HIT LIST, CHAPTER ONE
Jul. 22nd, 2013 01:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_sporking_ratA very overweight beagle came in to the animal shelter, and he is my new project. I'm coming in every day to take him for walkies. He's only three, and beagles are very appealing, popular dogs, so I think that his weight will be his main obstacle to adoption, since people will probably be turned off by the added responsibility of slimming him down themselves and/or the health problems he might have from his weight, so I think this will better his chances of finding a forever home if I can help him noticeably lose a few pounds. He knows who I am now, and gets excited when he sees me because he knows he's getting to go out, and he bays and cries when I put him back in and go away.
I bay and cry at...
HIT LIST, CHAPTER ONE
"The main piece of the body lay on the ground, on its back in the middle of a smooth grassy field." Okay, good start, a body is always a nice attention-getter, especially when it's in pieces. Anita tells us she thinks that the field they're standing in is a softball field...I guess it must be one of those places kids clear out to play on their own versus a proper one in a park, then. Because you *know* when you are standing in an official softball field. Edward is with her, and she tells us how they are both US Marshals, and how Ted Forrester is his "secret identity, like Clark Kent for Superman" and I honestly feel like she would have done better to leave the Superman simile off. It gives a 'feel' to the whole scenario that is totally incongruent with the gritty badass vibe that she's otherwise trying to create, at least for me. Plus I think anyone old enough to be reading this is also old enough to know what a secret identity is and doesn't need it explained to them with references to pop-culture cartoons. She then takes over half the page to talk about how the "Ted" identity was once a bounty hunter and she a vampire executioner and how they both got "grandfathered in under the Preternatural Endangerment Act" so they don't have to go through anything boring like police training, pssh! I wonder, how would a bounty hunter qualify for the grandfathering clause? Maybe "Ted" just went after supernatural bounties the same way Edward was a hit man only for monsters? She also mentions that Edward still does that, but that his job as Ted is beginning to take up most of his time because "work does interfere with your hobbies." Okay, I liked that line. What I don't like is "There we stood with real badges; legally we were real cops" because I can just see Anita in my mind's eye going I HAVE A BADGE OKAY I AM A TOUGH AND COOL FOR-REAL COP YEAH AREN'T I AWESOME REAL COP HERE WITH A REAL BADGE!
Since LKH likes to have Anita know more about serial killers than mental health professionals, I wonder if she's aware that many sociopaths seek jobs in law enforcement because they like the power, especially symbols of authority like badges? Juuuust saying.
Other marshals are talking to the local police, but Anita and Edward, too cool to speak to such lower-level losers, are "standing in the middle of the scattered body parts" which I'm sure isn't going to damage or contaminate them at all. Anita tells us that the other cops have been here longer so they've probably already had a look at the body, but that she and Edward have just arrive from the Tacoma airport, meaning they must be in Washington, and the other cops had probably "gotten tired of looking at them" because "Dismembered bodies did lose their charm pretty fast." I realize LKH is just trying to have Anita sound clever, but it makes her sound dumb, because she's assuming that the only reason the cops would have to look at the bodies is that they want to...not, you know, to gather evidence. They can't actually stop just because they start feeling nauseous or whatever else she's trying to imply about them. Unlike you, Anita, they are professionals.
Anita comments on how cold it is for an entire paragraph in order to tell us that she has a windbreaker on that has "U.S. Marshal in big letters on it." I have a headcanon that this was not issued to her but that she instead went out and paid to have it made and customized with said letters so everyone knows SHE'S A COP AND NOT JUST ANY COP SHE'S A MARSHAL. Anita asks if the body is lying on its back or its ass, and I am immediately confused, because when I lie on my back, I am also lying on my ass, because they are both on the back side of me. Edward responds with "You mean because it's bisected at the midchest and the parts are about ten feet away?" Ah, the good old "I'm going to tell you things we both know and can see just fine so the reader can know them, this won't sound awkward and dumb at all!" technique that LKH loves so much. Edward then asks her why it matters, and Anita spends a paragraph talking about his very worn cowboy hat he wears as Ted and how he has short-blond hair and how "he was five foot eight, which seemed tall to me at five-three." SECOND PAGE IN AND ANITA IS MENTIONING HER HEIGHT! I'm keeping track of this, btw, among other things:
Short: 1
Anita then says she supposes it doesn't matter. I facedesk. She thinks about how she thinks stuff like that in order to avoid looking at a dismembered body to avoid screaming or throwing up, and mentions how "I hadn't thrown up on a body in years, but the St. Louis police had never let me live it down." I've seen some sporkers rag on her about that, how it's proof of her incompetence, etc. but I actually always really appreciated that Anita threw up on the first body she ever saw. It was a very human detail, a very embarrassing thing to let happen to your protagonist, and I loved it. It's way better than if she'd just been tough-as-nails from the get-go, and definitely more endearing than that time she played catch with some body parts against another cop, while calling him outdated racial slurs, in order to prove who was a bigger wimp. If she was still throwing up at crime scenes, that'd be another matter and she should sure as hell quit, but for the first time she ever saw one, I thought it was a really good reaction, especially with the addition of her being permanently ribbed for it rather than coddled and comforted.
Edward tells her that the other cops can't find the body's heart, and another paragraph is spent talking about how Edward has blue eyes and a light gold summer tan and how she can't tan like that and how "it seemed wrong that the blond, blue-eyed WASP tanned darker than I did with my mother's black hair and brown eyes. I was half Hispanic--shouldn't I tan darker than white-bread boy?" Anita, plenty of Mexicans actually are pale and may not tan well at all, but the reason YOU don't tan is because LKH doesn't:
http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/03/back-from-vacation/
Also, score one for both faux-biracial angst AND misuse of the term whitebread, which does not mean being a blond white person but instead just very a vanilla, ordinary middle-class suburbanite type.
Racial Angst: 1
Whitebread: 1
He tells her to talk to him, she says they won't find the heart because the killer took it as a trophy and compares it to "like the woodsman in Snow White taking the heart back to the Wicked Queen in the box, or something." As with the Superman simile, this comparison really was not needed. It makes her sound pretty dumb and out of place, honestly, to think she has to explain these things to other marshals, especially someone like Edward. And who the hell thinks of superheroes and fairy tales, grim as some of the latter can be, at a time like this? Edward says he needs her working this case, not lost in her head...even though she wasn't daydreaming, she was pretty obviously thinking about the case, given what she just said? Which actually does justify her frowning at him and saying she's doing just that. He says he's seen her look at worse and not zone out, she says maybe she's just tired of looking at shit like this and asks if he isn't...Anita, you know who you're asking, right?
He says oh so it's not just this case and she shakes her head, he asks if she's asking if looking at this bothers him. DUH, EDWARD.
Needless Re-clarification: 1
Anita says "I would never ask that, it's against the guy code" and saying this makes her smile a little, because I guess it reminds her that adhering to the ~guy code!~ makes her A GUY NOT A GIRLY GIRLY WEAK LITTLE GIRL DAMMIT.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 1
Manita: 1
He smiles back but "it never reached his eyes" which are "cold and empty, like the winter sky" and she claims that when other marshals are around he can make them "sparkle, or fill with some emotion" to fake Ted. How on earth does one make one's eyes SPARKLE?
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 1 (this is a repeated phrase of Anita/LKH; while effective, she overuses it, much like "like so much meat" and "blood and thicker things")
He tells her the fucking obvious: "No, it doesn't bother me." She shrugs and spends a paragraph talking about what kind of weapons she has: gun, backup gun, and that "big-ass knife down my back". She says she'd rather be home, he says with your men, she nods and talks about how she misses "the men in my life" (no names given) when she's away and "this was our fourth crime scene in a fourth city" and she's "tired of planes, tired of other cops" because they don't recognize her greatness dammit "tired of being away." Edward says he's missing Becca, Donna's daughter, in the chorus of Music Man. Huh, Nicky quoted Music Man in the last book, didn't he? Maybe it's the only musical that LKH knows. When he talks about Becca, his smile does indeed reach his eyes and he looks "warm and happy" and Anita says that even though he's not married to Donna, he's been seeing her for years and the kids think of him as their dad and how it makes her smile to think of the man vampires call "Death" taking little Becca to dance class.
Anita says it was more fun to hunt monsters before they had people to go home to, Edward's smile fades and he looks over where the body's head lays and says he can't argue with that and he hopes they get home before the musical is over. They spend five sentences of dialogue establishing that the musical will run two more weeks and Anita does not want to be out here that long, and Edward says him either. Then we get to something interesting: "I knew exactly why these victims had been chosen. I even knew what was killing them, The trouble was I couldn't tell anyone but Edward, because if I told the police everything I knew, the killers would come after me and every policeman I knew, and everyone that they told."
Yup, it's the Harlequin! Anita tells us how they are vampires and wereanimals who are "the vampire equivalent of police, spies, judges, jury, and executioner" as well as "some of the greatest warriors to ever live, or unlive". Yeah, yeah, heard it before...tell me, have they ever actually made anything resembling an effective strike against Anita & Co? Onscreen? Also, you know what would actually be SMART on their part? Not killing anyone that Anita tells or anyone that they told. Especially if she told them that they might be killed. That would make them believe that the whole thing was just a lie or mistake on Anita's part and there's no such thing as the Harlequin. Killing off a bunch of cops? Ensures a bunch of trouble.
Also, I doubt I need to point out how very wrong it is that Anita is not telling the cops. Yes, she has a good reason, but ultimately it's still a conflict of interest that anyone approaching being a good cop would turn in their badge over. And it's not her first conflict of this nature either; it should really be her last straw already. But Anita likes that badge too much.
Anyway, this victims in this string of Harlequin killings have all been weretigers who were so far, apart from being weretigers, ordinary people.
Edward tells her that "We're here to work the scene, so we do." Uh, okay? Thank you? Anita says the equally obvious, that they know a lot that the other cops need to know too. Edward says that they've already settled that they can't tell the cops about the Harlequin...which the reader already knows too. Look, either give us the exposition in Anita's internal monologue or in dialogue, but not both. Edward also stumbles over saying their name, and says that it really bugs him that he can't, and aptly compares it to Harry Potter. Except that in Harry Potter there actually was a charm on Voldemort's name that alerted the Death Eaters when it was said so they could track his enemies, who would be 'arrogant' enough to call him that rather than the fearful You Know Who or respectful Dark Lord. As far as I know, no explanation has ever been given as to how the Harlequin know when their name is said, or why would they would care. I guess it could be a secret, since they are stated to be so secretive, but shouldn't the characters at least WONDER about it? Because I haven't seen that either.
Anita reminds Edward of they will kill you if you say their name aloud and how that means if she tells the cops they'll kill the cops and basically everything she just told us in the exposition.
Needless Re-clarification: 2
Edward says that the way the Harlequin wear hoods, gloves, etc. to conceal their identities from each other also helps them not leave forensic evidence behind...you know, if the Harlequin have been around this long and are as effective as LKH would have us believe, I'd think that they'd always have kept up with how advanced human police are with forensics, and compensate accordingly, rather than just relying on coincidences like this working in their favor. In fact, my guess is that this is the case and they have containment suits or something and Edward just mistakenly THINKS that they're too dumb for that.
Edward then re-clarifies what the reader already learned in Bullet, that the Harlequin on the side of Anita & Co don't know who the other Harlequin are or what they look like because of the hoods and cloaks and masks. I can appreciate this exposition for the sake of new readers, so I won't give it a Needless Re-clarification point, but it could be done better than having one character tell another what they both already know. They then make the relevant remark that while the Harlequin have code names assigned to each mask, they probably aren't wearing said "Venetian carnival mask in downtown Tacoma" so that's no help. Edward says if he'd accepted the contract on the MOAD, she'd be dead right now and thus none of this would be happening. Anita points out, and I have to agree, that it could also be that Edward would be the dead one and she'd have to tell Peter "why he'd lost a second dad." Just Peter, though. I guess Becca doesn't matter because she's an icky girl.
Edward says she knows how good he is, and Anita says he doesn't understand, that the MOAD is "the darkness, the night itself made alive" and while I think this phrasing isn't right for this conversation, I do agree with her, even Edward would be out of his league with the MOAD...but damn it would still be awesome to watch him try! Edward said he wouldn't have just blown her up and stopped there because "something that supernatural needed magic to kill it for good" so he'd have gone to a witch and "gotten charms, a blessed weapon, something. The mercenaries that the vampire council hired to kill her treated her like just another mark and now we're all in the shit for it." Nevermind how the council hiring mercs to kill the MOAD doesn't make sense in the first place, given their fear that if she died they would too, I am making all kinds of frowny faces at the idea that the Council would hire such incompetent mercs and not fucking explain to them what they would have to do. In fact, I downright don't believe that just blowing her up was all that these failed hit men did; it may just be all that Anita knows about, but that doesn't mean it was their only one. Especially since the big bad Harlequin themselves are stated to have been unable to find a way to kill her and that's why they had to settle for sealing her into sleep; you think they wouldn't have tested out a plan like Edward's? Especially since it's not hard to think of. No, my guess is that Edward is firstly not the only guy to have thought of this, and secondly that it wouldn't have worked anyway and that others have already tried it and failed.
Anita, of course, doesn't think of any of this. She instead joins in, saying that, unlike them, she would not have assumed that fire alone would do the job and instead would have loaded up on holy items, thrown a bunch of other holy items so MOAD's spirit couldn't leave her body, taken her head and heart, burned the pieces seperately, then put the ashes of the different pieces in separate bodies of running water. Again, Anita cannot be the first to have thought of this...oh wait, Anita is the only one with a supposedly working brain in this whole series. They also repeat in this conversation what we already know, that even if Morte d'Amour is found and exorcised, MOAD'll just jump to another body. Anita says that she's not sure MOAD can be killed at all, seeing as how she can survive as a disembodied spirit. Edward says that everything dies, that even the universe eventually well. I guess the idea here is to make Anita look smart compared to Edward, because once again I'm agreeing with her against him when she says that'll happen in five billion years but weretigers are being killed now.
Edward doesn't know, and asks why JC doesn't know either. Because it wouldn't do to have ANYONE know how to kill the MOAD, let alone random MotCs? He also says that "what's left of the European power structure is trying to make him head of a new vampire council here in the states." LKH, DID YOU KNOW THAT EUROPE IS NOT A MONOLITH? Also, it's not enough that JC is MotC, Anita has to also have her boyfriend be Vampire King of America, dammit! Edward also asks why the vampires and wereanimals that Anita is in charge of don't help stop this. Anita tells him that the Harlequin they have on their side will travel as soon as they hear about the bodies, but they're behind Edward and Anita, who have of course been first every time so far. Edward says that "For preternaturals that are supposed to be the greatest spies and assassins ever, they suck at anything useful." HAHAHAH YOU ARE CORRECT, EDWARD!
Anita poutily defends LKH's work by saying they're not doing much better. Edward responds that since the vampires can't help them "We're cops, let's be cops." THEY'RE COPS, REAL COPS, DID YOU CATCH THAT YET? She asks what that means--
What Does That Mean:1
and he says to examine the scene and learn new things about the killers. WOW, FUCKING BRILLIANT, THAT'S ONLY YOUR JOB HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, GENIUS!
Anita notes that there is a "faint bitter smell" because "death isn't neat, or pretty, or clean; it's all outhouse smells as your body does everything it can do all at once, one last time." I do appreciate that LKH has always remembered the toilet-gross aspects of death beyond just the cool grisly blood and guts. However, believe you me, the word for outhouse smells is NOT bitter. I say this as someone who has been in a great many port-a-potties, and been beside animals as they released their bladders and bowels a final time. She then says "Fine" like a bratty child to the idea of DOING HER DAMN JOB and looks at the body. She observes that the body was sliced neatly and efficiently. Edward asks then why tear it to pieces after. Anita says they wanted to and were strong enough to. He says "you know that doesn't feel right" and tells her to try again. Okay, I get that they're ooooh super experienced super good cops and whatever else LKH wants us to believe, but would some explanation for why that Occam's Razor answer isn't right kill the mood too much? This makes them sound like psychics instead of police.
Anita says this makes her feel inexperienced all over again like in the days when he was her mentor and how he's one of the few people she'll take that attitude from. Dude, he just told you to rethink the answer is all. She says that they wanted this body to match the others so the police would think it was the same killer, which it is not, because the first and third were really savaged, "internal organs and guts everywhere"( aren't those the same thing?), "like a disorganized killer with maybe an organized partner directing" whereas "this is all organized" and that the killer is "doing the kills like they've been told to, matching the first kill, but their heart isn't in it." Well, that makes sense, since the Harlequin is a group and thus has multiple people to do the kills. Of course it's not all one person! But Edward still has to ask...
What Does That Mean:2
Anita says that this one and the second one were cold kills, the first and third "the murderer took joy in it." Edward says his kills are neat and clean but that he enjoys his work. Anita asks if he likes the planning and being better than who he's hunting, or if he likes the actual kill. He likes the kill. Anita asks him something she tells us she never has before: "What is it you enjoy about it?" Edward looks at her and a small paragraph is devoted to how his eyes have changed color "so the blue was almost grayish" like a "cold winter sky" and how it's always a bad sign when that happens.
Mood Ring Eyes: 1
He says that "I like watching the light die in their eyes." I guess that sounds cool? I just rolled my eyes but maybe if someone else was writing it...Anita says that's why you like a close kill then and he nods and Anita goes on a long rambling paragraph about how he was once her teacher and how he'd once told her he wanted to see which of them was better and hunt each other and how, unlike then, she's not totally sure she'd be the one to die. "Maybe I would win. Maybe I could call Donna and the kids and tell them...tell them what? That their family was destroyed because Edward and I had had the ultimate guy moment and I was the better man?"
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
It disturbs me the way she says she "could" call Donna, like it's something she's been waiting for an opportunity to do.
Anita asks if he thinks these killers enjoyed the kill then. "My voice was as empty and neutral as any I had, just two killers talking shop over someone else's kill." Because no ACTUAL normal police officers would ever discuss this, only ever SECRET STONE COLD KILLERS! Edward says he thinks they might have but "there's no way to tell when a killer is this controlled." Anita asks how any of this will help them catch them, and in this case she's right. This is all discussion that would be useful if they didn't know who was doing it and were trying to figure it out, but they already know who it is. Distinguishing that, gasp, different members of the Harlequin might have different approaches really does no fucking good and frankly just should have been a given anyway. Edward admits he doesn't know.
Anita looks at the body again and observes that "there was still enough of his chest and stomach left to show he'd had muscle tone. He'd hit the gym, and it had done him no good at all." IT IS ENTIRELY CREEPY YOU WOULD NOTICE AND THINK ABOUT THIS, ANITA. She says that, like the other victims, he will be an infected orange weretiger versus a born clan one, and that right now the Harlequin have only been killing the clanless because they're searching for gold tigers...wait, what? How does that make sense? We want to find gold, let's kill the orange? Rather than explaining this thought process (like, maybe the Harlequin think the golds are disguised as survivors somehow like Jade and Topaz?) Anita gives us the history of the gold clan and how "we'd hoped they'd stop slaughtering the claness tigers when the gold tigers made their public debut to the other tiger clans, but though we'd made it public that we had all colors of the tigers with us in St. Louis, the Harlequin were still hunting and killing the weretigers. It seemed so pointless."
Does it not occur to you that they might have other reasons for this beyond just trying to prevent you from getting all the colors? Like, secret Harlequin reasons? Hell, since you apparently became or will become Master of Tigers, that probably includes the oranges, so they're basically killing off your people and potential allies that could aid you. That alone seems a very non-pointless effort to me. Anita makes mention of her bad knee, something I last remember her mentioning in the first book...and then uses that as an opportunity to tell us it hasn't been bad at all since she became a Human Servant to Jean-Claude, as well as metaphysically tied to several wereanimals (she neglects to mention she's tied to another vampire too, but I guess Damian doesn't really exist when she doesn't need him) so she heals faster than other humans but "I hadn't realized I'd lost the old aches and pains from past injuries. When had that happened?"
...I feel like this is really, really ridiculously late for her to realize that a physical ailment that plagued her for a long time is gone, especially since the time it should have disappeared (getting the first mark, which grants enhanced healing, endurance, strength, etc.) happened ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE FIRST BOOK. It's like how in Bullet she had no clue if she bruised anymore even though she lives a lifestyle where bruising is going to happen on a regular basis just from shit like training alone, so she'd have had loads of opportunity to notice. I think LKH just forgot about Anita's bad knee after the first book, remembered it when she wrote this, and decided to stick this in there even though any reader with half a brain could reasonably assume on their own that "well, if she got super-healing, she can say bye-bye to knee problems" and thus all this does is make Anita look like she lacks said half of a brain for this never occurring to her before.
Anita tells us that Edward, on the other hand, does favor one leg a little when he stands because of an injury on it from "a hunt that went bad" and she starts wondering how old Edward is, if he'll age and she won't, if her supernatural abilities will keep healing her...um, yes? Why the fuck would your super-healing cease? Anita may not be immortal (well, she is because of LKH, but I mean in-universe) because Human Servants don't get immortality until the fourth mark (WHICH SHE SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO TAKE ALREADY) but since LKH decided that wereanimals age slowly last book and Anita has all the therian benefits (with none of the drawbacks), she's definitely going to stay young longer than Edward. Also, come to think of it, since even therians do eventually age and die, it would really be a good idea for JC to give her that Fourth Mark now while she's still young and healthy. Because if she dies, even of old age, she'll likely take him with her, so he's going to have to do it sooner or later, and definitely better now than when she's an old lady on her deathbed...oh wait, that will never happen because LKH doesn't let her characters actually age either. Also it's TOO DAMN LOGICAL.
Edward can tell she's thought of something and asks what. She tries to think of something else other than what she was thinking just now, and chooses to ask why the Harlequin keep killing the tigers so that she and Edward can say in dialogue what Anita already said in her head about how they already have all tiger colors, including gold, in St. Louis, so this seems pointless.
Needless Re-clarification: 3
Edward suggests they may be looking for a specific weretiger. Anita asks why or who and says there's nothing to be gained from it. Again, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO GAIN FROM THIS DOESN'T MEAN THERE IS NOTHING, ANITA. Edward says they have gained one thing, which is that they've seperated Anita from JC and all her servants and all her bodyguards in St. Louis, whom he completely seriously non-humorously say could amount to a small army and that just makes me facedesk because he is right and that's ridiculous. Also, we are into the first chapter and already it has been revealed that the entire plot is in fact totally about Anita, yay. Do crimes ever happen in these novels anymore that AREN'T focused around her? Only Anita has to be both the investigator AND the target, I swear.
Anita asks if he thinks the Harlequin, since they're "really invested in being this big dark secret", would risk attacking her with cops around. Honey, I can think of a dozen ways they could get you, but either LKH can't or she just won't let it happen. Edward asks if they would risk "being outed to the human police" if MOAD told them to kill Anita. Um, killing Anita, even right in front of cops, would not in fact out their existence as an organization. All the police would see is vampires and/or wereanimals killing a woman who has made a career of killing vampires and wereanimals and who is known to be literally and figuratively in bed with a major vampire political figure. They would not automatically know who the Harlequin are, where they came from, what purpose this actually served, etc. They would likely assume this was probably vengeance for a supernatural that Anita killed, some kind of 'kill the Executioner' challenge game, or a political strike against JC. And when they investigated, the Harlequin would probably have set things up to make it so one of those options is exactly what they'd find evidence pointing towards.
Anita says maybe, then tells Edward that the reason MOAD wants her dead now is because "she realized I was too powerful for her to move into me." Wait, MOAD decided to off Anita because SHE'S TOO POWERFUL FOR HER TO POSSES? When the hell did THAT come up? And what a load of fucking baloney! It's funny, LKH claims she wrote herself into a corner with the MOAD being too powerful a villain to face, but I think the actual problem is that HER HEROINE IS TOO RIDICULOUSLY POWERFUL FOR THE VILLAIN TO BE A THREAT. Edward asks if Anita is still so powerful when she's out here separated from JC and the rest buy hundreds of miles. She says "metaphysically, no" because she's safer/stronger when she can touch her slave boys. Edward suggests they may be killing tigers to keep her out here, then. BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ABOUT ANITA. Okay, okay, with Anita as Master of Tigers, any reason the Harlequin had for killing tigers off would reasonably have to tie back to their fight against her in some way, but does it have to be so directly? I dunno, it makes sense and all, but it just bugs me. Of course, it's early on, maybe this isn't the answer at all. Maybe it'll actually be a mystery for once instead of THE VILLAIN SENDING A SIGNED CARD, VITTORIO.
Anita asks if he thinks they'll try to kidnap her, he says if MOAD still wants her body, and she says that if MOAD just wants her dead then that'll be easier this way too and Edward agrees. Again, I really hope they're wrong on this because, even if the mystery of why weretigers being killed isn't the focus of the book so much as stopping the Harlequin doing it, solving the whole reason as to why through one conversation in the first chapter is just bad writing. Edward looks around and Anita says he's searching to see if he sees any Harlequin around the perimeter of the field. Yes, because I'm sure they'll totally be in plain sight, probably wave to you. Anita tells him that she doesn't sense any wereanimals and that it's really rare for any vampire to be able to daywalk. Edward asks if she would even be able to sense them, seeing as how they're these "ultimate spies" and all, she says she thinks so, he calls her arrogant, she says she'd know if there was a preternatural nearby okay. Because it's totally unlikely that, in a world where most supernaturals can sense other supernaturals, supernatural spies would not learn to master some way of turning off whatever energy signal or whatever they have that gives them away.
Edward tells her to "Please, tell me this isn't the first time you wondered if this was a trap for you." Anita again fucking restates how they made the gold tigers 'public' (public to who? did you do a newspaper announcement?) in St. Louis so the Harlequin wouldn't keep doing this. THAT DOESN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION. You know what, I'm keeping a tally of that too.
Non-Answer Answers:1
Somehow Edward interprets this as meaning that "it's a trap to keep you away from St. Louis, or Mommie Darkest forgot to rescind her order." THERE. ARE. OTHER. POSSIBILITIES! The Harlequin are a big dark fucking secret, MOAD's mind is probably incomprehensible to humans at this point, there seriously could be some other reason they're doing this besides MOAD just forgetting to call them off! Speaking of that, Anita is too fucking dumb to realize that's what he's suggesting, and asks what he means.
What Does That Mean:3
He asks if the Harlequin would not cease to kill tigers until she told them herself to, even if continuing to kill them made no sense. Anita says that the ones on MOAD's side are fanatically loyal to her, so probably. He says that might be it, that maybe she's busy doing something else, and Anita suggest maybe she's just crazy. Ugh, LKH, please do not do the "well, she's just insane!" thing with the MOAD, please. Edward says she needs to talk with JC. Anita says she thought he didn't like JC. Rather than giving the logical response that whether he likes JC or not has nothing to do with this, he just says that Anita doesn't like Donna either. Anita shrugs and says "So we each don't like the people that the other one loves." Ugh, I hope this is not a hint that they are jealous over each other romantically. I would like to take this moment to point out that there are lots of good reasons for Edward to distrust JC, which I have no doubt Anita is obtuse enough to read as just not liking him, but I'm pretty sure Anita's dislike of Donna pretty much boils down to the fact she's a woman who is involved with a man that Anita knows. I read a sporking of this book awhile back, actually, and I'm pretty sure there's a scene in this one where she's painted as a jealous harpy for not being happy that Anita and Edward sleep in the same bed together at one point.
Edward tells Anita she needs bodyguards. She says why not go back to St. Louis then, he says because the Marshal Service frowns on them leaving a case like that "but that's not the problem." Anita asks what the problem is. I say that the problem is that she shouldn't be on a case she has to withhold such vital information on AND that if she really needs bodyguards then she shouldn't be doing this at all, but Edward says it's because she'd be alone in the airport and on the plane, and that if he wanted to take her out, that's where he'd get her. WOW, SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING SMART! Anita asks what to do then, he says have some guards come from St. Louis, she asks how to explain that to the other cops, he says they'll think of something. Then his face lights up with Ted-charm and Anita knows that the other marshals must be too close for them to talk like this anymore. The other marshals ask if they've seen anything that will help catch the culprit, Anita and Edward answer no.
Assholes.
TOTALS
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
Mood Ring Eyes: 1
Needless Re-clarification: 3
Non-Answer Answers:1
Racial Angst: 1
Short: 1
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 1
What Does That Mean:3
Whitebread: 1
I bay and cry at...
HIT LIST, CHAPTER ONE
"The main piece of the body lay on the ground, on its back in the middle of a smooth grassy field." Okay, good start, a body is always a nice attention-getter, especially when it's in pieces. Anita tells us she thinks that the field they're standing in is a softball field...I guess it must be one of those places kids clear out to play on their own versus a proper one in a park, then. Because you *know* when you are standing in an official softball field. Edward is with her, and she tells us how they are both US Marshals, and how Ted Forrester is his "secret identity, like Clark Kent for Superman" and I honestly feel like she would have done better to leave the Superman simile off. It gives a 'feel' to the whole scenario that is totally incongruent with the gritty badass vibe that she's otherwise trying to create, at least for me. Plus I think anyone old enough to be reading this is also old enough to know what a secret identity is and doesn't need it explained to them with references to pop-culture cartoons. She then takes over half the page to talk about how the "Ted" identity was once a bounty hunter and she a vampire executioner and how they both got "grandfathered in under the Preternatural Endangerment Act" so they don't have to go through anything boring like police training, pssh! I wonder, how would a bounty hunter qualify for the grandfathering clause? Maybe "Ted" just went after supernatural bounties the same way Edward was a hit man only for monsters? She also mentions that Edward still does that, but that his job as Ted is beginning to take up most of his time because "work does interfere with your hobbies." Okay, I liked that line. What I don't like is "There we stood with real badges; legally we were real cops" because I can just see Anita in my mind's eye going I HAVE A BADGE OKAY I AM A TOUGH AND COOL FOR-REAL COP YEAH AREN'T I AWESOME REAL COP HERE WITH A REAL BADGE!
Since LKH likes to have Anita know more about serial killers than mental health professionals, I wonder if she's aware that many sociopaths seek jobs in law enforcement because they like the power, especially symbols of authority like badges? Juuuust saying.
Other marshals are talking to the local police, but Anita and Edward, too cool to speak to such lower-level losers, are "standing in the middle of the scattered body parts" which I'm sure isn't going to damage or contaminate them at all. Anita tells us that the other cops have been here longer so they've probably already had a look at the body, but that she and Edward have just arrive from the Tacoma airport, meaning they must be in Washington, and the other cops had probably "gotten tired of looking at them" because "Dismembered bodies did lose their charm pretty fast." I realize LKH is just trying to have Anita sound clever, but it makes her sound dumb, because she's assuming that the only reason the cops would have to look at the bodies is that they want to...not, you know, to gather evidence. They can't actually stop just because they start feeling nauseous or whatever else she's trying to imply about them. Unlike you, Anita, they are professionals.
Anita comments on how cold it is for an entire paragraph in order to tell us that she has a windbreaker on that has "U.S. Marshal in big letters on it." I have a headcanon that this was not issued to her but that she instead went out and paid to have it made and customized with said letters so everyone knows SHE'S A COP AND NOT JUST ANY COP SHE'S A MARSHAL. Anita asks if the body is lying on its back or its ass, and I am immediately confused, because when I lie on my back, I am also lying on my ass, because they are both on the back side of me. Edward responds with "You mean because it's bisected at the midchest and the parts are about ten feet away?" Ah, the good old "I'm going to tell you things we both know and can see just fine so the reader can know them, this won't sound awkward and dumb at all!" technique that LKH loves so much. Edward then asks her why it matters, and Anita spends a paragraph talking about his very worn cowboy hat he wears as Ted and how he has short-blond hair and how "he was five foot eight, which seemed tall to me at five-three." SECOND PAGE IN AND ANITA IS MENTIONING HER HEIGHT! I'm keeping track of this, btw, among other things:
Short: 1
Anita then says she supposes it doesn't matter. I facedesk. She thinks about how she thinks stuff like that in order to avoid looking at a dismembered body to avoid screaming or throwing up, and mentions how "I hadn't thrown up on a body in years, but the St. Louis police had never let me live it down." I've seen some sporkers rag on her about that, how it's proof of her incompetence, etc. but I actually always really appreciated that Anita threw up on the first body she ever saw. It was a very human detail, a very embarrassing thing to let happen to your protagonist, and I loved it. It's way better than if she'd just been tough-as-nails from the get-go, and definitely more endearing than that time she played catch with some body parts against another cop, while calling him outdated racial slurs, in order to prove who was a bigger wimp. If she was still throwing up at crime scenes, that'd be another matter and she should sure as hell quit, but for the first time she ever saw one, I thought it was a really good reaction, especially with the addition of her being permanently ribbed for it rather than coddled and comforted.
Edward tells her that the other cops can't find the body's heart, and another paragraph is spent talking about how Edward has blue eyes and a light gold summer tan and how she can't tan like that and how "it seemed wrong that the blond, blue-eyed WASP tanned darker than I did with my mother's black hair and brown eyes. I was half Hispanic--shouldn't I tan darker than white-bread boy?" Anita, plenty of Mexicans actually are pale and may not tan well at all, but the reason YOU don't tan is because LKH doesn't:
http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/03/back-from-vacation/
Also, score one for both faux-biracial angst AND misuse of the term whitebread, which does not mean being a blond white person but instead just very a vanilla, ordinary middle-class suburbanite type.
Racial Angst: 1
Whitebread: 1
He tells her to talk to him, she says they won't find the heart because the killer took it as a trophy and compares it to "like the woodsman in Snow White taking the heart back to the Wicked Queen in the box, or something." As with the Superman simile, this comparison really was not needed. It makes her sound pretty dumb and out of place, honestly, to think she has to explain these things to other marshals, especially someone like Edward. And who the hell thinks of superheroes and fairy tales, grim as some of the latter can be, at a time like this? Edward says he needs her working this case, not lost in her head...even though she wasn't daydreaming, she was pretty obviously thinking about the case, given what she just said? Which actually does justify her frowning at him and saying she's doing just that. He says he's seen her look at worse and not zone out, she says maybe she's just tired of looking at shit like this and asks if he isn't...Anita, you know who you're asking, right?
He says oh so it's not just this case and she shakes her head, he asks if she's asking if looking at this bothers him. DUH, EDWARD.
Needless Re-clarification: 1
Anita says "I would never ask that, it's against the guy code" and saying this makes her smile a little, because I guess it reminds her that adhering to the ~guy code!~ makes her A GUY NOT A GIRLY GIRLY WEAK LITTLE GIRL DAMMIT.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 1
Manita: 1
He smiles back but "it never reached his eyes" which are "cold and empty, like the winter sky" and she claims that when other marshals are around he can make them "sparkle, or fill with some emotion" to fake Ted. How on earth does one make one's eyes SPARKLE?
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 1 (this is a repeated phrase of Anita/LKH; while effective, she overuses it, much like "like so much meat" and "blood and thicker things")
He tells her the fucking obvious: "No, it doesn't bother me." She shrugs and spends a paragraph talking about what kind of weapons she has: gun, backup gun, and that "big-ass knife down my back". She says she'd rather be home, he says with your men, she nods and talks about how she misses "the men in my life" (no names given) when she's away and "this was our fourth crime scene in a fourth city" and she's "tired of planes, tired of other cops" because they don't recognize her greatness dammit "tired of being away." Edward says he's missing Becca, Donna's daughter, in the chorus of Music Man. Huh, Nicky quoted Music Man in the last book, didn't he? Maybe it's the only musical that LKH knows. When he talks about Becca, his smile does indeed reach his eyes and he looks "warm and happy" and Anita says that even though he's not married to Donna, he's been seeing her for years and the kids think of him as their dad and how it makes her smile to think of the man vampires call "Death" taking little Becca to dance class.
Anita says it was more fun to hunt monsters before they had people to go home to, Edward's smile fades and he looks over where the body's head lays and says he can't argue with that and he hopes they get home before the musical is over. They spend five sentences of dialogue establishing that the musical will run two more weeks and Anita does not want to be out here that long, and Edward says him either. Then we get to something interesting: "I knew exactly why these victims had been chosen. I even knew what was killing them, The trouble was I couldn't tell anyone but Edward, because if I told the police everything I knew, the killers would come after me and every policeman I knew, and everyone that they told."
Yup, it's the Harlequin! Anita tells us how they are vampires and wereanimals who are "the vampire equivalent of police, spies, judges, jury, and executioner" as well as "some of the greatest warriors to ever live, or unlive". Yeah, yeah, heard it before...tell me, have they ever actually made anything resembling an effective strike against Anita & Co? Onscreen? Also, you know what would actually be SMART on their part? Not killing anyone that Anita tells or anyone that they told. Especially if she told them that they might be killed. That would make them believe that the whole thing was just a lie or mistake on Anita's part and there's no such thing as the Harlequin. Killing off a bunch of cops? Ensures a bunch of trouble.
Also, I doubt I need to point out how very wrong it is that Anita is not telling the cops. Yes, she has a good reason, but ultimately it's still a conflict of interest that anyone approaching being a good cop would turn in their badge over. And it's not her first conflict of this nature either; it should really be her last straw already. But Anita likes that badge too much.
Anyway, this victims in this string of Harlequin killings have all been weretigers who were so far, apart from being weretigers, ordinary people.
Edward tells her that "We're here to work the scene, so we do." Uh, okay? Thank you? Anita says the equally obvious, that they know a lot that the other cops need to know too. Edward says that they've already settled that they can't tell the cops about the Harlequin...which the reader already knows too. Look, either give us the exposition in Anita's internal monologue or in dialogue, but not both. Edward also stumbles over saying their name, and says that it really bugs him that he can't, and aptly compares it to Harry Potter. Except that in Harry Potter there actually was a charm on Voldemort's name that alerted the Death Eaters when it was said so they could track his enemies, who would be 'arrogant' enough to call him that rather than the fearful You Know Who or respectful Dark Lord. As far as I know, no explanation has ever been given as to how the Harlequin know when their name is said, or why would they would care. I guess it could be a secret, since they are stated to be so secretive, but shouldn't the characters at least WONDER about it? Because I haven't seen that either.
Anita reminds Edward of they will kill you if you say their name aloud and how that means if she tells the cops they'll kill the cops and basically everything she just told us in the exposition.
Needless Re-clarification: 2
Edward says that the way the Harlequin wear hoods, gloves, etc. to conceal their identities from each other also helps them not leave forensic evidence behind...you know, if the Harlequin have been around this long and are as effective as LKH would have us believe, I'd think that they'd always have kept up with how advanced human police are with forensics, and compensate accordingly, rather than just relying on coincidences like this working in their favor. In fact, my guess is that this is the case and they have containment suits or something and Edward just mistakenly THINKS that they're too dumb for that.
Edward then re-clarifies what the reader already learned in Bullet, that the Harlequin on the side of Anita & Co don't know who the other Harlequin are or what they look like because of the hoods and cloaks and masks. I can appreciate this exposition for the sake of new readers, so I won't give it a Needless Re-clarification point, but it could be done better than having one character tell another what they both already know. They then make the relevant remark that while the Harlequin have code names assigned to each mask, they probably aren't wearing said "Venetian carnival mask in downtown Tacoma" so that's no help. Edward says if he'd accepted the contract on the MOAD, she'd be dead right now and thus none of this would be happening. Anita points out, and I have to agree, that it could also be that Edward would be the dead one and she'd have to tell Peter "why he'd lost a second dad." Just Peter, though. I guess Becca doesn't matter because she's an icky girl.
Edward says she knows how good he is, and Anita says he doesn't understand, that the MOAD is "the darkness, the night itself made alive" and while I think this phrasing isn't right for this conversation, I do agree with her, even Edward would be out of his league with the MOAD...but damn it would still be awesome to watch him try! Edward said he wouldn't have just blown her up and stopped there because "something that supernatural needed magic to kill it for good" so he'd have gone to a witch and "gotten charms, a blessed weapon, something. The mercenaries that the vampire council hired to kill her treated her like just another mark and now we're all in the shit for it." Nevermind how the council hiring mercs to kill the MOAD doesn't make sense in the first place, given their fear that if she died they would too, I am making all kinds of frowny faces at the idea that the Council would hire such incompetent mercs and not fucking explain to them what they would have to do. In fact, I downright don't believe that just blowing her up was all that these failed hit men did; it may just be all that Anita knows about, but that doesn't mean it was their only one. Especially since the big bad Harlequin themselves are stated to have been unable to find a way to kill her and that's why they had to settle for sealing her into sleep; you think they wouldn't have tested out a plan like Edward's? Especially since it's not hard to think of. No, my guess is that Edward is firstly not the only guy to have thought of this, and secondly that it wouldn't have worked anyway and that others have already tried it and failed.
Anita, of course, doesn't think of any of this. She instead joins in, saying that, unlike them, she would not have assumed that fire alone would do the job and instead would have loaded up on holy items, thrown a bunch of other holy items so MOAD's spirit couldn't leave her body, taken her head and heart, burned the pieces seperately, then put the ashes of the different pieces in separate bodies of running water. Again, Anita cannot be the first to have thought of this...oh wait, Anita is the only one with a supposedly working brain in this whole series. They also repeat in this conversation what we already know, that even if Morte d'Amour is found and exorcised, MOAD'll just jump to another body. Anita says that she's not sure MOAD can be killed at all, seeing as how she can survive as a disembodied spirit. Edward says that everything dies, that even the universe eventually well. I guess the idea here is to make Anita look smart compared to Edward, because once again I'm agreeing with her against him when she says that'll happen in five billion years but weretigers are being killed now.
Edward doesn't know, and asks why JC doesn't know either. Because it wouldn't do to have ANYONE know how to kill the MOAD, let alone random MotCs? He also says that "what's left of the European power structure is trying to make him head of a new vampire council here in the states." LKH, DID YOU KNOW THAT EUROPE IS NOT A MONOLITH? Also, it's not enough that JC is MotC, Anita has to also have her boyfriend be Vampire King of America, dammit! Edward also asks why the vampires and wereanimals that Anita is in charge of don't help stop this. Anita tells him that the Harlequin they have on their side will travel as soon as they hear about the bodies, but they're behind Edward and Anita, who have of course been first every time so far. Edward says that "For preternaturals that are supposed to be the greatest spies and assassins ever, they suck at anything useful." HAHAHAH YOU ARE CORRECT, EDWARD!
Anita poutily defends LKH's work by saying they're not doing much better. Edward responds that since the vampires can't help them "We're cops, let's be cops." THEY'RE COPS, REAL COPS, DID YOU CATCH THAT YET? She asks what that means--
What Does That Mean:1
and he says to examine the scene and learn new things about the killers. WOW, FUCKING BRILLIANT, THAT'S ONLY YOUR JOB HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, GENIUS!
Anita notes that there is a "faint bitter smell" because "death isn't neat, or pretty, or clean; it's all outhouse smells as your body does everything it can do all at once, one last time." I do appreciate that LKH has always remembered the toilet-gross aspects of death beyond just the cool grisly blood and guts. However, believe you me, the word for outhouse smells is NOT bitter. I say this as someone who has been in a great many port-a-potties, and been beside animals as they released their bladders and bowels a final time. She then says "Fine" like a bratty child to the idea of DOING HER DAMN JOB and looks at the body. She observes that the body was sliced neatly and efficiently. Edward asks then why tear it to pieces after. Anita says they wanted to and were strong enough to. He says "you know that doesn't feel right" and tells her to try again. Okay, I get that they're ooooh super experienced super good cops and whatever else LKH wants us to believe, but would some explanation for why that Occam's Razor answer isn't right kill the mood too much? This makes them sound like psychics instead of police.
Anita says this makes her feel inexperienced all over again like in the days when he was her mentor and how he's one of the few people she'll take that attitude from. Dude, he just told you to rethink the answer is all. She says that they wanted this body to match the others so the police would think it was the same killer, which it is not, because the first and third were really savaged, "internal organs and guts everywhere"( aren't those the same thing?), "like a disorganized killer with maybe an organized partner directing" whereas "this is all organized" and that the killer is "doing the kills like they've been told to, matching the first kill, but their heart isn't in it." Well, that makes sense, since the Harlequin is a group and thus has multiple people to do the kills. Of course it's not all one person! But Edward still has to ask...
What Does That Mean:2
Anita says that this one and the second one were cold kills, the first and third "the murderer took joy in it." Edward says his kills are neat and clean but that he enjoys his work. Anita asks if he likes the planning and being better than who he's hunting, or if he likes the actual kill. He likes the kill. Anita asks him something she tells us she never has before: "What is it you enjoy about it?" Edward looks at her and a small paragraph is devoted to how his eyes have changed color "so the blue was almost grayish" like a "cold winter sky" and how it's always a bad sign when that happens.
Mood Ring Eyes: 1
He says that "I like watching the light die in their eyes." I guess that sounds cool? I just rolled my eyes but maybe if someone else was writing it...Anita says that's why you like a close kill then and he nods and Anita goes on a long rambling paragraph about how he was once her teacher and how he'd once told her he wanted to see which of them was better and hunt each other and how, unlike then, she's not totally sure she'd be the one to die. "Maybe I would win. Maybe I could call Donna and the kids and tell them...tell them what? That their family was destroyed because Edward and I had had the ultimate guy moment and I was the better man?"
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
It disturbs me the way she says she "could" call Donna, like it's something she's been waiting for an opportunity to do.
Anita asks if he thinks these killers enjoyed the kill then. "My voice was as empty and neutral as any I had, just two killers talking shop over someone else's kill." Because no ACTUAL normal police officers would ever discuss this, only ever SECRET STONE COLD KILLERS! Edward says he thinks they might have but "there's no way to tell when a killer is this controlled." Anita asks how any of this will help them catch them, and in this case she's right. This is all discussion that would be useful if they didn't know who was doing it and were trying to figure it out, but they already know who it is. Distinguishing that, gasp, different members of the Harlequin might have different approaches really does no fucking good and frankly just should have been a given anyway. Edward admits he doesn't know.
Anita looks at the body again and observes that "there was still enough of his chest and stomach left to show he'd had muscle tone. He'd hit the gym, and it had done him no good at all." IT IS ENTIRELY CREEPY YOU WOULD NOTICE AND THINK ABOUT THIS, ANITA. She says that, like the other victims, he will be an infected orange weretiger versus a born clan one, and that right now the Harlequin have only been killing the clanless because they're searching for gold tigers...wait, what? How does that make sense? We want to find gold, let's kill the orange? Rather than explaining this thought process (like, maybe the Harlequin think the golds are disguised as survivors somehow like Jade and Topaz?) Anita gives us the history of the gold clan and how "we'd hoped they'd stop slaughtering the claness tigers when the gold tigers made their public debut to the other tiger clans, but though we'd made it public that we had all colors of the tigers with us in St. Louis, the Harlequin were still hunting and killing the weretigers. It seemed so pointless."
Does it not occur to you that they might have other reasons for this beyond just trying to prevent you from getting all the colors? Like, secret Harlequin reasons? Hell, since you apparently became or will become Master of Tigers, that probably includes the oranges, so they're basically killing off your people and potential allies that could aid you. That alone seems a very non-pointless effort to me. Anita makes mention of her bad knee, something I last remember her mentioning in the first book...and then uses that as an opportunity to tell us it hasn't been bad at all since she became a Human Servant to Jean-Claude, as well as metaphysically tied to several wereanimals (she neglects to mention she's tied to another vampire too, but I guess Damian doesn't really exist when she doesn't need him) so she heals faster than other humans but "I hadn't realized I'd lost the old aches and pains from past injuries. When had that happened?"
...I feel like this is really, really ridiculously late for her to realize that a physical ailment that plagued her for a long time is gone, especially since the time it should have disappeared (getting the first mark, which grants enhanced healing, endurance, strength, etc.) happened ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE FIRST BOOK. It's like how in Bullet she had no clue if she bruised anymore even though she lives a lifestyle where bruising is going to happen on a regular basis just from shit like training alone, so she'd have had loads of opportunity to notice. I think LKH just forgot about Anita's bad knee after the first book, remembered it when she wrote this, and decided to stick this in there even though any reader with half a brain could reasonably assume on their own that "well, if she got super-healing, she can say bye-bye to knee problems" and thus all this does is make Anita look like she lacks said half of a brain for this never occurring to her before.
Anita tells us that Edward, on the other hand, does favor one leg a little when he stands because of an injury on it from "a hunt that went bad" and she starts wondering how old Edward is, if he'll age and she won't, if her supernatural abilities will keep healing her...um, yes? Why the fuck would your super-healing cease? Anita may not be immortal (well, she is because of LKH, but I mean in-universe) because Human Servants don't get immortality until the fourth mark (WHICH SHE SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO TAKE ALREADY) but since LKH decided that wereanimals age slowly last book and Anita has all the therian benefits (with none of the drawbacks), she's definitely going to stay young longer than Edward. Also, come to think of it, since even therians do eventually age and die, it would really be a good idea for JC to give her that Fourth Mark now while she's still young and healthy. Because if she dies, even of old age, she'll likely take him with her, so he's going to have to do it sooner or later, and definitely better now than when she's an old lady on her deathbed...oh wait, that will never happen because LKH doesn't let her characters actually age either. Also it's TOO DAMN LOGICAL.
Edward can tell she's thought of something and asks what. She tries to think of something else other than what she was thinking just now, and chooses to ask why the Harlequin keep killing the tigers so that she and Edward can say in dialogue what Anita already said in her head about how they already have all tiger colors, including gold, in St. Louis, so this seems pointless.
Needless Re-clarification: 3
Edward suggests they may be looking for a specific weretiger. Anita asks why or who and says there's nothing to be gained from it. Again, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO GAIN FROM THIS DOESN'T MEAN THERE IS NOTHING, ANITA. Edward says they have gained one thing, which is that they've seperated Anita from JC and all her servants and all her bodyguards in St. Louis, whom he completely seriously non-humorously say could amount to a small army and that just makes me facedesk because he is right and that's ridiculous. Also, we are into the first chapter and already it has been revealed that the entire plot is in fact totally about Anita, yay. Do crimes ever happen in these novels anymore that AREN'T focused around her? Only Anita has to be both the investigator AND the target, I swear.
Anita asks if he thinks the Harlequin, since they're "really invested in being this big dark secret", would risk attacking her with cops around. Honey, I can think of a dozen ways they could get you, but either LKH can't or she just won't let it happen. Edward asks if they would risk "being outed to the human police" if MOAD told them to kill Anita. Um, killing Anita, even right in front of cops, would not in fact out their existence as an organization. All the police would see is vampires and/or wereanimals killing a woman who has made a career of killing vampires and wereanimals and who is known to be literally and figuratively in bed with a major vampire political figure. They would not automatically know who the Harlequin are, where they came from, what purpose this actually served, etc. They would likely assume this was probably vengeance for a supernatural that Anita killed, some kind of 'kill the Executioner' challenge game, or a political strike against JC. And when they investigated, the Harlequin would probably have set things up to make it so one of those options is exactly what they'd find evidence pointing towards.
Anita says maybe, then tells Edward that the reason MOAD wants her dead now is because "she realized I was too powerful for her to move into me." Wait, MOAD decided to off Anita because SHE'S TOO POWERFUL FOR HER TO POSSES? When the hell did THAT come up? And what a load of fucking baloney! It's funny, LKH claims she wrote herself into a corner with the MOAD being too powerful a villain to face, but I think the actual problem is that HER HEROINE IS TOO RIDICULOUSLY POWERFUL FOR THE VILLAIN TO BE A THREAT. Edward asks if Anita is still so powerful when she's out here separated from JC and the rest buy hundreds of miles. She says "metaphysically, no" because she's safer/stronger when she can touch her slave boys. Edward suggests they may be killing tigers to keep her out here, then. BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ABOUT ANITA. Okay, okay, with Anita as Master of Tigers, any reason the Harlequin had for killing tigers off would reasonably have to tie back to their fight against her in some way, but does it have to be so directly? I dunno, it makes sense and all, but it just bugs me. Of course, it's early on, maybe this isn't the answer at all. Maybe it'll actually be a mystery for once instead of THE VILLAIN SENDING A SIGNED CARD, VITTORIO.
Anita asks if he thinks they'll try to kidnap her, he says if MOAD still wants her body, and she says that if MOAD just wants her dead then that'll be easier this way too and Edward agrees. Again, I really hope they're wrong on this because, even if the mystery of why weretigers being killed isn't the focus of the book so much as stopping the Harlequin doing it, solving the whole reason as to why through one conversation in the first chapter is just bad writing. Edward looks around and Anita says he's searching to see if he sees any Harlequin around the perimeter of the field. Yes, because I'm sure they'll totally be in plain sight, probably wave to you. Anita tells him that she doesn't sense any wereanimals and that it's really rare for any vampire to be able to daywalk. Edward asks if she would even be able to sense them, seeing as how they're these "ultimate spies" and all, she says she thinks so, he calls her arrogant, she says she'd know if there was a preternatural nearby okay. Because it's totally unlikely that, in a world where most supernaturals can sense other supernaturals, supernatural spies would not learn to master some way of turning off whatever energy signal or whatever they have that gives them away.
Edward tells her to "Please, tell me this isn't the first time you wondered if this was a trap for you." Anita again fucking restates how they made the gold tigers 'public' (public to who? did you do a newspaper announcement?) in St. Louis so the Harlequin wouldn't keep doing this. THAT DOESN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION. You know what, I'm keeping a tally of that too.
Non-Answer Answers:1
Somehow Edward interprets this as meaning that "it's a trap to keep you away from St. Louis, or Mommie Darkest forgot to rescind her order." THERE. ARE. OTHER. POSSIBILITIES! The Harlequin are a big dark fucking secret, MOAD's mind is probably incomprehensible to humans at this point, there seriously could be some other reason they're doing this besides MOAD just forgetting to call them off! Speaking of that, Anita is too fucking dumb to realize that's what he's suggesting, and asks what he means.
What Does That Mean:3
He asks if the Harlequin would not cease to kill tigers until she told them herself to, even if continuing to kill them made no sense. Anita says that the ones on MOAD's side are fanatically loyal to her, so probably. He says that might be it, that maybe she's busy doing something else, and Anita suggest maybe she's just crazy. Ugh, LKH, please do not do the "well, she's just insane!" thing with the MOAD, please. Edward says she needs to talk with JC. Anita says she thought he didn't like JC. Rather than giving the logical response that whether he likes JC or not has nothing to do with this, he just says that Anita doesn't like Donna either. Anita shrugs and says "So we each don't like the people that the other one loves." Ugh, I hope this is not a hint that they are jealous over each other romantically. I would like to take this moment to point out that there are lots of good reasons for Edward to distrust JC, which I have no doubt Anita is obtuse enough to read as just not liking him, but I'm pretty sure Anita's dislike of Donna pretty much boils down to the fact she's a woman who is involved with a man that Anita knows. I read a sporking of this book awhile back, actually, and I'm pretty sure there's a scene in this one where she's painted as a jealous harpy for not being happy that Anita and Edward sleep in the same bed together at one point.
Edward tells Anita she needs bodyguards. She says why not go back to St. Louis then, he says because the Marshal Service frowns on them leaving a case like that "but that's not the problem." Anita asks what the problem is. I say that the problem is that she shouldn't be on a case she has to withhold such vital information on AND that if she really needs bodyguards then she shouldn't be doing this at all, but Edward says it's because she'd be alone in the airport and on the plane, and that if he wanted to take her out, that's where he'd get her. WOW, SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING SMART! Anita asks what to do then, he says have some guards come from St. Louis, she asks how to explain that to the other cops, he says they'll think of something. Then his face lights up with Ted-charm and Anita knows that the other marshals must be too close for them to talk like this anymore. The other marshals ask if they've seen anything that will help catch the culprit, Anita and Edward answer no.
Assholes.
TOTALS
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
Mood Ring Eyes: 1
Needless Re-clarification: 3
Non-Answer Answers:1
Racial Angst: 1
Short: 1
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 1
What Does That Mean:3
Whitebread: 1
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no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 07:03 pm (UTC)Of course there's the other option of something bigger and better than the Fourth Mark being given to Anita. Like an uber-Fourth Mark or something, whatever will give her the most power without any cons or drawbacks. She keeps gaining power left and right, with all her powers breaking established canon, I can't really expect LKH to stick with the power balance of her book and previously established lore. Anita will probably get some sort of super-mark.
"she realized I was too powerful for her to move into me."
Lol, no I bet the real reason is that Anita's ego is so massive that there was no space for MOAD to fit in.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:03 pm (UTC)Lol, no I bet the real reason is that Anita's ego is so massive that there was no space for MOAD to fit in.
HAHAHA YES!
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Date: 2013-07-22 07:33 pm (UTC)My anatomy follows a similar arrangement, also.
Should we take this as another sign of Anita's Lovecraftian nature? Her body (and possibly every body in her vicinity) has NON-EUCLIDIAN GEOMETRY! :P
Edward responds with "You mean because it's bisected at the midchest and the parts are about ten feet away?"
... oh. Okay. But I still maintain that my explanation was more interesting. >_>
As with the Superman simile, this comparison really was not needed. It makes her sound pretty dumb and out of place, honestly, to think she has to explain these things to other marshals, especially someone like Edward.
Anita's eternal cutesiness would be really annoying even if it didn't so completely break the tone of the story. She's just... really, really bad at it. Few things were less cute than Anita back when she was a grumpy, judgmental detective-wannabe, and as for the thing she is now... no. Just no. The Abominable Spawn of the Pit should not be making dated pop culture references. ^_^;
Except that in Harry Potter there actually was a charm on Voldemort's name that alerted the Death Eaters when it was said so they could track his enemies, who would be 'arrogant' enough to call him that rather than the fearful You Know Who or respectful Dark Lord.
In LKH's defense (if only because I don't really like JKR any better :P ), "there's a charm on the name that alerts him every time it gets said" isn't really any more informative than "whenever someone says it, they just know." :P
Though actually, "Harlequin" is a real word, isn't it? Not a very common one, but one that is still in popular use. What I'd like to know is how they distinguish between their name being said and people just talking about trashy romance novels...
"internal organs and guts everywhere"( aren't those the same thing?)
I thought guts were the same as intestines (which are probably technically internal organs, but might not always be thought of as such). I might be wrong, though. ^_^;
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:04 pm (UTC)Guts is a pretty informal word so it can probably mean intestines specifically or just any internal organs.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:18 pm (UTC)LKH: I'm home! Everyone gather around and love me...where's the cat?
Jon: She's on the window, sleeping.
LKH: But I just came home! I've been gone all day, surely my cat misses me? Doesn't she miss me, why isn't she here rubbing up against me like the weres of my stories? Doesn't she need my touch and love to keep on living?
Jon: She found a nice sunny patch.
LKH: Doesn't she love me? Why isn't she here at my feet to prove her absolute devotion to me?
Jon: She also threw up on the bed.
LKH: NOBODY LOVES ME! I AM ALL ALONE IN THE DARKNESS WITH NO ONE TO COMFORT ME!
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 11:06 pm (UTC)But yeah, LKH's weres are definitely overly clingy. I couldn't stand to be around people like that, I'd feel like I was being suffocated.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 11:46 pm (UTC)I don't understand how Anita et al aren't literally suffocated by now with all those stupid puppy piles. Not to mention all the spine issues that would come from that.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 08:27 pm (UTC)Anita not noticing until now that a painful physical problem that has dogged her for a long time is gone is enraging me. I just got back from the doctor and am not in the mood for that kind of fuckery. You don't just not notice something like that.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:07 pm (UTC)Seriously, what the fuck. I guess LKH herself forgot about it until now for some reason and therefore felt compelled to mention it, even though it would have made more sense not to since by now she should have known for a long time it was gone.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-22 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 12:21 am (UTC)Maybe Anita's so 'empowered' that she thinks Escher-girl anatomy is common?
BECAUSE THE BUTT CAN TOTALLY SWIVEL AROUND TO THE FRONT, YOU GUISE.no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-23 09:17 pm (UTC)Let out a bit of tears, not enough so they flow but enough to make eyes glisten more. I learned to do it when I wore contact lenses - for lubrication, and glistening was a side effect :)
no subject
Date: 2013-07-24 03:21 am (UTC)2. *mumbling that "serial killer doesn't equal sociopath, and vice versa"*
3. Are they wearing booties, at least? They better. Also, if this isn't in St. Louis, why the fuck did people wait until they got there to process the crime scene?
4. Or maybe the other cops have gotten all THEY could gleam from the evidence, or were told to stand down by whoever is in charge of the investigation so that their going over the scene didn't do anything to mess up signs these preternatural US Marshals can see. Or, maybe they've been there for fucking hours waiting for you and are literally just tired of staring at the same thing. I'm sure they all have better things to do. Like, y'know, solving the case because I highly doubt you will in this book. You never do anymore work that doesn't involve sex. And you're not boinking Podward.
I AM SO TIRED OF POSSIBLE CRIMES WHEN THEY GET NO PAGE-TIME IN THE BOOKS, PLOT-WISE.
5. On a body, literally? Or upon seeing a horribly disfigured body? Because if it's the former, you really contaminated evidence and I'm really glad the St. Louis PD haven't let you live that down. Your gastric juices and stomach contents could seriously fuck with things. Good job. However, if it's the latter, I doubt that's the case. Almost every rookie cop pukes on his first trip to a morgue, or upon seeing a particularly grisly scene on call, and no one makes fun of them. Or if so, not for long. They just don't care.
6. *rolls eyes* Anita, dude, the Bro Code is the Bro Code because girls can't really be part of it. We can know the Code, but we're never going to be a Bro. Just sticking to the Code is only going to really get you guy friends. Well, it would if you didn't immediately fuck them all. Or talk-down to/about the ones you didn't fuck. Or weren't a complete bitch. So go ahead, use the Bro Code and feel like a Bro.
I may have gotten addicted to typing "Bro".7. Has anyone ever wondered how she moves comfortably with a not-quite machete along her spine? It's almost like having a back-brace on or something, but in sharp pointy weapon form. She can't really twist, or it'll dig into her back. She certainly can't bend over or it'll stick out weird. The most she can do is stand at attention and sit up straight.
8. Wait. Assassins. Aren't they supposed to be like, y'know, sneaky? Inconspicuous? So why the fuck is one chopping up bodies in to puzzle pieces and then taking the heart away "as a trophy" (quotes because it's Anita speculation). Shouldn't the Harlequin just be using blow darts and poison and.. fuck, logic. I'm trying to logic again. Stop it.
9. "like a disorganized killer with maybe an organized partner directing". Okay, stop it, LKH. Stop watching Criminal Minds. Disorganized killers don't work in partnerships. Most of them generally tend to be suffering under psychosis. So unless that person that was directing them knew how to manipulate them via whatever was wrong with them, they would be alone. Secondly, and organized partner directing a killer would make that person be organized. Nevermind. I refuse to argue this. It's stupid and LKH doesn't know shit about profiling.
10. Well that's... entirely stereotypical. Granted, some serial killers have admitted to watching the life leave their victim's eyes. But still. Dammit, Podward, so lame.
11. I couldn't even read the rest because I just got pissed off that all these innocent therians are dying solely to apparently draw Anita out of St. Louis. The fuck. Why not vampires? But no. I think LKH just hates tigers...
12. Also, you should have a Meta-Knowledge count, too, for all the times Anita just happens to know things related to something that she has either never mentioned before, is retcon/new, or she has no real business knowing. Or is psychic.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-24 09:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-24 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-24 09:13 pm (UTC)And sadly she’s not the first female character in law enforcement to do this. I know that it’s considered very creepy for a male detective to ogle a female corpse’s breasts (and rightfully so), but I’ve watched shows where a female character (usually the coroner) make some joke about how a male corpse is “damn fine” or how she knows that he was well-endowed because she got to see “it” and the audience is supposed to titter along with her and you know what? It’s no less creepy coming out of a female character’s mouth than it is coming from a male character’s mouth. That person was MURDERED. The only reason why you get to see that person’s naked body is because they’re DEAD and can’t tell you to look away. Would it kill you to have a little respect for the dead? Would it kill you to be professional? No, it’s not “cute” or “funny.” Do your darn job and keep your creepy comments to yourself. /end rant
/The other marshals ask if they've seen anything that will help catch the culprit, Anita and Edward answer no./
Because if others were allowed to help, how else would we know how tough and special Anita is?