BULLET, CH. 2

[a_sporking_rat]

I just finished reading 'salem's Lot by Stephen King, and I'm confused on something. Does anyone know why Barlow (the vampire) was so set on castrating Mark (the little boy)? Repeated reference is made to it, but I don't think any explanation is ever given as to why, and Barlow doesn't seem to want to do it to anyone else.

As for Bullet, this chapter is ten pages. I think it could easily be cut down to only half that if all the infodumping and the descriptions of hair/eyes/clothes were cut out.

As far as the info-dumping goes, I understand that there are things new readers will need to know. But this is the most ham-fisted, inorganic, awkward way of doing it as I can possibly imagine. LKH has really had enough practice as an author by now that she should have learned better ways of working these things in much more naturally and unobtrusively. As for all the clothes porn and waxing on about physical features...

I'm a really visual person. I like knowing what characters look like. I like knowing the coloration, height, etc., of everyone, even though it's completely irrelevant. When I was first reading these books in high school, I actually kept a list in my notebook about what everyone looked like so I would remember it when they appeared on-screen. But as with the info-dumping, there are ways to work this information in that 'flow' a hell of a lot better, and will not be so annoying to people who are very much NOT visual like I am. Hell, the way it's done here, even I want to just GET ON WITH THE STORY and get hints dropped about what they looked like later.

I'm also hugely into fashion. I may not always dress like it, but I actually have loads of style magazines, and I take notes from them not on how to dress myself, but for outfits that I want characters to wear, outfits I want to draw, etc. I am the target audience for the clothes-porn crap that you get with so many novels. That does not mean, however, that I mistake it for good writing when I am informed what every character is wearing. Unless it is relevant in some way, it just slows down the story. And if the outfits descriptions here bugged me, as someone who has a soft spot for that kind of thing, I have no doubt it would drive someone crazy if they had no patience for it to begin with. There is no reason we needed to know ANY of this. About the only relevant thing at all would be 'JJ and Vivian had on very pretty dresses and it made Anita wish she'd dressed up too' and everything else could be cut and not have the scene change AT ALL.

Asher is also now a creepy asshole. It has been a long time since I read these books, and I don't remember much about Asher besides the scar angst. I do, however, remember that I liked him. He wasn't one of my favorites, but I liked him. So I asked a friend who does remember the books really well if this behavior from him is new, or if I just didn't recall it/didn't see it for what it was when I was a teen. According to her, she doesn't remember him being creepy, but that "He had scar tissue that prevented him from doing anything [sexually]. He got rid of that. Then Anita bullied him into her bed. I felt so sick after reading that. He seriously was walking out and she emotionally blackmailed into things. Deliberately played on his trauma and need to be wanted. It was gross all around. I think he was crying at some point. I'll have to reread. But yeah, if that's how he was brought in, why wouldn't he think that's normal? Anita did it and it worked."

So basically it is potentially as a result of this, in my opinion, that Asher is now bullying someone else in order to get them into bed. What a lovely, sickening little cycle.

BULLET, CHAPTER TWO, in which the harem all turns out to see a kiddie ballet recital (which turns out not to be just for kids, but you don't know that for awhile) and are horribly overdressed to boot. Also there is high school style boy drama, sexual harassment edition

Anita looks for Micah in the crowd "but since he was my size neither of us could see each other over the crowd." Yeah, Micah is 5'3 just like Anita, and in one scene somewhere in the series he is wearing Anita's sweatpants since they wear the same size and she has mens sweatpants. Aside from there being something gay in there I can't quite put my finger on, I still for the life of me can't see why a woman like Anita, who is stated oh so many times to be curvy and have hippy hips and thighs, would own pants designed for men. They can't possibly be comfortable, and she's not trying to present as butch or as physically male (just as mentally being the most manly man that was ever a man) so yeah, I don't know. Just thought I'd throw that bit of weirdness out there.

Then they spot each other and start going towards each other (I almost typed 'coming towards each other' but decided that might be misinterpreted, given the series and characters we're talking about here) and of course we get a lengthy description of what Micah looks like and how he is dressed. I guess she may as well give him buttloads of physical description, because I sure as hell couldn't tell you anything about his personality. He's the most bland member of her harem in my opinion, and with this bunch you know that's saying something.

"He was one of those rare men who could look delicate, until you took in the wide shoulders" so he looks delicate until you spot a very obvious non-delicate feature that most people are going to notice immediately, okay. I think she means "his body looks delicate aside from his wide shoulders". "He was built like a swimmer, though his sports were jogging and weight lifting like most of the wereanimals I knew." Interestingly, those are the same sports that Anita does! How about that! No but seriously, it's kind of weird to me not only that there are two particular types of exercise that wereanimals apparently gravitate towards, but that they also happen to be the ones Anita does. Maybe they're the only ones LKH has any familiarity with?

She then says that his suits all have to be tailored for athletic cuts and that "Italian seemed to fit best" while "American suits were mostly shaped like boxes and looked terrible on short men with muscles. Though Micah went for strength, not bulk." Of course, we can't have him being TOO muscular like Max from Skin Trade, Anita has to have her harem stay dainty! I remember reading a spork of this chapter where a lot of commenters were confused on what she was talking about regarding American and Italian suits, because obviously not all suits are cut just one way in a country--they don't only cut them this way in America, only this way in Italy, etc., like she seems to be saying here. What I think LKH actually meant to refer to is cut styles. The silhouette (outline) of a suit determines it’s style. There are basic 3 basic styles(or cut) of suit: British, Italian (also know as simply "European"), and American. But you could go into any suit store in America, ask for an Italian-cut suit, and get one, one that might have been made right here in America. Or go and buy a British-cut suit in Italy. It's a reference to the style, not to where the suit itself actually came from. But the way she words it, I'm not sure if she understands that and maybe thinks each type of suit can only ever come from the country its cut style is named for. Because that's sure how it reads.

Anita notices a good deal of women checking Micah out (ahh, because we must never forget, everyone wants her toys because they're the bestest but they're all hers nah nah nah look at me and my hotties they're all mine!) and this makes her smile "because I knew he looked even better out of his suit than in it." GAG. No, wait, gagging is probably exactly what Anita does too when he's out of his suit, given he's got a dong the size of, what was it again, a soup can? She also notices a man check out his ass and says that "Micah got that a lot too. I think it was being short and pretty" Where does LKH get this idea that gay men universally want delicate, beautiful guys who look ladies? I mean, sure, some do, but loads also like big guys, manly guys, hairy guys, bearded guys, even fat or chubby guys. There's even femmephobia with some of them that can get downright nasty. I feel like this is just another symptom of her 'all relationships need a man and a woman!' heterosexism--even gay guys are still really looking for someone to be the 'woman' in the relationship if they aren't little and pretty themselves, and that would of course be little and pretty guys like Micah. Which is also why he and the others get to be the 'women' with her, because Anita is The Guy! And there can't be two guys, even if the relationship is between two men!

And then yadda yadda about how he's too pretty to be handsome, and his curly waist-length deep brown hair and how loads of women are jealous of it and what color it might have been when he was little and then mentioning their stupid deal: Micah wants to cut his hair, and Anita wants to cut hers. She likes his long, he likes hers long. So instead of just respecting their partners bodily autonomy and right to do with their hair what they like, they made a deal that if one gets a haircut, the other one will too. Great, so they can both be unhappy with what's on their own heads just to please the preferences of a partner who KNOWS that it isn't what they want. Sounds like a healthy relationship already! Not to mention that Anita is a law enforcement officer and queen of several therian communities in St. Louis, she is bound to get in physical fights from bad guys and challengers a whole lot. Ditto for Micah having to defend his throne as Nimir-Raj. You know what is a really bad thing to have in a fight, especially one that could be life or death? LONG HAIR FOR YOUR ENEMY TO GRAB. They are literally risking each others safety over this stupid hair kink, good gravy.

Then we get talk about how pretty his face is some more and how it's just "maybe a little long through the jaw for perfection, but that one line was all that saved him from looking like a beautiful woman instead of a man. Elementary school must have been hell, because short and pretty men don't usually fare well." Actually, elementary school was probably just fine for him. At that age, most boys can pass for girls and vice versa if you change their hair and swap their clothes. It's more middle school and high school, when puberty hits and hormones start really changing most kids, that he would be noticeable as being short and pretty and looking like a lady.

Anita then talks about how he told her his eyes were originally brown (how fascinating) but now his eyes are leopard eyes and are chartreuse green and yellow depending on light and what color he’s wearing and oh my god how long can she drag out writing about this schmuck’s eyes. Not to mention that leopard eyes aren’t even that color. This is chartreuse:
http://richmondmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/chartreuse.gif
And these are leopard eyes, which are kind of a greenish grayish color
http://www.fullhdwpp.com/animals/leopard
Although I guess this one could count as chartreuse, though not the bright, vibrant type she tends to describe it as
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BysEOf4Uhn8/UIKuiLrusAI/AAAAAAAADVw/CxX9ekCkvZo/s1600/Leopard_big_cats.jpeg

“Most of the time he wore sunglasses to hide the eyes, but wearing them after dark sometimes attracted more attention than what they hid, and it amazed him how many people could look him in the eyes and only remark, “What beautiful eyes.” Or “What a great shade of green.” and never make the connection.”

Uh, maybe they DO make the connection and don’t want to be rude about it? Noticing someone is a therianthrope doesn’t seem like something socially acceptable to point out in this world, considering how many times it’s been harped on that it’s supposed to be viewed like having a disease. Would you make comments on a wheelchair or the baldness of a cancer patient? I actually the hate the “it’s a disease!” thing because no other disease gives you superpowers and violent urges and lets you turn into a giant predator, so discriminating against therians is a lot more understandable than discriminating against AIDS patients (a comparison which seriously has been made in the series) but if that’s how it’s gonna be, at least be consistent about it. Also, look at those leopard eyes again. Would those really look so unusual in a human as to be a definite sign of being a supernatural? Especially if you weren’t super duper up close? Because in that case, a lot of people with hazel or green-gray eyes are apparently SECRET WERELEOPARDS and I had no idea.
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/134/0/2/hazel_eyes_and_copper_hair_by_rosiexoderek-d3gc3l2.jpg
http://smartgirltips.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/green-eyes.jpg
BEASTS WALK AMONG US AAAAAH!

“Nathaniel would say, “People see what they want to see, or what their minds tell them they should see most of the time.” Since when is Nathaniel Mr. Insightful? And why shouldn’t people’s minds be okay with them seeing a sign of someone being a therian? This isn’t a world where therians are fairy tales and cryptids. This is a world where the dishwasher would be a werewolf. Everybody knows they’re around. Everybody knows there’s probably some in their own home town. There is no reason people would have a ‘this cannot possibly be!’ mental block against noticing a sign like that. Most likely the case is, as I said, either they do notice and just don’t want to be rude, or they don’t notice not because they don’t think they ‘should’ see it but because the color of leopard eyes simply isn’t that unusual or weird as Anita/LKH seems to think it is.

Micah smiles at her and it’s full of “love, lust, and just that connection we had from almost the moment we met.” Oh, you mean when he raped you in the shower even as you told him not to and begged him to stop? Also, I get the feeling that he and Anita are supposed to be “in lust” with each other 24/7, even at kiddie ballet recitals when there is nothing arousing going on, and that makes me think LKH has issues…you know, as if we didn’t know that. She then talks about how they’re Nimir-Raj and Nimir-Ra and how even though she doesn’t shapeshift she still “somehow held a piece of leopard inside me, and that piece seemed to know him.” Of course it knows him, it’s his dick, that’s what’s inside you! “Micah never questioned it” He never questions ANYTHING when it comes to Anita, that’s why he’s one of her favorites, along with Nathaniel the Weredoormat. And then she tells us how she let him move in with her, and how they’ve been together two years now and it’s a record for her and usually she’s either wrecked things or the guy has done something but Micah has been perfect yadda yadda we get it, Micah is Jon and this reads just like the dedications to Jon at the beginning of every book, including this one. God, it’s almost two pages into this chapter and we’ve gotten NOTHING BUT INFODUMPS ON FREAKING MICAH.

He reaches her, asks what she’s smiling at, she says at him, gag me with a spoon, their hands touch and start playing with each other and “I’d had one friend say that we could get more out of just holding hands than some couples got out of kissing” because they are the most perfect and best of all couples ever and better than you and any of your romantic relationships so there. But they still kiss anyway. Gag me again.

Anita asks who he was talking to, as he had been chatting with a family she didn’t recognize. He says it’s one of the families from “our support group” and we get told how “Micah was the head/spokesperson for the Coalition for Better Understanding Between Human and Lycanthrope Communities. It was affectionately known as the Furry Coalition.” AHAHAHAHAHAH OH LKH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST DID THERE DO YOU. That is just precious.

We then get infodump upon infodump that leads to yet more infodumping. It goes like this:
- The Coalition helps shapeshifters adjust to their condition, because new shifters are "unpredictable" and "it could take months of full moons before they were trustworthy." Just months? Yeah, Anita should be WELL in control of herself by now, since she's been with Micah two years and he's been around since she first started collected strains of therianthropy.
- The family support group part is for the non-shifter family members to talk freely about the condition of their newly-therian loved ones
- Discrimination still occurs against therians even though they are now legal in the US, and "there were entire professions where failing one blood test would get you excluded forever. Military, police, food industry, medical care--it was hard to keep a job if you were a teacher of children and people found out you turned into the big bad wolf once a month."

And this is wrong why? Being in the military or police can mean you will face combat, high-stress situations, be around a lot of wounded people, etc. It seems like just the sort of thing that would make someone's beast go nuts and do a lot of damage. I also am rather skeptical of the military not still utilizing shifters in some way nonetheless, because of their insane strength, senses, and healing ability, but moving on, being in the medical industry will also mean being around sick and wounded people, sometimes also blood and open wounds and open chests and all kinds of things. Considering all the shifters except swans are predators, that seems, as with a shifter police officer, like trouble waiting to happen. Yeah, there are shifters out there with great control who would never ever lose it no matter what, but why gamble with innocent lives that each and every doctor, nurse, etc., is that type of shifter? And I don't think parents can be faulted for not wanting someone around their kids that literally has a massive predator (pony-sized wolves and big cats!) inside of them that probably sees small humans as snacks.

And yet, apparently, "that kind of discrimination was illegal, but hard to prove." Wait, so, it's illegal, but they can still ban you for life over a blood test? Explain that again?

- Richard is a werewolf, and an Ulfric at that, and he's a junior high science teacher and that's why he's not here tonight.
- Richard is JC's Wolf to Call, Anita is his Human Servant, they are a triumvirate, so they "should both have been here at his [JC) side, but Richard wouldn't risk being outed and losing his job." Yes, he should totally be there and associate himself in public with a known supernatural, this kiddie dance recital is THAT big a deal. Damn, Richard, you just have no sense of duty, do you? Shame on you!

Come to think of it, since JC is publicly known to the tabloids as the Master of St. Louis, doesn't anyone in the audience here wonder what the fresh hell he's doing here? I mean, he obviously doesn't have a kid in the show, being a vampire and all...it's kind of creepy. If I were there and realized who he was, I'd think he was scouting new talent for Guilty Pleasures a decade in advance.

Richard really hates being a werewolf. There is a backhanded insult to Richard on how nobody ELSE here with JC's group "had a problem being exactly who and what they were." Yeah, we just hear all this about social stigmatization shifters face and all the problems with controlling themselves they have, and yet we're supposed to judge Richard for not being 100% gung-ho about his therian status? 'Scuse me for totally seeing his point, especially since he'd never have ended up with Anita if he hadn't gotten infected. That's the worst part of being a shifter for him, in my opinion.

And then Anita sees Asher's hair and gushes to us over its precise shade of gold, and then she talks about the hair of JC, who is sitting next to him, and how JC is growing it out because Anita likes it and how Asher had told her that "It takes energy for a vampire to grow his hair longer than it was when he died." I haven't yet read Kiss the Dead, but apparently there is a plot point of local vampires revolting against JC for stealing their energy in order to grow his hair. I find this hilarious.

I am also ashamed to admit that I have questions about this for character purposes, mainly that, while it takes energy to grow the hair longer than it was in life, does it take energy for the hair to grow back to the length it was in life if it gets cut at some point? I've just been going with the idea that, if cut, the hair of an Anitaverse vampire will eventually grow back on its own to the length it was in life via any excess energy from blood or whatever else the vampire draws on, but not get any longer than that unless they deliberately do what JC is doing. Anybody know if that's ever addressed in canon?

A blonde woman named J.J. is there too, and she is the current girlfriend of Jason. I fear for her sake immediately. She's come from New York to watch him onstage...wait, what? Jason is gonna be on-stage? What kind of production is there in which there are toddlers dressed as clowns AND strippers in the same recital? Does Jason do regular dance too then? I guess it wouldn't surprise me, since as I mentioned when LKH made remarks about strippers not being ble to really dance in Flirt, many strippers are professionally trained dancers...I guess in the Anitaverse, that just applies only to the male ones. Also how convenient that his girlfriend is normally in ANOTHER FREAKIN' STATE, though she's come to visit St. Louis three times in as many months, and "it was as serious as I'd ever seen Jason over anyone." Yeah, the poor girl is definitely doomed. Hopefully she'll just get forgotten by LKH rather than have anything worse happen to her. Interestingly enough, JJ is herself a ballerina and performs in the New York City Ballet. Wow.

Anyway, she's "pale and beautiful" and wearing a "pink that was almost white" dress and we get a remark on how, unlike JJ, Anita would need a bra if she was wearing that because "my curves only honed down so far." I love how description of another woman suddenly becomes an excuse to talk about Anita's tits and imply this chick must not have any.

Truth is there too, and he's got his hair in a ponytail and is clean-shaven which is unusual because "Truth's face was trapped in that not-quite-beard stubble because that's how he'd looked when he died. Shaving meant that he might not be able to grow it back even if he wanted to." He's a pretty powerful vampire, can't he just do the same trick as JC? Asher didn't say you had to be a Master or anything, just have the extra energy. HOW DO YOU GET INCONSISTENCY LIKE THIS ON THE SAME PAGE. And he's wearing a nice suit which is also unusual and Anita is stunned into silence by this and Micah tells her to say something so she tells him he looks nice all cleaned up like this. Truth says he borrowed the suit from Wicked, who he says is here too. Great, so we'll get a paragraph on what he's wearing too?

No, mercifully we instead just get to know the color and texture of Wicked's hair, the exact shade of gray-blue eyes they have, that they both have a dimple on their chins, and that they were born a year apart as humans. Also, Truth is here as "security". They need a bodyguard here? Again, what kind of function is this?

Then Asher takes her hand and we are told how he "made both Wicked and Truth look too manly, too modern-day handsome in comparison." Hoo boy, here we go--we get a big fat paragraph about his wavy gold hair, his pale blue eyes "like ice given life and color" and how his face is "a beauty to make angels weep, or want to trade sides" and of course the scars and how they fuck up his right side and how Anita thinks even the person who burned him "had flinched at the ruined of that face." And then we get a SECOND paragraph about how he is the masked ringmaster at the Circus of the Damned and him coming out in public is a big deal and, of course, what he's wearing: "a soft blue silk shirt with a high, soft collar pierced by a stickpin that held a pale blue diamond almost the color of his eyes" that Jean-Claude and Anita bought for him last year, mostly Jean-Claude because he's so super rich, which is why "the diamond was almost the size of my thumbnail." And he wears it to this? Where most of the mothers are stated to have been just in what they wore to work? How gaudy and gauche, sir.

Anita then looks down to see that he is wearing "dark brown leather and boots that came up to his knees. The fact that I hadn't looked below the waist until he kissed me said something about just how nice the upper bits were, because it was all nice." Alright then. And mention of Asher liking suits, except at fetish events where he wears leather. Uh, thanks for that mental image I guess. And then she thinks about how she's had sex with every vampire here and is uncomfortable with that. Asher asks why she's frowning, and she says it was "Something Matthew said backstage" to which Asher responds "Precocious indeed if he can make you that unhappy." Are you kidding? Anita hates everything. Everything pisses her off. She's basically NEVER happy and refuses to ever enjoy anything. What would be precocious is if Matthew actually got her to stop being such a chronically angry, self-absorbed pill for a freaking second or two.

As if to prove me right, Anita gives Asher "a look" and he passes her hand to Jean-Claude, and we get to hear about how JC wears a shirt like Asher's but it's white and he has on a short black velvet jacket and stickpin through his cravat too that is an antique cameo Anita got him for a Christmas present and also "black leather pants looked poured on, and his boots rose up over his thighs like a second skin. I didn't have to see the back of the boots to know they laced all the way up his leg. I liked these boots, and had seen them with and without pants." As with Asher in leather bondage gear, thanks for letting us know, Anita.

By the way, on the two pages open before me right here, the two-sentence conversation between Anita and Asher are the ONLY spoken words. Everything else is description, mainly of what the men look like and are wearing. Just in case you were wondering. Counting what came before these two pages, and I'd say we have about three to four pages purely of clothes porn and my-men-are-so-hawt. God almighty, I just want to take a pair of hedge-clippers and start pruning this. No, better yet, a lawnmower.

She tells us that they've been an "on and off" couple for five going on six years now. Wait, but she said Monica betrayed her five years ago. So that means she and JC have been a couple since GP, or even before GP, and we KNOW that isn't the case at all. Ungh, is she trying to retcon that since it turned out Richard and Anita didn't become married as originally planned, or did she just mix up her own continuity as usual? Anita then boggles at how someone as beautiful as Jean-Claude could "possibly be in love with me when he had an entire planet of people to choose from." It really says something about how shallow Anita is that she seriously thinks being in love with someone has to do with how hot you are in comparison to each other. It also says something that she thinks just because JC is hot means he has the entire planet to pick from--there are plenty of people, including ones who find him just as physically attractive as Anita does, that I am sure would in fact not want him as a romantic partner at all. Not to mention that if I had been in a relationship for almost six years with someone, I would be damn well fed up with them if they were still saying I couldn't possibly be in love with them. It seems insulting, really. I tend to be VERY hostile to people telling me what I'm feeling or that the feelings I'm expressing are not "real" in some way, so maybe that's just me, but I don't find it cute or becoming at all on Anita's part.

"Jean-Claude made me feel like I'd sneaked in the Louvre and stolen a masterpiece off the wall so I could roll around on it naked." This is the most unintentionally hilarious line since she mentioned the Furry Coalition.

And then she talks about his blue blue blue eyes and how the fountainhead of their bloodline had collected beautiful blue eyed men and "I had two of her most amazing right here" nah nah nah in your face Belle Morte they're mine now and how Belle threw Asher away after he got scarred and Jean-Claude ran from her...as with Requiem, I don't think running from Belle and winding up with Anita is making any progress at all.

"Now he was his own sourdre de sang, the first new master of his own bloodline to appear in a thousand years."

Yet we're never told just what makes his bloodline a separate one from Belle Morte's. You'd think LKH would jump all over this as an excuse to give Anita loads and loads more powers, but she strangely doesn't. Maybe she doesn't want Anita to have to share them with the rest of his shiny new bloodline because then she won't be the Speshul Only One Evar? And where is his bloodline anyway? I think we've only met two vampires he's turned, Gretchen and Meng Die, and neither of them have new and different vampire powers.

This is why, in my version of canon when I write or roleplay in the Anitaverse, JC is not a new fountainhead nor a new member of the Council. You and your lack of anything resembling unique powers or numbers of sired vampires are NOT worthy to take the seat of Mr. Oliver the Earthmover, sir.

Jean-Claude smooches her and there is purple prose about it. He is now wearing her lipstick too “but it was a good color for him” which makes sense considering his coloring is the same as Anita’s except for blue eyes. He calls her “Ma petite” like always because I swear he doesn't know her name and “it seemed to hold years of I love yous.” Gag gag gag choke gag. They get in there seats, JJ says hi to Anita, and we get told that JJ has the same “spring-blue eyes” and “soft good looks” as Jason does because they have the same great great grandfather. My guess is this is supposed to squick the readers enough that they’ll be rooting for JJ and Jason to break up while also making it so Jason still actually isn’t doing anything wrong or objectionable, since they weren’t raised knowing each other as family and anyone farther apart from you than a second cousin is as genetically different from you as anyone else. Frankly, I hope they not only stay together, but run away together far away from Anita, who will years later find out they got married and had lots of blond blue-eyed children together, most of whom are skinny girls.

Asher tries to kiss Micah like he did Anita, but Micah pulls away and Asher laughs. Eee, skeez. JC pats Micah on the back to comfort him, and Anita tells us that “in private, Jean-Claude and Micah greeted each other pretty intimately, but Micah had made it clear that he wasn’t food for everyone” Well, I should hope not, seeing as how he’s the Leopard King. I mean, I guess I can understand a Nimir-Raj climbing into bed with Master of the City, even literally, for political reasons, especially when that Master is a sex-obsessed flesh-peddling Belle Morte bloodline sleaze ball and the quickest way to an alliance is definitely through his pants, but that doesn’t mean he should be letting any bloodsucker have his way with him. Also, I really hate the use of “food” to mean “sex partner” here more than normal, because there’s no implication that Asher is doing this with the intent of feeding on Micah in any way. Calling ardeur-victims “food” at least made some sense, as annoying as it was, but this doesn’t. We are then informed that this is indeed not about feeding the ardeur at all, but that “Asher had taken it as a challenge to see if he could seduce Micah, and when that hadn’t worked, he seemed intent on embarrassing him. I loved Asher, but he had a sadistic streak in him that I wasn’t always crazy about.”

Dude. He is sexually harassing Micah, your soul-mate. This goes beyond embarrassing and into downright creepy and distressing. You should be way more than “not crazy” about this. And even if you don’t give a shit about Micah, what about worrying about Asher and why he’s doing this, working on his boundaries, etc.? And that’s not even getting into the potential for political bullshit when you consider not only is Micah an important figure in the preternatural community, but Asher is too--he’s JC’s second-in-command, which likely is the only reason he’s getting away with this besides the fact he’s boning Anita too. This is a clusterfuck waiting to happen, and not in the way Anita would like. All because someone can’t take ‘no’ for an answer--typical Anitaverse, the only time we get any interesting political potential is because of something sex-related. Because god forbid anything ELSE matter besides who’s getting laid or not.

Anita seems to at least realize some of this, because she says “if he didn’t stop pushing, he was going to be on Micah’s shit list permanently” and that “something was going to have to be done” before Micah does “something unpleasant”. However, she says she isn’t sure what to do. Um, get Jean-Claude to tell him that, as his Master, he doesn’t appreciate his Second baiting the Leopard King and risking their alliance? If Asher can’t understand and respect that, then boot him from his station, because he clearly isn’t suited to being a Second in that case. I’m already suspecting he only has that position because he’s Jean-Claude’s boyfriend. Anita also says that “Micah and Jean-Claude had tried to rip out each other’s throats the first time they’d met.” Can anyone remember if this is right? I’m following a chapter by chapter spork of Narcissus in Chains right now, and Jean-Claude actually urged Anita to have sex with Micah and psychically facilitated her rape by him, if I remember right. I don’t recall there being any conflict at all between these two sickos during that.

“He wasn’t homophobic, he just didn’t want to donate blood to Asher, and the other man seemed to have taken the rejection badly.” I realize that donating blood to a vampire CAN be a very sexy, sensual experience in this universe, and of course a lot of vampires would use that to their advantage to get willing food (like the freaks) but up until everything became sex in these books, I seem to recall that it was not necessarily a sex thing. For instance, it was very much NOT sexual thing at all when Nikolaos bit Anita to gain control over her through the bite, as some Master vampires could do. It was loathsome and painful. So thinking someone is homophobic for not wanting to be bitten by a vampire of the same sex would never even occur to me, honestly. Especially since Asher is a Master vampire and therefore could potentially try the same thing on Micah that Nikolaos did on Anita, and that would be major political disaster. Heck, it could cause a big ruckus in the Pard, if they have any sense (which is doubtful), if word ever got out that their leader had let a Master vampire bite him, regardless of whether Asher ever would or did try anything like that. Just the knowledge that he COULD should make the entire Pard freak out.

Also, Asher sounds like a creepy fuck. Sexually harassing someone because they turned you down? And what’s worse, it’s done in front of people who are supposed to be Micah’s lovers, friends, and allies and who are doing SQUAT about it. Micah is a rapist himself, make no mistake, but that doesn’t absolve Asher’s behavior. WHY ARE ALL THE ‘GOOD’ GUYS SUCH SICK CREEPY RAPEY ASSHOLES.

Anyway, Micah is understandably really tense and is trying to look neutral but Anita knows he’s angry, so she puts her hand on his and he relaxes but she knows Asher is close to pushing things too far. I know I just said everything about what Asher is doing is wrong, and it is, and I’m not saying it’s not, but considering that unfortunately it seems to be the norm among supernaturals and their politics, Micah being about to lose control over it seems odd when you consider he’s a leader who should probably have experience with this type of thing. Not that he wouldn’t be justified in ripping Asher a new one, just that Asher’s not really doing anything that seems unusual for powerful preternatural figures in this universe. I guess it’s a good thing that Micah doesn’t just accept it for that reason, though. Not just because of the political ramifications if he did just go with it, normal or not, but because Anita & Co are at least in theory supposed to be trying to change how things are run in the St. Louis supernatural community for the BETTER, not just doing what the bad guys used to, as Asher seems to be doing the lite version of with attempted kisses rather than rape.

Anita looks at JC to see if he’s seen this too, but he’s just “watching the stage as if nothing untoward had happened. Had he not noticed, or was he trying to ignore the problem for a little longer? I needed some backup” Right here right now? At a dance recital? With a bunch of normal uninvolved humans around, including a load of children? Just wait till it’s done and you’re back at the Circus, then tell him that the two of you are going to set Asher straight about this shit. This is fucked up, but it is not a super immediate right-this-second emergency. “But if Jean-Claude had a soft spot, it was Asher, and okay, maybe me. We both got away with things that he probably should have put a stop to long before he did.” If those things that you two are getting away with are regularly anything like what Asher’s doing now, then JC needs to grow back his good ol’ Manipulative Bastard spine fast before someone does to the both of you what Micah might do to Asher. Which I totally hope someone does.

Wicked looks at Anita, and Anita somehow totally understands that Wicked understands both the problem between Micah and Asher and that JC is apparently ignoring it (or he could just be looking at the stage because you’re about to watch something on it?). “I was pretty sure that Wicked and Truth would back my play if I could come up with one that wouldn’t destroy our happy little apple cart.” You know, it’s not that I mind some internal drama. With all these people working together, it’s only realistic it happens. What I do mind is that firstly the problem is being presented as “Micah might hurt Asher, oh noes” rather than acknowledging “this is really messed-up behavior and has potential to fuck things up between vampires and leopards” and also that it’s over something that I’m honestly finding to be very petty, small, and dull when you consider all the other kinds of issues that could be going on between the individuals and groups in St. Louis. Seriously, think about all of what LKH has to work with here…and she chooses a spat between Anita’s boyfriends over one making passes at the other? Even knowing what that could lead to, as I’ve laid out, I just can’t get excited or interested in it at all, especially since LKH doesn’t seem to realize what it could lead to and thus probably won’t bring that in at all. They’ll likely just have sex together with Anita and that’ll be the end of it. Also, apple cart? Is that a real saying? I’ve never heard it before, but maybe it’s a Midwestern regional thing.

Anita then explains that while she’s JC’s Human Servant, Asher is his Second-in-Command who, though he is a Master vampire with enough power to have his own territory, stays with her and JC out of love, which makes “my position of authority a little shakey” and that “I was a vampire executioner, but I wouldn’t kill Asher, and he knew that. So my threat was gone.” Of course you won’t kill him, you don’t have a warrant. Remember those? Those little things that mean you CAN’T go around just blowing anyone you want to away, even though you tend to do that anyway? Also, is threatening him with death seriously the only thing you can think to do when it comes to dealing with him? Anita is both his lover and a fellow political big cheese. Lovers do not settle their issues by threatening to kill each other. Politicians (usually) don’t either. You suck at being both, Anita, but we already all knew that. This just drives it home especially nicely, though.

She also takes this time to tell us about how her control expands to other undead besides zombies, including vampires, and how sometimes after she takes control over someone it doesn’t go away “and that had become completely disturbing to me.” Firstly, that is a LIE. It very clearly does not bother Anita at all, no matter what she claims. Secondly, even if this were true, the phrasing implies it used to not be so disturbing to her at one point, which is disturbing in itself.

Monica walks along the side of the aisle “that made more people have to move their legs or stand up” because a woman that Anita doesn’t like is not allowed to do anything right, even walk up an aisle. We are informed that she hit on Asher at some point and he of course turned her down, and she has avoided him since. That’s right, you stay away from the harem, you aisle-walker! Boo! Hiss! How dare you…actually respect the wishes of someone when they turn you down instead of harassing them as revenge the way Asher is doing to Micah? Wait, who am I supposed to be rooting for and against again here? Because in comparison to the other people here so far, Monica seems to be the best person so far. Monica waves and sits down beside JJ. I like to think she is warning her about Anita.

The lights flash, warning everyone the show will be starting soon, and we get yet ANOTHER supernatural without a kid here to watch. It’s Vivian the wereleopard, and all the guys, plus Anita, stand up so she can get into the row with them even though “Vivian was petite enough that we probably could have stayed in our seats, but the older vampires often reacted to women as if bustles had never gone out of fashion, and if could be gentlemen then so could I.” Yeah, be a gentleman when guys are doing that, then be a nasty misogynist asshole the rest of the time. Actually, the old version of being a “gentleman” that the vampires likely practice is basically the same as what Anita is doing here--make token unneeded “respectful” gestures like standing up or opening doors as if it‘s some grand favor (versus just common human decency/politeness regardless of gender like most people do today, which is just fine), but then constantly underestimate and demean women, don’t respect their minds or opinions, treat them like fragile helpless victims, etc.

Anita fills us in on how Vivian is really really pretty because she is “technically African American, but it was by way of Ireland, and that showed a lot from the thick, nearly straight hair to the pale gray-blue eyes” and skin that is “coffee with enough cream to make it almost white.” There are very, very few black women in the AB series. The only ones I can recall are Kissa the vampire, and Laila the cop who shows up in Hit List. Out of these three, the only ones described as beautiful are ones who look the most white (Kissa also has "coffee with cream" skin and is "beautiful" too, though Anita thinks it might be a glamor). That is pretty damn…awkward, to say the least. And then of course, because any woman in the Anitverse who isn’t antagonistic has to be a victim (which is a dirty word in this series) of some type, we are told about how Vivian was raped and tortured by “a very bad man once” but that Anita had killed him (because it has to be all about Anita somehow) and saved Vivian, but unfortunately “the trauma lives on inside” Vivian. Congrats, Viv, you’re one of the few rape survivors to have realistic reactions in this series. I guess that’s only allowed when someone other than Anita or her harem is the rapist. Vivian proves herself even more dazzlingly unique in that she is NOT a stripper or anything similar, but in fact has a job as an administrative assistant at an insurance agency. This utterly fascinates me, and that’s a sad testament to how far we’ve come since the days of Irving, the werewolf reporter with a bald spot, or Louie the short wererat who was a biology professor. Now everyone who is supernatural is also a super-gorgeous stripper. Except Vivian, who is just super-gorgeous.

Vivian may not have a kid here, but she does have someone on-stage: Stephen, her werewolf boyfriend. Considering that Stephen is, like Jason, a stripper at Guilty Pleasures, I again must wonder exactly what kind of show this is that’s also including little kids in it alongside these guys. Vivian wore a fancy dress too that is “ a little slip of nothing” and she and JJ’s dresses make Anita wish she’d worn something too (what, so you can also look like you’re trying to show up all the working mothers here? Wait, that’s exactly what Anita would want) and Micah realizes this (through telepathy, I guess) and reassures her that she looks great. Actually, maybe it’s not telepathy, maybe Anita is just that predictably insecure around any other attractive women. She and Micah then “shared that smile that was mainly just for us” that Nathaniel, who is also going to be on-stage, also gets sometimes. Micah and Nathaniel are definitely the favorites of both LKH and Anita, I’ve noticed. They were the only ones of the harem who were really of any importance in Flirt besides Jason kinda on the sidelines, and the rest really weren’t even mentioned. This further supports the fan theory, which I agree with, that these two are supposed to be avatars of Jon. It makes me wonder if their oh-so-perfect-and-special bond is compensating for something less than that IRL.

Since Micah is holding her hand, JC of course has to hold the other one, and this gets Anita monologuing about how “he had been a ladies man for centuries and he swore that I was the first woman to make him feel insecure” LOL ANITA, HE PROBABLY SAYS THAT TO *ALL* THE LADIES (AND MEN) “I tended to be hard on the egos of a certain kind of men” Who all tend to get hard for you “The ones who normally swept women off their feet never moved me much” You and every other heroine out there, because god forbid one ever make a mistake or be like other girls in any way “I’d always felt that if they swept me off my feet they’d practiced on a lot of women before me, and would practice more with women after me” Okay, that’s the first sensible thing Anita has said so far in this book “I still wasn’t sure if I should apologize to Jean-Claude for throwing his game off this badly, or take a certain pride in it.” Psssh, just keep telling yourself that’s the case, honey. You ask me, Jean-Claude has Anita right where he wanted her all along: in the position that gains him the most damn power. Seriously, his Human Servant is Queen of the wolves, leopards, lions, and tigers, and you think he’s off his game? Oh no, he’s just been maneuvering you in a different way than what you’re talking about here. And letting you think you’re the one calling the shots the whole time, a lie you still hilariously believe. At least, that’s my theory, and it’s totally what the old Jean-Claude would have done. He’s actually the smartest, most manipulative villain I can remember this series having.

Jean-Claude’s hand is warm, which means he’s fed on someone, and Anita says that women line up to feed him. That’s kind of odd, considering he already has Jason as his pomme de sang, aka a steady source of blood. Why is there any need for anyone to be lining up? And then we get this paragraph: “In fact, one of the reasons I’d spent the last few weeks going through a stack of photographs and DVDs with help from the other men had been that we needed more regular food.” How many vampires does his Kiss have that the local freak club and therians aren’t enough? “Other vampire and wereanimal groups from across the country had sent in applications for some of their people to join us.” Because Anita & Co are just THAT cool. “The DVDs had been everything from flat-out porn to strangely awkward dating tapes.” …what. What. Are you serious right now. How does being in porn equate to being a decent blood apple? What kind of food are talking here? Is there an epidemic of ardeur-stricken Belle Morte vamps in St. Louis that I didn’t know about? “It was like the old idea of an arranged marriage, though this was more an arranged mistress, sort of.” No, it’s pimping. “The groups hoped it would give them a stronger tie to our power base, and it might.” Well, I guess if I was a supernatural leader and I knew that Anita was a Canon Sue Powerhouse and basically queen of everything, I might be inclined to send a few sacrificial lambs her way in hopes the rest of my people would be spared from the power of the Doom Crotch.

“They’d been sending candidates to Jean-Claude for a while, and he had politely turned them all down.” He wanted to keep Anita’s loyalties squarely with HIM and no other vampire master is my guess. “This last batch came addressed to me personally.” And apparently the other vampire masters figured that out. “They seemed to feel that Jean-Claude had turned everyone down for fear of pissing me off, and there might be something to that” Yeah, how dare anyone make a decision of any type without Anita around! And what if he accepted a WOMAN into the group? “I’d sat down and watched.” Uh. Yeah, just gonna leave this here. Speaks for itself, I think.

Also I am picturing the head figures in the Anitaverse supernatural groups that my friends and I write and roleplay getting porn in the mail as a political offering, and their reactions, and it’s just…golden, oh god, ahahaha.

And then she backtracks to JC having recently fed and she wonders who it was, and decides she doesn’t want to know because “taking blood was entirely too close to foreplay for the vampires of his bloodline.” Oh, so it’s ALWAYS sexual thing with the sexy vampires, just not the other types. Makes enough sense, I suppose. But again I must point out, Jason is the pomme de sang for JC, he most likely fed on him. Maybe not tonight since he has a performance, but he has no shortage of therians in his employ and I think he’s sleazy enough that he’d make them, as their boss, give blood to him. Yes, it’s the equivalent of a boss demanding sexual favors from an employee, but like I said, he’s sleazy, and the supernatural community very much runs things on their own rules.

“Of course, he shared me with a lot of other men, so my being jealous of him taking blood from some other woman seemed childish and unfair.” How does she know it’s a woman now? And would it be okay if it was a man instead? That doesn’t seem right. “But just because it was childish and unfair doesn’t mean it isn’t the way I felt. Stupid, but true.” I actually don’t mind this bit. In fact, I like it. Yes, she’s being hypocritical, but both she and the text acknowledge it and aren’t trying to gloss over or justify it. A lot of feelings that people have, including adults, are stupid and childish and unfair towards others. It’s just part of being human. The test isn’t so much, in my opinion, to just be perfect and never have these feelings at all, but to overcome giving into them and doing what’s right instead. I don’t dislike or judge Anita at all for feeling this way; in fact, it makes her seem more human to me, more (purposefully) flawed, and that makes her more likeable. What I will dislike and judge her for is if she doesn’t at against these feelings, or at least try to, and isn’t shown to be in the wrong if she fails to.

The lights go down, but Anita is still able to see Monica watching her and her guys, with an expression that is either envy or anger. Just in case we didn’t get it by now, Monica is a Jealous Hater. Anita talks about how she usually likes honesty (yeah right, honesty to Anita is like water to the Wicked Witch of the West, that’s why she surrounds herself with yes-men, much like LKH) but with Monica she has an understanding that they’ll just pretend to like each other. Uh, Anita has never done that in a single interaction with her, if memory serves me right, and it’s not like they see each other often at all anyway.

Then the music comes on, Anita hugs Micah and JC to herself, and Asher holds JC’s hand. Good lord, they can’t even watch a dance show without group hugs. Dark and edgy series, y’all!

Comments

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

"Micah got that a lot too. I think it was being short and pretty" Where does LKH get this idea that gay men universally want delicate, beautiful guys who look ladies? I mean, sure, some do, but loads also like big guys, manly guys, hairy guys, bearded guys, even fat or chubby guys. There's even femmephobia with some of them that can get downright nasty. I feel like this is just another symptom of her 'all relationships need a man and a woman!' heterosexism--even gay guys are still really looking for someone to be the 'woman' in the relationship if they aren't little and pretty themselves, and that would of course be little and pretty guys like Micah."

I may have been on tumblr too long as my first thought is that she must read a lot of yaoi comics, where everyone is apparently either girly or "manly". Then I imagined everyone with huge hands and heads, and then I lost it for several minutes. Between this and the outfits (thigh-high leather boots anywhere outside a Ren Faire? Are you kidding me?) and the horrible relationships t's a terrible doujin waiting to happen. Someone needs to draw this, stat!
...LKH would probably end up loving it, though. Never mind. :/

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

LOL YAOI HANDS

you're right, the uber-defined uber-rigid uber-heterosexist uke-seme roles (I hate that I know those terms) are totally Anitaverse-appropriate!

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

Okay, I admit that I have a pair of thigh high boots. However, they are also stiletto heels, and I end up wearing them with my jpop/jrock type outfits mostly. Or under my trousers. Of course, I am also in my twenties so I can get away with that more.

Speaking of yaoi, that is pretty much how I always picture the Anita Blake men. As for the always has to be a girly and a "manly" pairing in yaoi, that bugs me so much. I love the pretty boys, but it pisses me off that the "fem" boy is always the submissive, which is why I end up hating so many yaois out there. I love Ai No Kusabi though since both Iason and Riki play male roles. One is still dominant, but it has more to do with society than which one is the fem.

[collectively.livejournal.com]

what color it might have been when he was little
I never read this book, and that sounds SO familiar. Is it something she wonders about consistently throughout the books when she's fetishizing discussing her lovers' hair?

would those really look so unusual in a human as to be a definite sign of being a supernatural?
From the pictures of leopards you linked to, the main difference seems to be that leopards have little to no visible whites in their eyes. Maybe that's supposed to be what stands out about Micah's? I'd think that would be noticeable, though maybe not something that would stick out at a glance.

Yeah, Anita should be WELL in control of herself by now, since she's been with Micah two years and he's been around since she first started collected strains of therianthropy.
Maybe if she ever ACTUALLY HAD TO SHIFT instead of the bullshit "I have all the powers with none of the downsides! Except for the downside where all the men want to sleep with me, tee hee!"

if I had been in a relationship for almost six years with someone, I would be damn well fed up with them if they were still saying I couldn't possibly be in love with them.
I can only assume it's meant to be a sign of Anita's amazing modesty and/or lingering self-esteem issues. Ugh. I'd be fed up with that, too. I wish he'd yell at her for it. It would be so nice to get a single moment of legitimate character stuff from these books. Like, he gets pissed and calls her on it, she is maybe defensive for a bit but then sees his point and vows to work on it? We could even see her struggling with it, like she starts to say "I can't believe you love me" but changes it to "I feel really lucky that you love me" or something else that doesn't seem to be fishing for compliments/reassurance.

Oh wait, that would mean Anita would have to be imperfect and actually make steps toward changing her behavior. Never mind.

Also, apple cart? Is that a real saying?
There's a real saying about not upsetting the apple cart. Anita's...not really using it. I think this is LKH trying to be clever (and not particularly succeeding; I mean, she's certainly written dumber stuff, but I found this a little cutesy and it didn't really work for me).

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Is it something she wonders about consistently throughout the books when she's fetishizing discussing her lovers' hair?
I don't know but the way she obsesses about their hair I wouldn't be surprised.

Maybe that's supposed to be what stands out about Micah's?
I'd think that, but she makes it sound very specifically about the color, so I'm not sure.

Like, he gets pissed and calls her on it, she is maybe defensive for a bit but then sees his point and vows to work on it? We could even see her struggling with it, like she starts to say "I can't believe you love me" but changes it to "I feel really lucky that you love me" or something else that doesn't seem to be fishing for compliments/reassurance.

Nah, god forbid any kind of reasonable communication occur among these people. Or for Anita to grow positively as a person in any way.

Oh wait, that would mean Anita would have to be imperfect and actually make steps toward changing her behavior. Never mind.

Yuuup.

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

From the pictures of leopards you linked to, the main difference seems to be that leopards have little to no visible whites in their eyes. Maybe that's supposed to be what stands out about Micah's? I'd think that would be noticeable, though maybe not something that would stick out at a glance.
I've wondered about this. I mean, a lot of it also seems to be eye shape between leopard and human so I am wondering if maybe some white would still show in human form. I could see there being less white, but would all of it be hidden?

[magdalen77.livejournal.com]

What you said (and what RF said in the spork) got to me. A few months ago when I was feeling especially down I said something to my man about worrying that he would leave me. Maybe I was a little bit looking for reassurance, but he got so furious that I would think that way that it finally got to me. By saying something like that I'm insulting his love, devotion and commitment to me. People who love each other and who have been together for 13 years don't just leave over trivia. And what U was worried about was trivia.

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, those are the same sports that Anita does! How about that! No but seriously, it's kind of weird to me not only that there are two particular types of exercise that wereanimals apparently gravitate towards, but that they also happen to be the ones Anita does. Maybe they're the only ones LKH has any familiarity with?

I suspect that's probably the case. I don't see why therians would gravitate towards weight lifting with the supernatural strength things going though. Wouldn't something more technique based be more useful especially with all the rapey leaders in St. Louis (with the exception of Raphael)? I'd think that a lot of therians would pick up on yoga, tai chi and meditation instead. Things that are relaxing and contemplative to better control the "beast within."


And yet, apparently, "that kind of discrimination was illegal, but hard to prove." Wait, so, it's illegal, but they can still ban you for life over a blood test? Explain that again?

Considering that drug tests can get skewed by eating a poppy seed bagel, there's the potential to overturn a lot of tests on sheer inaccuracy, especially if what you are looking for is hard to find in the first place. I totally agree that the military and the police for that matter could seriously benefit from having thereians around (put therians on the forensic teams!), but they would have to "outed" (for lack of a better term) and have no political ties to the power structures described in St. Louis. My head canon states that this is the case, but word has gotten around about Anita and Co. and steps have been taken to keep any therians on the police force out of the public eye and as far away from Anita and the harem as possible.


God almighty, I just want to take a pair of hedge-clippers and start pruning this. No, better yet, a lawnmower.

No, no, crap like this requires a chainsaw!


Also how convenient that his girlfriend is normally in ANOTHER FREAKIN' STATE, though she's come to visit St. Louis three times in as many months, and "it was as serious as I'd ever seen Jason over anyone." Yeah, the poor girl is definitely doomed. Hopefully she'll just get forgotten by LKH rather than have anything worse happen to her. Interestingly enough, JJ is herself a ballerina and performs in the New York City Ballet. Wow.

JJ sounds nice. I hope she gets forgotten and gets out of this unscathed. Or that she looks at Jason's situation with Jean-Claude and Anita, says, "I'm not against the idea of polyamory, but whatever it is between you and them, I don't think that's what healthy polyamory looks like." Then she walks out into the sunrise, head high and eyes clear.


I love how description of another woman suddenly becomes an excuse to talk about Anita's tits and imply this chick must not have any.

I wonder if LKH realizes that dancers, especially classical and modern dancers, have legs made of liquid steel and titanium. They might look like wispy, but it takes a lot of strength to go on pointe.


Vivian proves herself even more dazzlingly unique in that she is NOT a stripper or anything similar, but in fact has a job as an administrative assistant at an insurance agency. This utterly fascinates me, and that’s a sad testament to how far we’ve come since the days of Irving, the werewolf reporter with a bald spot, or Louie the short wererat who was a biology professor.

I'd like a book for each of them over all the Anita drivel.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I'd think that a lot of therians would pick up on yoga, tai chi and meditation instead. Things that are relaxing and contemplative to better control the "beast within."

You know, I never thought of that, but you're right!

Then she walks out into the sunrise, head high and eyes clear.
Fuck yeah!

I wonder if LKH realizes that dancers, especially classical and modern dancers, have legs made of liquid steel and titanium. They might look like wispy, but it takes a lot of strength to go on pointe.

Yup! Ballerinas scare me more than bodybuilders--THEY LOOK SO TINY BUT THEY ARE MADE OF MUSCLE, IT'S CRAZY. And they're fast and agile! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE.

(one of my friends plays a homicidal ballerina wereswan. No, not related to the Black Swan movie in any way, though she is named Odile. SHE'S TERRIFYING.)

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

1. Actually, I'm short (5'1-5'2, depends on the doctor that measures me), and curvy, and I find men's sweats and pj pants to be more comfortable than women's. So it's entirely possible she owns them. :)

2. Um... Swimmers' builds do not look delicate, LKH. What the fuck are you smoking? Do you need to be sent pictures of Phelps? They've got huge chest cavities from swimming, and strong backs, and... *wipes up drool a bit* Okay, seriously. Micah can't look delicate. You're an idiot.

3. Jogging + Weightlifting = Swimmers build? In what universe? Why am I even trying to apply logic to this anymore... I mean I guess the jogging could give him the chest cavity of swimmer and the legs of one, and I guess the weightlifting could give him the legs/back/chest of a swimmer. But damn, why not just say all that, instead of saying he's got the body of one athlete, but does two different forms of exercise?

4. A soup can?! *crosses legs firmly* Dear God, no! Ow!

5. I'm not even touching LKH gay issues. Like I'm not going there. Because I just got super twitchy, and you did a pretty good job of it yourself. Needless to say, LKH needs to stfu about men wanting her girly men because they're girly. Gay men want men because they're men. Any extra little preferences for details such as height, hair/eye color, etc are individual. ADSKLJF;SLDKJF RAGE. I'm done.

6. It would be cool if her long-haired mens braided spikes into their hair to fight, and ditto for Anita. But that would be too girly for her. Braiding? Ick~! But at least that would potentially make having long hair less of a detriment in a fight. Grab that braid and OUCH.

7. Micah = Jon. So Micah is a Viking and is steps away from growing a Vandyke beard? Hah. But, seriously, who cares this much about Micah? I sure don't. And I'm really sick about her being "I'M THE QUEEN OF THIS KIND OF THERIAN" and it's just annoying. Blah, Anita, we get it. You're a Special Snowflake.

8. LKH stop making fluff disgusting. Like it's seriously upsetting me. Because fluff is supposed to be cute and make people smile, and go "aww" and think of their special someone (fictional or not, I don't judge) and the cute moments with them. And now I'm thinking about fiddling with someone's fingers and the awkward/shy feelings I had then, and trying to apply it here, and this not only trivializes it because Anita never has those awkward/shy moments with her sweeties, but she's never had to fucking build a relationship period. So fuck you for saying Anita can get more out of hand-holding than other couples can get out of kissing. Because that's like me thinking I get more out of cuddling than sex. Which clearly is not the case for Anita, because she fucks everything in sight that fits her pretty requirements. If Anita really got more out of hand-holding than kissing, she would use that lust-feeding part of the ardeur and just suck the energy from the room full of men that want in her pants, and never have to get boned. So fuck you sideways with a soup can.

9. "Furry Coalition" -- THAT ALMOST MAKES UP FOR #8. OMFG THIS IS HILARIOUS AND I CAN'T BREATHE.

10. I feel like there would be special squads for therians in both the police force and military by now. And when she says it's illegal but hard to prove, is she trying to say it's like how discrimination in the work-force today is still happening, but they'll just be like "oh, you just don't fit our requirements" after a routine blood test for drugs, when really they secretly ran it for therian? (Or something, hell if I fuckin' know.)

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

1) Huh, I stand corrected then!

2) She is indeed, yes.

4) SRSLY IT'S SOMETHING ABSURD LIKE THAT. Like either that or a Coke can/bottle.

6) WHOA COOL IDEA

7)Nah, Damian is a Viking. The wussiest, prettiest Viking ever.

9) IT NEVER EVER STOPS BEING HILARIOUS

10) Yeah, while I don't think you'd want them in the same teams as regular humans (for reasons mentioned) special squads would be great ideas what with their superpowers and all.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

11. I do not know what an Ulfric is...? I keep reading references to this.

12. A plot point to steal energy to grow his hair out for...? Oh for the love of God, LKH! Anita's men do not all need to have long hair! That's just boring! And messy! The poor shower drains! And the sheer amount of hair products they all have to go through, especially if they're fucking and rolling around in bodily fluids, and fighting and rolling around in more bodily fluids. This is just inane and boring. C'mon!

13. pink that was almost white -- so a pale rose? pastel pink? Jesuse, those are two-word descriptions of the same damn color she wanted. LKH, you... need to stop writing. Just stop. Like turn in the towel and stop. You use way too many words to describe something. Everything with you is superfluous.

14. To be fair... Ballet dancers are really lean and lithe from strict dieting and hard dancing (part of the reason I love studying their form in movement), so J.J. probably doesn't have much in the way of a bossom. But yes, that "Let's talk about Anita's tits!" is unnecessary.

15. Why are Asher and JC dressed like pirates? That's like, all I've got. They're wearing swash-buckling gear. I'm confused.

16. *absolutely seething at Anita's shallow "love is about looks* bullshit* Fuck. you. LKH.

17. sneaked into the Louvre... so I could roll around on it naked. *opens mouth, closes it, opens again, shakes head* What the fuck? That... So JC is the masterpiece, and you've rolled about on him naked, yes. But why the Louvre? Is that the only fancy place of art LKH knows? And why bother to steal it? Why not just pull it off the wall and roll on it right there in the museum? The French would love that. Oh. JC is French. JC = French = France = Louvre. Got it. He's also really old. You could just go get something from the Smithsonian.

18. Frankly, I hope they not only stay together, but run away together far away from Anita, who will years later find out they got married and had lots of blond blue-eyed children together, most of whom are skinny girls. [insert gif of applause]

19. *chin on hand* When she says something unpleasant is going to be done by Micah, all I can imagine is him bitch-slapping Asher. Because Anita puts such emphasis on how girly he is except his shoulders. And honestly, I haven't seen Micah do anything intimidating (except force himself on Anita in the shower, but she probably could've killed him, unless she wasn't powerful yet?). He just screams too femme and girly to get anything done. Maybe I'm mixing him up with Nathaniel in my head. But yeah, he just gets in a slap-fight with Asher and Anita stomps her foot about them not loving her enough to get along, and maybe crying, and then everything's resolved because they both have to coo and comfort her.

On the other hand, Micah could totally snap, and fuck up the other side of Asher's face in a real OH SHIT moment. But I'm assuming none of this happens, so I'll just go back to my bitch-slap theory.

20. I think I just enjoy all of Anita's men being creepy fucks at this point because... she's a creepy horrible person and it suits her that they are, too. Because I am not even bothered by Asher being a sadistic bastard right now? Maybe because I don't see a lot of the vampires being vampires, and all I keep seeing is the vampire-sweeties fawning over Anita. So the fact Asher is being a manipulative sociopath right now is kind of refreshing. And I'm all for a leopard/vampire fight. It'd liven up this whole thing. And the children are safely back stage!

21. WIMMENS APPEAR AND NOW I MUST CLUTCH MY PEARLS SWEETIES TO ME. That's all I got out of the rest.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

11) Wolf king/leader of the werewolf pack

12) It sounds almost like a joke. Like something a parody fanfic would come up with.

14) Oh, I have no problem with JJ being lean all over; a busty ballet dancer would probably have a harder time. It's how that's an excuse for LET'S HEAR HOW CURVY ANITA IS that bugs me, yes.

15) I think she thinks it's period-wear? Or something?

17) Now I'm picturing her getting caught by the cast from Bones

19) Well, girly femme people can totally be forceful, capable, and effective. But I can't recall if Micah has ever been any of these things. Of course I didn't read anything after NiC when he first showed up so it's possible he has been, just not in any of the books I read.

20) Yeah, I think I'd rather a creepy vamp than a sweetie vamp too, tbh

[phantom-kiwi.livejournal.com]

I love how all these characters get so much description yet this never contributes to the plot in anyway. Micah is apparently so delicate and feminine but soemhow having broad shoulders shows he's a guy. Girls can have broad shoulders, too. Honestly, if LKH is going to write male characters who look exactly like girls except they have a penis then why not just have Anita be a lesbian or something? It just seems like LKH tries to be edgy (Anita basically has sex with Jade at the end of the book I think) but never actually goes fully with the idea (It's wasn't just her and Jade. It was her, Domino, and Jade. Maybe she needed a guy to clear up all that estrogen considering her comment in the first chapter? IDK.

That "techinally African-American" thing about Vivian pissed me off. It seemed like it was LKH's way of saying "Well she's black if want to get really specific but don't worry she's white." Look at her eyes,they are blue (a color commonly associated with caucasians). In fact, she easily passes for white. Despite all the characters hardly any are ethnic and if they are it's only to make them seem "exotic". I would hope LKH includes more POC but don't even get me started on Laila from Hit List.
Sorry for the rant.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm a lesbian who is into girls who really look and behave "masculine" so I can't really say that a straight woman into femme guys must just really want girls because that would mean I really want boys...but I think her overt kink/obsession with delicate femme men (versus just a preference for them) has at least something to do in part with her idea that being female is equivalent to submission, and she pretty clearly wants all of Anita's guys under Anita's total control and she can't picture someone "masculine" as being that weak. Just my theory there.

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

"technically African American, but it was by way of Ireland, and that showed a lot from the thick, nearly straight hair to the pale gray-blue eyes"

Wait, wait, wait. The way this is phrased implies Anita knows Vivian's ancestry includes Ireland just by looking at her- how the hell does she do that? Couldn't she be part British? Australian? Canadian? Russian? New Zealand-ian? Did LKH hear the term "Black Irish" somewhere and misunderstand?
I can never tell whether I'm more confused or horrified by LKH's bizarre racist and sexist worldview :/

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that the first time she ever saw Vivian, she just knew she was 'African via Ireland' if I recall right, and that is peculiar to say the least, considering she's never asked her or anyone else about it. I'm confused now too.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

You know, I'd believe Anita's bid for sainthood by loving Asher "even though he has all those icky scars" a little bit more if she didn't immediately follow it up with paragraphs of "But seriously, he's made of enough hotness to make an angel weep".

Also, maybe I'm the worst girlfriend ever (but how can that be, I'm not blonde), but I don't let my partners kiss me when I have my stupid-bright red lips on. I put it on for a reason, and we both look bad if it's smeared all over our faces. But obviously my self control means that I don't really love as much as Anita does, or something.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

If Asher was a scarred-up normal guy instead of the most uber-babe that was ever uber-babelicious, yeah, I have some trouble believing she'd 'love' him either.

Ditto on no kissing for me when lipstick is on.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

I had a longer comment but LJ ate it so...

1.) I'm not the target audience for the clothes porn so more than a few, salient details do nothing for me. I don't need to know about every freakin' frill or sequin. *I'm looking accusingly at LKH and Anne Rice.* And when an author insists too much that X LOOKS LIKE THIS, EXACTLY LIKE THIS, I begin to suspect that the author is trying to squash out my Readerly Interpretations which isn't going to happen. *looks at the afrementioned offenders and JKR* Same thing with telling me that X is awesome, rather than showing me that X is awesome.

2.) Swimmers, runners, and body-builders all develop different muscle shapes and groups. See the body builders, swimmers, and track runners in the Olympics.

3.) ...LKH could be researching m/m relationships in yaoi manga. She likes pictures & manga are mostly pictures so yaoi manga are right up her alley.

4.) Thanks for explaining where LKH was going with the suit thing because I read that old spork and I had no idea what was going on there.

5.) Two of the smallest, prettiest guys that I've ever met where KINGS in my high schools. And they looked great in drag. But they had awesome personalities, either naturally or through cultivation. That might be a problem for Micah/Nathaniel since they're lacking in that department.

6.) I just don't think that people they meet on the street care about Micah's weird eye thing. The Stepford smile probably freaks them the hell out, though.

7.) How would LKH/Anita know what those other couples are getting out of their kisses? It's not like we have a shared hive mind that would allow us to compare our individual experiences. Also, those PDAs would majorly gross me out in RL.

8.) I think that you and LKH are terribly mistaken regarding the employability of shapeshifters. In RL, recovering/recovered addicts can hold down jobs as bus drivers, lawyers, and doctors, among other positions of trust. We trust them not to drive their buses through the nearest mall or screw up your divorce because we monitor them. Provided that they show a clean record for whatever the amount of time is according to their profession/employer/both, they can get the job. And, provided that the pass future (random) drug tests, they can keep them. If they're unfairly discriminated against in the hiring process, at work, or in terms of opportunities for advancement, they can (and have) sued for damages and won. The only sticky wicket might be the teaching profession since the laws there are different and communities have wildly varying standards regarding what's okay for their teachers, regardless of the applicable laws. Hell, they'll sometimes gladly pay the penalty to get rid of an objectionable teacher.

Workplace discrimination is not that hard to prove and the level of scrutiny isn't that high, regardless of whether it's overt, insidious, or de facto.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

3) I would not be surprised

4) No problem! It was worded in such a way that if you didn't already know that about suits, there's no way you could have gotten what she meant.

7) Good point

8) I dunno. While the urge that shapeshifters get to kill and eat people when they're angry or hungry or smell fear may be no less strong than the urges of an addict, they're urges that are for something actively and immediately harmful, even lethal, to the other people around them in a way that urges for anything else aren't. I think people would be a lot warier of taking on someone whose relapse means eating your face.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, Micah is 5'3 just like Anita, and in one scene somewhere in the series he is wearing Anita's sweatpants since they wear the same size and she has mens sweatpants. Aside from there being something gay in there I can't quite put my finger on, I still for the life of me can't see why a woman like Anita, who is stated oh so many times to be curvy and have hippy hips and thighs, would own pants designed for men. They can't possibly be comfortable"

So my boyfriend and I are around the same height, he's a bit taller than me but that's it. He gave me a pair of his jeans to wear. Our waist sizes are about the same, the problem is that the proportions of a man and woman's body are going to be different. My waist is higher, I have the wider hips and ass, even though my boyfriend has like a pretty round and nice ass for a guy. So his jeans, I have to pull all the way up, even though the pants hang way low on him, and they just fit oddly. I find that pants designed for women are going to be more comfortable on me, for obvious reasons. The thing is, though I can wear his pants, he could never wear any of mine and he's told me that he never understood guys who wear girl pants, because there is simply no room down there for the guy's junk. And considering that Micah has like a super-penis, I really don't see how he could wear one of Anita's pants.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

And considering that Micah has like a super-penis, I really don't see how he could wear one of Anita's pants.

I don't know why but this is CRACKING ME UP

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

9.) Poor Richard. He can never do anything right, even when what he does is sane and logical... like not being a creeper at a random recital.

10.) Okay, so I have to admit that I only read up to the first part of the book where Anita does her best impression of an emotional abuser and takes a vehemently protesting (and crying!) Asher to bed. Then I glanced ahead and saw that Anita gives Asher hell for not being enamored, delighted and swept off his feet by their night together and for, horror of horrors, expecting to be a full boyfriend with full boyfriend privileges. (Like, you know, a 'Hi Asher! I'm glad to see you!" Seriously, he wanted that from Anita, was sad when he didn't get it, and was curb-stomped for being upset about it.) So I'm good on the bits up to that.

So Asher shows up in Burnt Offerings in a hideous tweed suit (with elbow pads, I think) and a leather duster that drapes all around Anita and drags after her because she is tiny and Asher is, apparently, a giant. He is crazy about JC and mockingly antagonistic towards Anita. He only wears the lace up leather pants when he has to for the... uh... whatever the hell the end of the book was.

Then Blue Moon happens and Asher wears hideous corduroy pants and a white shirt when he gets to pick his own clothes and leather pants during the vampire meet and greet. I think he borrows a t-shirt off of someone at some point later in the text shortly before he (accidentally?) rolls Anita and she desperately wants to kill him but can't because of the witnesses... which, by the way, doesn't sound like a healthy sort of love at all.

The Obsidian Butterfly happens, Anita ignores her boyfriends, goes to bug Edward in New Mexico, and we hear nothing of Asher.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

9.) Poor Richard. He can never do anything right, even when what he does is sane and logical... like not being a creeper at a random recital.

I also love how Micah is allowed to refuse Asher's advances and Anita is understanding about how Asher likes to push buttons and Micah isn't interested...yet when Richard refuses the advances of another man, he's insulted and derided and called a raging homophobe...even though Anita knows that Asher likes to push people, yet she won't call him out on it when it's Richard because Richard can never get a break.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

In NiC, Asher wears leather to infiltrate an S&M club. His entirely leather outfit and hood seem entirely unsuitable for club going but aren't really his choice. Anita makes a big deal about him having/wanting to hide his scars which is ridiculous. While talking to Narcissus, the subject of Asher's genitals comes up. They discuss Asher's organs in front of him. ('Cause dude, that's not awkward for Asher at all.) Asher says that only three people could talk him out of his clothes - JC, Richard, and Anita - and Anita had no interest beyond the prurient, JC wasn't allowed to, and Richard wasn't sexually attracted to him. It's implied that Asher hit on Richard, was rebuffed, and took it fairly well. He was more bitter in a general sense. To spite them, he decided to lay Narcissus and enjoy himself, without anyone ever seeing him naked or discovering the shape of his genitals.

Anita pimps Asher out to get passage to her were-limpets rather than just calling the police. She's against Asher enjoying himself. Richard is against that plan but isn't against Asher having fun. JC is busy being an abused basket case and has nothing to add to the discussion.

Later, Asher gives the impression that he's infatuated with Nathaniel and would very much like to dom him. Nathaniel likes Asher well enough and would like to be dommed hard. It's definitely not a romantic connection. Anita finds that gross and puts the kibosh on Asher/Nathaniel sexy fun times. There's some sort of throw away line about getting Nathaniel back into therapy or a new therapist or something. (In a later excerpt that was lashed on Lashouts, Anita admits that she wishes that people who enjoy BDSM were still considered mentally ill because then Nathaniel wouldn't have any right to be mad at her for ignoring, denigrating, and blocking his chances to satisfy his needs.)

When JC & Micah meet in NiC, they have a minor tiff that, I think, is blamed on Belle Morte. Asher is completely and totally uninterested in Micah, sexually, socially, or as Anita's new boyfriend. Micah ignores/responds to Asher's disinterest by hitting on JC hard. JC returns his interest. They flirt and smolder right there in front of Anita and Asher. JC talks about how utterly gorgeous Micah is, how he should take a bath before he touches all of that beauty, and Micah is all you, me, and Anita can be a REAL menage a trios. But not the Uggo standing in the corner and glowering. JC is cool with that. Anita is jealous because she dislikes that two of her men are interested in each other in a way that doesn't involve her. Asher is (rightfully, I think) upset that his vampire boyfriend is ignoring him and canoodling with Anita's new boyfriend right in front of him. He's also jealous because Jean-Claude, who has been romantically wooing him but refusing to touch him in even the most innocent fashions because it would make Anita unhappy, is apparently allowed to bite and fuck Micah. This is presented as being completely unreasonable by Anita. Asher is soundly ignored or mocked for choosing to withdraw from the room rather than watching the Micah-and-JC show.

[nic echo (from livejournal.com)]

In a later excerpt that was lashed on Lashouts, Anita admits that she wishes that people who enjoy BDSM were still considered mentally ill
I'll admit I have forgotten a lot of the post OB books, but what ... just what the fuck? How did I forget this?

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

Later, Anita bitches at Asher for not liking her new boyfriend. Asher says that he doesn't like Micah, won't like him, and is generally frustrated because Anita keeps adding men to her bed but that he doesn't get to be a real boyfriend, doesn't get to date any of Anita's boyfriends because they're uninterested in him or afraid of her, and can't date because every time he meets someone, Anita's already claimed that person and won't share. He's lonely and frustrated and wants someone who will love him, and only him, completely. Asher states that he's not interested in that person's gender or being poly any more. He just wants to love and be loved completely again.

.....Anita completely misses the point.

She casts Asher as an emotional blackmailer and a whiner and no she can't share JC, not even with Asher when none of that's what Asher wants. Asher apologizes. Anita promises to try to be better at sharing her toys.

And then Anita decides that she wants to fuck Asher, ignores his 'No's, his pleading, his crying and his clawing at the door, and drags him into JC's bed. JC... is surprisingly passive, all around. He doesn't help Asher but he doesn't help Anita, either. In fact, he does his best impression of a piece of furniture and then, when it's clear that Asher isn't going to escape, cuddles with Asher and tells him that it's going to be okay while Anita is stripping Asher and bad touching him on the bed. (Why hello cycle of abuse and abused-person-turned-enabler.)

...It's actually really awful. Which is why I stopped caring about there, looked ahead to see if Asher's okay, found out that he wasn't, and stopped.

All of this is a super long way of saying that Asher isn't cast as the type to wear pirate gear, thigh-high boots, or a pin with a diamond as large as Anita's thumb. He likes to wear ugly, unnoticeable clothes if he's given a choice of attire. Asher's sexual harassment of Micah, (probably) it isn't (or shouldn't be, at any rate) for or about Micah himself. Asher was previously shown to be uninterested in Micah and unconcerned about incurring the censor of the (literally) weakest group of shifters in the AB-verse. (Seriously, what could they do if their leader was abused, assuming that he wasn't sleeping with Anita? Anyway, Micah's not the strongest, smartest or the best to lead. According to NiC, that was Merle who decided that he didn't want to be the sort of were-leader that Chimura liked and refused to keep being in charge. Micah stepped up man, 'cause that's what he does. Anita thinks that was heroic of him. Anita's also grateful because she sees it as having narrowly dodged a sex-with-an-uggo bullet. (Merle is huge, very masculine, dresses like a biker, has tats, and isn't girlish or submissive at all.)) Asher's trying to kiss Micah makes more sense as a dig at JC or a reminder to Anita that she promised to stop cock-blocking him... and hasn't. In fact, if the list you've given is any indication, she's gotten more vigorous, not less, about not letting Asher have a lover of his own. All the men are hers and there's a strict no girls allowed rule in place. And, as she's the MotC's human servant/sex battery, there's not a lot that Asher can do to get back at her directly. But there's Micah...

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. He's totally getting back at her. IT ALL MAKES SENSE. I remembered ZERO of this, thank you!

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

11.) While I agree that there's no obvious reason for JC or a character with his background to want Anita as a romantic partner, she's a hell of a battery. Nevertheless, I find her coy little 'how can he want me, he's hawt enough to have everyone, teehee' to be really irritating. I've heard similar sentiments from other people/characters that didn't grate, though. Probably because of the sentiments surrounding the statement... and the fact that it wasn't solely hotness to hotness.

12.) I think that, in a real relationship in which he is invested and genuinely in love, JC would be a bundle of insecurities, anxieties, and general not-suave-ness. His ego would very much be tied up in what the other person thought of him. He's bad at personal relationships, doesn't know much if anything about actual love, and has had horrible experiences with being vulnerable to anyone, ever. But, that said, the best lies have a grain of truth to them. So no, I don't think JC feels particularly insecure around Anita... except for when she does weird thing that threaten to get her killed and deprive him of his security... and by security, I mean a cornerstone of his power base. (And, while I'm sure that JC still loves Asher, I'm not entirely certain that he's still in love with Asher if that makes sense.)

13.) The sending in of demo porn videos is definitely weird... and eye-roll worthy. Especially the bit about 'arranged mistresses.' Girls aren't the only bits on the side!

14.) It's weird but I was nearly positive that in previous books, Anita was too jealous to even consider letting JC take blood or kisses or whatever from other women. I thought there was a line about it in Burnt Offerings or whichever book cam before that in which she threatens to dump him if he bites girls. I remember being incensed that she thought it was cool for her to make all of these personal, dietary choices for other people.

15.) JC would totally demand sexual favors from his employees... and then make them think that it was their idea all along.

16.) I like Monica more than Anita. But then, I like most characters more than Anita.

17.) Random aside is random, but that bit about rolling around naked on a painting from the Louvre creeps me out. And incenses me. It's a visceral reaction and thus illogical... but still. I want to smack her. HARD.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/everyone wants her toys because they're the bestest but they're all hers nah nah nah look at me and my hotties they're all mine!/

This happens in Twilight and its rip-off, Fifty Shades of Grey, as well. I don’t understand why these authors feel the need to have every female character drool over the leading man in order to promote the heroine’s worth. It’s not flattering, it’s annoying. Besides, why should the heroine care? If she supposedly loves the guy so much, she should already know how much he loves her and how lucky she feels. So, not only is the constant slew of attention ridiculous, it’s also unnecessary.

/this is just another symptom of her 'all relationships need a man and a woman!' heterosexism--even gay guys are still really looking for someone to be the 'woman' in the relationship if they aren't little and pretty themselves, and that would of course be little and pretty guys like Micah. Which is also why he and the others get to be the 'women' with her, because Anita is The Guy! And there can't be two guys, even if the relationship is between two men!/

Because if that were the case, then gender roles would be meaningless. You’d have to actually start writing and seeing people as PEOPLE. Not as individuals restricted and controlled by whatever chromosomes and sex organs they happen to be born with. No, there can’t be two traditionally masculine men in a relationship together because then who would cook for the other? Who would stay home and clean the dishes and vacuum the carpet? Surely, you’re not suggesting that a *manly* man would ever do such things. Or, heaven forbid, that *two* manly men would do such things together.

/Richard is a werewolf, and an Ulfric at that, and he's a junior high science teacher and that's why he's not here tonight./

I choose to believe that he knew that Anita and her harem would make a spectacle of themselves and wisely chose to turn down the invitation. Good for him.

/Just in case we didn’t get it by now, Monica is a Jealous Hater./

Nah, she’s probably thinking about how ridiculous they are and Anita’s just projecting her insecurities onto Monica again.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I don’t understand why these authors feel the need to have every female character drool over the leading man in order to promote the heroine’s worth.

I have no clue either. It's just annoying and obnoxious. Maybe it's supposed to drive home how desireable the male lead is? Rather than just making him desireable with good writing and his personality and stuff, I guess.

You’d have to actually start writing and seeing people as PEOPLE.

Gasp! Madness!

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

And why shouldn’t people’s minds be okay with them seeing a sign of someone being a therian? This isn’t a world where therians are fairy tales and cryptids. This is a world where the dishwasher would be a werewolf. Everybody knows they’re around.

This is something that always annoyed me with this setting. The supernatural is supposedly out in the open and commonplace... but at the same time, LKH always insists that it is somehow transcendent, that ordinary pleebs might know it exists but they can't possibly understand it. Which is actually even more insulting than the Harry Dresden-style, "oh, people don't believe in the supernatural no matter how much evidence they get, because they are scared of things they don't understand and don't want to admit that they're not in charge of their lives *coughatheistsarestupidcough*." :P

Actually, it goes beyond that, too. As you said, there are theoretically non-glamourous supernaturals around, just living their lives - but all the ones we see are kinky, super-sexy, and hold to some sort of bizarre feudal worldview that is completely different to the culture they're supposedly a part of. It's like in True Blood, where the first scene of the series was supposedly meant to show that "our vampires are different! Some of them are fat rednecks!" And then almost every vampire we see from that point on seems to have walked straight out of Bram Stoker or Ann Rice.

Frankly, I hope they not only stay together, but run away together far away from Anita, who will years later find out they got married and had lots of blond blue-eyed children together, most of whom are skinny girls.

Yes! Run for your life, Jason! There is a world out there full of women who are... comparatively sane and pleasant, because this is still the Anitaverse and everyone in it is a stupid jerk, but still, a definite improvement from your current company! :o

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Right? If you're going to have "supernaturals are real and everyone knows it" then everyone should really know it. If you're going to have "supernaturals are normal people" then there should be normal ones around. Not just as a glance, either.

Yup. Even in the world of awful idiots that is the Anitaverse, Anita is still the very worst of the bunch. Maybe that's why she gets to be its ruler?

[okami-no-yume.livejournal.com]

*de-lurks*

Hello! Lovely sporking journal you've got here.

I used to be a member of the AB fandom years ago, and I gave up around Cerulean Sins. I say gave up because that was the last book I finished. I burned my copy of Incubus Dreams. To this day, it's the only book I've ever thrown into a fire place.

I've recently decided to poke my nose around out of morbid curiosity. Reading the snarking of these later books has me cringing, laughing and yet...a little sad. The things she's done to the characters, and Anita's now up to...how many lovers? Over twenty? Dear Christ.

I'm grateful that Asher left the series in Bullet, because it's like he said "fuck this noise, I can do better." And left.

....I'm now seriously contemplating fic where Asher gets to have his own adventures and finds love with a gorgeous concert violinist. Or something. Or he and Jean-Claude manage to rid themselves of Anita and go on awesome adventures. Like, they fight crime together. Okay, so I'm being entirely facetious, but the idea of crime fighting vampires is both awesome and hilarious. :P

I truly do not recognize the gross monstrosity this series has become. It's just...beyond sad. To think, I used to write fic for this, and shipped JC/Anita, before she started humping everything supernatural in sight. Ahhh, those were the good old days. Forgive me, I'm feeling a tad wistful.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Hi there, welcome and thank you! I gave up at CS too, though I didn't even finish it. Wow, I always thought I'd be horrified if someone told me they really burned a book, but instead I'm just impressed.

It's not even the number of lovers that bothers me. It's how she treats them, how she gets them in the first place (ardeur rape and such), and how we're expected to believe she really cares about them all, when...well, like I said, look how she treats them and how she gets them. Not to mention it has just clotted the series with too many characters that should be major and have a lot of screentime because of their position in relation to the main character, but that doesn't happen, and they have little, if any, personalities, so they're just a ton of cardboard cutouts that can be interchanged at a whim with no difference. Not to mention the hypocrisy of how anyone else who does the same is bad, especially if they're a woman too, but when Anita has a harem it's just fine.

I think he actually leaves in Kiss the Dead, but I haven't finished Bullet yet so we'll see.

Hey, you should write that! It sounds neat! And vampire vigilantes don't sound absurd at all in this universe, really. They already have the super-powers, and obviously there are are vampire criminals out there (as well as plenty of therian and human ones) for them to go up against. And it fits with the whole 'vamps and therians don't run things according to human laws anyway' deal going on.

God, yes, I understand you, totally. I used to love this series. It was my first urban fantasy series ever (unless you count The Bailey School Kids, lol) and the first time I had read modern books with vampire characters in them (again, aside from children's books) and that's honestly where my hate comes from that fuels these sporks---from love, and specifically from watching something I love just degrade into this. Disappointment is not a harsh enough word, I tell you,

[the-mome-wrath.livejournal.com]

Anita also says that “Micah and Jean-Claude had tried to rip out each other’s throats the first time they’d met.” Can anyone remember if this is right?

I remember that happening! I'd have to find my copy of NiC, but if I recall correctly Richard had to break up the fight and it took some work to get each other pulled a part without blood spurting from vital locations. JC bit Micah and I believe Micah stabbed JC in the chest with his claws. I was severely disappointed by the lack of a double kill.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Ah, thank you!