FLIRT, CHAPTER 3

[a_sporking_rat]

Ratty news the first: Justin and Jenner are now two years and two months!

Ratty news the second: There is a new rat in the house! My sister's pair are sadly no longer getting along, and Ratsputin was beaten up pretty badly (as well as kept from his food) by his cagemate Sid. Since she doesn't have an extra cage and is currently dealing with a sick dog, she has given Ratsputin to me to nurse back to health. I think he's going to be just fine once I get some meat back on his bones!

FLIRT, CHAPTER 3

A Ms. Natalie Zell is now seeing Anita in her office at Animators, Inc., so of course we must get a paragraph on what she looks like. She has "red hair in an artful tangle of swept waves that managed to be short enough not to go past her shoulders but also gave the impression that she had long hair." Uh, okay, I don't know how that works, but even if I did, you honestly really should have just stopped at the artful tangle of swept red waves. That's enough of a visual for me, and I'm actually someone who is really visual and generally ENJOYS getting description of what people look like, are wearing, etc. But it doesn't stop there. Anita thinks this was probably an expensive haircut, and she has a creme designer dress, "nearly perfect skin under its even more perfect makeup" that is so subtle you wouldn't be able to tell she's wearing makeup if you just glanced at her and pale lips that shine in a "very sparkly, subdued sort of way" when they catch the light...so either nude lip gloss or she's a Twilight vampire, I guess.

Anita thinks that "everything about her breathed money" and "old money at that that" because she's not "gaudy" which is for the noveau-riche, and Anita knows money because of all the rich clients she sees and knows "the taste of someone who had always had enough money." She tasted this lady? "Two days later I was betting Natalie Zell was someone who had never wanted for anything and didn't see any reason for that to change." This line momentarily confused me by making me think we had just fast-forwarded two days, but I don't think we did. Anyway, another rich client, and that bit about not seeing why it should change makes me wonder if we're going to be getting a 'rich people are bad' theme, between her and poor Tony.

Zell (I'm going to call her by her last name since it's shorter to type and won't get her mixed up with Nathaniel) tells Anita she wants her to raise her husband. So, rich person comes in wanting spouse raised? This is familiar. Anita asks why, and just like Tony, Zell asks if that matters at the rates that Bert charges for her services. Anita says it matters, and Zell crosses her "long, slender legs under the pale dress. I think she may have actually flashed me some thigh, but it might have been just habit and nothing personal." So either Zell is trying to seduce Anita, or, being a dreadful SKINNY WOMAN, is a big exhibitionist slut that does it at everyone to the point she just does it automatically and we should be appalled. Okay.

Zell says that her therapist thinks that "a last goodbye would help me find closure" and Anita tells us this a pretty standard reason for raising the dead and asks for the name of Zell's therapist. Zell's eyes "lost that mild amusement" and "pale control" (what does that mean?) and suddenly Anita doesn't believe her about the therapist. Uh, maybe it's a touchy issue for her, Anita? I don't tell most people that I'm in therapy, maybe she's worried that the shrink will share more personal details than she wants, given how you interrogate people mercilessly for no reason in this job, if the scene with Tony is any indication of how you operate these days. Then she's all "elegant nonchalance" again and asks why Anita needs his name. Anita says it's standard to check and she smiles, and she knows that the smile doesn't reach her eyes but she's deliberately choosing not to make the effort to fake it properly because "I didn't want her comfortable. I wanted the truth." You realize making her uncomfy might be more likely to make her lie, right? That getting her to talk to you willingly might make her open up instead? Come on, what have you learned about ~flirting~ again?

Zell gives her a name, and Anita explains that he'll have to sign a waiver saying he really thinks this is a good idea and won't be traumatic for her instead. Zell mentions how Anita can raise zombies that look alive and even believe they're alive at first, and asks if that will be the case with Chase, her husband, and if so, how, she, asks, could it be traumatic. Instead of answering her, we get this paragraph of internal monologue from our heroine:

"I was betting that if I called the therapist he'd back her story. Maybe it was her therapists's confidence, but something felt wrong about her reactions. You usually saw grief even through a brave face. Either she was a sociopath or she didn't give a damn about Chase Zell, her late husband."

Well, if she were a sociopath, she wouldn't give a damn, no, so there would be no 'or' involved and she also wouldn't need closure. And given that I don't think that you, Anita, totally know more about her psyche from a few minutes with her than her therapist does, I'm going to bet she does need that closure and is not a sociopath at all, which is a hell of a thing to assume, especially since just two chapters ago you thought Tony was way too calm and cold and then it turned out he was covering up his grief and desperation really well (and you weren't satisfied until you ripped it out of him, brought it to the surface, and then refused him with no good reason--if you want a real sociopath, maybe you should look in the mirror?).

Anita asks if the idea is that Zell talks to Chase and tells him goodbye, Zell says yes, and Anita tells her that she should get one of the other animators to do it. Uh, what? Why? Zell says, as Tony did, that Anita is the only one who can raise a zombie that "thinks and looks and acts alive" and Anita says "there are one or two others in the country who can do it" and Zell says that she's checked and Anita is the ONLY one that can guarantee a completely lifelike zombie. Psssh, of course.

Anita then has a "bad thought" and asks Zell what she wants her husband to be able to do one last time (oh god...) and Zell says that she wants him to be alive one last time and then Anita tells her she can't have sex with him because it's illegal.

...WHAT.

DEAR GOD, ANITA, HOW DID THAT EVEN ENTER YOUR MIND? IS THAT SERIOUSLY THE ONLY REASON YOU THINK SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO SEE THEIR LOVED ONES AS COMPLETELY LIFELIKE AND NOT AS ROTTING CORPSES? I mean, you're the the one who goes on about how 'you don't want your last memory of them to be like this!' for crying out loud! Does she do this to everyone? I can just imagine her telling the grieving parents of a daughter who lost her life in a drunk driving accident that they're not allowed to have sex with her zombie. I wonder, maybe Anita is projecting? Like, now that she can make her zombies so ~lifelike~ and they're totally obedient to her just like the rest of her mind-wiped harem, maybe she doesn't see what'd be what'd be different about doing them versus an ardeur-controlled vampire (which she's done loads already--alas, poor London!) and is having some "bad thoughts" of her own so she points the finger at other people? Gad, I hope this doesn't mean we're gonna see a return of Philip from the first book...

Naturally, Zell says that is NOT her intention (and, honestly, Anita, do you think anyone would tell you if it was?) and Anita is like oh okay good and Zell is like so you'll raise him and Anita tells her maybe and Zell asks why won't she just do it and offers to double her fee. Anita says that's a lot of money, Zell says she has a lot of money, and she just needs her husband back for a few more minutes. Something goes through her eyes, and Anita doesn't like it, and we get this big pararaph-long monologue about how she's been around so many "bad people" she watches for this stuff and about how that one time she raised a murder victim and he killed his wife because she was his murderer (see my spork of the first chapter for why this is canon-breakage) and how she couldn't call him off and yes we KNOW that's what happens when you raise murder victims because Tony talked about it in the first chapter for crying out loud and then Anita asks Zell what she wants to do with her husband for those minutes. Didn't she just tell you yes when you asked if the idea was to just talk to him and say goodbye? *checks back* She did. Why are you asking this. Why are you such a dick.

Zell's eyes change from green to gray and she scowls and "crossed her arms over her thin chest" which of course she can only do because she is a gross skinny woman with no curves unlike Anita who is so beautifully busty that she can't cross her arms because of her tits. No, seriously. She must have T-rex arms, I swear. Zell asks who the fuck talked to Anita, Anita just smiles, and Zell says that "it was that bastard gardener, wasn't it? I should have tried to sharpen the axe myself."

Oh, so Anita was right, there was something up. Good thing she needlessly poked and prodded a potential customer based on absolutely nothing! I have a feeling that she probably does this all the time to perfectly innocent clients and we're just being shown the one time she got lucky, and the only reason Bert doesn't fire her is cuz OMG ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THEM LIFELIKE ANITA. So, yeah, she's abusing this position, just like every other one she holds. I can hardly believe this character even exists.

Zell offers to pay the fee PLUS a million dollars tax-free if Anita keeps this a secret. Anita repeats that this is a lot of money (yes, Anita, that's the point!) and Zell this is about revenge. Anita tells her you can't take revenge on the dead because, well, they're dead. She also uses the non-word "revengey". Honey, I love Buffy-speak, but you're an adult woman on the job in a very serious scenario. Zell asks again if Chase the zombie will believe he's alive (YES, HE WILL, THIS HAS BEEN DRIVEN HOME VERY HARD) and Anita nods and Zell asks if she can do that without a human sacrifice and instead of just saying yes Anita says that "Most animators can't do it with one" just so we know how great she is and Zell asks if she's that arrogant or that good (both) and Anita tells her that's not arrogance, just the truth. Anita, I just can't stand you, I really can't.

Zell tells her to raise him then, and asks if he will feel emotions. Anita says yes. Zell asks if he can feel fear. Anita says yes. Zell asks if "he'll see me, know me, and when I hurt him, he'll be afraid of me, right?" and Anita says yup and Zell is like okay perfect do it please and Anita asks if she's seriously going to use an axe on the zombie. She nods, and her eyes glint and turn an even darker grey "like clouds before it storms". Good grief, she described Tony's eyes as turning "storm-cloud gray" too, can't she get a new simile? And she says that she's going to "chop the bastard up while he begs me to stop. I want him to think I'm killing him for real."

Well, damn.

Anita asks if that's what she wants her last memory of her husband to be. Uh, seriously, you're using that line HERE, Anita? The fact that she wants to chop this guy up with an axe as he pleads for his life indicates to me she probably doesn't have fond memories of him as is.

Zell nods, Anita asks how long they were married, she says 25 years, and Anita asks "A man who you married, lived with, slept with, loved at some point, for twenty-five years, and you want to play axe murderer all over his ass?"

Yeah, you know what Anita, maybe it's not as simple as that. Maybe marriage and relationships don't always involve love, or if they do, there's still far more horrible things going on than you seem to be considering. What if this man abused her, raped her, hurt their children, something like that? Maybe chopping him up really would be closure. You don't know, and even though I know she's been set up to turn out ~evil!~ because it's been dropped on us like an anvil, I'm not judging her till I know her reasons. That makes one of us, Anita.

Zell says she wants this more than anything in the world, Anita asks what he did to piss her off this much, Zell tells her it's none of her business and Anita thinks that Zell thinks she can be "arrogant" because of what she's paying Anita. Uh, or maybe she doesn't want to tell you because it's obviously got to be a tremendously serious and sensitive thing and you're a very obviously rude insensitive person, Anita? I know I would never ever want to tell you anything personal or painful about myself, let alone within just five minutes of meeting you. Anita, however, says that she has to because "some crimes, some magicks, some problems in life can affect a zombie, make it harder to control. What did he do in life that was so terrible?"

And then we get the story from Zell, and there are tears, but unlike with Tony, who had tears of grief, hers are of rage because she is a pretty woman rather than a handsome man. See, Chase didn't want children, and Zell respected his wishes, so they never had them. But then two weeks ago a young man came to see Zell, and his mom had recently passed, and he showed her all these letters between his mom and Chase, all these pictures of them together, places that he took her (Rome, Paris) that he had refused to take Zell, and that he "told me that I was one of the least romantic women he'd ever met; it was one of the reasons that he wanted me to be his wife and partner, because he knew that I wouldn't let sentiment get in the way of getting wealthy and successful, because I wanted it as badly as he did."

Anita asks, and I don't see why it's important except maybe to judge Zell by, if she's always been wealthy. Uh, she just told you that she and Chase *wanted* to be wealthy, that implies at one point they were not. Zell nods, however, and says that he used her money to start his company, which then made even more. And there was also a letter from him to his mistress saying that if not for the pre-nup he'd signed that said "he'd have to give up controlling interest in his company and have no money" (you go, Zell, nice thinking with that agreement!) and that if that weren't the case he would have divorced Zell to be with his mistress and son. Her face is "bleak" then, as if she "had seen the worst possible thing and lived." Holy cow, some actualy SYMPATHY for a FEMALE? But she shakes herself out of it, gives Anita "hard look" that makes Anita believe she'll do exactly what she said with that axe, and asks when it can be scheduled.

Anita says of course that she won't do it, and there's a lot of back and forth about it and offering of money and Zell asking again if he'd feel pain and being pleased when she hears he will and then it turns out that Zell doesn't even want Anita to lay him to rest again afterwards, she just wants his pieces (which will still be 'alive') buried so that he will be aware underground until he rots away. Holy jeebus. This woman is fucking scary.

And then Anita says no again, more arguing, more offering of more money, mention of how Anita works with serial killers and rogue monsters but she still thinks Zell is a nasty piece of work, Zell offering anything she wants, Anita not wanting anything from her, offering anything to her boyfriends, Anita telling her to GTFO, Zell refusing, Anita deciding she can't manhandle her out of the office but "Bert frowned n us bruising people on office property" and also oh by the way Zell is almost a foot taller than Anita in her heels just so we know Anita is tiny and petite tee hee. Zell brings up that she's heard "some of your vampire kills" are not "all legal and nice" and that "everyone knows you've murdered people" and Anita tells us that she's technically right but that absolutely every case was totally justified, really, and that "I didn't lose sleep" over any of them. Honestly, Anita, I think you're way more terrible than Ms. Natalie Zell. She simply *wants* to do something awful. You however, have actually done awful things, and repeatedly, and feel no guilt for any of them, and I'm not even talking about just your murders (which were NOT all totally justified, btw)

Anita just tells her that people say a lot of shit about her and not to believe it all, and Zell says she'll take proof to the police (wtf, she has proof?) and Anita says then she'll tell the police what Zell was asking for because "anyone who would really do what you're describing would do something to a live person." Okay, and then the police would do what? Firstly, they can't arrest somebody because they think they're the type of person who would commit a crime, they can only arrest them if they think they actually have committed a specific crime and have better reason to think so that the person just seeming like they would like to do it. Secondly, you don't actually know that she would really and truly do it when the chips were down. Thirdly, no, I don't think that her wanting to chop up a zombie means she would kill a human being. Yes, the fact that it can fear and feel makes it much closer to doing so, but I think most people would still feel that it was a lesser crime because it's still dead already, and, if not that, then the fact that she could get arrested for real murder but not zombie-chopping would still be a pragmatic deterrent. And if you really thought she'd done this to someone alive, or was going to, you should tell the police ANYWAY regardless of whether she tattles on you or not. You fail on ALL logic in this threat, Anita.

Anita then asks how that illegitimate son is doing, and tells Zell that if anything happens to him, she'll see to it that the police come after her. Great, Anita, she's expressed zero hostility to this kid or even to the other woman, but now you just might have put an idea in her head. Zell points out Anita doesn't even know his name and Anita scoffs that she could find out and that he probably has a "page on the Internet somewhere where he's talked all about his father being Chase Zell." Is Chase Zell famous or something then...? Anita says again that if anything happens to him, her money won't be able to keep her out of jail or "the nut house" and Zell says that "I am not crazy, Ms. Blake. I'm a woman scorned." Yeah, you should know all about that, Anita, remember when you sentenced a LIVING guy and his family to death when he wouldn't sleep with you? And you weren't even the wife in that situation.

Anita just says that "He was married to you for twenty-five years. I think the poor bastard suffered enough." Zell "turned on the stiletto points of her expensive shoes and stalked out. If I'd known that would make her leave, I'd have said it sooner. Seemed this was my week for people wanting my "alive" zombies for very bad purposes."

No, one person. Tony wanted a few days to say goodbye to his wife. He never expressed any desire to have sex with her, nor did he ever say he wanted to keep her with him forever, he just asked why not when YOU said he couldn't and thus put the notion in his head for a moment.

Also, where is the plot? Plot, hello plot? It's been three chapters, we got the Skin trade plot in the first one. I'll give it to Ch. 5 I guess before I decide if this is plotless like Danse Macabre or not. Maybe Tony and Zell will team up in an Evil Rich People Scheme to get revenge on Anita for refusing them? Also, I am not surprised that the man was the genuinely grieving sympathetic one over his dead wife, while the lady was evil vindictive sadist over her dead husband, and the dead wife is painted as so awful for her fur-fucking infidelity but there's not any judgement on Chase for cheating on Natalie Zell.

Comments

[collectively.livejournal.com]

Ugh, what is with LKH and hair that looks one way but is actually another way? I feel like 98% of the people I see, I can pretty much tell how long their hair is. Maybe it's a little trickier if you ALWAYS see it up, but still. It's just such a weird, random thing to be so obsessed with.

Well, if she were a sociopath, she wouldn't give a damn

In the ABverse, she might! Let us not forget Podward.

...On second thought, let's try to. *siiiiigh*

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO FORGET PODWARD, YES, UGH

Yeah, it is a weird thing to focus on, isn't it? Especially since it just has so little relevance to anything.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Anyway, another rich client, and that bit about not seeing why it should change makes me wonder if we're going to be getting a 'rich people are bad' theme, between her and poor Tony.

I'd normally be fine with that theme, but this being Anita, I know that her claiming moral superiority over anyone will set my teeth on edge... >_> And anyway, isn't she disgustingly loaded herself? And aiding and abetting her pampered boytoys in harrassing low-paid service-sector professionals, no less, so she can shut up about how spoiled and entitled her clients are if you ask me!

Ye gods, two clients that get to show that they're horrible people who Just Don't Get It in the span of three chapters. Not that Tony came off as especially horrible, and I'm even inclined to sympathise with Zell, even if I do agree that she should not get to drag her husband out of the grave just so she can chop him to pieces for his cheating ways - she may be a bad person, but Anita is probably worse and a lot more obnoxious about it besides.

Not to mention more squicky. You're right, what is it with Anita thinking that everyone who wants to raise a spouse is trying to use her as a way to make conjugal visits to the afterlife? :P It's just such a gross, small-minded thing to automatically assume - like she just keeps seeing smut wherever she looks and can't imagine that anyone else might be able to keep their mind out of the gutter for five seconds. The funny thing is, she actually seems to be wrong even in-universe. Which means that LKH is actually slightly more sensible than Anita is - a comforting thought, perhaps, given which one of them actually exists in the same world as us? ;)

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

And anyway, isn't she disgustingly loaded herself?
She seems to be now through Jean-Claude, who I think is stated to basically be able to buy anything, making her and her harem immune to bribery in DM if I recall. So she's not only loaded, it's through money she didn't earn and that isn't hers.

she may be a bad person, but Anita is probably worse and a lot more obnoxious about it besides.
I would say Anita *definitely* proves herself a worse person in this book, yes. And ugh, yes, her obnoxiousness makes it all the worse.

The funny thing is, she actually seems to be wrong even in-universe. Which means that LKH is actually slightly more sensible than Anita is - a comforting thought, perhaps, given which one of them actually exists in the same world as us? ;)

Indeed! it shall go down in history as The One Time Anita Was Wrong!

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

I kind of liked Ms. Zell. Sure she's pretty cold-blooded, but at least she owns it. And I absolutely do not buy the conversation full of reasons to explain that Anita is nothing like Ms. Zell and that Anita is wonderful and good and Ms. Zell is evil wicked bad and nasty because Anita only murders people when it makes things more convenient when she absolutely has to and Ms. Zell only wants to chop up one specific reanimated corpse and not, say, all who oppose her whims.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

I kind of liked Ms. Zell. Sure she's pretty cold-blooded, but at least she owns it.

Yeah, ditto.

And I've finished the book and...let me assure you, Anita is definitely way worse.

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

You have to hand it to Zell. At least she places blame on the two-timing bastard who deserved it rather than the other woman or her kid (who might not have known at the time either). After all, he did use Zell as a piggy bank and according to her didn't seem to think that much of her either. I'd say that the therapist might have misjudged exactly how angry Zell was at Chase though.

Yeah, you should know all about that, Anita, remember when you sentenced a LIVING guy and his family to death when he wouldn't sleep with you? And you weren't even the wife in that situation.

For this I really hope that Zell actually does go to the police or the FBI or some sort of law enforcement agency with whatever dirt she's managed to dig up on Anita. Somehow I don't think that she's smart enough to cover everything up.

Anita thinks that "everything about her breathed money" and "old money at that that" because she's not "gaudy" which is for the noveau-riche, and Anita knows money because of all the rich clients she sees and knows "the taste of someone who had always had enough money."

Nouveau-riche like Anita you mean?

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Yup. It's a personal love of mine when the blame goes where it's deserved in those situations, I agree.

And yeah, Anita is...not bright, to say the least, there's gotta be evidence around of SOMETHING.

Nouveau-riche like Anita you mean?

ZING!

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

I'm sure all they would have to do is some forensic accounting on Jean Claude. Anita might not be smart enough to clean up her messes, but I would bet that JC has a record of cleaning up after her. At the very least it would pretty much end her US Marshall badge.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

JC cleaning up after her is the only explanation (besides everyone being incredibly stupid) that makes any sense for why she isn't on trial already.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

Ug. Anita says that she needs the (male) therapist's go ahead before she can listen to her (female) client's wishes because she might be wrong about how much closure she'd get? Fuck. That. Noise. Her therapist isn't her keeper. It shouldn't matter if seeing her dead husband causes a relaps, this is an adult woman's decision of what's best for her, the therapist should have no actual say in what she does so long as she isn't at risk of hurting herself or others.
Ug. Ug. Ug.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Admittedly, it could be a legal thing. Though the point still holds.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

But why should it be? She doesn't require people without a therapist to see one before raising a zombie, so the fact that Zell has one should be irrelevant.
Sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine when people treat the mentally ill (not that Zell is necessarily ill because she's seeing a therapist, but it seems to me that she's presented as tainted because she uses one) like children.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

That's actually entirely right and I don't know how I missed it. Usually these things don't get by me! My apologies, it's offensive as fuck.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

Hey, *you* don't have to apologize for this BS.

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

Actually now that I think on it, it could be Anita being an ass again. On the other hand, I have heard that some things do require some amount of annoying "mandatory therapy" before being allowed to go through with it. Sex reassignment surgery is the one that springs to mind. All the other instances I can think of are more punitive in nature (like anger management assigned by a judge).

[nanoquill.livejournal.com]

Squeeing over your rats; here's hoping Rasputin recovers quickly.

she has a creme designer dress
All I can think of is Cadbury's creme eggs. I don't think that's what LKH meant.

For some reason, I don't associate sparkly lipgloss with old money. /shallow

...Clearly, word has gotten around about Anita's lax moral standards, and there has been a surge in necrophiliacs wanting her to help them out. (Is it bad that I was slightly relieved that she's showing some equality, in that both men and women are accused of wanting sex with their dead spouses? I was half-wondering if there was going to be a 'men only think about SEX' attitude, but no, it's 'Anita only thinks about SEX'. Much more accurate.)

Philip should be safe; IIRC, his hair wasn't long enough, and he wasn't a bishounen.

Zell might be my new favourite character. I have a soft spot for 'wronged-and-seeking-insane-levels-of-vengeance' types (as long as they've been genuinely wronged, instead of just thinking/feeling that they have).

I think Zell might have been bluffing about the proof, but now she should know that there's something to dig for because Anita didn't even try to deny it.

As a non-Anita woman, Zell should never have made a pre-nup agreement, and then Chase could have left her for his mistress and son and taken the money with him - it's a happy ending as long as the man is happy, amirite? Especially since all men are happy being Anita's slaves!

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, Cadbury!

I think Zell might have been bluffing about the proof, but now she should know that there's something to dig for because Anita didn't even try to deny it.

Hahha, yeah, good point!