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My dad and I are fans of The Walking Dead, the new season of which premiered last night. This led to a discussion about how Boo would kick the Governor's ass, and would kick all the zombies/walkers' asses too. And how he'd jump on them and take a bite and then be like EW GROSS WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS MEAT?! And then he'd realize that in addition to tasting terrible, these things are also competition for his food source (people) and he'd become a zombie-hunter to eliminate said competition---he'd just chew a hole right through their heads and leave the rest!

In honor of that, have some trivia regarding the undead from the world over!

* Some people think that the word "zombie" comes from the word "zuvembie" and that zuvembie is an African word for the undead. This is not the case. The "zuvembie" is a supernatural creature made up by an American author of pulp fiction for the "Weird Tales" magazine in 1938. Because the Comics Code Authority would not allow zombies, many comics since have used the "zuvembie" in place of the word "zombie" because they sound similar enough, even though the two creatures are quite different. Specifically, it was Robert E. Howard that created the "zuvembie" in his short story "Pigeons from Hell", published in Weird Tales in 1938, which LKH states as having been inspiring to her as a young writer (and which I really want to read too!)

* Irish legends speak of the Marbh Bheo, the night-walking dead, corpses that rise from the grave, usually on a specific night such as Halloween. There are two types of Marbh Bheo: The Blessed Dead, who were good people that lived good lives and so are allowed by God to come back to life for a night to enjoy all the things they once did, such as food, drink, and company. All others, however, are raised by the Devil, and were evil people who led evil lives and whose only drive when resurrected is to do, you guessed it, more evil! Usually they torment their family and neighbors, but there are also some tales of blood-drinking, taking this type of Marbh Bheo from being an Irish zombie to more an Irish vampire, though this could be confusion with the many tales of blood-drinking fairies in Irish lore. Of course, fairies were also thought by some to be the souls of the dead, so who knows?

* Though mummies are most closely associated in modern perceptions with the Ancient Egyptians, many other cultures practiced deliberate mummification of their dead as well. In fact, the earliest known examples of deliberately-made mummies are from the Chinchorro people of South America. Unlike the Egyptians and many other cultures, who only mummified royalty or otherwise elite, the Chinchorro mummified ALL members of society, including even miscarried fetuses. Chinchorro mummies are also notable in that their internal organs were not only removed but also replaced with animal hair and plant fibers that gave them a sort of continuous "growing" life from within. (Not supernatural, but cool nonetheless! Besides, mummies are often pictured as among the walking dead, so it sorts of counts to include facts about real ones, right?)

* According to the Kerry-born Sean O'Sullivan, who is the author of a book on Irish folktales and the archivist of the Irish Folklore Commission, Irish folklore says that there's supposedly a famous fairy fortress high in the Kerry mountains known as "Dun Dreach-fhoula" (pronounced "drak'ola") where blood-drinking fairies were said to live and prey on travelers who came through the mountain passes. Like most folks I figured Stoker got the name Dracula from Vlad the Impaler, who was called Drakulya by the Russians, but given stoker's Irish origins, that might be an alternative source of the name for him.

I wish there was an alternative to....


We are still not yet back to the action. Bernardo came and picked her up in Chapter Twenty Six. It is now Chapter Thirty One, who knows how many pages since, and we still do not get back to the action in this chapter. As for what does happen in this chapter? Well...nothing, really. At the very beginning, Olaf does turn up, and at the very end he disappears (dun dun dun!) but between that there's twelve pages of...nothing. Just obnoxious nothing. Laila isn't in it, and I guess LKH got sick with all Anita being nice to her, what with her being a woman and all, so there's a bunch of girl-bashing here as a bunch of...random women it seems...gather around Anita's men ogling over their hotness, and they're jealous of Anita, and Anita talks about how she's so different from other girls and knows better than they do about Olaf, and I'm just really confused on not only why A CROWD OF WOMEN IS MOBBING HER GUYS (like, I get that they're hot, but I've never seen a hot person be mobbed for said hotness) and in a HOSPITAL no less. Like, it's just...weird. Once again, AB is something I don't think can even be parodied at this point, it's a parody of itself.

A slow, soul-destroying, plotless parody.

HIT LIST, CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

Anita leaves the room to get Laila some clean clothes, Socrates stays behind to explain more werewolf stuff to her folks. Nicky walks behind Anita and then she hears Olaf's voice say her name. She turns to see him, his arm in a cast, and Bernardo, and we are reminded how tall he is. The nurses "watched Bernardo openly, admiring the view as he passed" The nurses not busy with, y'know, their jobs and patients and everything? Hospitals are very bustling places, you know. They also look at Olaf but "with sideways eye flicks, as if afraid to stare" and some look "nervous" which Anita thinks because he's so big but some are also "the kind a woman gives an attractive man". So women are ogling a couple of men who both have the hots for Anita, one of whom has said hots exclusively and only for her because she's so much different and better than other women like these, got it. Anita says they're a little less bold looking at Olaf "as if they sense something different" and smugly tells us how "they'd have been running the other way" if they had any idea what he was really like. Y'know, unlike her.

Nicky and Lisandro (hey, when did he get there?) step to either side of her and a little ahead "to put them first in line if it was a fight" but when it comes to Olaf "hiding behind Edward was one thing; hiding behind anyone else might be enough to make Olaf put me in the girl box, and once he thought of me as just another girl who needed men to protect her, I would become just another victim in his eyes." Firstly, Anita constantly needed men to protect and help her in Skin Trade, to a laughable point. Secondly, great, so basically we've got a setup where it's the job of the woman to monitor and alter her behavior to avoid a man raping and killing her, versus the responsibility of the man to just, you know, not do that. Anita steps in front of them and oh Domino is there too and she spends two paragraphs talking about how they're all standing now. And then she talks a lot about who is secure in their masculinity or just in general and her guys are but she isn't sure about Olaf, and she says how if Olaf was her friend she'd have questions for her but he's not because "real friends trust that you won't kidnap, torture, and rape them." Uh, yes, this is why I don't think anyone in the audience needed to be assured you and Olaf aren't friends.

Bernardo asks if someone else is in the hospital, Anita says they're visiting Laila, Bernardo must have heard about her because he knows who that is and that she got lycanthropy, Anita talks to us for a small one-sentence-long paragraph about Olaf's eyes, Bernardo asks how Laila is taking losing her badge and "there was a hint that he really cared about the question." Bernardo has thus far shown concern for both Cynric and Laila, people he's either never met or only met briefly. So he's not only the only one among the quarter that isn't a monster, he also may actually have traits that are downright *good* too. Anita tells us how "all the preternatural branch marshals lived with the idea we could be next" meaning that Bernardo has empathy at least, again making him unique among this bunch. Anita tells Bernardo how they can't technically take the badge yet, Bernardo says most marshals just give it up when their test comes back positive, Anita says yeah but they don't have to. Maybe, unlike you, Anita, they actually understand that their new urges and problems will for some time make them unfit and unsafe in the field, and that matters more to them than a shiny badge to whip around like a big authoritarian faux-penis.

Olaf randomly realizes that "You told her to come hunting with us" and Anita says yes she did, Olaf says "I do not want another woman on this hunt, only you." Oh, of course not. Also, how the fuck is Olaf going to be *allowed* on this hunt, considering the broken arm? I realize he can use his other one, so I could see it if this were an illegal hunt, but they're all posing as policepeople and are among real ones, someone is going to say it's against regulations for him to go on a dangerous operation while injured like this. Instead of pointing this out though, Anita tells him that the warrants belong to her and Edward so they get to pick who goes, and adds that Newman will be coming as well. Olaf says that Newman needs to learn but training Laila is a waste since she'll just be a werewolf and thus off the force by next month anyway.

Anita inwardly admits he's right, but tells Olaf that she needs this. One on hand, it's kind of great that Anita is caring about the emotional needs, even if she might be mistaken as to what they are, of another person. But on the other, getting emotional closure is not a good reason to put someone on a police case, especially a hugely dangerous one, especially when that person is not going to be in the best frame of mind/emotionally stable and has the perp to blame for that. Olaf says Laila will slow them down, and Anita spends a big paragraph telling us about how he is staring at her and how she gives great eye contact normally but his "eyes were weight I had to hold up just to stay standing" and how if he were a vampire she'd think he was trying some mind trick and how she can't say anything because it's not like he's looking at her tits and "our growing shared history."

Anita says "Maybe, but she's still coming" and Olaf asks why and instead of just answering him, Anita first tells us about how she thinks this is a real question and how that therefore deserves an answer...okay, um, there was no reason not to think it wasn't a sincere question, so I don't see why she needed to say this, but okay...and then she explains to him how this has shaken Laila's confidence, she feels like a monster, and her dad wouldn't even hold her hand. These kind of all sound like reasons NOT to put her in the field to me, but hey, what do I know, not like I'm the great Anita Blake or have done all the supposed painstaking research LKH has. Olaf says Laila is a stranger so why does Anita care about her...and considering how Anita doesn't even seem to care about people she claims to love, that's a pretty good question. Anita says she's not sure she could explain that to him, Olaf says once he'd have though Anita meant he was too stupid to get it but he knows she doesn't think he's stupid, and Anita agrees she never thinks that, and Olaf is like well explain it to me then. I would also like to hear this! With another person/normal person, I wouldn't wonder, but, as I said, it is really anomalous for Anita.

Anita says that "We're supposed to take care of each other" and Olaf says that it's true it's common sense to keep your backup in good shape so they can help you in the field, but "she is traumatized, and that slows most people down. She will make bad decisions." HOLY SHIT, OLAF THE SERIAL KILLER, WHO IS SHOWN TO OOZE CREEPY WEIRDNESS AND INABILITY TO ACT SOCIALLY WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN ANY WAY APPROACHING NORMAL, HAS A MUCH BETTER GRASP ON HUMAN BEHAVIOR AND LOGIC REGARDING IT THAN ANITA, WHO IS THE ONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE *EXPLAINING* EXACTLY THAT TO HIM. OH THE IRONY, THE HILARIOUSLY IRONIC IRONY! Anita tells him he doesn't know that, he gives her an "arrogant smile" and says he does, Anita says he doesn't know Laila and so he doesn't know what she'll be like in the field, Olaf says she's a woman so she'll be weak. OH GODDAMMIT OLAF I WAS ACTUALLY ON YOUR SIDE UNTIL THIS MOMENT! But I guess we couldn't have *anyone* making nice logical points against Anita that make sense, hence why we had the misogynist asshole be the one do it, so that he would throw shit like this in there and we therefore have to disagree with him...because in LKH-world, disagreeing with one thing a person says means disagreeing with their entire argument, or something, I dunno.

Anita asks if she should "point out the obvious" to Olaf, he says she can if she likes, and since Anita does indeed like nothing more than talking about how SHE IS A GIRL BUT LIKE A MAN BUT BETTER EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A GIRL she says "it wasn't a man who broke your wrist" and you know, if that were in a vacuum, I would have liked it, because a lot of bigots do have cognitive dissonance going on like that, where even their own experiences that counter their beliefs don't really sink in to their minds as easily as a lot of people think (see: every book/movie/etc where bigot instantly changes mindset after seeing one person from that group doing something that doesn't align with said bigoted viewpoint)...but since it's Anita I just can't even appreciate it. Maybe LKH is actually on to something with what I said about how the reader is going to disregard the points a character makes, even if they make sense, if the character is odious as fuck.

Bernardo suggests they take this outside. Anita asks why. Bernardo steps near her to whisper, his hair "spilled up against mine" however that works, and Anita spends a paragraph about how she can smell his cologne and what it smells like and how some men use to much but he doesn't so "Bernardo didn't smell horrible" which is as good a compliment as Bernardo is going to get in this series that doesn't relate to him being hot or having a big dick. Only in the next paragraph does he actually whisper to her that "What you just said doesn't match the story we told the emergency room staff" and Anita like oh whoops let's go outside then. They go out, and there is an intern there, a woman with "short brown hair in a tiny ponytail" and Anita recognizes her from when she was getting stitched up and so "I stopped like you were supposed to; I was girl enough not to keep walking." I...I don't understand at all and I'm not even going to try.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 1
Spill: 1

The men stop along with Anita, and the woman looks "a little flustered" probably because that's like...Anita, Nicky, Lisandro, Domino, Olaf, Bernardo...that's six people just coming to a halt in front of her for no apparent reason. She indicates she wants to talk to Anita, and Anita wonders if she wants to ask Anita more about her super-healing or to show off her wound again, because everything ever is about Anita of course. Anita notes the woman is "a little taller than me, maybe five-five" but then realizes her boots have heels at least two inches. OH, SO SHE'S A SHORT BRUNETTE. AND OLAF IS HERE. I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING. Anita, however, doesn't yet, and is just inventorying the height and clothing of people around her randomly as per usual. Anyway, turns out the woman wants to talk to Anita off by herself about...THE BOYS, OOOH! The lady says she knows Marshal Forrester is married but what about the others? Anita decides not to mention that Edward isn't legally married since "they'd been living together longer than Micah, Nathaniel, and me" and I find that really funny somehow.

She tells her Lisandro is taken and then thinks about how Nicky is "technically" free to sleep with other women but decides to tell the lady that he's with her, and the woman says she's lucky because everyone thinks Anita has the best toys on the playground. Anita then tells her that "neither Marshal Spotted-Horse nor Marshal Jeffries has a girlfriend" and then mentioning Olaf's name makes her realize that ZOMG THIS WOMAN FITS HIS VICTIM PROFILE and she's like oh no wait actually he's involved with someone but it's new so I keep forgetting and intern-lady asks how new and Anita responds by asking her name. Her name is Patience Reed, and for some reason Anita finds that odd, and the woman has a "good laugh" about how she agrees it is "a terrible name for a doctor." I don't see why...? Anita thinks she is "young, innocent. So, had to keep her away from Olaf." Wow, I like the implication here that she might not keep her away from Olaf if she wasn't. Also, I thought his issue with women was we're all whores? So if she seems innocent, why would he go after her? Does he think all 'innocent' women are worse than regular whore-women because they're lying by seeming innocent? She doesn't explain.
Non-Answer Answers: 1

She tells her that "Olaf is pretty serious about the new woman he's dating" Um, Anita? His fake name is OTTO Jeffries, not Olaf Jeffries, Olaf is his REAL name, the one you DON'T use around other people? God, LKH, get an editor! First calling Edward by his real name to Donna, now this! "but Bernardo is free" and Patience asks if he's Native American and Anita says yes and Patience blushes looking at him and Anita "was betting that Bernardo had favored her with one of his killer smiles" and Patience says "He's almost too beautiful to ask out" uh yeah what with those legal bans on asking pretty people on dates definitely almost too hot to ask out WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE I guess she means she's intimidated by how hot he is maybe? Anita says she should ask him out, Patience asks if she thinks he'd go, Anita says she doesn't know if they'll have much down time to socialize but give him your number (yeah, Anita, great idea, because it's not like Olaf might TAKE IT OUT OF BERNARDO'S PHONE FOR HIMSELF OR ANYTHING) and Patience is like oh I couldn't ask him like that, and I could sure use some of her namesake right now.

A couple of other nurses are now talking to Bernardo, then three, Anita says she'd better give him her number before they do and so Patience goes over to the "gathering crowd" that is now making a "circle around Bernardo" while "Lisandro was fending off an admirer" of his own by "showing off his wedding ring, which meant she'd gotten pushy." Says the woman who RAPED him. "God she was fast, from zero to making him flash the wedding band in less than five minutes." Oh, well, Anita may have raped him, but at least she wasn't 'fast' about it, she got to know him first, not like this icky slut who dares actually be open and direct about what she wants to a man! Oh, and even worse, Nicky is "being charming with a blonde"! Worst still, this blonde is "pretty enough that even I thought words like beautiful"! Oh, but she's still not that hot because "she was little short on curves" UNLIKE ANITA "but when they're almost six feet tall a lot of women seem to lose curves, as if it all goes to those long, long legs." Um, no? I am pretty sure that's not how it works? And also, not everyone who is tall is all-leg either. Plenty of tall people are perfectly in-portion so that while their legs are longer than those of, say, a proportionate short person, they're not super-long compared to the rest of themselves and thus eating all their curves like Anita says to be saying...or I don't know what she's saying, actually, since she seems to mean there's a limited quantity of curves a body can have and if the legs are long somehow you can't be curvy...because long legs get curvy instead? I DON'T KNOW IT'S JUST ALL TOO WEIRD AND NONSENSICAL. It's like she really wanted to say "tall women don't get to be curvy like short perfect petite me!" but knew she'd get flack for it so tried to make it sound like it sort of made sense but instead just made it confusing as fuck because THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO MAKE IT!

Also, Queen Latifah is 5'10, that's just two inches from six feet, DON'T YOU TELL ME SHE'S NOT CURVY. Hell, she was an F-cup before her breast reduction surgery...AND I'M PRETTY SURE SHE COULD STILL CROSS HER ARMS THEN BTW.

"I was almost sure the blond curls spilling over her pale blue scrubs were her natural color" Women who dye their hair, especially if they dye it blonde, tend to get flack in the same "you have to be pretty but it has to be natural or you're a vain shallow slut" vein that Anita endorses so much, so in most cases I'd think a remark about natural color would be a compliment from Anita, except that women who have this particular coloration naturally are so HATED by this author that it might actually be an insult instead. So anyway, Anita goes over to Nicky and "one minute he was smiling and flirting with the blonde and the next he was focused on me." And order was restored to the universe! Nicky introduces the blonde as Michelle, and Anita claims "I smiled and did my best to be friendly" but LKH doesn't actually write any interaction between them, she just sums it up this way. In fact, for the rest of the chapter (two and a half pages) there is no dialogue whatsoever between anyone. There is some non-verbal interaction between characters, mainly to make the blonde look bad, but half of it is just Anita talking in her head about stuff. Admittedly, Anita just claiming "well, I was nice!" and then not actually *showing* the actual interaction...actually makes her claim more believable, since any interaction LKH wrote to prove it would inevitably be hostile.
Spill: 2

The blonde gives Anita a mean look because "she'd had all his attention, or she thought, and then I walk up, and it was like the sun turning away to shine on someone else." Since when does the sun only shines on one person at a time? That metaphor does not work. "I knew Nicky could be charming." He is Anita's utterly subservient mind-slave with no free will of his own, I guess that's what she finds charming. "He'd told me once that his ability to flirt had helped him do better undercover work, and even get information from women by seduction." So he was a criminal James Bond? Nicky was making sexist remarks every two seconds before she ate his brain in Flirt, I don't see how that's very seductive. I mean, there's being into jerks and bad boys, sure, but he just straight-up was saying shitty things that I don't think would appeal to anyone except, uh, well, Anita herself. "Most of the time he didn't bother flirting with the female shapeshifters and vampires at home." Because, unlike the gathering-info scenario, that would mean he *wanted* to flirt with them and thus probably can't because being your Bride and only wanting what you want means he'll never have any genuine desire to flirt with anyone ever again unless it's another hot guy in front of you? "He'd explained that he could have fuck buddies among them, but they all knew he was mine, and he preferred me." Oh. Uh, Anita, you realize this isn't really much of a compliment to you, because of that whole Bride thing and not having a choice bit that I just mentioned? "Harsh, but I saw it for myself. Even I had thought he was genuinely interested in the blonde. Had he been, or had it all been an act?" An act to achieve what exactly? I guess getting your attention, since he's probably programmed to want that, and it wouldn't take long for anyone to figure out that one of her men talking to a pretty tall blonde lady is the swiftest way to make her remember you exist and BELONG TO HER DAMMIT!

"He smiled at me, and though we didn't touch each other, not even to take hands, we were just together." GAAAAG! "I wasn't sure how to explain it, but one minute he was giving off signals that he was available and the next he was aware of me and he was just no longer on the market." Well, you just explained it! If Nicky was a regular person in the real world, I'd say he was a real jerk for acting like he was single until his girlfriend caught him, but considering that he's not, and Anita choice of words with the "aware of me" bit, I actually think it's more like that Anita forgot about him long enough for her tie to him not to be affecting his behavior and psyche as much, so Nicky got a little bit of himself back and was just acting like it, but the minute Anita remembers him his mind is 100% hers again. And considering that the biggest thing he's probably not allowed to do (despite her claims) is looking at another woman, I don't really blame him for using this one iota of a longer leash to chat up a hot lady for a fleeting moment, even knowing he could never ever do more in his life ever again. God, this is so SAD when I think about it like that.

The blonde looks at them and "she had a moment of letting it show on her face that she wasn't used to losing out to other women once she'd started trying for a man." Which means she must be hot! Which means Anita must be even hotter to have beaten her! Isn't Anita hot, guys? Seriously, this is just such a...preteen girl middle school fantasy. And being this insecure at that age is normal, but LKH hasn't been a preteen in middle school for damn well long enough to be over this kind of thing, especially in a published work aimed at an adult audience (versus, say, private self-indulgent vent-fic or something aimed at a preteen girl audience). "I smiled, not quite sure how to react." Just leave instead of gloating? "I tried to keep it friendly" Again, LKH tells us this but doesn't show it...and admittedly that's most likely for the best in making me believe that because we all know how it'd go if she did write it out. "but it was as if she felt cheated somehow." UH, GEE, I WONDER WHY? And then Anita says exactly why, that Nicky had "been giving all the signs" and agreeing to go for "coffee, if not more" and now "he made his allegiance to me very clear." Allegiance? That's an...interesting word choice for a lover. Well, slave, but she calls him a lover.

Oh, and Anita isn't even mad! Really! "There were other women who would have been angry about him flirting" I like how she doesn't just tell us she's not mad, she has to make sure we know those OTHER women would be "and maybe I would been a little jealous if he'd kept flirting" kind of like how bubbling magma is a little warm "but he'd reacted instantly to me, and made it clear, subtly, that he wasn't really on the market." Meaning he snubbed a blonde over you and thus basically made this your ultimate fantasy because you get off on that kind of thing. "He was window shopping, when she wanted to buy." Except that your earlier phrasing suggested he really was serious, what with saying yes to coffee and maybe more, and only you coming back on to his radar made him suddenly unable to have eyes for anyone but you, which most likely has fuck-all to do with your hotness and EVERYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MIND-CONTROL ON HIM. Also, given the whole "shopping for weretigers" thing from Bullet, her use of "buying" and "window shopping" here give me the flashback willies.

"Nathaniel, Jean-Claude, Asher, Dev, Jason, and Crispin all flirted more and even better than Nicky" I don't care "but all of them but Jason did the same thing that Nicky did." I don't care. "Jason was just a close friend with benefits" This is not relevant "and had a steady girlfriend in another state" also not relevant but hilariously convenient for Anita and probably why JJ is still alive and allowed to 'be' with Jason, who, she says, doesn't react to her like Nicky does (because being Bride is canonically an entire lack of free will, whereas being a Therian Servant like Jason is only a partial loss?) but Damian does react like Nicky just did which "was one of the bones of contention between him, me, and his steady in-town girlfriend Cardinal." I find it pretty interesting that it's not just an issue between her and Cardinal, it's an issue between her and Damian himself, suggesting he doesn't like it at all. Which makes sense, given that Damian has been fighting this whole thing every step of the way. Oh and Cardinal "hated me just a little because of it and I didn't entirely blame her." In fact, you probably relish it, don't you Anita? We know how you are, admit it.

"I totally did blame the blonde, Michelle, for disliking me so instantly." MOST HILARIOUS IRONY OF THE CHAPTER. "She'd talked to him for a few minutes; that was too quick to get possessive, but I'd noticed it with other strangers. I'd seen it before with Jean-Claude and Nathaniel and women at the clubs" so when you say other strangers you actually just meant other women, huh? Specifically with YOUR men no less. I am unsurprised. "but I'd thought it was because they were just both so damn beautiful. Nicky was handsome, yummy, but either I didn't see him the way others did, or it wasn't the level of pretty of the man in the situation but something else I was missing completely." Besides the utter boringness of this and its complete irrelevance to plot, I'd also like to add that Anita seems to think everyone has the same standard of attractiveness regarding men that she does. I've noticed people like her tend to think everyone thinks like them though, they're just that self-centered, so I'm not too shocked.

"I shrugged and let it go" good can we get on please "So a strange woman was jealous that Nicky liked me better, not my problem." Which is why you spent two and half pages talking about it. "Then I realized we were a man down. Where was Olaf?"

YOU LOST TRACK OF THE SERIAL KILLER

AROUND A WOMAN WHO MATCHES HIS VICTIM OF CHOICE CRITERIA

BECAUSE A BLONDE LADY FLIRTED WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND YOU HAD TO BUST IN AND TALK ABOUT IT FOR TWO AND HALF PAGES

OH MY GOD

I...I'M SPEECHLESS HERE.

WOW.

CHAPTER TALLIES
Guy/Girl Stuff: 1
Non-Answer Answers: 1
Spill: 2

NOVEL TALLIES THUS FAR
Bad Guys: 15
Can't Say Penis: 18
Curves: 3
Dead Mother:1
Flavor: 3
Guy/Girl Stuff: 20
Manita: 7
Mood Ring Eyes: 3
Needless Re-clarification: 23
Non-Answer Answers: 4
Pretty To Think So: 2
Racial Angst: 1
Short: 12
Skinny Women Suck: 3
Smells Like Home: 3
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 4
Sooo: 8
Spill: 6
Sweeties: 3
Things Low In My Body: 2
Wet and Tight: 1
What Does That Mean: 14
Whitebread: 3

Date: 2013-10-14 07:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] duamuteffe.livejournal.com
"He'd told me once that his ability to flirt had helped him do better undercover work, and even get information from women by seduction."

I don't think she knows the difference between mercenaries and intelligence bureaus.

"She'd talked to him for a few minutes; that was too quick to get possessive, but I'd noticed it with other strangers. I'd seen it before with Jean-Claude and Nathaniel and women at the clubs"

She really, really wants to be the only desirable woman in the world, doesn't she? This whole chapter is just beating us over the head with how the most beautiful men in the world will drop everything for Anita, and for no discernible reason. It's certainly not her personality, which is grating, rude, stupid, racist, sexist, and miserable. It's not her hobbies, since she no longer has any. It's not her caring nature, since that no longer exists - she simply brainwashes and rapes people instead of caring for them, and drops them when they disagree. It's not her toughness, because she isn't tough - she can't go on assignment without half a dozen men to provide backup, and all her enemies are finished off within five hundred words with metaphysical fireworks and "love." And it can't be her self-confidence, since she needs a half a dozen men to pat her hand and support and reassure her every five minutes about everything possible. So what's left? Her looks? Her interest in boring sex? How could that possibly hold anyone in thrall for long? (Without the brainwashing powers, I mean...) It is a mystery.

Date: 2013-10-14 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com
Indeed. She's got zero attractive qualities as a person. I can't even see anyone being into her for a dominatrix-fetish type thing, because she wouldn't give any attention to a sub at all, and is mostly just like a whiny, demanding baby than the 'cold, selfish, and cruel mistress' ideal. If you're just looking at her, well, she's described overtly as attractive, especially if you're into tits, but the men she's with all know what she's really like. You can find women who look just as good (well, in reality, I mean) who aren't horrible, horrible people like that. Not to mention her hygiene is pretty questionable at times.

I think LKH made the brainwashing powers because she was that upset over Gary divorcing her and NO ONE CAN EVER LEAVE ME (MY AVATAR) AGAIN but it does have the side effect of explaining why/how anyone could endure a relationship with said avatar.

Date: 2013-10-14 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com
neither Marshal Spotted-Horse nor Marshal Jeffries has a girlfriend

Why why why WHY would you raise the relationship status of the woman-hating serial killer AT ALL, Anita? HE'S A FUCKING RAPIST SERIAL KILLER. I don't care about their "cover," any decent human being would not even be drawing attention to Otto, let alone telling other women whether he's single or not. Anita should be on much, much higher alert than she is. It's just insane that she only remembers what Otto is and what he likes to do about ten seconds after she's said something completely irresponsible and potentially dangerous to someone else about him.

With Nicky, I've decided LKH doesn't actually fully understand the situation she's written him into and keeps forgetting what being a Bride means. She seems to treat it as "uncontrollable attraction" rather than "sick mind-rape," either because she doesn't really comprehend sick mind-rape or she doesn't see any difference between the two. Either way, it's so fucking creepy. I can't believe there are fans who think this is a hot, sexy scenario.

Date: 2013-10-14 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com
RIGHT?! And, spoiler, Olaf ends up abducting Patience and leaving the country with her in tow.

And yeah, so much ick, soooo much ick. Are there actually fans who find it sexy? For real?

Date: 2013-10-14 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jessica collett (from livejournal.com)
This is probably a stupid question but... do we ever hear what happens to Patience?

Date: 2013-10-14 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com
Not yet, to my knowledge, but presumably he tortures, rapes and kills her :C

Date: 2013-10-14 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jessica collett (from livejournal.com)
...... oh god that is awful. OH GOD. Does LKH realise what she's done?

Date: 2013-10-15 09:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com
Why would LKH/Anita care? She already doesn't care that Olaf is a serial killer who targets women repeatedly, that the government apparently knows this and is okay with it if they're not American women. And none of these women are Anita, so who gives a shit?

Date: 2013-10-14 09:32 pm (UTC)
lliira: Fang from FF13 (Fang)
From: [personal profile] lliira (from livejournal.com)
And, spoiler, Olaf ends up abducting Patience and leaving the country with her in tow

So, like with Laila, LKH cannot stand to have a woman who is portrayed positively and who gets along with Anita. No, she is a non-Anita woman -- worse, an attractive non-Anita woman -- so she must be tortured to death. LKH cannot help herself. I think this is a big reason she keeps Olaf around: so he can rape and torture and murder women for her.
Edited Date: 2013-10-14 09:32 pm (UTC)

Date: 2013-10-14 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com
*shudder shudder shudder*

Date: 2013-10-15 03:48 pm (UTC)

Date: 2013-10-14 09:26 pm (UTC)
lliira: Fang from FF13 (Fang)
From: [personal profile] lliira (from livejournal.com)
but when they're almost six feet tall a lot of women seem to lose curves, as if it all goes to those long, long legs.

My stepmother is 6'1 and has plenty of "curves". WTF is leg length supposed to have to do with boob size? LKH has a biology degree? Did she buy it from an ad in the back of a comic book?

Anita goes over to Nicky and "one minute he was smiling and flirting with the blonde and the next he was focused on me."

I bet the blonde is Nicky's type naturally, but the brainwashing has made him focused on Anita instead.

and maybe I would been a little jealous if he'd kept flirting" kind of like how bubbling magma is a little warm

Lol!

Nicky was handsome, yummy

I am completely grossed out that she constantly refers to her dudes as "yummy".

Other women don't like Anita because as soon as Anita sees them, she is obvious about how much she hates them. She talks all the time about "trying" to be nice, which means it does not come naturally to her, and she blatantly lies about trying to be nice anyway. The flirting women don't dislike her because they're used to men falling at their feet or because they're jealous; it's that they can see Anita hates them passionately on first sight.

LKH is just... she's so incredibly strange. It's one thing to be jealous and petty and misogynistic, even as jealous and petty and misogynistic as she is. It's another to display it like some medal of honor. She has no self-awareness at all.

Date: 2013-10-14 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com
I bet the blonde is Nicky's type naturally, but the brainwashing has made him focused on Anita instead.
HEADCANON ACCEPTED LOL!

Other women don't like Anita because as soon as Anita sees them, she is obvious about how much she hates them...The flirting women don't dislike her because they're used to men falling at their feet or because they're jealous; it's that they can see Anita hates them passionately on first sight.
Yup! I knew someone like this.

LKH is indeed one the most bizarre sorts of authors/people ever, for so many reasons.

Date: 2013-10-14 09:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uf-addict.livejournal.com
Anita goes over to Nicky and "one minute he was smiling and flirting with the blonde and the next he was focused on me."

I bet the blonde is Nicky's type naturally, but the brainwashing has made him focused on Anita instead.


Let me just tinker with this for a second:

Anita goes over to Nicky and "one minute he was smiling and flirting with the blonde and the next he was focused on me. There was a bit of drool seeping down his chin. We often reacted this way to each other."

Date: 2013-10-14 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guardians-song.livejournal.com
I think she's self-aware as all get out. Just not aware of OTHER people... as anything other than entertainment or ~mundane~ annoyances. Remember, she made it abundantly clear in Shutdown that "boring" and "abusive" are on the same tier in her mind.

It makes perfect sense in her own little world. Problem is that it's a world in which nobody else lives.

Date: 2013-10-15 09:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com
It's one thing to be jealous and petty and misogynistic, even as jealous and petty and misogynistic as she is. It's another to display it like some medal of honor

Interesting given her comments this week about how you cannot be poly if you're prone to jealousy. She's the most oblivious person I've ever run across.

Date: 2013-10-14 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aikaterini.livejournal.com
Thanks for the info on undead creatures around the world, it was all very interesting.

/The nurses not busy with, y'know, their jobs and patients and everything?/

No, apparently these are the nurses from “Grey’s Anatomy.”

/basically we've got a setup where it's the job of the woman to monitor and alter her behavior to avoid a man raping and killing her, versus the responsibility of the man to just, you know, not do that./

All of which could have been solved if Anita had done her job and put Olaf in prison.

By the way, Anita, what would’ve been Olaf’s reaction had a man “hidden” behind Edward? That the man was “now a girl” and thus fair game? Vulnerability is not exclusive to women, you misogynistic twit. Besides, you DO need men to protect you. How many times has Edward had to save your self-important rear? How many times have Micah and Nathaniel and heaven knows who else in your harem had to hold your hand while you whimpered about somebody being mean to you?

/but since it's Anita I just can't even appreciate it./

Because she’s being a hypocrite. It’s fine for her to sneer at women for being “weak,” but as soon as another person does it, she blows up.

/"I stopped like you were supposed to; I was girl enough not to keep walking."/

Implying that men…would keep walking? That they wouldn’t stop like they were supposed to? That they don’t do what they’re supposed to? I don’t get it either.

/turns out the woman wants to talk to Anita off by herself about...THE BOYS/

*rolls eyes* Of course. Why else would a woman want to talk to Anita? What else would another woman want to talk to Anita about?

/Wow, I like the implication here that she might not keep her away from Olaf if she wasn't./

If Anita were alive during the Victorian Era, she’d be among the people who crowed that the prostitutes who were murdered by Jack the Ripper got what they deserved.

/Says the woman who RAPED him/

Oh, but that’s different, the ardeur made her do it! The pushy woman is doing it all out of her own free will, while Anita was forced to do it, LKH will tell you!

/"There were other women who would have been angry about him flirting"/

Anita, you were angry with a man for REFUSING TO CHEAT ON HIS WIFE WITH YOU. Forgive me if I don’t see you as this oh-so-tolerant saint who will patiently look the other way.

/"I totally did blame the blonde, Michelle, for disliking me so instantly."/

Says the woman who jumped down Ellen’s throat in “Shutdown” because she dared to be female and involved with Richard. Says the woman who automatically looks down at every blonde woman who walks into the room. Says the woman who cannot sit for ten minutes without insulting some random woman. Anita is so delusional and hypocritical that it's astounding.

Date: 2013-10-15 02:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com
All of which could have been solved if Anita had done her job and put Olaf in prison.
Damn straight.

but as soon as another person does it, she blows up.
And that's only if the woman being sneered at is her!

*rolls eyes* Of course. Why else would a woman want to talk to Anita? What else would another woman want to talk to Anita about?
Hell, what do us silly wimmins talk about at all besides men?

If Anita were alive during the Victorian Era, she’d be among the people who crowed that the prostitutes who were murdered by Jack the Ripper got what they deserved.
That's so true it's not even funny *shiver*

Anita, you were angry with a man for REFUSING TO CHEAT ON HIS WIFE WITH YOU. Forgive me if I don’t see you as this oh-so-tolerant saint who will patiently look the other way.
EXCELLENT POINT

and ditto on everything you said about her and Ellen
Edited Date: 2013-10-15 02:10 am (UTC)

Date: 2013-10-16 03:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nic echo (from livejournal.com)
Some thoughts on Olaf and how Anita really ought to kill him:

So I recently finished rereading Obsidian Butterfly, and at first she didn't kill Olaf as she did not want to owe Edward another favour. At the end of the book though, well, she thinks Olaf is out to kill Professor Dallas. It does turn out Olaf is testing her, telling her in a note that he is watching her. Does she try to find him? No. Now, in her defence, Olaf had just saved her life recently, and also Olaf was not getting his jollies with Dallas so I figured Anita's head was not in the right space. That (barely) excuses Anita in OB. However, Edward also gives her permission to kill Olaf at the end of OB so Anita doesn't even have to worrying about owing Edward another favour any more. It has been years so the recent "he saved my life/so glad to be alive" thoughts should have settled enough by now that the "he's a dangerous serial killer" should be more dominant as well. There is not reason Anita should still be letting him live.

Date: 2013-10-16 07:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rodentfanatic.livejournal.com
It's been forever since I read OB and I didn't remember that at all. You make a damn good point!

Date: 2013-10-17 05:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nic echo (from livejournal.com)
Yeah. I wouldn't have remembered if it wasn't for the recent reread. Only started as I am looking at trying my hand at snark come New Year (too Anitaed out to start the horrible books yet).

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