a_sporking_rat: rat (blue mouse)
[personal profile] a_sporking_rat
ANNOUNCEMENT: LJ is giving me a really hard time replying to comments so apologies if I can't reply to all/most of you like usual D:

My brother and his folks left yesterday. For the most part it's a relief but I will miss Dixie the dog. I love her so much!

Progress with Miss Blatz and the vests is slow, but I think it's happening!

Here, have some rat spam
http://thesqueakend.tumblr.com/post/68442116936/heres-to-celebrating-one-of-the-most-colorful
http://tinypawpets.tumblr.com/post/68708287452
http://tinypawpets.tumblr.com/post/68525525993/some-cute-mom-and-pup-interactions-forgive-the-bad
http://many-splendored-rat.tumblr.com/post/68793262462/no-i-will-not-wake-up-i-refuse
http://many-splendored-rat.tumblr.com/post/68723859297/11-23-13-if-i-open-the-cage-door-do-not-have
http://many-splendored-rat.tumblr.com/post/68715101496/11-25-13-rio-can-be-a-little-unsettling-at
http://many-splendored-rat.tumblr.com/post/68696294847
http://many-splendored-rat.tumblr.com/post/68687319359/my-rats-in-this-cage-constantly-look-disheveled
http://maebyandtoby.tumblr.com/post/66957506123/toby-coming-home-and-the-first-cage-set-up
http://babychipmunk.tumblr.com/post/48715033788
http://ashylynnisazombie.tumblr.com/post/67636011556/day-11-my-love-holding-the-little-furry-babies
http://rat-wonderland.tumblr.com/post/68727647864/toomuchperfume-these-are-my-rats-sansa-and
http://rat-wonderland.tumblr.com/post/68721051957/effyeahpetrats-brokenbloodline-i-got-a-pet
http://rat-wonderland.tumblr.com/post/68714125987/prancing-rats-i-just-want-to-kiss-this-little
http://rat-wonderland.tumblr.com/post/68706858072/doublejumper-supernintendo-chalmers-being

Also I'm nuts about this mouse named Bengal because he's a fat brindle like Jabez!
http://tinypawpets.tumblr.com/tagged/Bengal

Bonus chinnies!
http://fuckyeahchinchillas.tumblr.com/post/68776671041/dailychinchilla-via
http://fuckyeahchinchillas.tumblr.com/post/68593379068/mandapandapantz-can-i-eat-this-can-i-play
http://fuckyeahchinchillas.tumblr.com/post/68059216447/down-with-electric-kettles-so-my-boyfriend-was
http://www.deviantart.com/?q=chinchilla&order=9&offset=408#/d1x7hz9
http://urbane-rebel.deviantart.com/art/Basil-Bones-Chinchilla-Wizard-143532091
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4043/4498435814_48e7c73f6d_z.jpg
http://starlightspell.deviantart.com/art/BeAtNik-Couple-118851992

And now, unfortunately...


KISS THE DEAD, CHAPTER ONE, PART TWO

A "uniform" (she's twice in this chapter now referred to cops as uniforms...I thought that was more criminal lingo that fellow-cop, considering it's kinda dehumanizing?) brings in new cuff/shackle sets designed for supernaturals, and explains that they're expensive so even RPIT doesn't have a lot, hence why they didn't put any on Barney since he hadn't seemed dangerous enough to need them. "We'd been wrong." Anita looks at the one officer (she calls this one a "uniform" too) who was thrown into the wall and how he's groaning as his pulse is checked. "I'd been stupid and arrogant and others were hurt because of it. I hated it when it was my fault. Hated it, fucking hated it." Okay, Anita fucking up and knowing she's fucked up? I like it. But what I don't like is that the fuck-up doesn't seem that she inexplicably lost all her powers and flashed the room due to her wearing totally inappropriate clothes for the job, it seems the mistake that she didn't cuff him. Which...is true too, but she says explicitly that "we" didn't think he was dangerous and "we" were wrong. Which makes it sound like it actually wasn't in Anita's hands to begin with, at least not to begin with. So this might instead be a case of "Mary Sue angsts over something not actually her fault and has to be comforted." Let's see how it goes.

"The uniform had wide eyes but he went toward the vampire." It's always very, very obvious when LKH has picked up a new bit of lingo because she uses it incessantly, like she did "apeshit" in Skin Trade. Dolph and Anita take the cuff set from him and look at each other. Instead of PUTTING THE CUFFS ON THE VAMPIRE they take a minute to talk. Anita tells him "I was the one who took off his cuffs to play friendly cop" and describes his hair to us. Recall the evidence we've seen in previous books that this description takes place in real-time, if you will. She then jokes about how the captain should be wrestling with suspects, and "he nodded, and let me go first" and she rambles to us about how once she would have protected her but now he knows she's the toughest in the room and how she can take a beating and be just fine and "he also understood that I was blaming myself for it all getting out of hand." Yeah, this sounds a lot like it's being implied she's not actually to blame, she just thinks she is.

Anita tells us how Dolph understands all this and how she knows he'd feel the same way. I am reminded of her similar psychic rapport of ~just knowing~ how Edward thinks/feels and how he totally understands hers and I think it's just a way for LKH to get out of writing any actual rapport between characters and instead just TELLING us how they all know/understand each other so deeply because she CANNOT WRITE ACTUAL PERSONAL CONNECTIONS FOR SHIT hence why she also has to instantly bond with her lovers on a deep spiritual/mental level versus actually building and developing a relationship (also can she can fuck them upon first meeting them but it's okay because she KNOWS them, not like regular sluts!) . Dolph lets her go first with the cuff sets as like a special treat or something, because I guess RPIT is like gradeschool, and she monologues a bunch about how he used to be distrustful of her because she was dating monsters (yeah, remember when he became an alchoholic insta-bigot strawman hater overnight for no reason?) but now he has "worked out his issues and I'd gotten a real federal badge." Are these connected? "I was a real cop according to the paperwork" Uh, good for you, thanks for sharing? "And Dolph had wanted a reason to forgive me" He *wanted* one? Oh, of course. No one can bear being mad at Anita! And he had some long talks with local vampires, including an ex-cop one named Dead Dave (OH MY GOD DEAD DAVE IT HAS BEEN FORVER!) and now he's cool. And this all happened offscreen...hey, why did the head of the RPIT squad, you know, the one made to deal with preternatural crimes specifically, never talk to local vampires before this? That seems unrealistic to the point of absurd.

Back to what's actually going on, Anita goes towards Barney, who is whimpering the corner while Zerbrowski's cross continues to glow. "I'd never asked any of my vampire friends" by which you mean sex slaves I guess since you don't have friends "what if felt like to face a cross like this; did it really hurt, or was it just a force they couldn't stand against?" HOW/WHY WOULD YOU NEVER ASK THIS, MISS VAMPIRE EXPERT?! Anita tells Barney that she's gonna put the cuffs on so Zerbrowski can put the cross away, and says he needs to say something to show he understands. She kneels by him, but not close enough to touch, WHICH SHE SPENDS A PARAGRAPH TALKING ABOUT. Something moves behind her, she yammers for a few sentences about not looking behind her. Dolph tells her "We found the location, but we've lost contact with the first officers on sight." Anita swears and wonders if the officers just have their radios off while looking for the vampires, or something worse. "We were out of time to mess with this vampire; others had our people. I needed him to hear me. I needed him to do what I wanted him to do."

...I don't like where this seems to be going.

She says his name and there is "a faint vibration of my necromancy" in her voice. She then info-dumps about her power over the dead and undead a little. "Was it illegal to use psychic gifts on a suspect? Not after what he'd just done, and not with a fifteen-year-old girl maybe dying at this minute, and at least two officers gone into radio silence" and she cites that law again about how one can use psychic abilities to save lives and yadda yadda. Barney whimpers "Don't" and Anita taunts "Don't what, Barney?" like the sadistic prick she is . He says "You're not my master, and your master isn't my master. We're free vampires and we won't let you control us." Well, badass! I like you, Barney. Anita tells us "He was one of the new vampires" yeah, he's less than two years dead, we know "ones that didn't was to follow a Master of the City." I honestly never got the impression that any vampire did this because they WANTED to, that implies they have a choice. "They wanted to be free like humans were, free to make decisions and be just people" man, how uppity! "but not matter how many vampires I might love, and protect, what Barney had done in the few minutes he'd been free proved why freedom from control of the masters was a bad idea."

She then goes on a big rant about how sure some masters are bad and make the system go bad but you just can't have people with powers like vampires do running around without a power structure. Uh, wasn't that why they were made legal? To make them beholden to human laws? Before they were made legal, any vampire could just be killed on sight for existing, so they had no motivation to follow human laws. Now, as long as they do follow human laws to the letter, they won't be hunted down and killed by people like Anita. That's a power structure, it seems to work at least as well as the legal system for humans (heck, probably better, considering there doesn't seem to be a need for as many vampire-executioners as there are regular cops), and as flawed as it may be in many ways, it seems more fair and humane than how even the 'good' Masters like Jean-Claude have been shown to run things. Plus, at least all vampires are treated equally under the human legal system, there aren't any hierarchies like with the Master system. I think Anita is only arguing for the Master system because it's the one she profits from, unlike the legal system where she has less freedom to slaughter, rape, and enslave as she pleases.

She then continues to go on about how "they needed someone to hold their leashes" YOU KNOW, LIKE MAYBE BEING BEHOLDEN TO A LAW WHERE IF THEY FUCK UP ONCE EVEN A LITTLE THEY'RE KILLED OH WAIT THAT'S ALREADY IN PLACE and that the only reason they were 'good' people in life is just because they were weak before and "it takes a truly good person to gain power, strength, and mystical abilities and not misuse them." Case in point, Anita gaining all this and misusing it horribly! I'm reminded of the Nietzsche quote "In truth, I have often laughed at the weaklings who think themselves good because their claws are blunt." She then also says that "sometimes they're just too stupid to not hurt someone by accident" and how they can injure someone while they're learning to adjust to their new abilities. Anita, that doesn't make them stupid. Accidentally hurting someone when you're not used to having super-strength and the rest of it is something that can happen to anyone, and you've done a whole lot worse 'accidentally' with your own abilities long after you've claimed to have them under control. "How do you balance one section of the population's right to be safe against the freedom of another?" This would be a fascinating thing to explore, but it's LKH writing it so Anita just decides that "I would take Barney Wilcox's free will in trade for the safety of a fifteen-year-old girl and the officers that his vampire friends were holding hostage." Which is definitely the case, sure, definitely, even though we're never told why he was a suspect in the first place and he just basically confessed everything else, because it's not like this is DETECTIVE series in part or anything, who needs actual mysteries and actual crime-solving!

She wonders, though, if she *can* take his free will, since "he wasn't blood-oathed to Jean-Claude; if he had been, then I could have made him behave" yes, use language that most people would use in reference to pets or children, that's not creepy "through my links to Jean-Claude." Um, what happened to her being a necromancer and thus able to control any goddamn undead creature? I think LKH has realized that Anita's array of abilities, and their extreme level of power, make it pretty much impossible for Anita to be challenged and thus for a story to even happen, so she's trying to act like they just don't exist (probably so she doesn't actually have to, gasp, take them away!) but it's just confusing for the reader! "He was a free vampire with no master to answer to, or no master he knew about. We'd found that most of the "free" vamps followed their group leader." There is a difference between that and being blood-oathed to a Master, though. In the case of the latter, the Master can control them through those metaphysical links like Anita just mentioned Jean-Claude having, to the point of even making it so they don't wake up at nightfall. That is way, way fucking different than just choosing to follow orders the same way a human in a group of other people would. "Vampires are just like most other people; they want to follow, they just don't want to admit it." THIS IS SO, SO CREEPY COMING FROM ANITA. SO CREEPY.

She uses her necromancy on Barney, being sure to mention again how young he is as she does, and he pushes himself against the wall and says she can't use necromancy while wearing a cross. Anita says that she raises zombies every night while wearing a cross, and tells us about how once she'd thought her power was evil "but God didn't seem to feel that way." MY EYEBALLS BLEED FROM THIS SELF-RIGHTEOUS SMUG. He begs her not to, she says maybe she won't if he lets her cuff him. I know the cuffs are because it's a police procedure, but this is, again, just creepy coming from Anita. He holds his hands out to be cuffed, and she somehow manages to get out an entire paragraph about this alone. Meanwhile, the light from Zerbrowski's cross is fading, one of the younger officers asks why, and Anita huffs internally about how he shouldn't have asked that in front of Barney or until the emergency was over. And then another cop says "I'm surprised that Zerbrowski could make it glow at all." HAHAHA! Man, why can't this be about Zerbrowski, really now?

Anita thinks that Barney looks "more solid" as the light fades...because bright light makes people look transparent? Or just vampires? What? I don't know. She mentions Barney has thicker wrists than she does. She spends more than half a page talking about putting the cuffs on him and "Barney leaned close enough so his mouth almost touched my hair" and then Dolph points a gun at him even though "it would be hell to pay if he died in custody, but Dolph was the boss." Again, this is a world where a vampire can be executed for shoplifting, so I'm not sure why it would be an issue if one were killed because he...tried to eat Anita's hair or whatever...especially after attacking police officers. Hell, Anita mentioned that he mind-fucked one of the cops, and that alone warrants a death sentence if I recall right. It's not like they're short on witnesses either! Anita tells the young cop (he's young, see, she reminds us again) that most holy items only go glowy when a vampire is using their powers, so once the vampire stops the glow fades or goes away entirely. Isn't this RPIT? Haven't they been around vampires on a regular enough basis to have noticed that? Oh, wait, no, because then Anita couldn't explain THE MOST BASIC SHIT to them like a kindergarten teacher.

She puts the shackles around Barney's boots and mentions how she's so small that they're big enough to fit around her own neck with room to spare. Young Cop asks "So it's that Sarge lost his faith?" and that makes Anita think "we had a serious problem". Anita looks at the guy, sees his name tag says Taggart (...are you serious LKH), notes his facial shape and hair color/style, and then reminds us all about how holy items only work if you have faith in it unless it's been blessed blah blah blah half the goddamn page...and then she tells us what this problem is: She thinks Taggart might be having a crisis of faith, and if he is he will have to be moved to a different squad. "This was the monster squad, and an officer without faith was crippled against vampires." How the hell do you get that out of his question? Especially considering that he clearly DOES NOT KNOW JACK SHIT about how crosses work against vampires in the first place and thus could very well think that that a glow ceasing meant that the faith of the wielder had ceased. How the fuck does she make this kind of jump? Also, even if someone didn't have faith in anything --a religion, their family, science, money, love, nothing at all--Anita's told us twice now that a blessed object would still work just fine for them, so why would they need to be moved? They could still be effective against vampires with crosses and holy water and whatever else as long as it was blessed by someone who did have enough faith for it to stick.

Dolph pulls Barney to his feet. Anita tells us how she's strong enough to do that but Dolph is so much bigger and heavier than she is, and notes that Barney is six foot three...considering Anita is a foot shorter than that and her heel was lodged in his sternum, I don't think she should have been dangling from him with her head above the floor in that case? I might be wrong though, because I'm bad with heights, rather like LKH herself, but in the last post one of the commenters said he'd have had to be 7'6 for that and I'll trust that judgement. "The vampire marks I shared with Jean-Claude made me stronger, faster, harder to hurt, but nothing would make me taller." And nothing makes you ever shut the hell up about it either, good lord. Dolph plops Barney in a chair and Anita notes "the gun was very big, and very black, as he held it against is thigh." Uhh, very suggestive too! Anita talks about how they legally can't shoot him now (this is all she thinks about this chapter aside from how tiny she is, I swear) but they can totally threaten and imply it. She seems eager to do just that. She is just such a nasty person, I never get used to it.

Anita then sums up to us all of what we already know: that they have to find the girl, find the radio-silent officers, "and get them all away from a rogue vampire kiss. Yeah, that's the name for a bunch of vampires: a gobble of ghouls, a shamble of zombies, and a kiss of vampires." How do you make good names for the first two and fail so utterly on the third? "Most people don't know that" Why not? Again, vampires are NOT exactly a big secret "and the rest don't care." So...the people who don't know it don't care, then? Phrasing, LKH, you fail at it along with non-laughable vampire terminology. "A pretty name" a STUPID name "for a group of super-strong, super-fast, mind-controlling, blood-drinking legal citizens, who might live forever if we didn't have to shoot them." This does not help your argument, Anita, about how they should be allowed to run their own little mafia-esque systems an societies outside of human influence rather than just operating like regular people obeying the law. "The last part made them just like any other bad guys" Human bad guys will live forever if they're not shot? "the earlier parts made them unique" aside from the mind-control, actually, no, they're not unique, therians can do all that, as can the fey. You fail both at sounding cool and at remembering your own goddamn canon. "and too fucking dangerous." Which is why you tell everyone you see them as people and it's not right to just kill them except that you do and you're fine with them and...oh I give up trying to untangle her web of contradictory hypocrisies!

Date: 2013-12-02 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cygnusrex.livejournal.com
Anita says that she raises zombies every night while wearing a cross, and tells us about how once she'd thought her power was evil "but God didn't seem to feel that way."

> but God didn't seem to feel that way.

"Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God." - Leviticus 19:31

"There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you." - Deuteronomy 18:9-12

"And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking him to anger." - 2 Kings 21:6

"A man or a woman who is a medium or a necromancer shall surely be put to death. They shall be stoned with stones; their blood shall be upon them." - Leviticus 20:27

"Then Saul said to his servants, “Seek out for me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her.” And his servants said to him, “Behold, there is a medium at En-dor.” So Saul disguised himself and put on other garments and went, he and two men with him. And they came to the woman by night. And he said, “Divine for me by a spirit and bring up for me whomever I shall name to you.” The woman said to him, “Surely you know what Saul has done, how he has cut off the mediums and the necromancers from the land. Why then are you laying a trap for my life to bring about my death?” But Saul swore to her by the Lord, “As the Lord lives, no punishment shall come upon you for this thing.” Then the woman said, “Whom shall I bring up for you?” He said, “Bring up Samuel for me.”" - 1 Samuel 28:7-19

"So Saul died for his breach of faith. He broke faith with the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance." 1 Chronicles 10:13

"For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." - 2 Corinthians 11:13-14

Oh really, Anita? (Granted that last one's not about necromancers, but I thought the 'bad people disguising themselves as good people' thing worked fairly well alongside the rest.)
Edited Date: 2013-12-02 08:08 pm (UTC)

Date: 2013-12-02 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rodentfanatic.livejournal.com
See, her worrying about her power being evil based on these verses would make a lot more sense than her basing 'are my powers good or bad?' based on the cross thing. Because we've never heard about any animators or necromancers not being able to work their mojo while wearing a cross, so clearly it's not an issue for them in general, so if her basis for "is something unholy" whether a cross reacts to it or not, then I don't see how she ever starting worrying about necromancy being unholy in the first place since no cross in the series has ever reacted against it to her or anyone else.

Of course, if she were actually worry about the verses instead, then she wouldn't have the quick'n'easy answer of "oh, well, it doesn't bother my cross, so it must be ok with God!" even though if that's her reasoning then SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD THE WORRY IN THE FIRST PLACE

Date: 2013-12-02 09:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cygnusrex.livejournal.com
It kind of gives me the idea that Anita's wrong about her cross working against vampires because her God's fine with her. I'm more inclined to think that she's hanging on to the fact that she 100% believes she's still a 'good Christian girl' even though she's on a downward spiral into... wherever, and that's what makes it glow. So the old faith system's still in place but because Anita's started to think that the cross will still work enough to make it actually work, she's rationalized that God must be chill with everything, and therefore thinks up that retcon due to everything being about her now.

Kind of like how when some people wear a certain thing and then win at like... bingo, then they rationalize that it's the shirt that makes them win so they keep wearing it.
Edited Date: 2013-12-02 09:26 pm (UTC)

Date: 2013-12-02 11:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rodentfanatic.livejournal.com
I'm more inclined to think that she's hanging on to the fact that she 100% believes she's still a 'good Christian girl' even though she's on a downward spiral into... wherever, and that's what makes it glow
That's my theory too, since it's what makes the most sense within her own canon.

Kind of like how when some people wear a certain thing and then win at like... bingo, then they rationalize that it's the shirt that makes them win so they keep wearing it.
Yeah, exactly!

Date: 2013-12-02 08:42 pm (UTC)
lliira: Fang from FF13 (Fang)
From: [personal profile] lliira (from livejournal.com)
how once she'd thought her power was evil "but God didn't seem to feel that way."

So now there's a specific version of the Christian God who objectively exists in Anita's world? And Anita has a direct tap into its mind? And it's no longer faith that works against vampires, it's HOW MUCH GOD APPROVES OF YOU PERSONALLY?

I hate this with the fire of 10,000 supernovas.

Date: 2013-12-02 08:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rodentfanatic.livejournal.com
Yes, and honestly it really peeves me off. When I started the series, one of the things I loved about it was that all faiths had an equal chance against vampires, and that it was human faith, not religious items in themselves, that drove vampires off. It was a scenario that didn't prize one faith above others, and the fact that it could work even for faith in non-divine things (the power of money,for example) meant that this phenomena doesn't automatically mean there MUST be a divine backing even left room for an atheist/agnostic interpretation that it's just the psychic force of human belief that is repellant to vampires, no matter what they focus the belief on. It was really, really awesome to me. So it now being retconned to "there is ONE true God, and it's THIS God, and it's all about how much this God likes you versus what is potentially your own personal power, and the person this God likes is A SADISTIC MURDERING RAPIST" just....oh my god I can't even. Look, if you want to have Christianity prioritized in your vampire fiction, go right ahead I guess, there's a long tradition of it, but at least do that from the start if you're going to do that at all.

Date: 2013-12-02 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guardians-song.livejournal.com
who objectively exists in Anita's world?
Anita assumes he exists. I'm not putting it past her that it's a delusional construct in her head that parses her faith in being protected as His Personal Protection.

And Anita has a direct tap into its mind?
She takes the shiny burning white light as Personal Approval. If there was an acknowledged Lucifer in this world, everyone reading would probably burst into snorting giggles every time this came up and Anita took it as DIVINE approval.

And it's no longer faith that works against vampires, it's HOW MUCH GOD APPROVES OF YOU PERSONALLY?
See the first point, and just be glad we haven't had an ecstasy of Saint Anita. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecstasy_of_Saint_Teresa#Sculptural_group_and_its_setting)

[...] I saw in his hand his long, thick, golden body. He thrust it into my tight, wet body, and I screamed my pleasure to the cathedral ceiling, clawing at his back and leaving fiery red marks on his body. The pain and pleasure mounted as he thrust faster and faster into my innards.

"FUCK ME, GOD, FUCK ME!"

"I am only an angel, but I appreciate the compliment!" the divine beauty panted as he brought me screaming. [...]

Date: 2013-12-02 11:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rodentfanatic.livejournal.com
*DEAD*

OH MY GOD


OH MY GOD I CAN'T EVEN

YOU ARE PERFECT

Date: 2013-12-03 05:52 am (UTC)
lliira: Fang from FF13 (Fang)
From: [personal profile] lliira (from livejournal.com)
I wish I could see it that way. But with the archangel Michael showing up for her personally, the priests who aren't holy enough, the fact that no one who is not Christian uses faith in the books any more (and only people explicitly approved of by Anita do)...

Your sex scene is better than any LKH writes, btw. Anita actually mentions how she feels in it :P.

Date: 2013-12-03 09:02 am (UTC)
ext_6977: (Queen of Hearts)
From: [identity profile] viridian5.livejournal.com
I keep wondering about that high kick she made. She was wearing a skirt or dress, right? There are some skirts you might be able to get away with that in, but it'd still be awkward and involve flashing people.

Date: 2014-02-18 01:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wanderingworlds.livejournal.com
1. It... kind of works? Since it could mean she's specifically talking about a uniformed cop as opposed to a plain clothes officer, such as a detective or someone undercover.

2. I DEMAND A BOOK ABOUT THE ADVENTURES OF DEAD DAVE THE PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR. I. DEMAND. IT.

3. YOU DON'T GET TO TALK ABOUT SOMEONE HOLDING LEASHES WHEN YOU HAVE NICK, ANITA. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DISGUSTING-- *goes to find pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston*

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