BULLET, CHAPTER FORTY FOUR

[a_sporking_rat]

There've been a couple of updates to the Liebster list!
http://a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com/18288.html

HEADCANON: There are other Sin-named tigers besides the ones we meet. Pride and Envy just try to make the best of their names, but the others use nicknames, and not dumb ones like Devil either. They derive theirs ether from names that can be found in the English name of the sin they're named for, or, if that doesn't work, in the Latin. Lust goes by Luz or Lux, Gluttony by Tony, Greed by Reed, Wrath by Ira (Latin for anger, but also a unisex name in Hebrew), and Sloth is Cordie (from the word socordia, which is Latin for Sloth).

Jake's Marlowe-maniac master has been naming golden tigers after the seven deadly sins and Mephistopheles and Good Angel and so on for generations. Their poor family tree is just a repeat of these names. So nicknames are also necessary when someone has the same name as their aunt and grandma and they're all living together in whatever place the Harlequin had them all cloistered up. Of course, he's also named them after other characters from other works of Marlowe too, such as Dido, Tamburlaine, etc., so there are a lot of those in the line too. Hey, they've been hiding and breeding the goldens for twenty-two hundred years, he's had time to go through a lot of names...though Marlowe plays weren't completed till the 1590s so that's only about 400 years for generations of Marlowe-themed names...god almighty WHY AM I THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT THIS?

And now, someone help me, I'm considering if the other vampire masters involved with keeping, raising, and naming the goldens (like the ones that named Martino and Thorne, Meph's cousins) ever did 'theme' names too, if only to make coming up with new ones easier. I TOLD YOU I AM THINKING TOO MUCH.

This all makes me very glad that Ruthven (my Anitaverse vampire char, controls all swanmanes in England) never took any interest in getting to name the kids of the swanmanes. If he were ever asked to, I'm sure he'd just call them after dogs and horses he's had. Of course, while "Jip" is not much more dignified than Mephistopheles, it's at least shorter and easier to spell.

SPEAKING OF COLORED TIGERS...
http://cocojigglypuff.tumblr.com/post/53711103927/sapphrikah-inseptica-iou-a-colt

Rat news: Ratsputin, Sid, and Blatz were chilling on the couch, but shortly after I took Blatz away the boys started to fight. Not sure if Blatz has any connection to it or not. I also introduced Sid to Sam. They get along alright, but he's very into the fact she's female and Sam really does NOT appreciate having her undercarriage sniffed so every time he tries she jumps away and climbs up something. She's very agile, he hasn't a prayer.

Nor does anyone in...


BULLET, CHAPTER FORTY FOUR

"News of what happened in Atlanta had spread through the vampire community faster than the human one. Those who had been reluctant to give their power to Jean-Claude earlier were suddenly on-board with the plan" and Anita says that this would have taken days or weeks to achieve if Morte D'Amour and the MOAD hadn't pulled this shit. Oh, so that means that the readers have to miss out on all the power struggles and politicking, the other vampires just rolled over offscreen once they got scared enough. Meanwhile we get chapters devoted to sex where sex doesn't even happen, and this entire chapter turns out to be about clothing. LKH, you may want to rethink your priorities on just what gets on-screen attention at length in these novels.

"When people are scared enough, they'll give up their freedom, their rights, everything, in a bid to be safe." Which you're having no qualms about taking advantage of, I notice, just coldly observing. "Being undead didn't change that. Scratch them deep enough and vampires were just people, and people will follow a calm leader with a plan." Okay, so for pretty much all of the previous books, a big point was how the older vampires were totally NOT HUMAN in their psychology, wasn't it? To the point that the oldest, Marmee Noir, is just a pure intellect whose only real goal anymore is just the basic animal aim of survival even though she used to use the Council as her political puppets once upon a time before her big sleep, suggesting she once had goals and aims and opinions? I have no doubt this statement is true of some vampires, perhaps many, but it being universal (which she phrases it as) flies in the face of pretty much everything we've previously seen.

"The first part of the plan was to introduce me and Jean-Claude to the tiger clans now that I had a gold tiger bound to us." Yeah, and these other clans got here HOW long ago? You've taken forever not just in terms of the book chapters, but I'm pretty sure it's taken quite awhile in real-time too. Oh yeah, and emphasizes that Meph (I'm not calling him Devil) is bound to "us"--her, Micah, JC, Richard, Asher, Damian, all through each other. "None of it was solitary. It was as if the power and loneliness of the vampires' world had combined with the group-oriented puppy-pile world of the shapeshifters and made something new." Oh yeah, the therians are so totally all about group hugs and buddy systems and communes and shit, that's been made so clear with the horrible dominance/subordination systems we've seen so far, how the male werelions seem to kill each other as a matter of culture, the pimping out of weaker members, forcing members to rape others and take part in snuff films, weird rape rituals, and eating somebody when you've defeated them. Happy fluffy shapeshifters! And vampires are so solitary, what with them not only having groups but also usually sharing living space together, having a leader and chain of command in their groups, having lovers, having a mortal partner bound to them for life, and, of course, the occasional orgy. So solitary, yup!

"But as usual with Jean-Claude and the vampire world, the next step involved a party." WHAT. WHAT. ARE YOU SERIOUS. EVERYONE IS PISS SCARED BUT OH WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PARTY? "All right, a big gathering" Okay that makes sense then "but if I have to get dressed up it's a party and not in good happy way." I SPOKE TOO SOON. Cardinal and Meng Die come in "to help me dress to impress." Because that totally matters right now! I'm sure fancy ball gowns are exactly what all those terrified vampire masters are looking for right now! We then get a paragraph of what Cardinal is wearing and a paragraph of what Meng Die is wearing, complete with details on how they did their makeup and how long their hair is. Anita is "bothered" to notice that Cardinal has a clothing bag and her makeup case and that Meng Die is carrying a shopping bag. I'm bothered too; I am really not in the mood for an entire chapter of Anita complaining about getting dressed up not because THIS IS NOT THE TIME WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE but because EW IT'S GIRLY AND SHE HATES IT SHE'S NOT GIRLY LIKE OTHER GIRLS EW.

Anita says they don't have time for this (first sensible thing she's said in this book) but Cardi says that they don't have time not to, as Anita notes that "she towered over me" because Anita is so teeny tiny and all. Meng Die tells Anita not to be a baby and starts taking shoe boxes out of her bag, while Cardi says that Anita has "great skin" and thus won't need much makeup. Yeah, whatever, Anita forgets to clean herself and she sure as hell isn't ~girly~ enough for any type of skin routine, I don't buy this. It reminds me of this Law & Order episode where they got to this Botox party full of old ladies and one compliments the lady detectives' skin and asks her what she uses and she tells her "Soap and water" and I just roll my eyes because the message is so clear and so obnoxious---Good Women are naturally pretty and don't need to use any cosmetics like those awful Vain Women who are vain because they use cosmetics and surgery because they're not pretty like Good Woman, and you're supposed to be pretty but not actually try at it, that's bad. Fuck that impossible judgmental sexist shit, and fuck you for playing in to it with your impossible judgmental sexist heroine, LKH.

The dress that Cardinal pulls out of the bag is "as short as I'd feared". I love how she's totally okay with enslaving people and giving them personality transplants, but short dresses scandalize her. It's made of utterly sheer black material with some black sequins here and there. Meng Die tells her not to be so shocked and then pulls out a black slip to wear beneath it. Anita asks where she's going to put her weapons, Meng Die makes the sensible observation that "If you need a gun today, then we've lost". Anita tells her she's lost now, and Meng Die explains that "you need to go in there on Jean-Claude's arm and sell this dress, this attitude, all of it." Why would the vampires want this dress and the attitude it 'sells' right now of all fucking times? "I'd do it if I could, but I'm not his lady, you are." Anita notes that Meng Die says this with "real bitterness" and "the implication that if she were, then this would all go so much smoother." Well, there's no denying that it would. Anita is devoted to making everything difficult. But since when did Meng Die want to be JC's lady? The one she was jealous over was Requiem, remember, because he left her for Anita? I guess since Req is gone but LKH still wants Meng Die to be a jealous hater so she just gave her new crush on someone else in the harem. Meng Die should sabotage the fuck out of this and then swoop in to save everything.

Cardi tells her to take off her clothes, Anita asks how much she's going to hate all the stuff, Cardinal tells her that "you have no idea what we went through to get these". They can't shop in daylight so they sent the guards out to do it, and apparently they mostly brought back "crap" and "this is the best of the lot, Anita. Most of the dresses won't fit your curves." Given that Anita's body is literally impossible, I'm not surprised most clothing isn't made for it. "It would work for either of us" because they're gross ugly anorexic skinny bitches who look like boys with breasts unlike curvy petite goddess Anita "but once breasts pass a C cup they're just a real challenge for cocktail dresses." I have no idea how true this is or isn't, but I like how we're being assured that Anita's tits are past C-cup size. Also that dress sounds less cocktails, more sex-club.

Anita protests that she has dresses of her own, Cardinal says that "You have last seasons's dresses, or, heaven help us, three seasons ago. You never get rid of anything as long as it fits you." and Anita asks why she should. Oh Anita, so sensible! Not like these SHALLOW girls! Meng Die says that "Wait until you see what the other women are wearing. You'll understand then." Hahah, good idea Meng Die, appeal to her jealousy! Jean-Claude helps by telling her that these other women "came to impress, ma petite. They came to be pretty." Because vampire and weretiger women can't be good for anything else! And surely that's all they'd be concerned with when the MOAD is after their hides! And it's not like the MEN came to impress at all, they're not shallow and vapid, nosiree, it's just the women who came to be decorations apparently!

...god I'm gonna puke.

Anita asks how they got new dresses this fast. Um, presumably they knew that vampires are apparently total idiots who think that IMPENDING DOOM is a good time for a cocktail ball without the cocktails. Yup, I'm right, Cardinal says they already had them. Cardinal starts to tug at her clothes, Anita says she'll do it herself. Meng Die starts going through the shoes and talking about how much normal women shop if they have they money and how much they change out their clothes because they are normal girly women unlike cool macho Anita. Anita says that "I like my clothes, and sometimes what's in for the season is ugly." SHE IS SO PRACTICAL AND WISE AND NOT A SHEEP LIKE OTHER GIRLS, ISN'T SHE? I'M IN AWE! She notes that she gives her shoulder rig to Nicky, whom I had no idea was even here and will not be getting another mention nor making a peep this chapter. I guess he's furniture when not in use.

Cardinal comments on how nice Anita's lingerie is, saying that "you may dress like one of the boys, but you always have really nice underthings. We counted on that." How the fuck does Cardinal know that Anita is always wearing nice underwear? Is she seeing her in it around the Circus that often? And Anita doesn't dress like one of the boys, in my opinion. Her outfits aren't uber-girl, but having on jeans, a T-shirt, and boots does not a crossdresser make. Women have been wearing pants for a long time now. Honestly, I know girls who really do wear only mens stuff 24/7, and I cannot remember a single time, even in the early books, when Anita was wearing anything that was really all that masculine. Not even in the trendy "menswear for women" way except that one time I think she wore a tuxedo to a wedding...which would look terrible with her proportions, fyi. Also, of course she has nice underwear, Nathaniel picks it out with the fact in mind that she may be having an orgy any given day...though of course also there's the fact that while Anita has to be a Not-Girly Super-Cool One of the Boys girl, she still also has to be super sexy too, which means no dingy sports bras or mens boxers.

Cardinal tells her to hurry. Anita tells is that "I didn't want to hurry. I didn't like the dress." I think it has been established that there are much greater things here at stake then whether you like the outfit, Anita. I swear, she's like a six year old. Micah kisses her cheek, and we are informed that his tailored black suit is made entirely of soft leather. Have fun sweating like a pig in that one, bucko. The collar of his shirt is open to show bite marks on his neck, because "the idea was that we would all show the vampire bites" which happened when? "to demonstrate that Jean-Claude kept all the best stuff for himself." Stuff being people, of course. "It was a way of emphasizing he was still master, even thought a lot of the metaphysical stuff with the tigers would seem to come mostly from me." Okay, I do actually like this for the subtlety. However, I see a big way it could backfire. Jean-Claude being emphasized as the Grand Poobah of everyone, including the Nimir-Raj, would be a good idea for making him look powerful and capable to any vampire masters who are looking to him for answers and aid, which is what I originally thought it was (hence my repeated rantings about it). But it turns out that this meeting is with the tiger clans. I don't think a bunch of therians are going to like the look of the MotC being in-control of two of the biggest therian leaders (Nimir-Raj and Anita) in the city. It shows that this is a place where therians are subordinate to vampires to the point where even their leaders are just food. So, good idea, wrong audience.

Anita asks if Micah is okay with this. He says "after last night and what happened in Atlanta, I'd wear the dress myself if it would help us be safe." I wish we got details on what actually happened in Atlanta. At least a body count. JC looks at her and for some reason there is "sorrow" in his expression and so she takes his hand. Anita says that she wouldn't mind if she really thought the dress would do that. Tell you what, Anita, how about you quit complaining anyway? If she were complaining that this was no time for dress-up in general, I'd be on her side, but no, her fucking issue is she just doesn't like the dress (which you know she'll be stunning in) and that's just WASTING MORE TIME and not only is that irritating and terrible pacing for the reader, it's really impractical and dangerous, as Anita herself will state at the end of the chapter. So maybe the dress itself won't help you stay safe, Anita, but SHUTTING UP AND GETTING A MOVE ON WITH THIS probably will!

Micah kisses her and asks if he's ever asked her to "just do something?" She thinks about it and shakes her head. Micah, asking anything of her! The very idea! Well, besides that she have sex with him and/or other men when she doesn't want to, but that wasn't so much asking as, respectively, raping and pressuring. He looks sad and says he's asking now. WHY DO JC AND MICAH BOTH LOOK SAD, WHAT IS GOING ON. Anita says "Did I miss something? Has something else happened?" YOU NEED MORE REASON THAT WHAT ALREADY HAS? IS THE DRESS THAT BIG A D--oh wait of course it is this is Anita. He tells her that it's afternoon so they have about six hours until full dark, and "whatever we going to do with the tigers, we need it done before dark." Anita says Europe isn't on the same daylight schedule and JC points out that the Council "await our darkness, not their own." Duh.

Micah says that "Richard is in the other room wearing a hell of a lot less than I am. He's sucked it up and is playing host while the rest of us are in here holding your hand. You're about to throw a fit because the dress is too sheer. Anita, honey, Richard is doing what we need him to do; are you going to do less?" GODDAMN! Micah, I do not like you, but I like what you are saying! I also like how he makes it into a competition with her and Richard because, as with the comment about what the other women will be wearing, you know Anita is going to go like FUCK NO I HAVE TO BEAT HIM. Shockingly the heavens do not open up for the hand of LKH to swoop down and smite him, and Anita says that he's right, though adds that she's just "not the exhibitionist" and "not comfortable mostly nude in front of a roomful of strangers." This would sound super-reasonable if not for the face that A SLIP COMES WITH THE DRESS. A NICE SOLID BLACK SLIP. SO IT'S NOT LIKE THE DRESS WILL EVEN BE SHEER AT ALL. YOU WON'T BE SHOWING ANYTHING. CHILL. Like, I respect people's various comfort levels with clothing. You're good with nothing, fine. You feel nude without a burqa, fine. It's just how Anita is twisting things here by leaving out the existence of the slip to make herself sound more reasonable that's pissing me off. Especially since I seriously don't believe she's as uncomfy with this as she says.

Micah says he's sorry for that but "we need to play to our strengths. Those are sex, psychic ability so strong they won't know what hit them, and bluntness." I like how he listed sex first. Also, bluntness has fuck-all to do with JC, and when it comes to Anita, it's not a strength with her. It's really not. She has it, yes, but she just uses it to be an antagonistic asshole. And when she doesn't she actually dances around a subject forever. "The dress is sexy, and blunt. Honey, it's you." Has the latter sentence ever come out of straight man's mouth in history? He says he'll go help the other men with the guests, she agrees, he kisses her cheek again, "gave Jean-Claude a look I couldn't quite understand", and then goes. I'm betting that look is one of a long-suffering parent with a bratty child. "And just like that, I stopped protesting." Not for long, I'm sure. "Micah's attitude brought home more than anything else could have that modesty was no longer a virtue." You were never modest. And I'm not talking about clothe/sex here. "It was the proverbial midnight, and the clock was striking." OH MY GOD SHE ACTUALLY USED THE WORD 'PROVERBIAL' RIGHT. "Whatever we were going to do before that last strike, we had about six hours to do it."

So yeah, seven pages were just spent about Anita putting on a dress.

Comments

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

"but once breasts pass a C cup they're just a real challenge for cocktail dresses."

I have double D's and I own a cocktail dress, so I think she's confusing cocktail dresses and strapless dresses. There is an overlap, of course, but many cocktail dresses have straps and twenty seconds on google will show you that. Strapless bras don't work worth a damn once you're past a C cup, but put on a dress with straps and put a stitch through the bra strap and into the dress if it's so uber-formal you don't want to show anything.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

That's what I figured! We just need to be reminded Anita has uber-tits.

[shadwing.livejournal.com]

I just got myself a new cocktail dress and was pleasantly surprised to see that the dress CAME with little snap tabs in the straps made to hold your bra straps in place. And another dress with spaghetti straps that had a built in bra that wasn't a shelf bra.

So there are dresses out there...LKH needs to stop looking at reference pics for her menz and start looking at dresses again LOL

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Halter dresses don't do shit when you have G's. It just puts all the weight on your neck.

If you really want to do strapless with huge boobs, you need a super supportive, well-built (usually specially made) strapless bra. They're difficult to find, the larger you get. :/

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

I've had a different experience with cocktail dresses.
As a DD to E cup, I've found that a lot of dresses (and shirts) have these dinky cups (or a shelf) built into the dress where my breasts are meant to go. So usually, unless the dress is form fitting or not tailored at all, the dress looks terrible on me. I usually get to choose between baggy clothes, or squished boobs.
So I'm able to understand the whole "oh, it HAS to be tight/spandexy, damn my boobs!" attitude.
Though I am currently on a 'no money, hope I can pay my rent!' budget, and she's on a no limits expense account, so this is all moot. Get a tailor, girl! Considering the amount of political functions that rest on "OMG, you need to be the prettiest woman" it stupid for her not to have a collection of dressmakers at the Circus and a series of dresses already made for emergencies.

Usually the term 'cocktail dress' refers to the length of the dress, not the event you pair it with, so you can have a whole range of, uh, 'styles' that can fall under the same category. Usually cocktail dresses are meant for semi-formal events which can range from people drinking champagne and laughing about how rich they are, to fancy orgies.

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

Cardinal says that "You have last seasons's dresses, or, heaven help us, three seasons ago."
Heaven forbid! Also, I find this hilarious considering that most of the clothing they wear screams 80's more than current season. JC needs to invest in some Alexander McQueen!

Micah kisses her cheek, and we are informed that his tailored black suit is made entirely of soft leather.
Ew. How can anyone think that would look good, much less classy? Don't get me wrong. I love alternative styles, but ew. Just no.

As for Anita's figure, I have never been able to figure it out. Apparently, she weighs 110lbs, but has GIANT boobs and a butt big enough that it's "not a white girl booty." Not possible. I am 5'4" and weigh 136 lbs. My breasts are a C cup, and my hips are 38". It just doesn't work...

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

GOD YES MCQUEEN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

yeah, ditto. I love me some alt-fashion, but that is...dumb and tacky.

Yup. Different people can be the same height/weight and look hugely different depending what is fat vs muscle and which is distributed where...but even that can't explain Anita, who has a tiny waist but lots of muscle and lots of tits and hips and ass and curves yet is a tiny scale number and a pretty small dress size too. She's straight-up impossible, as much so as (gasp!) Barbie.

btw glad to see you back, you hadn't commented in awhile! :D

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

"this is the best of the lot, Anita. Most of the dresses won't fit your curves."

The stupidity of this statement is mind-boggling. Sofia Vergara and Ivy Doomkitty manage to find dresses that fit their curves, but this is just an excuse for LKH to dress Anita in what sounds like the ugliest and tackiest thing ever. Also, when you're very short and very curvy, short dresses don't always work. A lot of times a short dress makes that body type look fat with short fat legs. What you want to do is emphasize the curves and make your legs look longer. Certain short dress cuts look terrible on short curvy women, as a short and curvy woman myself I have to be careful about what sort of dress cuts I pick (babydolls don't seem to flatter my shape too much).

"but once breasts pass a C cup they're just a real challenge for cocktail dresses."

No, no and no. Again, it all depends on the style and the cut of a dress. I've seen women with double Ds pull of some fantastic cocktail dresses. Again, look at the luscious goddess herself Sofia Vergara.

"The dress is sexy, and blunt. Honey, it's you."

Nope, I remember the description of said dress. It's tacky as all fuck. It's like LKH can't understand how an outfit can be sexy without showing the max amount of skin possible, her understanding of sex appeal is fucking juvenile that it makes my head hurt.



This right here is classy, sexy and a bit racy without going overboard. What Anita wears is fugly and tacky and would barely be suitable for a Halloween costume at frat party.

It's just how Anita is twisting things here by leaving out the existence of the slip to make herself sound more reasonable that's pissing me off.

In the next chapter, you'll see why...

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I SQUEED AS YOU TALKED ABOUT WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON WHAT BODY AND SUCH <3 I love fashion-talk.

It's like LKH can't understand how an outfit can be sexy without showing the max amount of skin possible, her understanding of sex appeal is fucking juvenile that it makes my head hurt.

So, so true.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

UGH ABSOLUTELY THIS ON THE PERSONAL SHOPPERS THING. and you can't tell me JC of all people wouldn't have a squad...although frankly I bet they get sick of being told to only buy the poofiest, frilliest, most low-cut of mens shirts.

I know this is a minor nitpick, but it just goes to show how little thought LKH put into the structure of her universe.
I don't consider it a nitpick at all. Little details likes are INSANELY important in how 'real' a world feels to readers, in my opinion, and if anything they should be given MORE attention than just the big obvious concepts.

So we have her being forced into the dress--a scene that's been repeated in more Suefics than I can count.
heck, it's repeated more times just in Anita Blake books than I can count!

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

ALSO soap is really, really bad for your skin!!!!!

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

I just use facial cleanser, water, and moisturizer, but I haaaate makeup. Except for light lip gloss, I've been allergic to every kind of makeup I've ever used. Also, one reason I was bullied in elementary school was that I didn't wear makeup (when I was 8 - 9 years old). So I have a deep gut resentment against it, and I think that's why I always think everyone looks better without it. But I'm very careful not to let that get into my writing, because I know it's irrational.

I've been told, "you're lucky, you don't need makeup." And that also makes me angry. No one should feel they "need" makeup (unless they're on a stage performing under really bright lights or something). It should be something people wear because they like to.

[jadziabryn.livejournal.com]

Honestly why would they even need to GO shopping? As much money and power as they have, they'd have a personal tailor or twenty living in the flippin' circus. Then they could wear exactly what they want all the time, it would fit perfectly and look stunning. (Well, look stunning to them anyway, perhaps just stun everyone else with the horror...)

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, not even a tailor can do anything when the people they're working for demand the absolute tackiest 80s fetish-pirate shit.

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

Maybe Cardinal and Meng Die are trolling both Anita and JC, since one is always "ew girly" and the other one has a poofy shirt obsession. Cardinal is Damien's GF and we all know that Damien is the only person in this series to mention that he doesn't like JC's fashion choices. Card (being awesome) agrees wholeheartedly and Meng Die hates Anita enough to go with getting Anita a dress that Anita will like (because it is actually 30 years out of style and shows skin) and that JC will approve (because shiny).

Everything is so much easier and interesting if you pretend that all of the ignored and long suffering underlings are lying to their bosses at every small opportunity.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

It is, it totally is.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

This makes so much more sense then what LKH actually wrote.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Meng Die should sabotage the fuck out of this and then swoop in to save everything.

Yes yes yes. That would be glorious.

All this incredibly fraught nonsense over clothing. I just cannot believe centuries-old vampires would particularly care if Anita were wearing a dress, a suit, or a sack.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Especially with the whole 'only six hours till SHIT O'CLOCK' deal going down.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Good lord, save yourself. Just stahp with the names, poor dear *patpat*

Your rat stories are so much fun. And good happy place thoughts to get me ready for what's to come.

1. Meanwhile, Ghislaine is in middle-of-nowhere Louisiana bayou with her red tiger boyfriend all "fuck you" to MOAD and everyone else. Because fuck rolling over, and any Masters nearby, and letting some mystery guy in St. Louis be in charge. Because I STILL don't think this would happen. Because why JC? Just because they have Anita? Psh, please. St. Louis isn't that big of a fucking deal, when it comes to major world cities.

2. Ghislaine would like to argue. All she does is look out for number one, and those she cares about. Fuck everyone else, and following some "calm leader". She's mostly just going along with Lucy because she feels like it. Also she doesn't like Anita having control of tigers.

3. I... The apocalypse, and they're having a party. WHY IS SUE VS SUE SO CANON?!

4. To be true, some women really are lucky and blessed with good skin. Fucking genetics. But yeah, fuck Anita. I highly doubt cum and therian goo is good for skin. If you don't bathe, don't eat right, and run yourself ragged with working out and just not sleeping at all, then yeah. You're skin looks like hell. You look like hell. Fuck all this shit. I MIGHT BE A LITTLE BITTER, OKAY?! I HAVE REALLY BAD SKIN. I HATE IT, IT HATES ME. IT'S A HATE/HATE RELATIONSHIP.

5. Maybe Meng Die is just another one of those who can't keep up the facade not noticing how fucking clueless Anita is all the time? Like Damian :D

6. Nah, C-cup is fine. I'm pretty sure once it's past DD that cocktail starts getting difficult.

7. *cuddling my t-shirts, jeans, boyshorts, and sweatpants*

8. They all got new dresses, because they probably keep up with the fashions and just had them on hand. Because they're girly-girls, Anita. Like Lucy.

9. I like wearing unisex outerwear with more feminine underwear. The fact apparently Anita does, too, makes me really cranky.

10. I don't blame her, though? I wouldn't want to wear a sheer black dress with sporadically placed sequins. Not only does it sound horrifically tacky, but also incredibly revealing and trashy. I don't see how this is classy cocktail-wear at all, even with a nice pair of pumps.

11. Wait... a black suit of leather? *imagines, sporfles* That's so tacky. And horrible. And oh god, I CAN'T EVEN YOU GUYS.

12. So did Asher go batshit crazy in the... *counts on fingers* fivesome? Was this a later time? I'm so lost.

13. I actually wouldn't mind the fact she's bitching about the dress, IF LKH WOULD PROVIDE HER WITH AN ALTERNATIVE DRESS INSTEAD. Like something OTHER than the whore-ific one that Meng Die and Cardinal have chosen from those brought back by the guards. That being said...

This totally needs to happen somewhere in SvS, where there's some kind of dress-up shindig and everyone is dressed in their finest but Anita is dressed up like a high-end hooker. BECAUSE I CANNOT PICTURE A DECENT DRESS THAT IS "SHEER BLACK WITH A FEW PLACEMENTS OF SEQUINS" THAT DOESN'T SCREAM CALL-GIRL.

14. ... I forgot about the slip. Whatever.

15. Nope, I still hate Micah, even if he talks sense into her and makes her do shit instead of stall even more. I kind of wish Damian was just there to do it so Micah was never around. Like the absentee father. Or something. I just... really hate every one of her main sweeties. And I love Damian.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

POOR STUPID-NAMED TIGERS I JUST WANNA HELP THEM ;A;

1) Srsly there are so many vamps we've seen in canon that do NOT seem like they'd just decide to give JC the reins no matter WHAT was going on. And, whoo, red tiger boyfriend, you go Ghislaine!

3) That was what inspired it! I was like 'wtf, this is is so stupid, I have to parody this in SvS

4) For real. Even if Anita had those great genetics, her lifestyle should still make her skin a wreck.

10) I don't blame her either, but given that 'Anita is 'forced' to wear a sexy dress' is a regular thing in these novels I don't even feel bad for her anymore because I'm just straight-up tired of it, if that makes any sense. Also the fact that LKH thinks it looks good.

11) HAHAH I KNOW

15. Agreed!

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

1. "Which you're having no qualms about taking advantage of, I notice, just coldly observing."
Anita would make a great villain if she had a few... DOZEN... more IQ points.
2. " that's been made so clear with the horrible dominance/subordination systems we've seen so far, how the male werelions seem to kill each other as a matter of culture, the pimping out of weaker members, forcing members to rape others and take part in snuff films, weird rape rituals, and eating somebody when you've defeated them. '
You haven't noticed that Anita's idea of "group-oriented" is precisely that? Her fluffylove harem is built off of mindrape, twisted "gender" dynamics, and slavery.
3. "Has the latter sentence ever come out of straight man's mouth in history?"
Has MOST of Anita's "snappy" dialogue ever come out of ANYONE'S mouth in history?
4. Six hours to the apocalypse, and Anita's in a dress.
...
Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to my men, now back at your man, now back to my men. Sadly, he isn't my man, but if he started using using lavender body wash, grew out his hair, and contracted therianthrophy, he could totally be one of them. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re at a party with the woman you could smell like if you just stopped bathing. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a wonderdong with a whiny dude attached that I'm sure you'll love. Look again, the whiny dude is now undead. Anything is possible when your man smells like Nathaniel and not like a man. I’m in a dress.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Laughing forever here.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/the message is so clear and so obnoxious---Good Women are naturally pretty and don't need to use any cosmetics like those awful Vain Women who are vain because they use cosmetics and surgery because they're not pretty like Good Woman, and you're supposed to be pretty but not actually try at it, that's bad./

Look, Ms. Hamilton, I’m hopeless at fashion, generally don’t wear makeup, and shopping for clothes or shoes bores me to tears. But that doesn’t mean that women who do enjoy shopping or dressing up are automatically shallow and petty. Sure, I don’t like dressing up, but that’s *me.* Just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean that I have a problem with other women liking it. Nor does it mean that I’m more of a “genuine” and “real” woman than they are, just like they’re not more “genuine” or “real” women for liking fashion.

/And it's not like the MEN came to impress at all, they're not shallow and vapid, nosiree, it's just the women who came to be decorations apparently!/

This reminds me that this attitude of “if you have to beautify yourself instead of relying on natural beauty, you’re automatically shallow and spoiled” applies to both genders. How many times is a man vilified in media for being a metrosexual or derided as a “girly man” for just taking care of his hair, health, clothes, or general hygiene? If the character is supposed to be a member of royalty or aristocracy or any kind of elite, maybe he’ll get a pass, but if he’s not? If he’s just an average guy? Anita and her ilk would be sneering at him until the cows came home.

/Um, presumably they knew that vampires are apparently total idiots who think that IMPENDING DOOM is a good time for a cocktail ball without the cocktails./

She’s doing what Stephenie Meyer did when she wrote Breaking Dawn. Who cares if the scenes that you’re writing make no sense with your previously established events? It’s your wish-fulfillment fantasy and therefore you can write whatever you want and not give a hoot about coherence, character motivation, logic, or common sense.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Meyer and LKH: If it has words, it works!

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to lie; I'm a sucker for dress up scenes.
I love costume porn, I love the idea that an ordinary person can turn heads with the right advice, I love people who indulge in their own enjoyment of their bodies and have fun just looking pretty.
(This totally doesn't come from being a child who was made fun of for being ugly and not possibly having a hope in attracting anyone and was told she'd die alone).
BUT this isn't that. This is the sort of story that would have appealed to me when I was that child, when I rejected and disdained femininity because it rejected me. The whole scene is just so... mean spirited. It's insulting to everyone who wants to be pretty and feminine, while still proving that Anita is BETTER THAN those stupid feminine women at their own game.
Its been mentioned before, but LKH needs to mature past the mindset of a bullied child. Either admit that frills are awesome, or it shouldn't matter how unnaturally beautiful your character is.

It's all been said before, but I need to vent :/

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Hey, no apology needed, this is THE place for venting about AB-related things.

Ditto, I fucking LOVE dress-up scenes and costume porn! Even in books where I know it's technically bad writing and padding and pointless, I still just LOVE ALLLLL THE PRETTY THIIIIIINGS...and as you say, this isn't that at all. It's hateful, mean-spirited, have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too misogynistic crap AND the clothes aren't even cute.

I'm very, very sorry that your childhood was like that, that's terrible. And I definitely feel bad for LKH is something similar happened to her, which would not surprise me. However, taking it out by developing a hateful mindset against other women, especially when you are a grown woman, as you point out, is not okay, and LKH really needs to get her issues out of her work, agreed.

Again, don't feel bad about venting, nothing you just said here isn't absolutely true and spot-on, and it's sure as hell on-topic!

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Gah, Anita and her stupid impossible body. The image it paints in my mind is practically cartoonish (imagine a waist-high stick figure with two enormous balloons strapped onto it...). Part of that is probably just the same problem that heterosexual women always have with describing an attractive woman (and the same is of course true for heterosexual men trying to describe an attractive man - it's tricky to convincingly describe an experience that you yourself have never had), but it's brought up to eleven by LKH's complete inability to show tasteful moderation. She's got an idea that being busty is good, so Anita has THE BIGGEST TITS EVER. She's got an idea that being slim is good, so Anita is THE MOST PETITE WOMAN EVER. What you end up with is so completely overdone that it just makes you feel uncomfortable.

As for clothes, I have no interest in them at all and my ambition for my personal appearance is less "look good" and more "try to avoid looking like you're both homeless and deranged," (and I'll leave it unsaid how often I fail to achieve that ambition... >_> ) but I do have some respect for snappy dressers and their eye for elegance - it's certainly an art form, even if I have no talent for it myself. So Anita can shut up, is what I'm saying. Or stop hanging out with people who are all obsessed with clothes, if it really bothers her so damn much.