BULLET, CH. 2
Feb. 26th, 2013 11:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
a_sporking_ratI just finished reading 'salem's Lot by Stephen King, and I'm confused on something. Does anyone know why Barlow (the vampire) was so set on castrating Mark (the little boy)? Repeated reference is made to it, but I don't think any explanation is ever given as to why, and Barlow doesn't seem to want to do it to anyone else.
As for Bullet, this chapter is ten pages. I think it could easily be cut down to only half that if all the infodumping and the descriptions of hair/eyes/clothes were cut out.
As far as the info-dumping goes, I understand that there are things new readers will need to know. But this is the most ham-fisted, inorganic, awkward way of doing it as I can possibly imagine. LKH has really had enough practice as an author by now that she should have learned better ways of working these things in much more naturally and unobtrusively. As for all the clothes porn and waxing on about physical features...
I'm a really visual person. I like knowing what characters look like. I like knowing the coloration, height, etc., of everyone, even though it's completely irrelevant. When I was first reading these books in high school, I actually kept a list in my notebook about what everyone looked like so I would remember it when they appeared on-screen. But as with the info-dumping, there are ways to work this information in that 'flow' a hell of a lot better, and will not be so annoying to people who are very much NOT visual like I am. Hell, the way it's done here, even I want to just GET ON WITH THE STORY and get hints dropped about what they looked like later.
I'm also hugely into fashion. I may not always dress like it, but I actually have loads of style magazines, and I take notes from them not on how to dress myself, but for outfits that I want characters to wear, outfits I want to draw, etc. I am the target audience for the clothes-porn crap that you get with so many novels. That does not mean, however, that I mistake it for good writing when I am informed what every character is wearing. Unless it is relevant in some way, it just slows down the story. And if the outfits descriptions here bugged me, as someone who has a soft spot for that kind of thing, I have no doubt it would drive someone crazy if they had no patience for it to begin with. There is no reason we needed to know ANY of this. About the only relevant thing at all would be 'JJ and Vivian had on very pretty dresses and it made Anita wish she'd dressed up too' and everything else could be cut and not have the scene change AT ALL.
Asher is also now a creepy asshole. It has been a long time since I read these books, and I don't remember much about Asher besides the scar angst. I do, however, remember that I liked him. He wasn't one of my favorites, but I liked him. So I asked a friend who does remember the books really well if this behavior from him is new, or if I just didn't recall it/didn't see it for what it was when I was a teen. According to her, she doesn't remember him being creepy, but that "He had scar tissue that prevented him from doing anything [sexually]. He got rid of that. Then Anita bullied him into her bed. I felt so sick after reading that. He seriously was walking out and she emotionally blackmailed into things. Deliberately played on his trauma and need to be wanted. It was gross all around. I think he was crying at some point. I'll have to reread. But yeah, if that's how he was brought in, why wouldn't he think that's normal? Anita did it and it worked."
So basically it is potentially as a result of this, in my opinion, that Asher is now bullying someone else in order to get them into bed. What a lovely, sickening little cycle.
BULLET, CHAPTER TWO, in which the harem all turns out to see a kiddie ballet recital (which turns out not to be just for kids, but you don't know that for awhile) and are horribly overdressed to boot. Also there is high school style boy drama, sexual harassment edition
Anita looks for Micah in the crowd "but since he was my size neither of us could see each other over the crowd." Yeah, Micah is 5'3 just like Anita, and in one scene somewhere in the series he is wearing Anita's sweatpants since they wear the same size and she has mens sweatpants. Aside from there being something gay in there I can't quite put my finger on, I still for the life of me can't see why a woman like Anita, who is stated oh so many times to be curvy and have hippy hips and thighs, would own pants designed for men. They can't possibly be comfortable, and she's not trying to present as butch or as physically male (just as mentally being the most manly man that was ever a man) so yeah, I don't know. Just thought I'd throw that bit of weirdness out there.
Then they spot each other and start going towards each other (I almost typed 'coming towards each other' but decided that might be misinterpreted, given the series and characters we're talking about here) and of course we get a lengthy description of what Micah looks like and how he is dressed. I guess she may as well give him buttloads of physical description, because I sure as hell couldn't tell you anything about his personality. He's the most bland member of her harem in my opinion, and with this bunch you know that's saying something.
"He was one of those rare men who could look delicate, until you took in the wide shoulders" so he looks delicate until you spot a very obvious non-delicate feature that most people are going to notice immediately, okay. I think she means "his body looks delicate aside from his wide shoulders". "He was built like a swimmer, though his sports were jogging and weight lifting like most of the wereanimals I knew." Interestingly, those are the same sports that Anita does! How about that! No but seriously, it's kind of weird to me not only that there are two particular types of exercise that wereanimals apparently gravitate towards, but that they also happen to be the ones Anita does. Maybe they're the only ones LKH has any familiarity with?
She then says that his suits all have to be tailored for athletic cuts and that "Italian seemed to fit best" while "American suits were mostly shaped like boxes and looked terrible on short men with muscles. Though Micah went for strength, not bulk." Of course, we can't have him being TOO muscular like Max from Skin Trade, Anita has to have her harem stay dainty! I remember reading a spork of this chapter where a lot of commenters were confused on what she was talking about regarding American and Italian suits, because obviously not all suits are cut just one way in a country--they don't only cut them this way in America, only this way in Italy, etc., like she seems to be saying here. What I think LKH actually meant to refer to is cut styles. The silhouette (outline) of a suit determines it’s style. There are basic 3 basic styles(or cut) of suit: British, Italian (also know as simply "European"), and American. But you could go into any suit store in America, ask for an Italian-cut suit, and get one, one that might have been made right here in America. Or go and buy a British-cut suit in Italy. It's a reference to the style, not to where the suit itself actually came from. But the way she words it, I'm not sure if she understands that and maybe thinks each type of suit can only ever come from the country its cut style is named for. Because that's sure how it reads.
Anita notices a good deal of women checking Micah out (ahh, because we must never forget, everyone wants her toys because they're the bestest but they're all hers nah nah nah look at me and my hotties they're all mine!) and this makes her smile "because I knew he looked even better out of his suit than in it." GAG. No, wait, gagging is probably exactly what Anita does too when he's out of his suit, given he's got a dong the size of, what was it again, a soup can? She also notices a man check out his ass and says that "Micah got that a lot too. I think it was being short and pretty" Where does LKH get this idea that gay men universally want delicate, beautiful guys who look ladies? I mean, sure, some do, but loads also like big guys, manly guys, hairy guys, bearded guys, even fat or chubby guys. There's even femmephobia with some of them that can get downright nasty. I feel like this is just another symptom of her 'all relationships need a man and a woman!' heterosexism--even gay guys are still really looking for someone to be the 'woman' in the relationship if they aren't little and pretty themselves, and that would of course be little and pretty guys like Micah. Which is also why he and the others get to be the 'women' with her, because Anita is The Guy! And there can't be two guys, even if the relationship is between two men!
And then yadda yadda about how he's too pretty to be handsome, and his curly waist-length deep brown hair and how loads of women are jealous of it and what color it might have been when he was little and then mentioning their stupid deal: Micah wants to cut his hair, and Anita wants to cut hers. She likes his long, he likes hers long. So instead of just respecting their partners bodily autonomy and right to do with their hair what they like, they made a deal that if one gets a haircut, the other one will too. Great, so they can both be unhappy with what's on their own heads just to please the preferences of a partner who KNOWS that it isn't what they want. Sounds like a healthy relationship already! Not to mention that Anita is a law enforcement officer and queen of several therian communities in St. Louis, she is bound to get in physical fights from bad guys and challengers a whole lot. Ditto for Micah having to defend his throne as Nimir-Raj. You know what is a really bad thing to have in a fight, especially one that could be life or death? LONG HAIR FOR YOUR ENEMY TO GRAB. They are literally risking each others safety over this stupid hair kink, good gravy.
Then we get talk about how pretty his face is some more and how it's just "maybe a little long through the jaw for perfection, but that one line was all that saved him from looking like a beautiful woman instead of a man. Elementary school must have been hell, because short and pretty men don't usually fare well." Actually, elementary school was probably just fine for him. At that age, most boys can pass for girls and vice versa if you change their hair and swap their clothes. It's more middle school and high school, when puberty hits and hormones start really changing most kids, that he would be noticeable as being short and pretty and looking like a lady.
Anita then talks about how he told her his eyes were originally brown (how fascinating) but now his eyes are leopard eyes and are chartreuse green and yellow depending on light and what color he’s wearing and oh my god how long can she drag out writing about this schmuck’s eyes. Not to mention that leopard eyes aren’t even that color. This is chartreuse:
http://richmondmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/chartreuse.gif
And these are leopard eyes, which are kind of a greenish grayish color
http://www.fullhdwpp.com/animals/leopard
Although I guess this one could count as chartreuse, though not the bright, vibrant type she tends to describe it as
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BysEOf4Uhn8/UIKuiLrusAI/AAAAAAAADVw/CxX9ekCkvZo/s1600/Leopard_big_cats.jpeg
“Most of the time he wore sunglasses to hide the eyes, but wearing them after dark sometimes attracted more attention than what they hid, and it amazed him how many people could look him in the eyes and only remark, “What beautiful eyes.” Or “What a great shade of green.” and never make the connection.”
Uh, maybe they DO make the connection and don’t want to be rude about it? Noticing someone is a therianthrope doesn’t seem like something socially acceptable to point out in this world, considering how many times it’s been harped on that it’s supposed to be viewed like having a disease. Would you make comments on a wheelchair or the baldness of a cancer patient? I actually the hate the “it’s a disease!” thing because no other disease gives you superpowers and violent urges and lets you turn into a giant predator, so discriminating against therians is a lot more understandable than discriminating against AIDS patients (a comparison which seriously has been made in the series) but if that’s how it’s gonna be, at least be consistent about it. Also, look at those leopard eyes again. Would those really look so unusual in a human as to be a definite sign of being a supernatural? Especially if you weren’t super duper up close? Because in that case, a lot of people with hazel or green-gray eyes are apparently SECRET WERELEOPARDS and I had no idea.
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/134/0/2/hazel_eyes_and_copper_hair_by_rosiexoderek-d3gc3l2.jpg
http://smartgirltips.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/green-eyes.jpg
BEASTS WALK AMONG US AAAAAH!
“Nathaniel would say, “People see what they want to see, or what their minds tell them they should see most of the time.” Since when is Nathaniel Mr. Insightful? And why shouldn’t people’s minds be okay with them seeing a sign of someone being a therian? This isn’t a world where therians are fairy tales and cryptids. This is a world where the dishwasher would be a werewolf. Everybody knows they’re around. Everybody knows there’s probably some in their own home town. There is no reason people would have a ‘this cannot possibly be!’ mental block against noticing a sign like that. Most likely the case is, as I said, either they do notice and just don’t want to be rude, or they don’t notice not because they don’t think they ‘should’ see it but because the color of leopard eyes simply isn’t that unusual or weird as Anita/LKH seems to think it is.
Micah smiles at her and it’s full of “love, lust, and just that connection we had from almost the moment we met.” Oh, you mean when he raped you in the shower even as you told him not to and begged him to stop? Also, I get the feeling that he and Anita are supposed to be “in lust” with each other 24/7, even at kiddie ballet recitals when there is nothing arousing going on, and that makes me think LKH has issues…you know, as if we didn’t know that. She then talks about how they’re Nimir-Raj and Nimir-Ra and how even though she doesn’t shapeshift she still “somehow held a piece of leopard inside me, and that piece seemed to know him.” Of course it knows him, it’s his dick, that’s what’s inside you! “Micah never questioned it” He never questions ANYTHING when it comes to Anita, that’s why he’s one of her favorites, along with Nathaniel the Weredoormat. And then she tells us how she let him move in with her, and how they’ve been together two years now and it’s a record for her and usually she’s either wrecked things or the guy has done something but Micah has been perfect yadda yadda we get it, Micah is Jon and this reads just like the dedications to Jon at the beginning of every book, including this one. God, it’s almost two pages into this chapter and we’ve gotten NOTHING BUT INFODUMPS ON FREAKING MICAH.
He reaches her, asks what she’s smiling at, she says at him, gag me with a spoon, their hands touch and start playing with each other and “I’d had one friend say that we could get more out of just holding hands than some couples got out of kissing” because they are the most perfect and best of all couples ever and better than you and any of your romantic relationships so there. But they still kiss anyway. Gag me again.
Anita asks who he was talking to, as he had been chatting with a family she didn’t recognize. He says it’s one of the families from “our support group” and we get told how “Micah was the head/spokesperson for the Coalition for Better Understanding Between Human and Lycanthrope Communities. It was affectionately known as the Furry Coalition.” AHAHAHAHAHAH OH LKH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DID THERE DO YOU. That is just precious.
We then get infodump upon infodump that leads to yet more infodumping. It goes like this:
- The Coalition helps shapeshifters adjust to their condition, because new shifters are "unpredictable" and "it could take months of full moons before they were trustworthy." Just months? Yeah, Anita should be WELL in control of herself by now, since she's been with Micah two years and he's been around since she first started collected strains of therianthropy.
- The family support group part is for the non-shifter family members to talk freely about the condition of their newly-therian loved ones
- Discrimination still occurs against therians even though they are now legal in the US, and "there were entire professions where failing one blood test would get you excluded forever. Military, police, food industry, medical care--it was hard to keep a job if you were a teacher of children and people found out you turned into the big bad wolf once a month."
And this is wrong why? Being in the military or police can mean you will face combat, high-stress situations, be around a lot of wounded people, etc. It seems like just the sort of thing that would make someone's beast go nuts and do a lot of damage. I also am rather skeptical of the military not still utilizing shifters in some way nonetheless, because of their insane strength, senses, and healing ability, but moving on, being in the medical industry will also mean being around sick and wounded people, sometimes also blood and open wounds and open chests and all kinds of things. Considering all the shifters except swans are predators, that seems, as with a shifter police officer, like trouble waiting to happen. Yeah, there are shifters out there with great control who would never ever lose it no matter what, but why gamble with innocent lives that each and every doctor, nurse, etc., is that type of shifter? And I don't think parents can be faulted for not wanting someone around their kids that literally has a massive predator (pony-sized wolves and big cats!) inside of them that probably sees small humans as snacks.
And yet, apparently, "that kind of discrimination was illegal, but hard to prove." Wait, so, it's illegal, but they can still ban you for life over a blood test? Explain that again?
- Richard is a werewolf, and an Ulfric at that, and he's a junior high science teacher and that's why he's not here tonight.
- Richard is JC's Wolf to Call, Anita is his Human Servant, they are a triumvirate, so they "should both have been here at his [JC) side, but Richard wouldn't risk being outed and losing his job." Yes, he should totally be there and associate himself in public with a known supernatural, this kiddie dance recital is THAT big a deal. Damn, Richard, you just have no sense of duty, do you? Shame on you!
Come to think of it, since JC is publicly known to the tabloids as the Master of St. Louis, doesn't anyone in the audience here wonder what the fresh hell he's doing here? I mean, he obviously doesn't have a kid in the show, being a vampire and all...it's kind of creepy. If I were there and realized who he was, I'd think he was scouting new talent for Guilty Pleasures a decade in advance.
Richard really hates being a werewolf. There is a backhanded insult to Richard on how nobody ELSE here with JC's group "had a problem being exactly who and what they were." Yeah, we just hear all this about social stigmatization shifters face and all the problems with controlling themselves they have, and yet we're supposed to judge Richard for not being 100% gung-ho about his therian status? 'Scuse me for totally seeing his point, especially since he'd never have ended up with Anita if he hadn't gotten infected. That's the worst part of being a shifter for him, in my opinion.
And then Anita sees Asher's hair and gushes to us over its precise shade of gold, and then she talks about the hair of JC, who is sitting next to him, and how JC is growing it out because Anita likes it and how Asher had told her that "It takes energy for a vampire to grow his hair longer than it was when he died." I haven't yet read Kiss the Dead, but apparently there is a plot point of local vampires revolting against JC for stealing their energy in order to grow his hair. I find this hilarious.
I am also ashamed to admit that I have questions about this for character purposes, mainly that, while it takes energy to grow the hair longer than it was in life, does it take energy for the hair to grow back to the length it was in life if it gets cut at some point? I've just been going with the idea that, if cut, the hair of an Anitaverse vampire will eventually grow back on its own to the length it was in life via any excess energy from blood or whatever else the vampire draws on, but not get any longer than that unless they deliberately do what JC is doing. Anybody know if that's ever addressed in canon?
A blonde woman named J.J. is there too, and she is the current girlfriend of Jason. I fear for her sake immediately. She's come from New York to watch him onstage...wait, what? Jason is gonna be on-stage? What kind of production is there in which there are toddlers dressed as clowns AND strippers in the same recital? Does Jason do regular dance too then? I guess it wouldn't surprise me, since as I mentioned when LKH made remarks about strippers not being ble to really dance in Flirt, many strippers are professionally trained dancers...I guess in the Anitaverse, that just applies only to the male ones. Also how convenient that his girlfriend is normally in ANOTHER FREAKIN' STATE, though she's come to visit St. Louis three times in as many months, and "it was as serious as I'd ever seen Jason over anyone." Yeah, the poor girl is definitely doomed. Hopefully she'll just get forgotten by LKH rather than have anything worse happen to her. Interestingly enough, JJ is herself a ballerina and performs in the New York City Ballet. Wow.
Anyway, she's "pale and beautiful" and wearing a "pink that was almost white" dress and we get a remark on how, unlike JJ, Anita would need a bra if she was wearing that because "my curves only honed down so far." I love how description of another woman suddenly becomes an excuse to talk about Anita's tits and imply this chick must not have any.
Truth is there too, and he's got his hair in a ponytail and is clean-shaven which is unusual because "Truth's face was trapped in that not-quite-beard stubble because that's how he'd looked when he died. Shaving meant that he might not be able to grow it back even if he wanted to." He's a pretty powerful vampire, can't he just do the same trick as JC? Asher didn't say you had to be a Master or anything, just have the extra energy. HOW DO YOU GET INCONSISTENCY LIKE THIS ON THE SAME PAGE. And he's wearing a nice suit which is also unusual and Anita is stunned into silence by this and Micah tells her to say something so she tells him he looks nice all cleaned up like this. Truth says he borrowed the suit from Wicked, who he says is here too. Great, so we'll get a paragraph on what he's wearing too?
No, mercifully we instead just get to know the color and texture of Wicked's hair, the exact shade of gray-blue eyes they have, that they both have a dimple on their chins, and that they were born a year apart as humans. Also, Truth is here as "security". They need a bodyguard here? Again, what kind of function is this?
Then Asher takes her hand and we are told how he "made both Wicked and Truth look too manly, too modern-day handsome in comparison." Hoo boy, here we go--we get a big fat paragraph about his wavy gold hair, his pale blue eyes "like ice given life and color" and how his face is "a beauty to make angels weep, or want to trade sides" and of course the scars and how they fuck up his right side and how Anita thinks even the person who burned him "had flinched at the ruined of that face." And then we get a SECOND paragraph about how he is the masked ringmaster at the Circus of the Damned and him coming out in public is a big deal and, of course, what he's wearing: "a soft blue silk shirt with a high, soft collar pierced by a stickpin that held a pale blue diamond almost the color of his eyes" that Jean-Claude and Anita bought for him last year, mostly Jean-Claude because he's so super rich, which is why "the diamond was almost the size of my thumbnail." And he wears it to this? Where most of the mothers are stated to have been just in what they wore to work? How gaudy and gauche, sir.
Anita then looks down to see that he is wearing "dark brown leather and boots that came up to his knees. The fact that I hadn't looked below the waist until he kissed me said something about just how nice the upper bits were, because it was all nice." Alright then. And mention of Asher liking suits, except at fetish events where he wears leather. Uh, thanks for that mental image I guess. And then she thinks about how she's had sex with every vampire here and is uncomfortable with that. Asher asks why she's frowning, and she says it was "Something Matthew said backstage" to which Asher responds "Precocious indeed if he can make you that unhappy." Are you kidding? Anita hates everything. Everything pisses her off. She's basically NEVER happy and refuses to ever enjoy anything. What would be precocious is if Matthew actually got her to stop being such a chronically angry, self-absorbed pill for a freaking second or two.
As if to prove me right, Anita gives Asher "a look" and he passes her hand to Jean-Claude, and we get to hear about how JC wears a shirt like Asher's but it's white and he has on a short black velvet jacket and stickpin through his cravat too that is an antique cameo Anita got him for a Christmas present and also "black leather pants looked poured on, and his boots rose up over his thighs like a second skin. I didn't have to see the back of the boots to know they laced all the way up his leg. I liked these boots, and had seen them with and without pants." As with Asher in leather bondage gear, thanks for letting us know, Anita.
By the way, on the two pages open before me right here, the two-sentence conversation between Anita and Asher are the ONLY spoken words. Everything else is description, mainly of what the men look like and are wearing. Just in case you were wondering. Counting what came before these two pages, and I'd say we have about three to four pages purely of clothes porn and my-men-are-so-hawt. God almighty, I just want to take a pair of hedge-clippers and start pruning this. No, better yet, a lawnmower.
She tells us that they've been an "on and off" couple for five going on six years now. Wait, but she said Monica betrayed her five years ago. So that means she and JC have been a couple since GP, or even before GP, and we KNOW that isn't the case at all. Ungh, is she trying to retcon that since it turned out Richard and Anita didn't become married as originally planned, or did she just mix up her own continuity as usual? Anita then boggles at how someone as beautiful as Jean-Claude could "possibly be in love with me when he had an entire planet of people to choose from." It really says something about how shallow Anita is that she seriously thinks being in love with someone has to do with how hot you are in comparison to each other. It also says something that she thinks just because JC is hot means he has the entire planet to pick from--there are plenty of people, including ones who find him just as physically attractive as Anita does, that I am sure would in fact not want him as a romantic partner at all. Not to mention that if I had been in a relationship for almost six years with someone, I would be damn well fed up with them if they were still saying I couldn't possibly be in love with them. It seems insulting, really. I tend to be VERY hostile to people telling me what I'm feeling or that the feelings I'm expressing are not "real" in some way, so maybe that's just me, but I don't find it cute or becoming at all on Anita's part.
"Jean-Claude made me feel like I'd sneaked in the Louvre and stolen a masterpiece off the wall so I could roll around on it naked." This is the most unintentionally hilarious line since she mentioned the Furry Coalition.
And then she talks about his blue blue blue eyes and how the fountainhead of their bloodline had collected beautiful blue eyed men and "I had two of her most amazing right here" nah nah nah in your face Belle Morte they're mine now and how Belle threw Asher away after he got scarred and Jean-Claude ran from her...as with Requiem, I don't think running from Belle and winding up with Anita is making any progress at all.
"Now he was his own sourdre de sang, the first new master of his own bloodline to appear in a thousand years."
Yet we're never told just what makes his bloodline a separate one from Belle Morte's. You'd think LKH would jump all over this as an excuse to give Anita loads and loads more powers, but she strangely doesn't. Maybe she doesn't want Anita to have to share them with the rest of his shiny new bloodline because then she won't be the Speshul Only One Evar? And where is his bloodline anyway? I think we've only met two vampires he's turned, Gretchen and Meng Die, and neither of them have new and different vampire powers.
This is why, in my version of canon when I write or roleplay in the Anitaverse, JC is not a new fountainhead nor a new member of the Council. You and your lack of anything resembling unique powers or numbers of sired vampires are NOT worthy to take the seat of Mr. Oliver the Earthmover, sir.
Jean-Claude smooches her and there is purple prose about it. He is now wearing her lipstick too “but it was a good color for him” which makes sense considering his coloring is the same as Anita’s except for blue eyes. He calls her “Ma petite” like always because I swear he doesn't know her name and “it seemed to hold years of I love yous.” Gag gag gag choke gag. They get in there seats, JJ says hi to Anita, and we get told that JJ has the same “spring-blue eyes” and “soft good looks” as Jason does because they have the same great great grandfather. My guess is this is supposed to squick the readers enough that they’ll be rooting for JJ and Jason to break up while also making it so Jason still actually isn’t doing anything wrong or objectionable, since they weren’t raised knowing each other as family and anyone farther apart from you than a second cousin is as genetically different from you as anyone else. Frankly, I hope they not only stay together, but run away together far away from Anita, who will years later find out they got married and had lots of blond blue-eyed children together, most of whom are skinny girls.
Asher tries to kiss Micah like he did Anita, but Micah pulls away and Asher laughs. Eee, skeez. JC pats Micah on the back to comfort him, and Anita tells us that “in private, Jean-Claude and Micah greeted each other pretty intimately, but Micah had made it clear that he wasn’t food for everyone” Well, I should hope not, seeing as how he’s the Leopard King. I mean, I guess I can understand a Nimir-Raj climbing into bed with Master of the City, even literally, for political reasons, especially when that Master is a sex-obsessed flesh-peddling Belle Morte bloodline sleaze ball and the quickest way to an alliance is definitely through his pants, but that doesn’t mean he should be letting any bloodsucker have his way with him. Also, I really hate the use of “food” to mean “sex partner” here more than normal, because there’s no implication that Asher is doing this with the intent of feeding on Micah in any way. Calling ardeur-victims “food” at least made some sense, as annoying as it was, but this doesn’t. We are then informed that this is indeed not about feeding the ardeur at all, but that “Asher had taken it as a challenge to see if he could seduce Micah, and when that hadn’t worked, he seemed intent on embarrassing him. I loved Asher, but he had a sadistic streak in him that I wasn’t always crazy about.”
Dude. He is sexually harassing Micah, your soul-mate. This goes beyond embarrassing and into downright creepy and distressing. You should be way more than “not crazy” about this. And even if you don’t give a shit about Micah, what about worrying about Asher and why he’s doing this, working on his boundaries, etc.? And that’s not even getting into the potential for political bullshit when you consider not only is Micah an important figure in the preternatural community, but Asher is too--he’s JC’s second-in-command, which likely is the only reason he’s getting away with this besides the fact he’s boning Anita too. This is a clusterfuck waiting to happen, and not in the way Anita would like. All because someone can’t take ‘no’ for an answer--typical Anitaverse, the only time we get any interesting political potential is because of something sex-related. Because god forbid anything ELSE matter besides who’s getting laid or not.
Anita seems to at least realize some of this, because she says “if he didn’t stop pushing, he was going to be on Micah’s shit list permanently” and that “something was going to have to be done” before Micah does “something unpleasant”. However, she says she isn’t sure what to do. Um, get Jean-Claude to tell him that, as his Master, he doesn’t appreciate his Second baiting the Leopard King and risking their alliance? If Asher can’t understand and respect that, then boot him from his station, because he clearly isn’t suited to being a Second in that case. I’m already suspecting he only has that position because he’s Jean-Claude’s boyfriend. Anita also says that “Micah and Jean-Claude had tried to rip out each other’s throats the first time they’d met.” Can anyone remember if this is right? I’m following a chapter by chapter spork of Narcissus in Chains right now, and Jean-Claude actually urged Anita to have sex with Micah and psychically facilitated her rape by him, if I remember right. I don’t recall there being any conflict at all between these two sickos during that.
“He wasn’t homophobic, he just didn’t want to donate blood to Asher, and the other man seemed to have taken the rejection badly.” I realize that donating blood to a vampire CAN be a very sexy, sensual experience in this universe, and of course a lot of vampires would use that to their advantage to get willing food (like the freaks) but up until everything became sex in these books, I seem to recall that it was not necessarily a sex thing. For instance, it was very much NOT sexual thing at all when Nikolaos bit Anita to gain control over her through the bite, as some Master vampires could do. It was loathsome and painful. So thinking someone is homophobic for not wanting to be bitten by a vampire of the same sex would never even occur to me, honestly. Especially since Asher is a Master vampire and therefore could potentially try the same thing on Micah that Nikolaos did on Anita, and that would be major political disaster. Heck, it could cause a big ruckus in the Pard, if they have any sense (which is doubtful), if word ever got out that their leader had let a Master vampire bite him, regardless of whether Asher ever would or did try anything like that. Just the knowledge that he COULD should make the entire Pard freak out.
Also, Asher sounds like a creepy fuck. Sexually harassing someone because they turned you down? And what’s worse, it’s done in front of people who are supposed to be Micah’s lovers, friends, and allies and who are doing SQUAT about it. Micah is a rapist himself, make no mistake, but that doesn’t absolve Asher’s behavior. WHY ARE ALL THE ‘GOOD’ GUYS SUCH SICK CREEPY RAPEY ASSHOLES.
Anyway, Micah is understandably really tense and is trying to look neutral but Anita knows he’s angry, so she puts her hand on his and he relaxes but she knows Asher is close to pushing things too far. I know I just said everything about what Asher is doing is wrong, and it is, and I’m not saying it’s not, but considering that unfortunately it seems to be the norm among supernaturals and their politics, Micah being about to lose control over it seems odd when you consider he’s a leader who should probably have experience with this type of thing. Not that he wouldn’t be justified in ripping Asher a new one, just that Asher’s not really doing anything that seems unusual for powerful preternatural figures in this universe. I guess it’s a good thing that Micah doesn’t just accept it for that reason, though. Not just because of the political ramifications if he did just go with it, normal or not, but because Anita & Co are at least in theory supposed to be trying to change how things are run in the St. Louis supernatural community for the BETTER, not just doing what the bad guys used to, as Asher seems to be doing the lite version of with attempted kisses rather than rape.
Anita looks at JC to see if he’s seen this too, but he’s just “watching the stage as if nothing untoward had happened. Had he not noticed, or was he trying to ignore the problem for a little longer? I needed some backup” Right here right now? At a dance recital? With a bunch of normal uninvolved humans around, including a load of children? Just wait till it’s done and you’re back at the Circus, then tell him that the two of you are going to set Asher straight about this shit. This is fucked up, but it is not a super immediate right-this-second emergency. “But if Jean-Claude had a soft spot, it was Asher, and okay, maybe me. We both got away with things that he probably should have put a stop to long before he did.” If those things that you two are getting away with are regularly anything like what Asher’s doing now, then JC needs to grow back his good ol’ Manipulative Bastard spine fast before someone does to the both of you what Micah might do to Asher. Which I totally hope someone does.
Wicked looks at Anita, and Anita somehow totally understands that Wicked understands both the problem between Micah and Asher and that JC is apparently ignoring it (or he could just be looking at the stage because you’re about to watch something on it?). “I was pretty sure that Wicked and Truth would back my play if I could come up with one that wouldn’t destroy our happy little apple cart.” You know, it’s not that I mind some internal drama. With all these people working together, it’s only realistic it happens. What I do mind is that firstly the problem is being presented as “Micah might hurt Asher, oh noes” rather than acknowledging “this is really messed-up behavior and has potential to fuck things up between vampires and leopards” and also that it’s over something that I’m honestly finding to be very petty, small, and dull when you consider all the other kinds of issues that could be going on between the individuals and groups in St. Louis. Seriously, think about all of what LKH has to work with here…and she chooses a spat between Anita’s boyfriends over one making passes at the other? Even knowing what that could lead to, as I’ve laid out, I just can’t get excited or interested in it at all, especially since LKH doesn’t seem to realize what it could lead to and thus probably won’t bring that in at all. They’ll likely just have sex together with Anita and that’ll be the end of it. Also, apple cart? Is that a real saying? I’ve never heard it before, but maybe it’s a Midwestern regional thing.
Anita then explains that while she’s JC’s Human Servant, Asher is his Second-in-Command who, though he is a Master vampire with enough power to have his own territory, stays with her and JC out of love, which makes “my position of authority a little shakey” and that “I was a vampire executioner, but I wouldn’t kill Asher, and he knew that. So my threat was gone.” Of course you won’t kill him, you don’t have a warrant. Remember those? Those little things that mean you CAN’T go around just blowing anyone you want to away, even though you tend to do that anyway? Also, is threatening him with death seriously the only thing you can think to do when it comes to dealing with him? Anita is both his lover and a fellow political big cheese. Lovers do not settle their issues by threatening to kill each other. Politicians (usually) don’t either. You suck at being both, Anita, but we already all knew that. This just drives it home especially nicely, though.
She also takes this time to tell us about how her control expands to other undead besides zombies, including vampires, and how sometimes after she takes control over someone it doesn’t go away “and that had become completely disturbing to me.” Firstly, that is a LIE. It very clearly does not bother Anita at all, no matter what she claims. Secondly, even if this were true, the phrasing implies it used to not be so disturbing to her at one point, which is disturbing in itself.
Monica walks along the side of the aisle “that made more people have to move their legs or stand up” because a woman that Anita doesn’t like is not allowed to do anything right, even walk up an aisle. We are informed that she hit on Asher at some point and he of course turned her down, and she has avoided him since. That’s right, you stay away from the harem, you aisle-walker! Boo! Hiss! How dare you…actually respect the wishes of someone when they turn you down instead of harassing them as revenge the way Asher is doing to Micah? Wait, who am I supposed to be rooting for and against again here? Because in comparison to the other people here so far, Monica seems to be the best person so far. Monica waves and sits down beside JJ. I like to think she is warning her about Anita.
The lights flash, warning everyone the show will be starting soon, and we get yet ANOTHER supernatural without a kid here to watch. It’s Vivian the wereleopard, and all the guys, plus Anita, stand up so she can get into the row with them even though “Vivian was petite enough that we probably could have stayed in our seats, but the older vampires often reacted to women as if bustles had never gone out of fashion, and if could be gentlemen then so could I.” Yeah, be a gentleman when guys are doing that, then be a nasty misogynist asshole the rest of the time. Actually, the old version of being a “gentleman” that the vampires likely practice is basically the same as what Anita is doing here--make token unneeded “respectful” gestures like standing up or opening doors as if it‘s some grand favor (versus just common human decency/politeness regardless of gender like most people do today, which is just fine), but then constantly underestimate and demean women, don’t respect their minds or opinions, treat them like fragile helpless victims, etc.
Anita fills us in on how Vivian is really really pretty because she is “technically African American, but it was by way of Ireland, and that showed a lot from the thick, nearly straight hair to the pale gray-blue eyes” and skin that is “coffee with enough cream to make it almost white.” There are very, very few black women in the AB series. The only ones I can recall are Kissa the vampire, and Laila the cop who shows up in Hit List. Out of these three, the only ones described as beautiful are ones who look the most white (Kissa also has "coffee with cream" skin and is "beautiful" too, though Anita thinks it might be a glamor). That is pretty damn…awkward, to say the least. And then of course, because any woman in the Anitverse who isn’t antagonistic has to be a victim (which is a dirty word in this series) of some type, we are told about how Vivian was raped and tortured by “a very bad man once” but that Anita had killed him (because it has to be all about Anita somehow) and saved Vivian, but unfortunately “the trauma lives on inside” Vivian. Congrats, Viv, you’re one of the few rape survivors to have realistic reactions in this series. I guess that’s only allowed when someone other than Anita or her harem is the rapist. Vivian proves herself even more dazzlingly unique in that she is NOT a stripper or anything similar, but in fact has a job as an administrative assistant at an insurance agency. This utterly fascinates me, and that’s a sad testament to how far we’ve come since the days of Irving, the werewolf reporter with a bald spot, or Louie the short wererat who was a biology professor. Now everyone who is supernatural is also a super-gorgeous stripper. Except Vivian, who is just super-gorgeous.
Vivian may not have a kid here, but she does have someone on-stage: Stephen, her werewolf boyfriend. Considering that Stephen is, like Jason, a stripper at Guilty Pleasures, I again must wonder exactly what kind of show this is that’s also including little kids in it alongside these guys. Vivian wore a fancy dress too that is “ a little slip of nothing” and she and JJ’s dresses make Anita wish she’d worn something too (what, so you can also look like you’re trying to show up all the working mothers here? Wait, that’s exactly what Anita would want) and Micah realizes this (through telepathy, I guess) and reassures her that she looks great. Actually, maybe it’s not telepathy, maybe Anita is just that predictably insecure around any other attractive women. She and Micah then “shared that smile that was mainly just for us” that Nathaniel, who is also going to be on-stage, also gets sometimes. Micah and Nathaniel are definitely the favorites of both LKH and Anita, I’ve noticed. They were the only ones of the harem who were really of any importance in Flirt besides Jason kinda on the sidelines, and the rest really weren’t even mentioned. This further supports the fan theory, which I agree with, that these two are supposed to be avatars of Jon. It makes me wonder if their oh-so-perfect-and-special bond is compensating for something less than that IRL.
Since Micah is holding her hand, JC of course has to hold the other one, and this gets Anita monologuing about how “he had been a ladies man for centuries and he swore that I was the first woman to make him feel insecure” LOL ANITA, HE PROBABLY SAYS THAT TO *ALL* THE LADIES (AND MEN) “I tended to be hard on the egos of a certain kind of men” Who all tend to get hard for you “The ones who normally swept women off their feet never moved me much” You and every other heroine out there, because god forbid one ever make a mistake or be like other girls in any way “I’d always felt that if they swept me off my feet they’d practiced on a lot of women before me, and would practice more with women after me” Okay, that’s the first sensible thing Anita has said so far in this book “I still wasn’t sure if I should apologize to Jean-Claude for throwing his game off this badly, or take a certain pride in it.” Psssh, just keep telling yourself that’s the case, honey. You ask me, Jean-Claude has Anita right where he wanted her all along: in the position that gains him the most damn power. Seriously, his Human Servant is Queen of the wolves, leopards, lions, and tigers, and you think he’s off his game? Oh no, he’s just been maneuvering you in a different way than what you’re talking about here. And letting you think you’re the one calling the shots the whole time, a lie you still hilariously believe. At least, that’s my theory, and it’s totally what the old Jean-Claude would have done. He’s actually the smartest, most manipulative villain I can remember this series having.
Jean-Claude’s hand is warm, which means he’s fed on someone, and Anita says that women line up to feed him. That’s kind of odd, considering he already has Jason as his pomme de sang, aka a steady source of blood. Why is there any need for anyone to be lining up? And then we get this paragraph: “In fact, one of the reasons I’d spent the last few weeks going through a stack of photographs and DVDs with help from the other men had been that we needed more regular food.” How many vampires does his Kiss have that the local freak club and therians aren’t enough? “Other vampire and wereanimal groups from across the country had sent in applications for some of their people to join us.” Because Anita & Co are just THAT cool. “The DVDs had been everything from flat-out porn to strangely awkward dating tapes.” …what. What. Are you serious right now. How does being in porn equate to being a decent blood apple? What kind of food are talking here? Is there an epidemic of ardeur-stricken Belle Morte vamps in St. Louis that I didn’t know about? “It was like the old idea of an arranged marriage, though this was more an arranged mistress, sort of.” No, it’s pimping. “The groups hoped it would give them a stronger tie to our power base, and it might.” Well, I guess if I was a supernatural leader and I knew that Anita was a Canon Sue Powerhouse and basically queen of everything, I might be inclined to send a few sacrificial lambs her way in hopes the rest of my people would be spared from the power of the Doom Crotch.
“They’d been sending candidates to Jean-Claude for a while, and he had politely turned them all down.” He wanted to keep Anita’s loyalties squarely with HIM and no other vampire master is my guess. “This last batch came addressed to me personally.” And apparently the other vampire masters figured that out. “They seemed to feel that Jean-Claude had turned everyone down for fear of pissing me off, and there might be something to that” Yeah, how dare anyone make a decision of any type without Anita around! And what if he accepted a WOMAN into the group? “I’d sat down and watched.” Uh. Yeah, just gonna leave this here. Speaks for itself, I think.
Also I am picturing the head figures in the Anitaverse supernatural groups that my friends and I write and roleplay getting porn in the mail as a political offering, and their reactions, and it’s just…golden, oh god, ahahaha.
And then she backtracks to JC having recently fed and she wonders who it was, and decides she doesn’t want to know because “taking blood was entirely too close to foreplay for the vampires of his bloodline.” Oh, so it’s ALWAYS sexual thing with the sexy vampires, just not the other types. Makes enough sense, I suppose. But again I must point out, Jason is the pomme de sang for JC, he most likely fed on him. Maybe not tonight since he has a performance, but he has no shortage of therians in his employ and I think he’s sleazy enough that he’d make them, as their boss, give blood to him. Yes, it’s the equivalent of a boss demanding sexual favors from an employee, but like I said, he’s sleazy, and the supernatural community very much runs things on their own rules.
“Of course, he shared me with a lot of other men, so my being jealous of him taking blood from some other woman seemed childish and unfair.” How does she know it’s a woman now? And would it be okay if it was a man instead? That doesn’t seem right. “But just because it was childish and unfair doesn’t mean it isn’t the way I felt. Stupid, but true.” I actually don’t mind this bit. In fact, I like it. Yes, she’s being hypocritical, but both she and the text acknowledge it and aren’t trying to gloss over or justify it. A lot of feelings that people have, including adults, are stupid and childish and unfair towards others. It’s just part of being human. The test isn’t so much, in my opinion, to just be perfect and never have these feelings at all, but to overcome giving into them and doing what’s right instead. I don’t dislike or judge Anita at all for feeling this way; in fact, it makes her seem more human to me, more (purposefully) flawed, and that makes her more likeable. What I will dislike and judge her for is if she doesn’t at against these feelings, or at least try to, and isn’t shown to be in the wrong if she fails to.
The lights go down, but Anita is still able to see Monica watching her and her guys, with an expression that is either envy or anger. Just in case we didn’t get it by now, Monica is a Jealous Hater. Anita talks about how she usually likes honesty (yeah right, honesty to Anita is like water to the Wicked Witch of the West, that’s why she surrounds herself with yes-men, much like LKH) but with Monica she has an understanding that they’ll just pretend to like each other. Uh, Anita has never done that in a single interaction with her, if memory serves me right, and it’s not like they see each other often at all anyway.
Then the music comes on, Anita hugs Micah and JC to herself, and Asher holds JC’s hand. Good lord, they can’t even watch a dance show without group hugs. Dark and edgy series, y’all!
As for Bullet, this chapter is ten pages. I think it could easily be cut down to only half that if all the infodumping and the descriptions of hair/eyes/clothes were cut out.
As far as the info-dumping goes, I understand that there are things new readers will need to know. But this is the most ham-fisted, inorganic, awkward way of doing it as I can possibly imagine. LKH has really had enough practice as an author by now that she should have learned better ways of working these things in much more naturally and unobtrusively. As for all the clothes porn and waxing on about physical features...
I'm a really visual person. I like knowing what characters look like. I like knowing the coloration, height, etc., of everyone, even though it's completely irrelevant. When I was first reading these books in high school, I actually kept a list in my notebook about what everyone looked like so I would remember it when they appeared on-screen. But as with the info-dumping, there are ways to work this information in that 'flow' a hell of a lot better, and will not be so annoying to people who are very much NOT visual like I am. Hell, the way it's done here, even I want to just GET ON WITH THE STORY and get hints dropped about what they looked like later.
I'm also hugely into fashion. I may not always dress like it, but I actually have loads of style magazines, and I take notes from them not on how to dress myself, but for outfits that I want characters to wear, outfits I want to draw, etc. I am the target audience for the clothes-porn crap that you get with so many novels. That does not mean, however, that I mistake it for good writing when I am informed what every character is wearing. Unless it is relevant in some way, it just slows down the story. And if the outfits descriptions here bugged me, as someone who has a soft spot for that kind of thing, I have no doubt it would drive someone crazy if they had no patience for it to begin with. There is no reason we needed to know ANY of this. About the only relevant thing at all would be 'JJ and Vivian had on very pretty dresses and it made Anita wish she'd dressed up too' and everything else could be cut and not have the scene change AT ALL.
Asher is also now a creepy asshole. It has been a long time since I read these books, and I don't remember much about Asher besides the scar angst. I do, however, remember that I liked him. He wasn't one of my favorites, but I liked him. So I asked a friend who does remember the books really well if this behavior from him is new, or if I just didn't recall it/didn't see it for what it was when I was a teen. According to her, she doesn't remember him being creepy, but that "He had scar tissue that prevented him from doing anything [sexually]. He got rid of that. Then Anita bullied him into her bed. I felt so sick after reading that. He seriously was walking out and she emotionally blackmailed into things. Deliberately played on his trauma and need to be wanted. It was gross all around. I think he was crying at some point. I'll have to reread. But yeah, if that's how he was brought in, why wouldn't he think that's normal? Anita did it and it worked."
So basically it is potentially as a result of this, in my opinion, that Asher is now bullying someone else in order to get them into bed. What a lovely, sickening little cycle.
BULLET, CHAPTER TWO, in which the harem all turns out to see a kiddie ballet recital (which turns out not to be just for kids, but you don't know that for awhile) and are horribly overdressed to boot. Also there is high school style boy drama, sexual harassment edition
Anita looks for Micah in the crowd "but since he was my size neither of us could see each other over the crowd." Yeah, Micah is 5'3 just like Anita, and in one scene somewhere in the series he is wearing Anita's sweatpants since they wear the same size and she has mens sweatpants. Aside from there being something gay in there I can't quite put my finger on, I still for the life of me can't see why a woman like Anita, who is stated oh so many times to be curvy and have hippy hips and thighs, would own pants designed for men. They can't possibly be comfortable, and she's not trying to present as butch or as physically male (just as mentally being the most manly man that was ever a man) so yeah, I don't know. Just thought I'd throw that bit of weirdness out there.
Then they spot each other and start going towards each other (I almost typed 'coming towards each other' but decided that might be misinterpreted, given the series and characters we're talking about here) and of course we get a lengthy description of what Micah looks like and how he is dressed. I guess she may as well give him buttloads of physical description, because I sure as hell couldn't tell you anything about his personality. He's the most bland member of her harem in my opinion, and with this bunch you know that's saying something.
"He was one of those rare men who could look delicate, until you took in the wide shoulders" so he looks delicate until you spot a very obvious non-delicate feature that most people are going to notice immediately, okay. I think she means "his body looks delicate aside from his wide shoulders". "He was built like a swimmer, though his sports were jogging and weight lifting like most of the wereanimals I knew." Interestingly, those are the same sports that Anita does! How about that! No but seriously, it's kind of weird to me not only that there are two particular types of exercise that wereanimals apparently gravitate towards, but that they also happen to be the ones Anita does. Maybe they're the only ones LKH has any familiarity with?
She then says that his suits all have to be tailored for athletic cuts and that "Italian seemed to fit best" while "American suits were mostly shaped like boxes and looked terrible on short men with muscles. Though Micah went for strength, not bulk." Of course, we can't have him being TOO muscular like Max from Skin Trade, Anita has to have her harem stay dainty! I remember reading a spork of this chapter where a lot of commenters were confused on what she was talking about regarding American and Italian suits, because obviously not all suits are cut just one way in a country--they don't only cut them this way in America, only this way in Italy, etc., like she seems to be saying here. What I think LKH actually meant to refer to is cut styles. The silhouette (outline) of a suit determines it’s style. There are basic 3 basic styles(or cut) of suit: British, Italian (also know as simply "European"), and American. But you could go into any suit store in America, ask for an Italian-cut suit, and get one, one that might have been made right here in America. Or go and buy a British-cut suit in Italy. It's a reference to the style, not to where the suit itself actually came from. But the way she words it, I'm not sure if she understands that and maybe thinks each type of suit can only ever come from the country its cut style is named for. Because that's sure how it reads.
Anita notices a good deal of women checking Micah out (ahh, because we must never forget, everyone wants her toys because they're the bestest but they're all hers nah nah nah look at me and my hotties they're all mine!) and this makes her smile "because I knew he looked even better out of his suit than in it." GAG. No, wait, gagging is probably exactly what Anita does too when he's out of his suit, given he's got a dong the size of, what was it again, a soup can? She also notices a man check out his ass and says that "Micah got that a lot too. I think it was being short and pretty" Where does LKH get this idea that gay men universally want delicate, beautiful guys who look ladies? I mean, sure, some do, but loads also like big guys, manly guys, hairy guys, bearded guys, even fat or chubby guys. There's even femmephobia with some of them that can get downright nasty. I feel like this is just another symptom of her 'all relationships need a man and a woman!' heterosexism--even gay guys are still really looking for someone to be the 'woman' in the relationship if they aren't little and pretty themselves, and that would of course be little and pretty guys like Micah. Which is also why he and the others get to be the 'women' with her, because Anita is The Guy! And there can't be two guys, even if the relationship is between two men!
And then yadda yadda about how he's too pretty to be handsome, and his curly waist-length deep brown hair and how loads of women are jealous of it and what color it might have been when he was little and then mentioning their stupid deal: Micah wants to cut his hair, and Anita wants to cut hers. She likes his long, he likes hers long. So instead of just respecting their partners bodily autonomy and right to do with their hair what they like, they made a deal that if one gets a haircut, the other one will too. Great, so they can both be unhappy with what's on their own heads just to please the preferences of a partner who KNOWS that it isn't what they want. Sounds like a healthy relationship already! Not to mention that Anita is a law enforcement officer and queen of several therian communities in St. Louis, she is bound to get in physical fights from bad guys and challengers a whole lot. Ditto for Micah having to defend his throne as Nimir-Raj. You know what is a really bad thing to have in a fight, especially one that could be life or death? LONG HAIR FOR YOUR ENEMY TO GRAB. They are literally risking each others safety over this stupid hair kink, good gravy.
Then we get talk about how pretty his face is some more and how it's just "maybe a little long through the jaw for perfection, but that one line was all that saved him from looking like a beautiful woman instead of a man. Elementary school must have been hell, because short and pretty men don't usually fare well." Actually, elementary school was probably just fine for him. At that age, most boys can pass for girls and vice versa if you change their hair and swap their clothes. It's more middle school and high school, when puberty hits and hormones start really changing most kids, that he would be noticeable as being short and pretty and looking like a lady.
Anita then talks about how he told her his eyes were originally brown (how fascinating) but now his eyes are leopard eyes and are chartreuse green and yellow depending on light and what color he’s wearing and oh my god how long can she drag out writing about this schmuck’s eyes. Not to mention that leopard eyes aren’t even that color. This is chartreuse:
http://richmondmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/chartreuse.gif
And these are leopard eyes, which are kind of a greenish grayish color
http://www.fullhdwpp.com/animals/leopard
Although I guess this one could count as chartreuse, though not the bright, vibrant type she tends to describe it as
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BysEOf4Uhn8/UIKuiLrusAI/AAAAAAAADVw/CxX9ekCkvZo/s1600/Leopard_big_cats.jpeg
“Most of the time he wore sunglasses to hide the eyes, but wearing them after dark sometimes attracted more attention than what they hid, and it amazed him how many people could look him in the eyes and only remark, “What beautiful eyes.” Or “What a great shade of green.” and never make the connection.”
Uh, maybe they DO make the connection and don’t want to be rude about it? Noticing someone is a therianthrope doesn’t seem like something socially acceptable to point out in this world, considering how many times it’s been harped on that it’s supposed to be viewed like having a disease. Would you make comments on a wheelchair or the baldness of a cancer patient? I actually the hate the “it’s a disease!” thing because no other disease gives you superpowers and violent urges and lets you turn into a giant predator, so discriminating against therians is a lot more understandable than discriminating against AIDS patients (a comparison which seriously has been made in the series) but if that’s how it’s gonna be, at least be consistent about it. Also, look at those leopard eyes again. Would those really look so unusual in a human as to be a definite sign of being a supernatural? Especially if you weren’t super duper up close? Because in that case, a lot of people with hazel or green-gray eyes are apparently SECRET WERELEOPARDS and I had no idea.
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BEASTS WALK AMONG US AAAAAH!
“Nathaniel would say, “People see what they want to see, or what their minds tell them they should see most of the time.” Since when is Nathaniel Mr. Insightful? And why shouldn’t people’s minds be okay with them seeing a sign of someone being a therian? This isn’t a world where therians are fairy tales and cryptids. This is a world where the dishwasher would be a werewolf. Everybody knows they’re around. Everybody knows there’s probably some in their own home town. There is no reason people would have a ‘this cannot possibly be!’ mental block against noticing a sign like that. Most likely the case is, as I said, either they do notice and just don’t want to be rude, or they don’t notice not because they don’t think they ‘should’ see it but because the color of leopard eyes simply isn’t that unusual or weird as Anita/LKH seems to think it is.
Micah smiles at her and it’s full of “love, lust, and just that connection we had from almost the moment we met.” Oh, you mean when he raped you in the shower even as you told him not to and begged him to stop? Also, I get the feeling that he and Anita are supposed to be “in lust” with each other 24/7, even at kiddie ballet recitals when there is nothing arousing going on, and that makes me think LKH has issues…you know, as if we didn’t know that. She then talks about how they’re Nimir-Raj and Nimir-Ra and how even though she doesn’t shapeshift she still “somehow held a piece of leopard inside me, and that piece seemed to know him.” Of course it knows him, it’s his dick, that’s what’s inside you! “Micah never questioned it” He never questions ANYTHING when it comes to Anita, that’s why he’s one of her favorites, along with Nathaniel the Weredoormat. And then she tells us how she let him move in with her, and how they’ve been together two years now and it’s a record for her and usually she’s either wrecked things or the guy has done something but Micah has been perfect yadda yadda we get it, Micah is Jon and this reads just like the dedications to Jon at the beginning of every book, including this one. God, it’s almost two pages into this chapter and we’ve gotten NOTHING BUT INFODUMPS ON FREAKING MICAH.
He reaches her, asks what she’s smiling at, she says at him, gag me with a spoon, their hands touch and start playing with each other and “I’d had one friend say that we could get more out of just holding hands than some couples got out of kissing” because they are the most perfect and best of all couples ever and better than you and any of your romantic relationships so there. But they still kiss anyway. Gag me again.
Anita asks who he was talking to, as he had been chatting with a family she didn’t recognize. He says it’s one of the families from “our support group” and we get told how “Micah was the head/spokesperson for the Coalition for Better Understanding Between Human and Lycanthrope Communities. It was affectionately known as the Furry Coalition.” AHAHAHAHAHAH OH LKH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DID THERE DO YOU. That is just precious.
We then get infodump upon infodump that leads to yet more infodumping. It goes like this:
- The Coalition helps shapeshifters adjust to their condition, because new shifters are "unpredictable" and "it could take months of full moons before they were trustworthy." Just months? Yeah, Anita should be WELL in control of herself by now, since she's been with Micah two years and he's been around since she first started collected strains of therianthropy.
- The family support group part is for the non-shifter family members to talk freely about the condition of their newly-therian loved ones
- Discrimination still occurs against therians even though they are now legal in the US, and "there were entire professions where failing one blood test would get you excluded forever. Military, police, food industry, medical care--it was hard to keep a job if you were a teacher of children and people found out you turned into the big bad wolf once a month."
And this is wrong why? Being in the military or police can mean you will face combat, high-stress situations, be around a lot of wounded people, etc. It seems like just the sort of thing that would make someone's beast go nuts and do a lot of damage. I also am rather skeptical of the military not still utilizing shifters in some way nonetheless, because of their insane strength, senses, and healing ability, but moving on, being in the medical industry will also mean being around sick and wounded people, sometimes also blood and open wounds and open chests and all kinds of things. Considering all the shifters except swans are predators, that seems, as with a shifter police officer, like trouble waiting to happen. Yeah, there are shifters out there with great control who would never ever lose it no matter what, but why gamble with innocent lives that each and every doctor, nurse, etc., is that type of shifter? And I don't think parents can be faulted for not wanting someone around their kids that literally has a massive predator (pony-sized wolves and big cats!) inside of them that probably sees small humans as snacks.
And yet, apparently, "that kind of discrimination was illegal, but hard to prove." Wait, so, it's illegal, but they can still ban you for life over a blood test? Explain that again?
- Richard is a werewolf, and an Ulfric at that, and he's a junior high science teacher and that's why he's not here tonight.
- Richard is JC's Wolf to Call, Anita is his Human Servant, they are a triumvirate, so they "should both have been here at his [JC) side, but Richard wouldn't risk being outed and losing his job." Yes, he should totally be there and associate himself in public with a known supernatural, this kiddie dance recital is THAT big a deal. Damn, Richard, you just have no sense of duty, do you? Shame on you!
Come to think of it, since JC is publicly known to the tabloids as the Master of St. Louis, doesn't anyone in the audience here wonder what the fresh hell he's doing here? I mean, he obviously doesn't have a kid in the show, being a vampire and all...it's kind of creepy. If I were there and realized who he was, I'd think he was scouting new talent for Guilty Pleasures a decade in advance.
Richard really hates being a werewolf. There is a backhanded insult to Richard on how nobody ELSE here with JC's group "had a problem being exactly who and what they were." Yeah, we just hear all this about social stigmatization shifters face and all the problems with controlling themselves they have, and yet we're supposed to judge Richard for not being 100% gung-ho about his therian status? 'Scuse me for totally seeing his point, especially since he'd never have ended up with Anita if he hadn't gotten infected. That's the worst part of being a shifter for him, in my opinion.
And then Anita sees Asher's hair and gushes to us over its precise shade of gold, and then she talks about the hair of JC, who is sitting next to him, and how JC is growing it out because Anita likes it and how Asher had told her that "It takes energy for a vampire to grow his hair longer than it was when he died." I haven't yet read Kiss the Dead, but apparently there is a plot point of local vampires revolting against JC for stealing their energy in order to grow his hair. I find this hilarious.
I am also ashamed to admit that I have questions about this for character purposes, mainly that, while it takes energy to grow the hair longer than it was in life, does it take energy for the hair to grow back to the length it was in life if it gets cut at some point? I've just been going with the idea that, if cut, the hair of an Anitaverse vampire will eventually grow back on its own to the length it was in life via any excess energy from blood or whatever else the vampire draws on, but not get any longer than that unless they deliberately do what JC is doing. Anybody know if that's ever addressed in canon?
A blonde woman named J.J. is there too, and she is the current girlfriend of Jason. I fear for her sake immediately. She's come from New York to watch him onstage...wait, what? Jason is gonna be on-stage? What kind of production is there in which there are toddlers dressed as clowns AND strippers in the same recital? Does Jason do regular dance too then? I guess it wouldn't surprise me, since as I mentioned when LKH made remarks about strippers not being ble to really dance in Flirt, many strippers are professionally trained dancers...I guess in the Anitaverse, that just applies only to the male ones. Also how convenient that his girlfriend is normally in ANOTHER FREAKIN' STATE, though she's come to visit St. Louis three times in as many months, and "it was as serious as I'd ever seen Jason over anyone." Yeah, the poor girl is definitely doomed. Hopefully she'll just get forgotten by LKH rather than have anything worse happen to her. Interestingly enough, JJ is herself a ballerina and performs in the New York City Ballet. Wow.
Anyway, she's "pale and beautiful" and wearing a "pink that was almost white" dress and we get a remark on how, unlike JJ, Anita would need a bra if she was wearing that because "my curves only honed down so far." I love how description of another woman suddenly becomes an excuse to talk about Anita's tits and imply this chick must not have any.
Truth is there too, and he's got his hair in a ponytail and is clean-shaven which is unusual because "Truth's face was trapped in that not-quite-beard stubble because that's how he'd looked when he died. Shaving meant that he might not be able to grow it back even if he wanted to." He's a pretty powerful vampire, can't he just do the same trick as JC? Asher didn't say you had to be a Master or anything, just have the extra energy. HOW DO YOU GET INCONSISTENCY LIKE THIS ON THE SAME PAGE. And he's wearing a nice suit which is also unusual and Anita is stunned into silence by this and Micah tells her to say something so she tells him he looks nice all cleaned up like this. Truth says he borrowed the suit from Wicked, who he says is here too. Great, so we'll get a paragraph on what he's wearing too?
No, mercifully we instead just get to know the color and texture of Wicked's hair, the exact shade of gray-blue eyes they have, that they both have a dimple on their chins, and that they were born a year apart as humans. Also, Truth is here as "security". They need a bodyguard here? Again, what kind of function is this?
Then Asher takes her hand and we are told how he "made both Wicked and Truth look too manly, too modern-day handsome in comparison." Hoo boy, here we go--we get a big fat paragraph about his wavy gold hair, his pale blue eyes "like ice given life and color" and how his face is "a beauty to make angels weep, or want to trade sides" and of course the scars and how they fuck up his right side and how Anita thinks even the person who burned him "had flinched at the ruined of that face." And then we get a SECOND paragraph about how he is the masked ringmaster at the Circus of the Damned and him coming out in public is a big deal and, of course, what he's wearing: "a soft blue silk shirt with a high, soft collar pierced by a stickpin that held a pale blue diamond almost the color of his eyes" that Jean-Claude and Anita bought for him last year, mostly Jean-Claude because he's so super rich, which is why "the diamond was almost the size of my thumbnail." And he wears it to this? Where most of the mothers are stated to have been just in what they wore to work? How gaudy and gauche, sir.
Anita then looks down to see that he is wearing "dark brown leather and boots that came up to his knees. The fact that I hadn't looked below the waist until he kissed me said something about just how nice the upper bits were, because it was all nice." Alright then. And mention of Asher liking suits, except at fetish events where he wears leather. Uh, thanks for that mental image I guess. And then she thinks about how she's had sex with every vampire here and is uncomfortable with that. Asher asks why she's frowning, and she says it was "Something Matthew said backstage" to which Asher responds "Precocious indeed if he can make you that unhappy." Are you kidding? Anita hates everything. Everything pisses her off. She's basically NEVER happy and refuses to ever enjoy anything. What would be precocious is if Matthew actually got her to stop being such a chronically angry, self-absorbed pill for a freaking second or two.
As if to prove me right, Anita gives Asher "a look" and he passes her hand to Jean-Claude, and we get to hear about how JC wears a shirt like Asher's but it's white and he has on a short black velvet jacket and stickpin through his cravat too that is an antique cameo Anita got him for a Christmas present and also "black leather pants looked poured on, and his boots rose up over his thighs like a second skin. I didn't have to see the back of the boots to know they laced all the way up his leg. I liked these boots, and had seen them with and without pants." As with Asher in leather bondage gear, thanks for letting us know, Anita.
By the way, on the two pages open before me right here, the two-sentence conversation between Anita and Asher are the ONLY spoken words. Everything else is description, mainly of what the men look like and are wearing. Just in case you were wondering. Counting what came before these two pages, and I'd say we have about three to four pages purely of clothes porn and my-men-are-so-hawt. God almighty, I just want to take a pair of hedge-clippers and start pruning this. No, better yet, a lawnmower.
She tells us that they've been an "on and off" couple for five going on six years now. Wait, but she said Monica betrayed her five years ago. So that means she and JC have been a couple since GP, or even before GP, and we KNOW that isn't the case at all. Ungh, is she trying to retcon that since it turned out Richard and Anita didn't become married as originally planned, or did she just mix up her own continuity as usual? Anita then boggles at how someone as beautiful as Jean-Claude could "possibly be in love with me when he had an entire planet of people to choose from." It really says something about how shallow Anita is that she seriously thinks being in love with someone has to do with how hot you are in comparison to each other. It also says something that she thinks just because JC is hot means he has the entire planet to pick from--there are plenty of people, including ones who find him just as physically attractive as Anita does, that I am sure would in fact not want him as a romantic partner at all. Not to mention that if I had been in a relationship for almost six years with someone, I would be damn well fed up with them if they were still saying I couldn't possibly be in love with them. It seems insulting, really. I tend to be VERY hostile to people telling me what I'm feeling or that the feelings I'm expressing are not "real" in some way, so maybe that's just me, but I don't find it cute or becoming at all on Anita's part.
"Jean-Claude made me feel like I'd sneaked in the Louvre and stolen a masterpiece off the wall so I could roll around on it naked." This is the most unintentionally hilarious line since she mentioned the Furry Coalition.
And then she talks about his blue blue blue eyes and how the fountainhead of their bloodline had collected beautiful blue eyed men and "I had two of her most amazing right here" nah nah nah in your face Belle Morte they're mine now and how Belle threw Asher away after he got scarred and Jean-Claude ran from her...as with Requiem, I don't think running from Belle and winding up with Anita is making any progress at all.
"Now he was his own sourdre de sang, the first new master of his own bloodline to appear in a thousand years."
Yet we're never told just what makes his bloodline a separate one from Belle Morte's. You'd think LKH would jump all over this as an excuse to give Anita loads and loads more powers, but she strangely doesn't. Maybe she doesn't want Anita to have to share them with the rest of his shiny new bloodline because then she won't be the Speshul Only One Evar? And where is his bloodline anyway? I think we've only met two vampires he's turned, Gretchen and Meng Die, and neither of them have new and different vampire powers.
This is why, in my version of canon when I write or roleplay in the Anitaverse, JC is not a new fountainhead nor a new member of the Council. You and your lack of anything resembling unique powers or numbers of sired vampires are NOT worthy to take the seat of Mr. Oliver the Earthmover, sir.
Jean-Claude smooches her and there is purple prose about it. He is now wearing her lipstick too “but it was a good color for him” which makes sense considering his coloring is the same as Anita’s except for blue eyes. He calls her “Ma petite” like always because I swear he doesn't know her name and “it seemed to hold years of I love yous.” Gag gag gag choke gag. They get in there seats, JJ says hi to Anita, and we get told that JJ has the same “spring-blue eyes” and “soft good looks” as Jason does because they have the same great great grandfather. My guess is this is supposed to squick the readers enough that they’ll be rooting for JJ and Jason to break up while also making it so Jason still actually isn’t doing anything wrong or objectionable, since they weren’t raised knowing each other as family and anyone farther apart from you than a second cousin is as genetically different from you as anyone else. Frankly, I hope they not only stay together, but run away together far away from Anita, who will years later find out they got married and had lots of blond blue-eyed children together, most of whom are skinny girls.
Asher tries to kiss Micah like he did Anita, but Micah pulls away and Asher laughs. Eee, skeez. JC pats Micah on the back to comfort him, and Anita tells us that “in private, Jean-Claude and Micah greeted each other pretty intimately, but Micah had made it clear that he wasn’t food for everyone” Well, I should hope not, seeing as how he’s the Leopard King. I mean, I guess I can understand a Nimir-Raj climbing into bed with Master of the City, even literally, for political reasons, especially when that Master is a sex-obsessed flesh-peddling Belle Morte bloodline sleaze ball and the quickest way to an alliance is definitely through his pants, but that doesn’t mean he should be letting any bloodsucker have his way with him. Also, I really hate the use of “food” to mean “sex partner” here more than normal, because there’s no implication that Asher is doing this with the intent of feeding on Micah in any way. Calling ardeur-victims “food” at least made some sense, as annoying as it was, but this doesn’t. We are then informed that this is indeed not about feeding the ardeur at all, but that “Asher had taken it as a challenge to see if he could seduce Micah, and when that hadn’t worked, he seemed intent on embarrassing him. I loved Asher, but he had a sadistic streak in him that I wasn’t always crazy about.”
Dude. He is sexually harassing Micah, your soul-mate. This goes beyond embarrassing and into downright creepy and distressing. You should be way more than “not crazy” about this. And even if you don’t give a shit about Micah, what about worrying about Asher and why he’s doing this, working on his boundaries, etc.? And that’s not even getting into the potential for political bullshit when you consider not only is Micah an important figure in the preternatural community, but Asher is too--he’s JC’s second-in-command, which likely is the only reason he’s getting away with this besides the fact he’s boning Anita too. This is a clusterfuck waiting to happen, and not in the way Anita would like. All because someone can’t take ‘no’ for an answer--typical Anitaverse, the only time we get any interesting political potential is because of something sex-related. Because god forbid anything ELSE matter besides who’s getting laid or not.
Anita seems to at least realize some of this, because she says “if he didn’t stop pushing, he was going to be on Micah’s shit list permanently” and that “something was going to have to be done” before Micah does “something unpleasant”. However, she says she isn’t sure what to do. Um, get Jean-Claude to tell him that, as his Master, he doesn’t appreciate his Second baiting the Leopard King and risking their alliance? If Asher can’t understand and respect that, then boot him from his station, because he clearly isn’t suited to being a Second in that case. I’m already suspecting he only has that position because he’s Jean-Claude’s boyfriend. Anita also says that “Micah and Jean-Claude had tried to rip out each other’s throats the first time they’d met.” Can anyone remember if this is right? I’m following a chapter by chapter spork of Narcissus in Chains right now, and Jean-Claude actually urged Anita to have sex with Micah and psychically facilitated her rape by him, if I remember right. I don’t recall there being any conflict at all between these two sickos during that.
“He wasn’t homophobic, he just didn’t want to donate blood to Asher, and the other man seemed to have taken the rejection badly.” I realize that donating blood to a vampire CAN be a very sexy, sensual experience in this universe, and of course a lot of vampires would use that to their advantage to get willing food (like the freaks) but up until everything became sex in these books, I seem to recall that it was not necessarily a sex thing. For instance, it was very much NOT sexual thing at all when Nikolaos bit Anita to gain control over her through the bite, as some Master vampires could do. It was loathsome and painful. So thinking someone is homophobic for not wanting to be bitten by a vampire of the same sex would never even occur to me, honestly. Especially since Asher is a Master vampire and therefore could potentially try the same thing on Micah that Nikolaos did on Anita, and that would be major political disaster. Heck, it could cause a big ruckus in the Pard, if they have any sense (which is doubtful), if word ever got out that their leader had let a Master vampire bite him, regardless of whether Asher ever would or did try anything like that. Just the knowledge that he COULD should make the entire Pard freak out.
Also, Asher sounds like a creepy fuck. Sexually harassing someone because they turned you down? And what’s worse, it’s done in front of people who are supposed to be Micah’s lovers, friends, and allies and who are doing SQUAT about it. Micah is a rapist himself, make no mistake, but that doesn’t absolve Asher’s behavior. WHY ARE ALL THE ‘GOOD’ GUYS SUCH SICK CREEPY RAPEY ASSHOLES.
Anyway, Micah is understandably really tense and is trying to look neutral but Anita knows he’s angry, so she puts her hand on his and he relaxes but she knows Asher is close to pushing things too far. I know I just said everything about what Asher is doing is wrong, and it is, and I’m not saying it’s not, but considering that unfortunately it seems to be the norm among supernaturals and their politics, Micah being about to lose control over it seems odd when you consider he’s a leader who should probably have experience with this type of thing. Not that he wouldn’t be justified in ripping Asher a new one, just that Asher’s not really doing anything that seems unusual for powerful preternatural figures in this universe. I guess it’s a good thing that Micah doesn’t just accept it for that reason, though. Not just because of the political ramifications if he did just go with it, normal or not, but because Anita & Co are at least in theory supposed to be trying to change how things are run in the St. Louis supernatural community for the BETTER, not just doing what the bad guys used to, as Asher seems to be doing the lite version of with attempted kisses rather than rape.
Anita looks at JC to see if he’s seen this too, but he’s just “watching the stage as if nothing untoward had happened. Had he not noticed, or was he trying to ignore the problem for a little longer? I needed some backup” Right here right now? At a dance recital? With a bunch of normal uninvolved humans around, including a load of children? Just wait till it’s done and you’re back at the Circus, then tell him that the two of you are going to set Asher straight about this shit. This is fucked up, but it is not a super immediate right-this-second emergency. “But if Jean-Claude had a soft spot, it was Asher, and okay, maybe me. We both got away with things that he probably should have put a stop to long before he did.” If those things that you two are getting away with are regularly anything like what Asher’s doing now, then JC needs to grow back his good ol’ Manipulative Bastard spine fast before someone does to the both of you what Micah might do to Asher. Which I totally hope someone does.
Wicked looks at Anita, and Anita somehow totally understands that Wicked understands both the problem between Micah and Asher and that JC is apparently ignoring it (or he could just be looking at the stage because you’re about to watch something on it?). “I was pretty sure that Wicked and Truth would back my play if I could come up with one that wouldn’t destroy our happy little apple cart.” You know, it’s not that I mind some internal drama. With all these people working together, it’s only realistic it happens. What I do mind is that firstly the problem is being presented as “Micah might hurt Asher, oh noes” rather than acknowledging “this is really messed-up behavior and has potential to fuck things up between vampires and leopards” and also that it’s over something that I’m honestly finding to be very petty, small, and dull when you consider all the other kinds of issues that could be going on between the individuals and groups in St. Louis. Seriously, think about all of what LKH has to work with here…and she chooses a spat between Anita’s boyfriends over one making passes at the other? Even knowing what that could lead to, as I’ve laid out, I just can’t get excited or interested in it at all, especially since LKH doesn’t seem to realize what it could lead to and thus probably won’t bring that in at all. They’ll likely just have sex together with Anita and that’ll be the end of it. Also, apple cart? Is that a real saying? I’ve never heard it before, but maybe it’s a Midwestern regional thing.
Anita then explains that while she’s JC’s Human Servant, Asher is his Second-in-Command who, though he is a Master vampire with enough power to have his own territory, stays with her and JC out of love, which makes “my position of authority a little shakey” and that “I was a vampire executioner, but I wouldn’t kill Asher, and he knew that. So my threat was gone.” Of course you won’t kill him, you don’t have a warrant. Remember those? Those little things that mean you CAN’T go around just blowing anyone you want to away, even though you tend to do that anyway? Also, is threatening him with death seriously the only thing you can think to do when it comes to dealing with him? Anita is both his lover and a fellow political big cheese. Lovers do not settle their issues by threatening to kill each other. Politicians (usually) don’t either. You suck at being both, Anita, but we already all knew that. This just drives it home especially nicely, though.
She also takes this time to tell us about how her control expands to other undead besides zombies, including vampires, and how sometimes after she takes control over someone it doesn’t go away “and that had become completely disturbing to me.” Firstly, that is a LIE. It very clearly does not bother Anita at all, no matter what she claims. Secondly, even if this were true, the phrasing implies it used to not be so disturbing to her at one point, which is disturbing in itself.
Monica walks along the side of the aisle “that made more people have to move their legs or stand up” because a woman that Anita doesn’t like is not allowed to do anything right, even walk up an aisle. We are informed that she hit on Asher at some point and he of course turned her down, and she has avoided him since. That’s right, you stay away from the harem, you aisle-walker! Boo! Hiss! How dare you…actually respect the wishes of someone when they turn you down instead of harassing them as revenge the way Asher is doing to Micah? Wait, who am I supposed to be rooting for and against again here? Because in comparison to the other people here so far, Monica seems to be the best person so far. Monica waves and sits down beside JJ. I like to think she is warning her about Anita.
The lights flash, warning everyone the show will be starting soon, and we get yet ANOTHER supernatural without a kid here to watch. It’s Vivian the wereleopard, and all the guys, plus Anita, stand up so she can get into the row with them even though “Vivian was petite enough that we probably could have stayed in our seats, but the older vampires often reacted to women as if bustles had never gone out of fashion, and if could be gentlemen then so could I.” Yeah, be a gentleman when guys are doing that, then be a nasty misogynist asshole the rest of the time. Actually, the old version of being a “gentleman” that the vampires likely practice is basically the same as what Anita is doing here--make token unneeded “respectful” gestures like standing up or opening doors as if it‘s some grand favor (versus just common human decency/politeness regardless of gender like most people do today, which is just fine), but then constantly underestimate and demean women, don’t respect their minds or opinions, treat them like fragile helpless victims, etc.
Anita fills us in on how Vivian is really really pretty because she is “technically African American, but it was by way of Ireland, and that showed a lot from the thick, nearly straight hair to the pale gray-blue eyes” and skin that is “coffee with enough cream to make it almost white.” There are very, very few black women in the AB series. The only ones I can recall are Kissa the vampire, and Laila the cop who shows up in Hit List. Out of these three, the only ones described as beautiful are ones who look the most white (Kissa also has "coffee with cream" skin and is "beautiful" too, though Anita thinks it might be a glamor). That is pretty damn…awkward, to say the least. And then of course, because any woman in the Anitverse who isn’t antagonistic has to be a victim (which is a dirty word in this series) of some type, we are told about how Vivian was raped and tortured by “a very bad man once” but that Anita had killed him (because it has to be all about Anita somehow) and saved Vivian, but unfortunately “the trauma lives on inside” Vivian. Congrats, Viv, you’re one of the few rape survivors to have realistic reactions in this series. I guess that’s only allowed when someone other than Anita or her harem is the rapist. Vivian proves herself even more dazzlingly unique in that she is NOT a stripper or anything similar, but in fact has a job as an administrative assistant at an insurance agency. This utterly fascinates me, and that’s a sad testament to how far we’ve come since the days of Irving, the werewolf reporter with a bald spot, or Louie the short wererat who was a biology professor. Now everyone who is supernatural is also a super-gorgeous stripper. Except Vivian, who is just super-gorgeous.
Vivian may not have a kid here, but she does have someone on-stage: Stephen, her werewolf boyfriend. Considering that Stephen is, like Jason, a stripper at Guilty Pleasures, I again must wonder exactly what kind of show this is that’s also including little kids in it alongside these guys. Vivian wore a fancy dress too that is “ a little slip of nothing” and she and JJ’s dresses make Anita wish she’d worn something too (what, so you can also look like you’re trying to show up all the working mothers here? Wait, that’s exactly what Anita would want) and Micah realizes this (through telepathy, I guess) and reassures her that she looks great. Actually, maybe it’s not telepathy, maybe Anita is just that predictably insecure around any other attractive women. She and Micah then “shared that smile that was mainly just for us” that Nathaniel, who is also going to be on-stage, also gets sometimes. Micah and Nathaniel are definitely the favorites of both LKH and Anita, I’ve noticed. They were the only ones of the harem who were really of any importance in Flirt besides Jason kinda on the sidelines, and the rest really weren’t even mentioned. This further supports the fan theory, which I agree with, that these two are supposed to be avatars of Jon. It makes me wonder if their oh-so-perfect-and-special bond is compensating for something less than that IRL.
Since Micah is holding her hand, JC of course has to hold the other one, and this gets Anita monologuing about how “he had been a ladies man for centuries and he swore that I was the first woman to make him feel insecure” LOL ANITA, HE PROBABLY SAYS THAT TO *ALL* THE LADIES (AND MEN) “I tended to be hard on the egos of a certain kind of men” Who all tend to get hard for you “The ones who normally swept women off their feet never moved me much” You and every other heroine out there, because god forbid one ever make a mistake or be like other girls in any way “I’d always felt that if they swept me off my feet they’d practiced on a lot of women before me, and would practice more with women after me” Okay, that’s the first sensible thing Anita has said so far in this book “I still wasn’t sure if I should apologize to Jean-Claude for throwing his game off this badly, or take a certain pride in it.” Psssh, just keep telling yourself that’s the case, honey. You ask me, Jean-Claude has Anita right where he wanted her all along: in the position that gains him the most damn power. Seriously, his Human Servant is Queen of the wolves, leopards, lions, and tigers, and you think he’s off his game? Oh no, he’s just been maneuvering you in a different way than what you’re talking about here. And letting you think you’re the one calling the shots the whole time, a lie you still hilariously believe. At least, that’s my theory, and it’s totally what the old Jean-Claude would have done. He’s actually the smartest, most manipulative villain I can remember this series having.
Jean-Claude’s hand is warm, which means he’s fed on someone, and Anita says that women line up to feed him. That’s kind of odd, considering he already has Jason as his pomme de sang, aka a steady source of blood. Why is there any need for anyone to be lining up? And then we get this paragraph: “In fact, one of the reasons I’d spent the last few weeks going through a stack of photographs and DVDs with help from the other men had been that we needed more regular food.” How many vampires does his Kiss have that the local freak club and therians aren’t enough? “Other vampire and wereanimal groups from across the country had sent in applications for some of their people to join us.” Because Anita & Co are just THAT cool. “The DVDs had been everything from flat-out porn to strangely awkward dating tapes.” …what. What. Are you serious right now. How does being in porn equate to being a decent blood apple? What kind of food are talking here? Is there an epidemic of ardeur-stricken Belle Morte vamps in St. Louis that I didn’t know about? “It was like the old idea of an arranged marriage, though this was more an arranged mistress, sort of.” No, it’s pimping. “The groups hoped it would give them a stronger tie to our power base, and it might.” Well, I guess if I was a supernatural leader and I knew that Anita was a Canon Sue Powerhouse and basically queen of everything, I might be inclined to send a few sacrificial lambs her way in hopes the rest of my people would be spared from the power of the Doom Crotch.
“They’d been sending candidates to Jean-Claude for a while, and he had politely turned them all down.” He wanted to keep Anita’s loyalties squarely with HIM and no other vampire master is my guess. “This last batch came addressed to me personally.” And apparently the other vampire masters figured that out. “They seemed to feel that Jean-Claude had turned everyone down for fear of pissing me off, and there might be something to that” Yeah, how dare anyone make a decision of any type without Anita around! And what if he accepted a WOMAN into the group? “I’d sat down and watched.” Uh. Yeah, just gonna leave this here. Speaks for itself, I think.
Also I am picturing the head figures in the Anitaverse supernatural groups that my friends and I write and roleplay getting porn in the mail as a political offering, and their reactions, and it’s just…golden, oh god, ahahaha.
And then she backtracks to JC having recently fed and she wonders who it was, and decides she doesn’t want to know because “taking blood was entirely too close to foreplay for the vampires of his bloodline.” Oh, so it’s ALWAYS sexual thing with the sexy vampires, just not the other types. Makes enough sense, I suppose. But again I must point out, Jason is the pomme de sang for JC, he most likely fed on him. Maybe not tonight since he has a performance, but he has no shortage of therians in his employ and I think he’s sleazy enough that he’d make them, as their boss, give blood to him. Yes, it’s the equivalent of a boss demanding sexual favors from an employee, but like I said, he’s sleazy, and the supernatural community very much runs things on their own rules.
“Of course, he shared me with a lot of other men, so my being jealous of him taking blood from some other woman seemed childish and unfair.” How does she know it’s a woman now? And would it be okay if it was a man instead? That doesn’t seem right. “But just because it was childish and unfair doesn’t mean it isn’t the way I felt. Stupid, but true.” I actually don’t mind this bit. In fact, I like it. Yes, she’s being hypocritical, but both she and the text acknowledge it and aren’t trying to gloss over or justify it. A lot of feelings that people have, including adults, are stupid and childish and unfair towards others. It’s just part of being human. The test isn’t so much, in my opinion, to just be perfect and never have these feelings at all, but to overcome giving into them and doing what’s right instead. I don’t dislike or judge Anita at all for feeling this way; in fact, it makes her seem more human to me, more (purposefully) flawed, and that makes her more likeable. What I will dislike and judge her for is if she doesn’t at against these feelings, or at least try to, and isn’t shown to be in the wrong if she fails to.
The lights go down, but Anita is still able to see Monica watching her and her guys, with an expression that is either envy or anger. Just in case we didn’t get it by now, Monica is a Jealous Hater. Anita talks about how she usually likes honesty (yeah right, honesty to Anita is like water to the Wicked Witch of the West, that’s why she surrounds herself with yes-men, much like LKH) but with Monica she has an understanding that they’ll just pretend to like each other. Uh, Anita has never done that in a single interaction with her, if memory serves me right, and it’s not like they see each other often at all anyway.
Then the music comes on, Anita hugs Micah and JC to herself, and Asher holds JC’s hand. Good lord, they can’t even watch a dance show without group hugs. Dark and edgy series, y’all!
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no subject
Date: 2013-02-26 07:41 pm (UTC)12. A plot point to steal energy to grow his hair out for...? Oh for the love of God, LKH! Anita's men do not all need to have long hair! That's just boring! And messy! The poor shower drains! And the sheer amount of hair products they all have to go through, especially if they're fucking and rolling around in bodily fluids, and fighting and rolling around in more bodily fluids. This is just inane and boring. C'mon!
13. pink that was almost white -- so a pale rose? pastel pink? Jesuse, those are two-word descriptions of the same damn color she wanted. LKH, you... need to stop writing. Just stop. Like turn in the towel and stop. You use way too many words to describe something. Everything with you is superfluous.
14. To be fair... Ballet dancers are really lean and lithe from strict dieting and hard dancing (part of the reason I love studying their form in movement), so J.J. probably doesn't have much in the way of a bossom. But yes, that "Let's talk about Anita's tits!" is unnecessary.
15. Why are Asher and JC dressed like pirates? That's like, all I've got. They're wearing swash-buckling gear. I'm confused.
16. *absolutely seething at Anita's shallow "love is about looks* bullshit* Fuck. you. LKH.
17. sneaked into the Louvre... so I could roll around on it naked. *opens mouth, closes it, opens again, shakes head* What the fuck? That... So JC is the masterpiece, and you've rolled about on him naked, yes. But why the Louvre? Is that the only fancy place of art LKH knows? And why bother to steal it? Why not just pull it off the wall and roll on it right there in the museum? The French would love that. Oh. JC is French. JC = French = France = Louvre. Got it. He's also really old. You could just go get something from the Smithsonian.
18. Frankly, I hope they not only stay together, but run away together far away from Anita, who will years later find out they got married and had lots of blond blue-eyed children together, most of whom are skinny girls. [insert gif of applause]
19. *chin on hand* When she says something unpleasant is going to be done by Micah, all I can imagine is him bitch-slapping Asher. Because Anita puts such emphasis on how girly he is except his shoulders. And honestly, I haven't seen Micah do anything intimidating (except force himself on Anita in the shower, but she probably could've killed him, unless she wasn't powerful yet?). He just screams too femme and girly to get anything done. Maybe I'm mixing him up with Nathaniel in my head. But yeah, he just gets in a slap-fight with Asher and Anita stomps her foot about them not loving her enough to get along, and maybe crying, and then everything's resolved because they both have to coo and comfort her.
On the other hand, Micah could totally snap, and fuck up the other side of Asher's face in a real OH SHIT moment. But I'm assuming none of this happens, so I'll just go back to my bitch-slap theory.
20. I think I just enjoy all of Anita's men being creepy fucks at this point because... she's a creepy horrible person and it suits her that they are, too. Because I am not even bothered by Asher being a sadistic bastard right now? Maybe because I don't see a lot of the vampires being vampires, and all I keep seeing is the vampire-sweeties fawning over Anita. So the fact Asher is being a manipulative sociopath right now is kind of refreshing. And I'm all for a leopard/vampire fight. It'd liven up this whole thing. And the children are safely back stage!
21. WIMMENS APPEAR AND NOW I MUST CLUTCH MY
PEARLSSWEETIES TO ME. That's all I got out of the rest.no subject
Date: 2013-02-26 08:04 pm (UTC)12) It sounds almost like a joke. Like something a parody fanfic would come up with.
14) Oh, I have no problem with JJ being lean all over; a busty ballet dancer would probably have a harder time. It's how that's an excuse for LET'S HEAR HOW CURVY ANITA IS that bugs me, yes.
15) I think she thinks it's period-wear? Or something?
17) Now I'm picturing her getting caught by the cast from Bones
19) Well, girly femme people can totally be forceful, capable, and effective. But I can't recall if Micah has ever been any of these things. Of course I didn't read anything after NiC when he first showed up so it's possible he has been, just not in any of the books I read.
20) Yeah, I think I'd rather a creepy vamp than a sweetie vamp too, tbh
no subject
Date: 2013-02-26 09:03 pm (UTC)12. LKH writes her own spitefic and makes it canon. Huh.
15. But... okay, I guess that makes sense. But why would they wear it out? To a mundane human gathering? Because that's just asking for all the soccer-moms and pageant moms to be like "SCREEE! VAMPIRES!!!" and then mass chaos. I mean, you're not going to blend a bunch of long-haired bishies in anyway, but dressing two of them like fucking pirates is really asking to stand out.
17. Bones would be horrified that bodily fluids were getting on stuff. And Booth would just be confused and then a victim if convinced to grow his hair out...
19. True, but that's just... not how I envision Micah? He and Nathaniel are both doormats, for all Micah is supposedly super dangerous as the Leopard King (Nimir Raj or whatever; which Raj is more fucking tiger (hi Raja) and Nimir is like Arabic for gazelle, I think, so hah). I dunno. Micah doesn't scream "effective leader" to me.
20. Vampires are supposed to be creepy. Sweet ones are weird. Unless they're going to be sweet in a creepy way. That'd be awesome!
no subject
Date: 2013-02-26 09:14 pm (UTC)19) Oh, no disagreement there, Micah specifically is indeed a doormat as far as Anita goes from what I've seen. He just says 'yes' to everything she wants. That's literally all that I've seen him do. Not an effective leader of any sort at all, nope. As for Nathaniel...in the words of Poison Ivy, "If you had a middle name, it'd be Welcome."
20) Agreed!