marks of someone better than the people around her.* And some of them are Telling How Awesome I Am Flaws - Like being too forgiving or helpful

ugggh hate 'not really flaws' flaws SO MUCH ARGH

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

The problem is that I got hooked on Korean soap operas and, er, my tastes have apparently extended to Downton Abbey.

*coughs*

Anyway! Downton Abbey has this absolutely awesome character named Thomas on it whom I love ferociously. He was courting a man (who was very straight but, due to the maliciousness of another of the servants, Thomas thought was receptive to his advances) using all of these tried and true romantic gestures that the straight guy (quite rightly) found Deeply Distressing. Because, honestly, they're all terrible ideas. And very creepy. It all gets sorted out eventually and Thomas and his failed romantic conquest end up as friends, which made me so ridiculously happy.

So Thomas both fulfilled and subverted the predatory gay guy trope.

*flails* Yes! Carmilla! She was interesting!

I spent most of Rice's books vowing to murder any and all of the characters to escape her prose. And Louis' whining. And Lestat for telling me about his shirt for four bloody pages. And then he put on a pair of trousers... *shudders* But when I skipped the boring bits, and anything from Louis' POV, I quite liked Lestat. ^_^

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Claudia and Akasha was where it was at for me. If they had survived, maybe I would have read more, but I hear the quality goes downhill bigtime after Queen of the Damned. And I don't like reading about Lestat, who seems to be the one that Rice wants to write about the most. He's an interesting character, sure, but I'm not interested in him, if that makes sense. I hated his voice/POV too, I spent so much time in QotD wanting to wallop him for not shutting up about how baaaad he is and doing, really, a total of nothing much, if I remember right. The vampires in QotD besides Akasha all bugged me really--if they had opposed her plans because it would take out their food source, that'd be one thing, but apparently it's because they're all gentle moral creatures who don't wish to see death? OH COME ON.

It's also kind of transparent to me how all the men seem to fit a certain ideal of pretty. And the amount of homoeroticism between said pretty men specifically (do we ever see any homoerotic lesbianism? sincere question here). But as far as doing sensual vampires 'right' in my book, she still did that well to my memory. I think the big thing is not crossing the line into actual sex, especially not with the protagonist. It makes them more human, takes the mystery out, etc.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

I forgot how much I liked Claudia originally! (But then there was that weird stuff about Armand not REALLY being an evil child!vampire murderer... because it's so much better to try to remove a kid's head and put it on an adult body. That's SO much more sane, human, and interesting a plot point. Riiight. Anyway, all the later WTF-ery surrounding Claudia made me forget that she was interesting to me originally.)

Akasha was boring to me. And seemed stupid. The only thing I enjoyed about her was when the crazed-cave!twin murdered her and ate her organs... for REASONS which saved the vampires for OTHER REASONS. Mhmmm. Basically, I like the idea of someone holding onto their need for vengeance that long. Plus, Akasha had it coming for boring me.

I liked Lestat for the same reasons that I liked Draco Malfoy... because they're so bad at being sneaky and evil. They're all flamboyant and petty and 'Mwahahaha! I am evil!' but then they do impulsive things, quite easily get in over their heads, say obnoxious things loudly when they're upset/frightened, and eventually have to get rescued. And then, once the dust clears, they pop up, put their hands on their hips, and say something to the effect of, "I was on top of things the whole time! I'm definitely NOT a screw up! Ahahahaha!"

...although, having typed all of that, it occurs to me that neither writer meant to create a character who I regard as being a ridiculously amusing screw-up. Which, I suppose, begs issues of Authorial Intent versus Reader Interpretation.

I hated that the other vamps were Good and Kind and Worried about the Morality of Killing Humans in QotD, too! 'Cause seriously, this begs the question of Since When? They murder people for snacks and fun all the time in their own canon. It's a little late to grow a conscious. The food source thing would've made so much more sense!

I actually did read one book from much later in the series that was centered around a whiny 'I am WEAK but STRONG' female main character. She was also all 'I do VOODOO! People ostracise me for it! FEEL THE DARKNESS OF MY SOUL!'

(The book was a gift from a guy who had seen me reading the first two books and not bothered to discern if I'd liked them... It was the thought that counted.)

Anyway, there's a trio of ridiculously pretty teenager vampires who are erotic together. It's Armand, this childlike, seventeen-ish girl, and the little boy (like ten or twelve) who her parents bought to take care of her. The human trafficking, by the way, takes place in 'modern times.' Like, whenever the books were set. Armand's maker, who is an older guy, turns the other two teenagers to be Armand's companions since Armand won't come back and be his fourteen-ish boy toy.

(The author tries to hand-wave all of this as ANCIENT PEDERASTY WAS OKAY but, as it's presented in the book, it just made me uncomfortable. Possible because ancient pederasty didn't work the way Rice thought it did? Or maybe because Armand's maker had a track record of turning young teens into vampires who later killed themselves? Or maybe because Armand was furious and upset when the old pedophile got his fangs into the mortal children? The old pedophile, by the way, was that 'noble' vamp who took care of Akasha and her husband... Marius, I think? This is why I can't read crap book. I tend to remember all the things.)

Anyway, Lestat makes another handsome, somewhat more stable man into the lover/partner that Louis was supposed to be for him. (This is after references to Lestat going to Heaven and Hell and sucking... God's blood> The devil's? An archangel's anyway, SUPER POWERZ happen to him because, you're right, he's apparently the author's best beloved character.) The female protagonist of the gift!book gets Louis as her lover/partner. And, as far as I remember, there are no lesbians whatsoever in that fictional universe, if one doesn't count the vaguely incestuous overtones/turning between the saner!twin in QotD and her mortal great-granddaughter.