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a_sporking_ratI saw Blood Noir at the dollar store today. The hardcover one, no less. I felt the most obnoxious little gossipy thrill at this. I considered buying it to spork, but I would just be too embarrassed to have that in my house, on my shelf. At least other people can't see it on the Kindle.
HIT LIST, CHAPTER FOUR
Anita reminds us that the marshal she needs to "sweet talk" is another woman. This means they are splitting a hotel room while they are in Tacoma.
Needless Reclarification:1
Her name is Laila Karlton and Anita then spends half the page describing her body. Not how she looks, no mention of hair or eyes or anything, just her body. She is "five-six and built solid" meaning not fat but "half curves and half solid muscle" and it's not lean muscle like Anita has and her biceps bulge when she lifts "her backpack of vampire-hunting gear, which probably weighed the same fifty pounds that mind did" which Anita can of course lug around effortlessly without EW GROSS BULGY MUSCLES EW because of her superpowers which let her look all petite and dainty, as she always reminds us, without actually going beyond the level of muscle commonly seen as 'attractively fit' for a woman. Anita thinks that Laila "was strong. She didn't see it that way though." The reason that Anita thinks Laila apparently doesn't think that she's strong (or doesn't think that she looks good? it's a little unclear) is because the first thing Laila says and the first dialogue of the chapter is:
"God, you're tiny. I bet I can put my hands around that little white-girl waist, and you still have boobs and an ass. That is not fair, girlfriend."
Yup. First thing from both this character and this chapter is ANITA UR SO HAWT IM JELLUS. At least, Anita sure as hell thinks Laila is jealous, because it's not like girls ever just compliment each other, right? Nope, Laila is clearly taking the "I'll-cut-myself-down-and-compliment-you-before-you-beat-me-to-it tack. I had the choices of ignoring it, complimenting her in some way, or agreeing that I looked good without complimenting her back. The last choice would make her dislike me more."
How do you know she dislikes you? She just said that's not fair is all. Which, considering your body is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE is 100% correct. And at what point did she cut HERSELF down?
"She'd already let me know, nicely, that my being a few sizes smaller than her made her predisposed not to like me." Actually, Anita, not everyone has that attitude just because you do. "One of the good things about working with men was that they didn't do this shit." OH FUCK YOU, ANITA. FUCK YOU. And wasn't she just complaining to Raborn a couple of chapters ago about all the shit that the male marshals DO do? No, but really, you know what I've noticed? That the girls who brag about having more male friends than female, that say they're one of the guys, that they like being around men more because girls are bitchy catty jealous manipulative vain skanks who want all the male attention to themselves and can't stand it if another woman is prettier? ARE THE GIRLS WHO ACTUALLY ARE LIKE THAT, NOT THE 'OTHER' GIRLS, HYPOTHETICAL OR REAL, THAT THEY HATE SO MUCH. And Anita fits that bill, boy howdy.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 1
"I tried, but I sucked at those games." Cuz she's just so honest and genuine and One of the Guys and Not Like Those Girls at all! You know what, I bet the reason she sucks is she just can't think of anything nice to say, even something she doesn't mean/believe.
Manita: 1
Anita says she knows men who prefer Laila's body type to her own, Laila says that's bullshit and Anita thinks Laila is "ready to be angry". Okay, I think Laila sounds very sexy, but admittedly, from what I know of typical (not universal!) straight male preferences, women with a lot of muscle are not usually valued over women who are, like Anita, physically fit and toned but still have a teeny weeny waist and big tits and are all petite and whatnot. Of course, Anita just said she knows men who do, not that all men do, which also brings up the point that...who cares what men want? Seriously, Laila said NOTHING about which body type that men like. She gave no indication that was on her mind at all. Once again, I think Anita is projecting like crazy, that she thinks just because what guys think is of tantamount importance to her means it must be Laila's main concern with her looks too. Honestly, if I were Laila, I know that assumption would peeve me, so maybe that's why Laila seems ready to get mad.
Anita says she hangs around with "a lot of older vampires" who "don't like the really thin girls. They like women who look like women, not preadolescent boys with boobs sort of stuck on as an afterthought."
WOW LKH, JUST WOW. If I were supposed to see Anita as wildly jealous and insecure, I'd fucking applaud this line for effectiveness, but no, we're supposed to agree with it. Just...wow.
1) Hey, guess what, it's not just older vampires who are capable of finding curvy women attractive. Your claim that only imaginary beings from another century could find women like Anita and Laila attractive is honestly MUCH more insulting to curvy women than not. I realize you're too cool to read womens magazines, but they're always doing SOME poll about what guys like, and the general result is usually either that most men prefer curves to model-thin OR that every man likes something different, be it small breasts or a pudgy belly or what have you. The truth is probably between the two---that everyone has their personal little preferences but there's a general beauty standard in place that most of those preferences fall within or not that far outside of due to cultural conditioning, and guess what Anita, much as it may make you explode with NO I HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT rage, you actually are well within that beauty standard. In fact, you're actually more an impossible ideal than not.
2) Women who look like women? What the fuck does that MEAN? If someone is a woman, they look like a woman! And a woman is anyone who identifies as a woman! She can be fat, thin, busty, young, old, bodybuilders, cisgender, transgender, wearing makeup, having no makeup, wearing a plaid shirt and boy jeans or loads of pink frills, having had every plastic surgery under the sun, having never even had her ears pierced, Tilda Swinton or Skyler Cooper or Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn or Grace Jones or Brigitte Bardot or Queen Latifah! The second you say there is only ONE way for a woman to look like a woman, no matter WHAT that way is, you have just become as massively sexist as the ideas you claim to be fighting. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR FEMALE EXCEPTIONALISM AND INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY PLEASE!
Laila tells Anita that she doesn't look like that and sounds "a little less angry, but still not that friendly" and Anita says Laila doesn't either, that "we both look nice and curvy the way God intended grown-up women to look."
Yeah, God intended all grown women to look one way, that's why there's such a diverse array of how grown women look, that makes loads of sense.
Laila "thought about it" because I guess she's too dumb for normal speed of thought and then she smiles and "I knew we'd be okay". Because you both can't fucking stand the existence of women who look different from you and the idea that someone out there might like them. Laila agrees with her but adds that Anita's "booty is not white-girl booty." Anita (I almost typed LKH) says that her mother was Hispanic and she's told she looks like her but paler. Laila says that explains it, since "I knew you were too round in the right places to be white bread."
Whitebread:1
Skinny Women Suck: 1
Curves: 3
You know the idea being brought up here white women are always rail-thin fragile flowers and PoC women are voluptuous Wollendorf Venuses? In addition to just being plain not the case at all (there are loads of thin, curvy, fat, muscular, etc women in both categories) it has some really racist roots. It was originally used to justify the idea that while white women were "real" women who were chaste and deserved to be treated with respect, black women were, by virtue of their bodies/biology, sexually insatiable temptresses that not only were animals that didn't deserve respect like actual women (read: white women) but could also be raped at whim by any man because they were always willing and thus it wasn't rape at all. To this day that stereotype lives on in the media/cultural image of the sexy lascivious black woman and the spicy Latina seductress, both of which are emphasized as stereotypically curvaceous, contrasting innocent white gamines whose purity, though it may still also be fetishized grossly, is still seen as someone whose appeal is that she is sexually unavailable (or at least looks like she is) while the PoC woman readily available to use and then be degraded for it.
Also, considering LKH is herself both white and oh so proudly curvy, you'd think she'd know that being "round in the right places" is not something unachievable for ladies of Euro-Caucasian descent.
Laila asks what Anita means about being told she looked like her mother, and Anita explains that her mom died when she was eight. Kids are pretty aware when they're eight, shouldn't Anita herself be able to remember what her mom looked like, especially since she really fucking refuses to let go of the matter? And wouldn't there be photos of Anita's still-nameless sainted mother to compare herself to?
Dead Mother:1
Laila says she sorry and sounds like she means it and Anita tells us about which bed they each have and how they hadn't discussed it, Anita had just gotten to the room first. Riveting. Anita then says it's ok, Laila asks about her dad, Anita says he was first-generation German American, Laila asks what he thinks of her being a vampire hunter. Anita says he's okay with it but of course her sucky stepmother Judith, who can do no right, doesn't like it. Laila laughs a "deep, throaty laugh" that is a "good laugh" which is "dark, and sensual". Laila tells Anita that she too has been "my mom's despair since I could walk" because she "wanted to be just like my brothers and my dad." Anita asks if she has sisters, Laila says "just one and she's the girl." Anita says her stepsister is "the girl" too while Anita went hunting with her dad. Laila asks if she has brothers, and Anita says she has a half brother but since he doesn't like hunting she is "my dad's only boy."
So gender is not determined by personal identifying but by what your interests are. Like hunting? You're a boy! Don't? You're a girl! Seriously, I wonder how poor Josh would feel right now if he knew Anita just said he was a non-male because he didn't like shooting other living things.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
Laila says she was always competing with her own brothers because she's short but they're over six feet. Anita says she too was always the smallest kid in class, and since no one can ever be tinier than her Laila admits she was never the smallest, just not as tall as she wanted to be.
Short: 1
Anita asks what Laila's dad thinks of her job (she never asks what her mother thinks, of course) and she says he's proud of her, Anita says so is hers, but both of their worry too. Laila then tells Anita that "they talk about you in the training" and how Anita was "the first female vampire executioner" and how she has "the highest kill count of any marshal." BECAUSE ANITA IS ALWAYS FIRST AND BEST AT EVERYTHING! Anita says she's just been doing it longer, Laila says there's only eight executioners left from the early days because all the rest either retired early "or..." with the ellipsis implying they died, I suppose. It is mention Laila is, of course, taller than Anita.
Short: 2
Anita says not to worry about it, that she knows the mortality rate used to be higher back when warrants first started being served. Laila asks why the mortality rate of executioners went up after the warrant systems was put in place, saying that "the books all say it went up, way up, but it doesn't explain why." Ah, do I detect another little shot about how these dang book-learning sorts just don't know their ass from their elbows? Anita explains that before the warrant system, vampire hunters weren't required to defend the kill in court, so they "weren't always particular" about how they did and "were a little more trigger happy" and that the warrant system made some people hesitate because they were "worried about what would happen if they couldn't defend it in court" since that was the days of no badges and meant that "some of us went to jail for murder even though the vampire killed was confirmed as a serial killer." Well, guess what, Anita, maybe it's a good thing to discourage people from gunning down vampires left and right just based on the HUNCH that they MIGHT be a killer by punishing those who do it INCLUDING those who just happened to get lucky and be right, which is what it sounds like happened. But no, according to Anita, this hesitation in not KILLING ALL THE THINGS is bad because "Hesitation will get you killed."
Laila says they have badges now and Anita says yup and that "officially we're cops" but that really "we are still executioners" and gives a paragraph long version of her usual "Cops save people, we kill people" schtick. I think this is LKH's fantasy of what the ultimate cool is---getting all the official gimmicks and status of police, but none of the restrictions, none of the paperwork, and none of the unglamorous crimes like petty theft and DUI, just straight-up license to kill. Unless of course you ~hesitate~ like a big wimp because of these silly things like the justice system and due process harshing your buzz. Laila says that they kill monsters, not people, and Anita gives her a bitter smile and says "Pretty to think so." Laila asks what that means.
Pretty To Think So: 1
What Does That Mean: 1
Anita asks how old Laila is, Laila says 24, Anita gives another not-happy smile and says that "When I was your age I believed they were monsters, too." OH GOD SHE SOUNDS SOOO SMUG IN MY HEAD. Laila asks how old she is, Anita says thirty (I think I remember something about LKH once saying Anita would die before being thirty?) and Laila points out that's only six years older than she is. Rather than saying six years is enough time for a lot of experience, Anita says that "cop years are like dog years" and Laila goes what and Anita says to multiply by seven so she's really 42 years older than Laila in cop/dog years. Laila asks what that means.
What Does That Mean: 3
Anita says "It means, how many vampires have you executed?" and Laila says four and Anita asks if she "hunted down and killed them, or morgue stakings where they're chained to a gurney and unconscious while you do it?" Because Laila is oh so totally a rookie compared to the great seasoned Anita Blake and because no one could POSSIBLY have a different opinion from Anita if they had all the facts, Laila of course says morgue. Dude, what the fuck kind of vampire executioner does that? Anyone can do that! Having an entire job for that is STUPID! Having to be a specialized marshal to hunt down and battle supernatural creatures, that makes sense, but to basically shoot fish in a barrel? Fish that isn't even awake? I mean, I know with the electric chair they used to use an official electrical executioner who showed up at the prison a few hours before the execution, made the tests and wired up the prisoner and pulled the switch. But now either an anonymous person does, or the chair is controlled by three buttons, only one of which actually turned on the chair, and three cops press them all at once. You'd think something similar would be done with vampires that are already chained down and dead/asleep rather than calling in a vampire executioner. And hey, wait, how did the vampire even get found and chained down like that in the first place if a preternatural-branch marshal wasn't involved? Was it regular cops? Well if they're competent enough to do that, aren't they competent enough to HIT A STILL TARGET AT CLOSE RANGE? I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be laws against them doing so instead of calling in an executioner either, given what we've seen of legal procedure surrounding monsters in the ABverse.
So yeah, this is stupid and makes no sense and is just there so Anita can be smug and have the high ground, which she does, patronizingly telling Laila to "talk to me after you've killed some of them awake, while they're begging for their lives." Laila's naivete then takes a jump into the truly unbelievable when she's surprised that they beg for their lives. Anita the Wise assures her that "sometimes they're scared and they beg, just like anybody else." Yeah, like that one that Vittorio was controlling who begged Anita...WHO THEN SHOT HER POINT BLANK IN THE FACE BECAUSE 'SHE WAS GUILTY'...same lady who got laws passed against just that in Skin Trade, which was shockingly NOT played as a sign of remorse as you would think but as Anita just being right not matter which side she takes yet never acknowledged as being wrong in the past when she was on the opposite side in the same situation.
Laila protests "But they're vampires, they're monsters" and Anita says they're not "according to the law we uphold they're legal citizens of this country" which makes so much sense seeing as how in America we routinely execute people without trial for things like shoplifting and no one has a problem with it. OH WAIT. Laila studies Anita's face and concludes "So you really do believe that they're people." Anita nods, and Laila points out "but you still kill them" and Anita nods again and Laila says that "If you really believe that, then it would be like me killing Joe Blow down the block. It would be like me putting a stake through a regular person's heart." Anita says yeah and Laila says she doesn't know if she could do this if she saw them as people and Anita agrees that it's a conflict of interest.
I think this was supposed to make us see that Anita is this deep and tormented soul who is both hardcore but also the only tolerant non-bigot executioner around...but instead all it does is make her seem like more a sociopath for the exact reasons Laila just pointed out. However, there are two things wrong with what Laila is saying here:
1) Regular people do monstrous things all the time and, hopefully more often than not, face justice for it. Sometimes this justice does come in the form of the death penalty. And someone has to flick that switch, inject that vein, what have you. Sometimes police have to gun someone down. And those people? Are people. They are rapists and murderers and child abusers and they are all people. Being people and being a monster are not mutually exclusive things. It's not as if the literal monsters are the only ones that are ever killed by law enforcement. Though granted the lack of a trial and the fact it can be for petty theft is. But either way, the idea that you might have to kill a person should not be such a foreign one to her as someone in law enforcement, even if her branch is only supposed to deal with the ones she thinks aren't people.
Though to be honest, who the hell actually thinks vampires should be killed for shoplifting? Like, I'd imagine even someone who hates all vampires and thinks they should all die would say "Hell no you shouldn't kill 'em for shoplifting, you should kill 'em for existing!"
2) I refuse to believe anyone in this world, especially someone who was trained to deal with the preternatural, is this sheltered concerning vampires. A big part of the Anitaverse is that vampires can be your neighbor, your grocer, your dog groomer, your IT guy, your grandmother even. They're not only known to exist, they're downright COMMON, probably the most common kind of supernatural being in fact alongside therians. How is it that Laila has never met with a vampire, interacted with one, even just enough to find it at least conceivable they might beg for their lives? LKH just really does not know how bigotry works, I swear. She thinks it's always this very big, very obvious thing, that the person is always conscious of and they're either assholes or clueless. Lemme tell ya, that's not how it is. There's the Westboro Baptist Church and the KKK, sure, but what's more common, more insidious, in some ways even more dangerous are the people who "don't hate gays" but wouldn't want one teaching their kids, or think marriage is just too "sacred" for anything but a man and a woman or who "love the sinner, hate the sin" or "don't mind as long as they don't ACT gay". Or people like my dad, who of course don't have a problem with black people or people from other countries who come to America...as long as they 100% assimilate with white middle-class conservative culture and values.
That's what real bigotry usually looks like. It's all those awful everyday tiny stings from nice normal well-meaning people who don't think of themselves as hateful at all and aren't trying to be, but it's ingrained in them and they don't even know it. LKH's idea of it is the same type of problem I have with how anti-mutant humans are portrayed in the X-Men---it's very clearly written by someone who has never experienced actual oppression, has made no attempt to understand how oppression works from the POV of people who have, and thus thinks it only exists in a blatant dramatized fashion like this.
And even if Laila had lived a life sheltered from vampires to such a degree, wouldn't the training for becoming a vampire hunter, with all its books and classes, have familiarized her with the creatures she was being trained to hunt? If only so she would know that they have emotions like humans and be able to hunt them better based on that? Her ignorance just makes no sense not only for the setting in general, but for her job. It's like an animal control officer being surprised by basic dog behavior!
Anita thinks about where to put weapons she'll want to be able to grab in a jiffy just in case the Harlequin come calling. Laila asks if she can ask Anita something without her getting mad and Anita makes the admittedly true statement that anytime someone says that it usually means they're going to say something insulting "so say it, but I can't guarantee how I'll take it." This is extra true with Anita, who took a compliment from Laila at the beginning as a sign she didn't like her! Laila thinks about this and Anita compares her to "a small child on the first day of school." God Anita you are a gross person. Laila says it's a stupid question but she wants to know, so Anita tells her to ask. YES PLEASE ASK THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. Laila tells her that other vampire executioners came to give lectures in class and one said Anita had been among the best until the MotC seduced her, and she's proof that women are more likely to be seduced by vampires than men.
Anita says it must have been Gerald Mallory, the vampire hunter of Washington DC. Laila asks how she knows, Anita says that Mallory thinks she's "the whore of Babylon" for sleeping with vampires because he hates them so much it's "frightening" and that she's seen him kill and that he gets off on it...yeah, like Anita doesn't. "He's like a racist who has permission to hate and kill." Um, racists already have permission to hate, trust me. Also, I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've ever heard of Mallory at all. Laila says that "You say race because I'm black."
You know, in case you didn't get the hint with the all "white girl" and "booty" talk. Although it is odd that not only was Laila's skin tone never described, nor were eyes colors, hair length and style, what she's wearing, etc. Now, none of that matters and would just be more annoying padding, but given that it's the norm for this series for everyone's appearance to be cataloged in minute detail, it's kind of noticeably odd that only Laila's body shape alone is talked about.
Anita says that, no, it's just that a racist is the only thing she can think to compare with his attitude towards vampires. You know, in a world where vampires have always been around, always been hated, and particularly in a time when it's clear that attitudes towards vampires are changing and divided, you'd think there'd be a term for someone who hates them analogous to racist, sexist, etc. People invent words as needed, that's how language works. We don't have a word for hating vampires because we don't need one, but in Anita's world, that word should exist. Anita shouldn't have to scramble for comparisons, especially ones that fall apart under only minor scrutiny (namely that while there's no actual reason to hate or be afraid of PoC for being PoC, but there are damn good reasons to be afraid of vampires just for being vampires).
Anita says she's seen him stake vampires and he scares her with how much he hates them "without reason, or thought, or any room in his mind for a reason not to hate them." Yeeeeah, and they let this guy in law enforcement? I'm not saying there aren't bigots who are cops and cops who are bigots, oh no, don't get me wrong, but if the guy is this obviously homicidal towards vampires that even thick-as-a-brick ANITA can read it, I think he'd get taken off the squad. It's actually NOT conducive to being a vampire hunter if your goal is to just kill any and every vampire when you're only supposed to kill the ones you have a warrant for. Plus, sometimes it's the monsters who are the victims in preternatural branch cases, like the weretigers here. Also, how does Anita know he has no reason for hating them? We have seen many, many vampires in this series who were sick, horrible people. In fact, I think we've seen more of those than not. There are numerous things he could have gone through because of them that could give him plenty of reasons to carry a grudge. Which is more than can be said for Anita back in the beginning of the series, when her views really weren't so different but she had no particular reason for it.
Anita says that "people consumed by hate are crazy. It blinds them to the truth and makes them hate anyone who doesn't agree with them." SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE YOU, ANITA. Also, thanks for the after-school special, Anita. We all learned an important lesson today. I picture her saying this with sagely closed eyes.
I'm not sure why it's relevant exactly, but Laila says that Mallory "says you should always stake a vampire. He doesn't approve of using silver ammunition." Anita says Mallory is a "stake and hammer man" and uses this opportunity to show off her Mossberg 500 Bantam shotgun to Laila, which she says is her favorite for shooting vampires in their coffins. She then spends a big fat paragraph educating Laila about how you have to destroy the brain and heart, make sure the brain is either leaking out or head is completely detached to be sure, etc. YEAH, I'M SURE ANOTHER PRETERNATURAL MARSHAL/VAMPIRE HUNTER TOTALLY WOULDN'T KNOW THAT SHIT AT ALL. Oh wait, nope, turns out neither Laila nor Mallory know this, because Laila says Mallory says just staking the heart is enough. HOW IS HE NOT DEAD YET THEN? Anita says if you can see daylight through the chest you're probably okay but it's better to destroy the brain to be sure "and I want you to be safer in the field." Anita, she has GRADUATED those classes, you know that right? You are not speaking to a student, you are speaking to a colleague.
Oh, and better yet, this is going to be Laila's first hunt. Anita asks if that means she's never participated in a hunt. DUH.
Needless Reclarification: 2
Anita asks if she's ever even seen a vampire "hunted and killed in the field" That phrasing sounds disturbingly like she's talking about deer or some other game animal. Laila says she can handle herself, and Anita says now she has to ask Laila something without her getting insulted. Laila asks what, Anita tells her it's a "bad case" and not for a first-timer. Laila says she knows it's a bad one and Anita says "No you don't, not yet" because she is just so condescending ugh I can't stand it and tells her that she wants her to sign over the warrant. Laila gets angry and says she can't because "I'm the girl, and if I back down on this the other marshals will never trust me again" and then ANITA OF ALL PEOPLE tells her that it's not about her being a girl, it's about her being young and inexperienced. WELL HOW IS SHE GONNA GET EXPERIENCED THEN, GENIUS? Laila tells Anita she has her back, Anita says she's not worried that Laila will get her killed, Laila asks what she's worried about then, Anita says "I'm worried you'll get yourself killed."
So. Insulting. I can't even. Understandably, "there was no more girl talk after that. We just got ready for bed." Yeah, I would be too insulted to speak to her too, Laila. Anita gets dressed in the bathroom and mentions Nathaniel packed for her. Not just Nathaniel but "Nathaniel, one of my live-in sweeties, a wereleopard and my leopard to call" That is exactly how she referred to him last chapter. Anita, LKH, I promise we didn't forget that fast.
Needless Reclarification: 3
Sweeties: 1
Anita says that he is "the most domestic" of the harem and that "I'd be talking to him about the pajamas" which are a sexy little set of stretchy black lace camisole and boy shorts that "fit like a second skin" and though she's sure to mention that they "looked great on me" she does acknowledge that they "were so not appropriate marshal jammies" lol I am imagining a marshal dress code for sleepwear "But they were the most appropriate of what he'd packed. Soooo going to talk to him about that." Five Os for one so. Really. Also Nathaniel is just blatantly an excuse for Anita to be so--er, I mean, soooo-- sexy but have it NOT BE HER FAULT, NOT A SLUT, REALLY!
Sooo: 2
When Laila sees Anita mince out of the bathroom, she tells her she's not bunking with the boys. Anita "didn't bother to glare at her" and tells her that her boyfriend packed her clothes, adding "while I packed the weapons" so Laila knows she is a manly manly awesome man, dammit. Laila is like "You let a man pack your clothes?" and I have to ask, is that unusual for opposite-sex couples? Well, I guess it's unusual for a grown person not to pack their own stuff regardless of gender...Anita says Nathaniel is "usually pretty good at it, but I think he picked the pajamas for what he wanted to see." Nah, he was hoping you'd bring home another victim, it's established he likes to watch...or maybe he's hoping you'll wear yourself out on someone else so he can continue to get the benefits of living under your roof without having to bone you for it. Laila says that's just like a man, Anita says she supposes so. Pssh, Anita, I thought you were the expert on men and everything about them, shouldn't you be able to give a definite yes or no?
Anita feels the need to mention that she does not recognize the singer on Laila's oversized T-shirt. She talks about how the hotel sheets are cheap cotton unlike the fancy ones that JC has and that she shares with Jonboi's avatars. Laila asks if Anita always sleeps with so many weapons. Anita tells her yes, but tells her that's not entirely true, that she always sleeps with a gun close but not usually while wearing her wrist-sheaths with silver blades. They're for in case of Harlequin emergency. She then takes most of the page talking about what she'll do with them depending on what the Harlequins try.
"I turned off the light on my side of the room. The room was suddenly very dark" YES THAT TYPICALLY HAPPENS AT NIGHT WHEN YOU TURN OFF LAMPS. She thinks about the little balcony outside and how vampires can't come in without permission but wereanimals can, as can bespelled humans. She then complains about how the government is cheap when you travel on its money and so she's "less than happy with the room" Assuming she's talking about the Harlequin-access potential and not about the cheap cotton sheets, I don't think you can at all blame the government for giving you inadequate protection against something that THEY DON'T KNOW YOU'RE IN DANGER FROM BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM.
Laila asks Anita if Mallory is right about women being more likely to be seduced by vampires. Well, if the UF genre is any indication, apparently so! Anita says no, and Laila asks why then is Anita the only one living with them. Oh Laila, that's not because she's a woman, it's because she's an idiot. Anita asks if Laila has ever been in love, she says yes, Anita asks "Did you plan on falling in love with him?" How do you know it would be a him, Anita? Laila of course says no, that love just happens, Anita says exactly, and Laila says she understands, adding that she's seen pictures of JC and "he's pretty if you like white boys."
....oh wow LKH just stop.
They both laugh and Laila asks Anita to call her by her first name, that "all the guys call me Karlton" like Anita so far has. Laila, if you tell her all the guys do it, you just ensure that's exactly what she'll do, and she does do it for the rest of the book (I call her Laila cuz it's a pretty name, but in the text she's Karlton)...wait, that's brilliant, Laila must actually NOT want Anita to call her by her first name! They say their goodnights, and Anita thinks about how "Edward and I would play by the book until they consolidated the warrants, and then we'd try to take over the hunt" at which point they will break a shitload of laws and never see trouble for it. Anita thinks how the bad thing is that in order for the warrant to get reassigned, someone has to get hurt. She thinks "Please, God, don't let her get killed" concerning Laila. Just Laila. I guess it's okay for anyone else to die, since they didn't gush about Anita's perfect curviness and tiny waist and praise her boyfriend while also hinting she wasn't herself interested in him.
So basically Laila is an acceptable woman because she's just like Anita except not as good (not as short, more muscles,less experience hunting vampires) and thus no competition, plus she compliments Anita, but, spoiler, she'll still get taken out of action in the next couple of chapters because even if LKH wants to throw a bone to the haters with SEE ANITA CAN GET ALONG WITH OTHER WOMEN she still refuses to have one share the screen with her Sue.
ALSO: It is okay to write a character with the dialectal style that their demographic is typically, even stereotypically, associated with if it fits and if you actually study it a bit to make sure you have it accurate. Please, please remember the "if it fits" and 'accuracy' bits. As far as determining 'if it fits' goes, one example is that my character Max Singh is a second-generation American. She has no reason to have a Punjabi accent of any sort. She also comes from a poor urban background, has a very straightforward personality, and is friendly, all of which affects how she speaks. Another example is Cornelius Locke, another character of mine, who is a vampire from Barbados. He was born and grew up there. However, he does NOT have a typical Barbadian accent, because the modern Barbados accent did not exist in the 1600s when he lived there, and he has spent centuries since in other places, mainly European countries, so he does have an accent but it's really not something that probably anyone else on Earth shares because it's the result of his specific life, which is not a common one at all. As for the accuracy side, if your character is likely to speak a certain dialect associated with their race/class/country/etc., DO NOT MAKE IT STEREOTYPICAL AS FUCK. DO NOT RELY ON TELEVISION PORTRAYALS OF WHAT THAT DIALECT IS AND HOW IT SOUNDS AND HOW IT IS STRUCTURED. Because nine times out of ten, TV is not going to get it right, and you will therefore get it wrong too, quite possibly offensively so. Case in point, LKH's idea that Laila will 'sound black' by saying white boy/girl and booty and putting girlfriend/girl at the end of every sentence. It's just like when we were supposed to see Dominga as authentically Hispanic because she said chica EVERY DAMN SECOND I SWEAR. Seriously, LKH, you're just being insulting as fuck.
TALLIES FOR THIS CHAPTER
Curves: 3
Dead Mother:1
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
Needless Reclarification: 3
Pretty To Think So: 1
Short: 2
Skinny Women Suck: 1
Sooo: 2
Sweeties: 1
What Does That Mean: 3
Whitebread:1
TALLIES FOR THE WHOLE BOOK
Bad Guys: 1
Curves: 3
Dead Mother:1
Guy/Girl Stuff: 4
Manita: 5
Mood Ring Eyes: 1
Pretty To Think So: 1
Needless Re-clarification: 6
Non-Answer Answers:1
Racial Angst: 1
Short: 4
Skinny Women Suck: 1
Sooo: 2
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 1
Sweeties: 3
What Does That Mean:7
Whitebread: 2
HIT LIST, CHAPTER FOUR
Anita reminds us that the marshal she needs to "sweet talk" is another woman. This means they are splitting a hotel room while they are in Tacoma.
Needless Reclarification:1
Her name is Laila Karlton and Anita then spends half the page describing her body. Not how she looks, no mention of hair or eyes or anything, just her body. She is "five-six and built solid" meaning not fat but "half curves and half solid muscle" and it's not lean muscle like Anita has and her biceps bulge when she lifts "her backpack of vampire-hunting gear, which probably weighed the same fifty pounds that mind did" which Anita can of course lug around effortlessly without EW GROSS BULGY MUSCLES EW because of her superpowers which let her look all petite and dainty, as she always reminds us, without actually going beyond the level of muscle commonly seen as 'attractively fit' for a woman. Anita thinks that Laila "was strong. She didn't see it that way though." The reason that Anita thinks Laila apparently doesn't think that she's strong (or doesn't think that she looks good? it's a little unclear) is because the first thing Laila says and the first dialogue of the chapter is:
"God, you're tiny. I bet I can put my hands around that little white-girl waist, and you still have boobs and an ass. That is not fair, girlfriend."
Yup. First thing from both this character and this chapter is ANITA UR SO HAWT IM JELLUS. At least, Anita sure as hell thinks Laila is jealous, because it's not like girls ever just compliment each other, right? Nope, Laila is clearly taking the "I'll-cut-myself-down-and-compliment-you-before-you-beat-me-to-it tack. I had the choices of ignoring it, complimenting her in some way, or agreeing that I looked good without complimenting her back. The last choice would make her dislike me more."
How do you know she dislikes you? She just said that's not fair is all. Which, considering your body is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE is 100% correct. And at what point did she cut HERSELF down?
"She'd already let me know, nicely, that my being a few sizes smaller than her made her predisposed not to like me." Actually, Anita, not everyone has that attitude just because you do. "One of the good things about working with men was that they didn't do this shit." OH FUCK YOU, ANITA. FUCK YOU. And wasn't she just complaining to Raborn a couple of chapters ago about all the shit that the male marshals DO do? No, but really, you know what I've noticed? That the girls who brag about having more male friends than female, that say they're one of the guys, that they like being around men more because girls are bitchy catty jealous manipulative vain skanks who want all the male attention to themselves and can't stand it if another woman is prettier? ARE THE GIRLS WHO ACTUALLY ARE LIKE THAT, NOT THE 'OTHER' GIRLS, HYPOTHETICAL OR REAL, THAT THEY HATE SO MUCH. And Anita fits that bill, boy howdy.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 1
"I tried, but I sucked at those games." Cuz she's just so honest and genuine and One of the Guys and Not Like Those Girls at all! You know what, I bet the reason she sucks is she just can't think of anything nice to say, even something she doesn't mean/believe.
Manita: 1
Anita says she knows men who prefer Laila's body type to her own, Laila says that's bullshit and Anita thinks Laila is "ready to be angry". Okay, I think Laila sounds very sexy, but admittedly, from what I know of typical (not universal!) straight male preferences, women with a lot of muscle are not usually valued over women who are, like Anita, physically fit and toned but still have a teeny weeny waist and big tits and are all petite and whatnot. Of course, Anita just said she knows men who do, not that all men do, which also brings up the point that...who cares what men want? Seriously, Laila said NOTHING about which body type that men like. She gave no indication that was on her mind at all. Once again, I think Anita is projecting like crazy, that she thinks just because what guys think is of tantamount importance to her means it must be Laila's main concern with her looks too. Honestly, if I were Laila, I know that assumption would peeve me, so maybe that's why Laila seems ready to get mad.
Anita says she hangs around with "a lot of older vampires" who "don't like the really thin girls. They like women who look like women, not preadolescent boys with boobs sort of stuck on as an afterthought."
WOW LKH, JUST WOW. If I were supposed to see Anita as wildly jealous and insecure, I'd fucking applaud this line for effectiveness, but no, we're supposed to agree with it. Just...wow.
1) Hey, guess what, it's not just older vampires who are capable of finding curvy women attractive. Your claim that only imaginary beings from another century could find women like Anita and Laila attractive is honestly MUCH more insulting to curvy women than not. I realize you're too cool to read womens magazines, but they're always doing SOME poll about what guys like, and the general result is usually either that most men prefer curves to model-thin OR that every man likes something different, be it small breasts or a pudgy belly or what have you. The truth is probably between the two---that everyone has their personal little preferences but there's a general beauty standard in place that most of those preferences fall within or not that far outside of due to cultural conditioning, and guess what Anita, much as it may make you explode with NO I HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT rage, you actually are well within that beauty standard. In fact, you're actually more an impossible ideal than not.
2) Women who look like women? What the fuck does that MEAN? If someone is a woman, they look like a woman! And a woman is anyone who identifies as a woman! She can be fat, thin, busty, young, old, bodybuilders, cisgender, transgender, wearing makeup, having no makeup, wearing a plaid shirt and boy jeans or loads of pink frills, having had every plastic surgery under the sun, having never even had her ears pierced, Tilda Swinton or Skyler Cooper or Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn or Grace Jones or Brigitte Bardot or Queen Latifah! The second you say there is only ONE way for a woman to look like a woman, no matter WHAT that way is, you have just become as massively sexist as the ideas you claim to be fighting. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR FEMALE EXCEPTIONALISM AND INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY PLEASE!
Laila tells Anita that she doesn't look like that and sounds "a little less angry, but still not that friendly" and Anita says Laila doesn't either, that "we both look nice and curvy the way God intended grown-up women to look."
Yeah, God intended all grown women to look one way, that's why there's such a diverse array of how grown women look, that makes loads of sense.
Laila "thought about it" because I guess she's too dumb for normal speed of thought and then she smiles and "I knew we'd be okay". Because you both can't fucking stand the existence of women who look different from you and the idea that someone out there might like them. Laila agrees with her but adds that Anita's "booty is not white-girl booty." Anita (I almost typed LKH) says that her mother was Hispanic and she's told she looks like her but paler. Laila says that explains it, since "I knew you were too round in the right places to be white bread."
Whitebread:1
Skinny Women Suck: 1
Curves: 3
You know the idea being brought up here white women are always rail-thin fragile flowers and PoC women are voluptuous Wollendorf Venuses? In addition to just being plain not the case at all (there are loads of thin, curvy, fat, muscular, etc women in both categories) it has some really racist roots. It was originally used to justify the idea that while white women were "real" women who were chaste and deserved to be treated with respect, black women were, by virtue of their bodies/biology, sexually insatiable temptresses that not only were animals that didn't deserve respect like actual women (read: white women) but could also be raped at whim by any man because they were always willing and thus it wasn't rape at all. To this day that stereotype lives on in the media/cultural image of the sexy lascivious black woman and the spicy Latina seductress, both of which are emphasized as stereotypically curvaceous, contrasting innocent white gamines whose purity, though it may still also be fetishized grossly, is still seen as someone whose appeal is that she is sexually unavailable (or at least looks like she is) while the PoC woman readily available to use and then be degraded for it.
Also, considering LKH is herself both white and oh so proudly curvy, you'd think she'd know that being "round in the right places" is not something unachievable for ladies of Euro-Caucasian descent.
Laila asks what Anita means about being told she looked like her mother, and Anita explains that her mom died when she was eight. Kids are pretty aware when they're eight, shouldn't Anita herself be able to remember what her mom looked like, especially since she really fucking refuses to let go of the matter? And wouldn't there be photos of Anita's still-nameless sainted mother to compare herself to?
Dead Mother:1
Laila says she sorry and sounds like she means it and Anita tells us about which bed they each have and how they hadn't discussed it, Anita had just gotten to the room first. Riveting. Anita then says it's ok, Laila asks about her dad, Anita says he was first-generation German American, Laila asks what he thinks of her being a vampire hunter. Anita says he's okay with it but of course her sucky stepmother Judith, who can do no right, doesn't like it. Laila laughs a "deep, throaty laugh" that is a "good laugh" which is "dark, and sensual". Laila tells Anita that she too has been "my mom's despair since I could walk" because she "wanted to be just like my brothers and my dad." Anita asks if she has sisters, Laila says "just one and she's the girl." Anita says her stepsister is "the girl" too while Anita went hunting with her dad. Laila asks if she has brothers, and Anita says she has a half brother but since he doesn't like hunting she is "my dad's only boy."
So gender is not determined by personal identifying but by what your interests are. Like hunting? You're a boy! Don't? You're a girl! Seriously, I wonder how poor Josh would feel right now if he knew Anita just said he was a non-male because he didn't like shooting other living things.
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
Laila says she was always competing with her own brothers because she's short but they're over six feet. Anita says she too was always the smallest kid in class, and since no one can ever be tinier than her Laila admits she was never the smallest, just not as tall as she wanted to be.
Short: 1
Anita asks what Laila's dad thinks of her job (she never asks what her mother thinks, of course) and she says he's proud of her, Anita says so is hers, but both of their worry too. Laila then tells Anita that "they talk about you in the training" and how Anita was "the first female vampire executioner" and how she has "the highest kill count of any marshal." BECAUSE ANITA IS ALWAYS FIRST AND BEST AT EVERYTHING! Anita says she's just been doing it longer, Laila says there's only eight executioners left from the early days because all the rest either retired early "or..." with the ellipsis implying they died, I suppose. It is mention Laila is, of course, taller than Anita.
Short: 2
Anita says not to worry about it, that she knows the mortality rate used to be higher back when warrants first started being served. Laila asks why the mortality rate of executioners went up after the warrant systems was put in place, saying that "the books all say it went up, way up, but it doesn't explain why." Ah, do I detect another little shot about how these dang book-learning sorts just don't know their ass from their elbows? Anita explains that before the warrant system, vampire hunters weren't required to defend the kill in court, so they "weren't always particular" about how they did and "were a little more trigger happy" and that the warrant system made some people hesitate because they were "worried about what would happen if they couldn't defend it in court" since that was the days of no badges and meant that "some of us went to jail for murder even though the vampire killed was confirmed as a serial killer." Well, guess what, Anita, maybe it's a good thing to discourage people from gunning down vampires left and right just based on the HUNCH that they MIGHT be a killer by punishing those who do it INCLUDING those who just happened to get lucky and be right, which is what it sounds like happened. But no, according to Anita, this hesitation in not KILLING ALL THE THINGS is bad because "Hesitation will get you killed."
Laila says they have badges now and Anita says yup and that "officially we're cops" but that really "we are still executioners" and gives a paragraph long version of her usual "Cops save people, we kill people" schtick. I think this is LKH's fantasy of what the ultimate cool is---getting all the official gimmicks and status of police, but none of the restrictions, none of the paperwork, and none of the unglamorous crimes like petty theft and DUI, just straight-up license to kill. Unless of course you ~hesitate~ like a big wimp because of these silly things like the justice system and due process harshing your buzz. Laila says that they kill monsters, not people, and Anita gives her a bitter smile and says "Pretty to think so." Laila asks what that means.
Pretty To Think So: 1
What Does That Mean: 1
Anita asks how old Laila is, Laila says 24, Anita gives another not-happy smile and says that "When I was your age I believed they were monsters, too." OH GOD SHE SOUNDS SOOO SMUG IN MY HEAD. Laila asks how old she is, Anita says thirty (I think I remember something about LKH once saying Anita would die before being thirty?) and Laila points out that's only six years older than she is. Rather than saying six years is enough time for a lot of experience, Anita says that "cop years are like dog years" and Laila goes what and Anita says to multiply by seven so she's really 42 years older than Laila in cop/dog years. Laila asks what that means.
What Does That Mean: 3
Anita says "It means, how many vampires have you executed?" and Laila says four and Anita asks if she "hunted down and killed them, or morgue stakings where they're chained to a gurney and unconscious while you do it?" Because Laila is oh so totally a rookie compared to the great seasoned Anita Blake and because no one could POSSIBLY have a different opinion from Anita if they had all the facts, Laila of course says morgue. Dude, what the fuck kind of vampire executioner does that? Anyone can do that! Having an entire job for that is STUPID! Having to be a specialized marshal to hunt down and battle supernatural creatures, that makes sense, but to basically shoot fish in a barrel? Fish that isn't even awake? I mean, I know with the electric chair they used to use an official electrical executioner who showed up at the prison a few hours before the execution, made the tests and wired up the prisoner and pulled the switch. But now either an anonymous person does, or the chair is controlled by three buttons, only one of which actually turned on the chair, and three cops press them all at once. You'd think something similar would be done with vampires that are already chained down and dead/asleep rather than calling in a vampire executioner. And hey, wait, how did the vampire even get found and chained down like that in the first place if a preternatural-branch marshal wasn't involved? Was it regular cops? Well if they're competent enough to do that, aren't they competent enough to HIT A STILL TARGET AT CLOSE RANGE? I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be laws against them doing so instead of calling in an executioner either, given what we've seen of legal procedure surrounding monsters in the ABverse.
So yeah, this is stupid and makes no sense and is just there so Anita can be smug and have the high ground, which she does, patronizingly telling Laila to "talk to me after you've killed some of them awake, while they're begging for their lives." Laila's naivete then takes a jump into the truly unbelievable when she's surprised that they beg for their lives. Anita the Wise assures her that "sometimes they're scared and they beg, just like anybody else." Yeah, like that one that Vittorio was controlling who begged Anita...WHO THEN SHOT HER POINT BLANK IN THE FACE BECAUSE 'SHE WAS GUILTY'...same lady who got laws passed against just that in Skin Trade, which was shockingly NOT played as a sign of remorse as you would think but as Anita just being right not matter which side she takes yet never acknowledged as being wrong in the past when she was on the opposite side in the same situation.
Laila protests "But they're vampires, they're monsters" and Anita says they're not "according to the law we uphold they're legal citizens of this country" which makes so much sense seeing as how in America we routinely execute people without trial for things like shoplifting and no one has a problem with it. OH WAIT. Laila studies Anita's face and concludes "So you really do believe that they're people." Anita nods, and Laila points out "but you still kill them" and Anita nods again and Laila says that "If you really believe that, then it would be like me killing Joe Blow down the block. It would be like me putting a stake through a regular person's heart." Anita says yeah and Laila says she doesn't know if she could do this if she saw them as people and Anita agrees that it's a conflict of interest.
I think this was supposed to make us see that Anita is this deep and tormented soul who is both hardcore but also the only tolerant non-bigot executioner around...but instead all it does is make her seem like more a sociopath for the exact reasons Laila just pointed out. However, there are two things wrong with what Laila is saying here:
1) Regular people do monstrous things all the time and, hopefully more often than not, face justice for it. Sometimes this justice does come in the form of the death penalty. And someone has to flick that switch, inject that vein, what have you. Sometimes police have to gun someone down. And those people? Are people. They are rapists and murderers and child abusers and they are all people. Being people and being a monster are not mutually exclusive things. It's not as if the literal monsters are the only ones that are ever killed by law enforcement. Though granted the lack of a trial and the fact it can be for petty theft is. But either way, the idea that you might have to kill a person should not be such a foreign one to her as someone in law enforcement, even if her branch is only supposed to deal with the ones she thinks aren't people.
Though to be honest, who the hell actually thinks vampires should be killed for shoplifting? Like, I'd imagine even someone who hates all vampires and thinks they should all die would say "Hell no you shouldn't kill 'em for shoplifting, you should kill 'em for existing!"
2) I refuse to believe anyone in this world, especially someone who was trained to deal with the preternatural, is this sheltered concerning vampires. A big part of the Anitaverse is that vampires can be your neighbor, your grocer, your dog groomer, your IT guy, your grandmother even. They're not only known to exist, they're downright COMMON, probably the most common kind of supernatural being in fact alongside therians. How is it that Laila has never met with a vampire, interacted with one, even just enough to find it at least conceivable they might beg for their lives? LKH just really does not know how bigotry works, I swear. She thinks it's always this very big, very obvious thing, that the person is always conscious of and they're either assholes or clueless. Lemme tell ya, that's not how it is. There's the Westboro Baptist Church and the KKK, sure, but what's more common, more insidious, in some ways even more dangerous are the people who "don't hate gays" but wouldn't want one teaching their kids, or think marriage is just too "sacred" for anything but a man and a woman or who "love the sinner, hate the sin" or "don't mind as long as they don't ACT gay". Or people like my dad, who of course don't have a problem with black people or people from other countries who come to America...as long as they 100% assimilate with white middle-class conservative culture and values.
That's what real bigotry usually looks like. It's all those awful everyday tiny stings from nice normal well-meaning people who don't think of themselves as hateful at all and aren't trying to be, but it's ingrained in them and they don't even know it. LKH's idea of it is the same type of problem I have with how anti-mutant humans are portrayed in the X-Men---it's very clearly written by someone who has never experienced actual oppression, has made no attempt to understand how oppression works from the POV of people who have, and thus thinks it only exists in a blatant dramatized fashion like this.
And even if Laila had lived a life sheltered from vampires to such a degree, wouldn't the training for becoming a vampire hunter, with all its books and classes, have familiarized her with the creatures she was being trained to hunt? If only so she would know that they have emotions like humans and be able to hunt them better based on that? Her ignorance just makes no sense not only for the setting in general, but for her job. It's like an animal control officer being surprised by basic dog behavior!
Anita thinks about where to put weapons she'll want to be able to grab in a jiffy just in case the Harlequin come calling. Laila asks if she can ask Anita something without her getting mad and Anita makes the admittedly true statement that anytime someone says that it usually means they're going to say something insulting "so say it, but I can't guarantee how I'll take it." This is extra true with Anita, who took a compliment from Laila at the beginning as a sign she didn't like her! Laila thinks about this and Anita compares her to "a small child on the first day of school." God Anita you are a gross person. Laila says it's a stupid question but she wants to know, so Anita tells her to ask. YES PLEASE ASK THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. Laila tells her that other vampire executioners came to give lectures in class and one said Anita had been among the best until the MotC seduced her, and she's proof that women are more likely to be seduced by vampires than men.
Anita says it must have been Gerald Mallory, the vampire hunter of Washington DC. Laila asks how she knows, Anita says that Mallory thinks she's "the whore of Babylon" for sleeping with vampires because he hates them so much it's "frightening" and that she's seen him kill and that he gets off on it...yeah, like Anita doesn't. "He's like a racist who has permission to hate and kill." Um, racists already have permission to hate, trust me. Also, I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've ever heard of Mallory at all. Laila says that "You say race because I'm black."
You know, in case you didn't get the hint with the all "white girl" and "booty" talk. Although it is odd that not only was Laila's skin tone never described, nor were eyes colors, hair length and style, what she's wearing, etc. Now, none of that matters and would just be more annoying padding, but given that it's the norm for this series for everyone's appearance to be cataloged in minute detail, it's kind of noticeably odd that only Laila's body shape alone is talked about.
Anita says that, no, it's just that a racist is the only thing she can think to compare with his attitude towards vampires. You know, in a world where vampires have always been around, always been hated, and particularly in a time when it's clear that attitudes towards vampires are changing and divided, you'd think there'd be a term for someone who hates them analogous to racist, sexist, etc. People invent words as needed, that's how language works. We don't have a word for hating vampires because we don't need one, but in Anita's world, that word should exist. Anita shouldn't have to scramble for comparisons, especially ones that fall apart under only minor scrutiny (namely that while there's no actual reason to hate or be afraid of PoC for being PoC, but there are damn good reasons to be afraid of vampires just for being vampires).
Anita says she's seen him stake vampires and he scares her with how much he hates them "without reason, or thought, or any room in his mind for a reason not to hate them." Yeeeeah, and they let this guy in law enforcement? I'm not saying there aren't bigots who are cops and cops who are bigots, oh no, don't get me wrong, but if the guy is this obviously homicidal towards vampires that even thick-as-a-brick ANITA can read it, I think he'd get taken off the squad. It's actually NOT conducive to being a vampire hunter if your goal is to just kill any and every vampire when you're only supposed to kill the ones you have a warrant for. Plus, sometimes it's the monsters who are the victims in preternatural branch cases, like the weretigers here. Also, how does Anita know he has no reason for hating them? We have seen many, many vampires in this series who were sick, horrible people. In fact, I think we've seen more of those than not. There are numerous things he could have gone through because of them that could give him plenty of reasons to carry a grudge. Which is more than can be said for Anita back in the beginning of the series, when her views really weren't so different but she had no particular reason for it.
Anita says that "people consumed by hate are crazy. It blinds them to the truth and makes them hate anyone who doesn't agree with them." SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE YOU, ANITA. Also, thanks for the after-school special, Anita. We all learned an important lesson today. I picture her saying this with sagely closed eyes.
I'm not sure why it's relevant exactly, but Laila says that Mallory "says you should always stake a vampire. He doesn't approve of using silver ammunition." Anita says Mallory is a "stake and hammer man" and uses this opportunity to show off her Mossberg 500 Bantam shotgun to Laila, which she says is her favorite for shooting vampires in their coffins. She then spends a big fat paragraph educating Laila about how you have to destroy the brain and heart, make sure the brain is either leaking out or head is completely detached to be sure, etc. YEAH, I'M SURE ANOTHER PRETERNATURAL MARSHAL/VAMPIRE HUNTER TOTALLY WOULDN'T KNOW THAT SHIT AT ALL. Oh wait, nope, turns out neither Laila nor Mallory know this, because Laila says Mallory says just staking the heart is enough. HOW IS HE NOT DEAD YET THEN? Anita says if you can see daylight through the chest you're probably okay but it's better to destroy the brain to be sure "and I want you to be safer in the field." Anita, she has GRADUATED those classes, you know that right? You are not speaking to a student, you are speaking to a colleague.
Oh, and better yet, this is going to be Laila's first hunt. Anita asks if that means she's never participated in a hunt. DUH.
Needless Reclarification: 2
Anita asks if she's ever even seen a vampire "hunted and killed in the field" That phrasing sounds disturbingly like she's talking about deer or some other game animal. Laila says she can handle herself, and Anita says now she has to ask Laila something without her getting insulted. Laila asks what, Anita tells her it's a "bad case" and not for a first-timer. Laila says she knows it's a bad one and Anita says "No you don't, not yet" because she is just so condescending ugh I can't stand it and tells her that she wants her to sign over the warrant. Laila gets angry and says she can't because "I'm the girl, and if I back down on this the other marshals will never trust me again" and then ANITA OF ALL PEOPLE tells her that it's not about her being a girl, it's about her being young and inexperienced. WELL HOW IS SHE GONNA GET EXPERIENCED THEN, GENIUS? Laila tells Anita she has her back, Anita says she's not worried that Laila will get her killed, Laila asks what she's worried about then, Anita says "I'm worried you'll get yourself killed."
So. Insulting. I can't even. Understandably, "there was no more girl talk after that. We just got ready for bed." Yeah, I would be too insulted to speak to her too, Laila. Anita gets dressed in the bathroom and mentions Nathaniel packed for her. Not just Nathaniel but "Nathaniel, one of my live-in sweeties, a wereleopard and my leopard to call" That is exactly how she referred to him last chapter. Anita, LKH, I promise we didn't forget that fast.
Needless Reclarification: 3
Sweeties: 1
Anita says that he is "the most domestic" of the harem and that "I'd be talking to him about the pajamas" which are a sexy little set of stretchy black lace camisole and boy shorts that "fit like a second skin" and though she's sure to mention that they "looked great on me" she does acknowledge that they "were so not appropriate marshal jammies" lol I am imagining a marshal dress code for sleepwear "But they were the most appropriate of what he'd packed. Soooo going to talk to him about that." Five Os for one so. Really. Also Nathaniel is just blatantly an excuse for Anita to be so--er, I mean, soooo-- sexy but have it NOT BE HER FAULT, NOT A SLUT, REALLY!
Sooo: 2
When Laila sees Anita mince out of the bathroom, she tells her she's not bunking with the boys. Anita "didn't bother to glare at her" and tells her that her boyfriend packed her clothes, adding "while I packed the weapons" so Laila knows she is a manly manly awesome man, dammit. Laila is like "You let a man pack your clothes?" and I have to ask, is that unusual for opposite-sex couples? Well, I guess it's unusual for a grown person not to pack their own stuff regardless of gender...Anita says Nathaniel is "usually pretty good at it, but I think he picked the pajamas for what he wanted to see." Nah, he was hoping you'd bring home another victim, it's established he likes to watch...or maybe he's hoping you'll wear yourself out on someone else so he can continue to get the benefits of living under your roof without having to bone you for it. Laila says that's just like a man, Anita says she supposes so. Pssh, Anita, I thought you were the expert on men and everything about them, shouldn't you be able to give a definite yes or no?
Anita feels the need to mention that she does not recognize the singer on Laila's oversized T-shirt. She talks about how the hotel sheets are cheap cotton unlike the fancy ones that JC has and that she shares with Jonboi's avatars. Laila asks if Anita always sleeps with so many weapons. Anita tells her yes, but tells her that's not entirely true, that she always sleeps with a gun close but not usually while wearing her wrist-sheaths with silver blades. They're for in case of Harlequin emergency. She then takes most of the page talking about what she'll do with them depending on what the Harlequins try.
"I turned off the light on my side of the room. The room was suddenly very dark" YES THAT TYPICALLY HAPPENS AT NIGHT WHEN YOU TURN OFF LAMPS. She thinks about the little balcony outside and how vampires can't come in without permission but wereanimals can, as can bespelled humans. She then complains about how the government is cheap when you travel on its money and so she's "less than happy with the room" Assuming she's talking about the Harlequin-access potential and not about the cheap cotton sheets, I don't think you can at all blame the government for giving you inadequate protection against something that THEY DON'T KNOW YOU'RE IN DANGER FROM BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM.
Laila asks Anita if Mallory is right about women being more likely to be seduced by vampires. Well, if the UF genre is any indication, apparently so! Anita says no, and Laila asks why then is Anita the only one living with them. Oh Laila, that's not because she's a woman, it's because she's an idiot. Anita asks if Laila has ever been in love, she says yes, Anita asks "Did you plan on falling in love with him?" How do you know it would be a him, Anita? Laila of course says no, that love just happens, Anita says exactly, and Laila says she understands, adding that she's seen pictures of JC and "he's pretty if you like white boys."
....oh wow LKH just stop.
They both laugh and Laila asks Anita to call her by her first name, that "all the guys call me Karlton" like Anita so far has. Laila, if you tell her all the guys do it, you just ensure that's exactly what she'll do, and she does do it for the rest of the book (I call her Laila cuz it's a pretty name, but in the text she's Karlton)...wait, that's brilliant, Laila must actually NOT want Anita to call her by her first name! They say their goodnights, and Anita thinks about how "Edward and I would play by the book until they consolidated the warrants, and then we'd try to take over the hunt" at which point they will break a shitload of laws and never see trouble for it. Anita thinks how the bad thing is that in order for the warrant to get reassigned, someone has to get hurt. She thinks "Please, God, don't let her get killed" concerning Laila. Just Laila. I guess it's okay for anyone else to die, since they didn't gush about Anita's perfect curviness and tiny waist and praise her boyfriend while also hinting she wasn't herself interested in him.
So basically Laila is an acceptable woman because she's just like Anita except not as good (not as short, more muscles,less experience hunting vampires) and thus no competition, plus she compliments Anita, but, spoiler, she'll still get taken out of action in the next couple of chapters because even if LKH wants to throw a bone to the haters with SEE ANITA CAN GET ALONG WITH OTHER WOMEN she still refuses to have one share the screen with her Sue.
ALSO: It is okay to write a character with the dialectal style that their demographic is typically, even stereotypically, associated with if it fits and if you actually study it a bit to make sure you have it accurate. Please, please remember the "if it fits" and 'accuracy' bits. As far as determining 'if it fits' goes, one example is that my character Max Singh is a second-generation American. She has no reason to have a Punjabi accent of any sort. She also comes from a poor urban background, has a very straightforward personality, and is friendly, all of which affects how she speaks. Another example is Cornelius Locke, another character of mine, who is a vampire from Barbados. He was born and grew up there. However, he does NOT have a typical Barbadian accent, because the modern Barbados accent did not exist in the 1600s when he lived there, and he has spent centuries since in other places, mainly European countries, so he does have an accent but it's really not something that probably anyone else on Earth shares because it's the result of his specific life, which is not a common one at all. As for the accuracy side, if your character is likely to speak a certain dialect associated with their race/class/country/etc., DO NOT MAKE IT STEREOTYPICAL AS FUCK. DO NOT RELY ON TELEVISION PORTRAYALS OF WHAT THAT DIALECT IS AND HOW IT SOUNDS AND HOW IT IS STRUCTURED. Because nine times out of ten, TV is not going to get it right, and you will therefore get it wrong too, quite possibly offensively so. Case in point, LKH's idea that Laila will 'sound black' by saying white boy/girl and booty and putting girlfriend/girl at the end of every sentence. It's just like when we were supposed to see Dominga as authentically Hispanic because she said chica EVERY DAMN SECOND I SWEAR. Seriously, LKH, you're just being insulting as fuck.
TALLIES FOR THIS CHAPTER
Curves: 3
Dead Mother:1
Guy/Girl Stuff: 2
Manita: 2
Needless Reclarification: 3
Pretty To Think So: 1
Short: 2
Skinny Women Suck: 1
Sooo: 2
Sweeties: 1
What Does That Mean: 3
Whitebread:1
TALLIES FOR THE WHOLE BOOK
Bad Guys: 1
Curves: 3
Dead Mother:1
Guy/Girl Stuff: 4
Manita: 5
Mood Ring Eyes: 1
Pretty To Think So: 1
Needless Re-clarification: 6
Non-Answer Answers:1
Racial Angst: 1
Short: 4
Skinny Women Suck: 1
Sooo: 2
Smile Doesn't Reach Eyes: 1
Sweeties: 3
What Does That Mean:7
Whitebread: 2
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 05:50 pm (UTC)Ding ding ding! It's projection. And most guys see right though it, which is one reason why I end up feeling sorry for girls and women like that. I've always had an easier time making friends with boys than girls too (though not so much lately, thanks to the interwebs), but that's not because I'm better than other girls. Making friends with girls just took me a little longer than with boys. Also, my gaming hobby used to have at least twenty times as many men in it as women, or seem to have. Not any longer, thank goodness. And I am definitely not more of a guy. I have an extremely strong feminine gender identity. I hate when people act like liking video games, or cars, or sports, or guns, or etc., is a "guy" thing. Or that liking fashion and romance novels and etc. is a "girl" thing.
Also, that conversation starter from Laila is not the way women introduce themselves. LKH needs to get out more.
2) One of the good things about working with men was that they didn't do this shit.
Oh right, men never make nasty comments to women about their looks. Riiiiight. They do even in Anitaland, just to women who aren't Anita. And in Anitaland, men also think hunting and killing each other is the ultimate guy thing. I think I know which I prefer.
Re: all LKH's body snark, I'm "curvy" and feel insulted on my own behalf, and offended about the idea a woman must have a certain body shape to be a "real woman". And I've got a big round booty and my ancestry is completely northern European. LKH is terrible at biology.
3) LKH yoinked "pretty to think so" from Hemingway. "Isn't it pretty to think so" is the last line of The Sun Also Rises. Which, coincidentally, is one of those books I had to read for a class in college and hated with the passion of 10,000 suns. But that book is considered an American classic and that line is considered a very big deal by people who like the book. So LKH using the line over and over again without acknowledgment -- well, it's not quite plagiarism, but it's something icky.
4) I refuse to believe anyone in this world, especially someone who was trained to deal with the preternatural, is this sheltered concerning vampires.
This might be my biggest gripe with the books. Bigger than even the rape, because it breaks the entire premise of the books. Vampires and therians and such are supposed to always have existed, and yet the world is exactly like our world, just with vampires and such plopped into it. It makes no sense at all.
5) given that it's the norm for this series for everyone's appearance to be cataloged in minute detail
In Danse Macabre, after going on for interminable, tongue-bathing length about every man's appearance so far, LKH describes a Hispanic man by talking about all the knives he's carrying.
6) The pajamas... has LKH ever actually known a man? They don't tend to treat the women they're in relationships with solely as sex objects. I guess that's how Anita treats her men, though, so turnabout is fair play.
7) Anita's supposed to be all badass, and yet whines about how she's not sleeping on silk sheets and the room isn't well-appointed enough for her tastes. She is such a spoiled brat.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 07:53 pm (UTC)3) Wasn't Hemmingway like the most macho-est macho writer ever or something?
4) Yes, it drives me so nuts!
5) Hmmm, I think I am sensing a pattern here regarding who 'deserves' description and to what degree
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Date: 2013-07-28 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 06:41 pm (UTC)LKH, would it kill you to write a minority character without using stereotypes? Also, it's a little disturbing that our first introduction to this black woman is her singing praises of a white character. Laila immediately points out that Anita is not only white, but has a better body than her, all in one sentence complete with pseudo 'ghetto speak.'
They like women who look like women, not preadolescent boys with boobs sort of stuck on as an afterthought."
She hates women, but skinny girls in particular really get her angry. Because writing a strong feminist character means belittling and body-shaming other women.
booty is not white-girl booty.
Please...stop...
I knew you were too round in the right places to be white bread.
'White bread' isn't really a black term. To be honest, I've really only heard white people use this term to negatively describe other white people. It just sounds kinda odd to me to see this 'ghetto' character using such a white term.
You know the idea being brought up here white women are always rail-thin fragile flowers and PoC women are voluptuous Wollendorf Venuses?
It's the Sassy Sistah trope, and Laila fits it perfectly. Because all black women are curvy and sassy and like to call people 'grrlfriend' and 'mmm hmmm.'
You know, in case you didn't get the hint with the all "white girl" and "booty" talk. Although it is odd that not only was Laila's skin tone never described, nor were eyes colors, hair length and style, what she's wearing, etc.
I'm guessing that LKH didn't bother to describe her skin-tone because of the obvious ghetto speak she slapped in there to scream at the readers, Hey Laila Is Black! Plus Laila just exists to kiss Anita's ass, she doesn't need description, she's just here to prove how awesome Anita is.
he's pretty if you like white boys.
Mmmmm hhhhmmmm grrlfriend...them white boys, they know howda treat a sistah, mmmm hhhmmmm. They may be pasty-ass crackas, but they luuuuuvvvvvv the dark chocolate, mmmmmm hhhmmmmmm. Damn grrlfriend, Imma gonna get me a nice white boy cuz Jerome is a no good broke-ass scrub off chasin' them white bitches. I'm gonna slap a ho if he keep bringin' them skinny ass white girls 'round here. Mmmmm hhhmmmmm.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:00 pm (UTC)Indeed, it really is.
'White bread' isn't really a black term. To be honest, I've really only heard white people use this term to negatively describe other white people. It just sounds kinda odd to me to see this 'ghetto' character using such a white term.
It's just another case of "everyone has the same verbal tics that Anita does"...and LKH obviously doesn't know how urban black dialect actually works anyway. Not that I'm an expert (suburban white girl here) but WOW UGH.
Because all black women are curvy and sassy and like to call people 'grrlfriend' and 'mmm hmmm.'
Funny story, in an Anita Blake RP I played the Regina for the werelions, and she was a 6'1 black woman with a body type a lot like how Laila's is described here. She deliberately avoided slang and had almost-perfect grammar because she *knew* that as a black woman, the second she slips up and uses anything close to ebonics, everyone is always going to see her as 'ghetto' and not worth listening to, and while she was very intelligent and called out some real bullshit going on with the Master of the City and That Guy, I never really described her as "sassy" or played her thereof...but everyone at the board decided she was. Sassy sassy sassy. I guess I wouldn't say she's NOT sassy, but...I have a feeling she'd be called that as long as she just wasn't super-shy and retiring.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:16 pm (UTC)That RPG situation you describe does very much apply to real life. Very intelligent black people who refuse to buy into the ghetto stereotype are still often viewed as such by non-blacks (hence the insistence on 'sassy' because all black women are sassy). There is an understanding that non-blacks will not take them seriously if they act like gangsters, my mother refused to let any of us use that 'ghetto slang.' To her and the rest of our family, 'ghetto slang' was something uneducated people used, and it presented a negative image to be using it. My family is Jamaican, which is a completely different background and culture from black Americans, but I've met other black people who say the same thing. Idiots talk like they're from the ghetto and because they talk like the gangster they get treated as one.
At the same time there are those in the black community who view those who try to stand above the ghetto image as sort of traitors; black people who sold out their heritage and are trying to be white. They're often referred to as being 'bougie.'
It's frustrating, either you act like a thug and get treated like one, or you try to rise above it and have people act like you're a traitor to your heritage on top of others still treating you like a thug because of the stereotype.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:13 pm (UTC)Hee! And yes, god I need to wipe the smug off the screen with a washcloth just to read.
Yeah, as with Jade and the werelion ladies, she was indeed very, very clearly made just to shut us haters up, and it shows in how BAD her execution is that it's not because LKH is trying to learn or do better, she just totally misses the issue still.
Accents can definitely be tricky with characters who originated in other times and then spent long periods of time in various places (or, alternatively, in one very isolated place, like Ruthven on the moor) but there's no goddamn excuse for Laila, as that's not the case with her. ALSO MA FUCKING PETITE, UGH. Even though she's made French the most important language in vampire culture for no particular reason, LKH screws up a *lot* on it. My personal fave flub was when Jean-Claude used a *Spanish* term of endearment for Valentina. Not that there's any reason JC couldn't speak Spanish, just I am 100% sure it was meant to be French.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 01:33 am (UTC)Yup, you hit the nail on the head right here.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-08 03:13 pm (UTC)Which describes a lot of things in those books, actually... ;D
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:22 pm (UTC)And Anita is talking about prejudice and victimisation of a group? YOU'RE TALKING TO THE WRONG PERSON ANITA. I think black people may understand racial hatred. Just a little bit.
This reminds me of how LKH always goes on in interviews about how much she'd lurve to be ethnic because of how cool it would be. Crap on a cracker, she just does not understand anything about this sort of stuff.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:36 pm (UTC)I...just...wat?
I've always believed that everyone should be proud of their heritage, we all have different backgrounds and races and should be able to celebrate that without putting each other down. Black, yellow, brown, white, blue, purple, everyone should be proud along with being open to the differences and cultures of others.
But I absolutely loathe this mentality. White people who hate being white and put down other 'white bread' people, because they wish they could be something non-white and therefore 'special.' It's not about experiencing other cultures and perspectives besides your own, it's all about being 'exotic' and more special then other people. These are the people who obsess over stereotypes because that its what they think being non-white means. The people who want to be Native American because Indians are all about being one with the earth and nature. The people who want to be Japanese because it would be like living in an anime.
They want to be 'exotic' and 'cool' because races are like accessories to them, different colored outfits to put on and prance around them.
Crap on a cracker indeed...
no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 08:44 pm (UTC)She says she's of Celtic heritage in it too, I think---which would explain why she has the VERY IRISH COLORING OF DARK HAIR AND PALE SKIN WHICH IS IN NO WAY PROOF OF BEING MIXED-RACE AS SHE SHOULD KNOW SINCE SHE'S NOT. Fer reals, that's how me and my half-Irish mom look, and that's how the majority of people looked when we went to Ireland. Fair skin, dark hair, blue eyes. Oh wait, LKH and Anita have BROWN eyes so obviously Anita is therefore mixed and LKH is...is...I got nuthin'. US WHITE PEOPLE, WE NEVER HAVE BROWN EYES!
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 05:50 pm (UTC)Actually, I'm not proud of any of my ancestry. They were all assholes, though the Dutch part a tad less than the rest, at least in recent history. It doesn't help that my something-great grandfather was James K. Polk's brother -- a really huge slaveholder. And I have somethingth cousins who have dark brown skin, related through that branch. Um, yeah. Now, everyone has ancestors who were rapists, but that brings it closer to home.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-08 03:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 11:29 pm (UTC)Also, I get teenagers wanting to be "different." We were all ignorant at one point. I'll admit that a lot of those teens annoyed me as a kid (especially the ones who wanted to be Japanese ... Well, the weeaboos), but then again, I was actually learning about the culture I associated myself with (English). Heck, even today I still plan on moving there.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-28 10:46 pm (UTC)2. Actually, guys are just as likely to be insecure of another guy's height/appearance. Especially if that guy is someone they think their crush/significant other will find more attractive than they are. So, fuck you, Anita.
3. ... She does realize guys are capable of playing mindgames, too, right? Maybe they don't seem quite as "petty" as the ones girls play, but they're easily just as damaging.
4. So... only old vampires who are supposed to have died out when that shit was in fashion are capable of finding curvy women attractive? Damn. I was obviously born in the wrong century.
5. My head hurts. Anita keeps talking about curves, but she doesn't even really have curves. Not like she should. She's got a waspish waist and tits and an ass. She'd be loved back in the Victorian age where corsets were implemented to make that happen. Now it's my headcanon that she wears a corset.
6. Anita just went Mr. Rogers on us with this lesson on hate and racism. Fun.
7. Yeah, I think Nathaniel just packed what he hoped would lure in more fuckbuddies for Anita. Wanting to see her in them would require LKH giving him an actual personality.
8. This chapter hurt me...
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 12:25 am (UTC)4) Yes. Skinny women are ugly and stuff, but only someone born in another time could ever like a curvy lady. Because that's not insulting or anything.
5) My god, you're right, she's totally tight-lacing!
8) It is indeed quite painful.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 03:30 am (UTC)4. No, clearly not. I'm not insulted at all. And it's not like Anita ever insults ladies curvier than she is.
5. Yep!
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 12:54 am (UTC)"That is not fair, girlfriend"
Oh no. She's going to have skin the colour of some sort of coffee/milk mix, isn't she?
"If you really believe that, then it would be like me killing Joe Blow down the block. It would be like me putting a stake through a regular person's heart." Anita says yeah
Anita is so badass, and *and sociopath* guys! Soooo cool!
...uses this opportunity to show off her Mossberg 500 Bantam shotgun to Laila, which she says is her favorite for shooting vampires in their coffins.
"I'm sooo enlightened, they're like people to me! NOW LOOK AT THE SHINY TOYS I HAVE TO KILL THEM HORRIBLY IN THEIR SLEEP"
"Soooo going to talk to him about that"
Pack. Your. Own. Damn. Clothes. Let another person deal with your weapons, if you're that pressed for time. Since your weapons' list is just "all of them", it's not that hard. And hey, if something's forgotten, it's not like you USE your weapons anymore, so you're still safe, and you get the bonus of bitching about how no one is as good as you at packing, and how if you want something done right... etc.
Not touching the gender issues here. Not for Anita's harem's penis' weight in gold.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 01:14 am (UTC)Shockingly, it is never even described, let alone in these terms. Weird, huh?
Anita is so badass, and *and sociopath* guys! Soooo cool!
It's so creepy that it seems this really is the reaction we're meant to have
Not for Anita's harem's penis' weight in gold.
Oh man I'm tired right now and I read "harem pants" instead of "harem's penis" and then the addition of gold is making me think MC Hammer ahahaha
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 03:50 am (UTC)I have started humming "don't touch this" AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. LOLOLOLOL
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Date: 2013-07-29 01:44 am (UTC)HA. You win.
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Date: 2013-07-29 01:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 01:51 am (UTC)LKH needs to GROW THE FUCK UP. There is no one "right" body to have, and a curvy woman is not more inherently WOMAN than a thin one.
"The way God intended" mutter mutter FUCK YOU.
no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-07-29 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-01 02:46 am (UTC)This chapter is just dumb.
no subject
Date: 2013-08-08 04:01 pm (UTC)And of course any conversation with a woman must start with her expressing jealousy about Anita's body. Of course. You know, I am not that familiar with how women talk when there are no men present, because... well, I'm not present when they talk that way... but I find it hard to believe that this is actually typical. Can you actually comment on another woman's tits the first thing you do upon meeting her? Wouldn't that be, I don't know, rude? Intrusive? I'm pretty sure that were I female, I would prefer my tits uncommented on by random strangers...
Okay, I think Laila sounds very sexy
Ehum. Me too, to tell you the truth. >_>
It helps that I can picture a woman looking like Laila without being some sort of bizarre cartoon character, of course. There are many variations of the female form and thus many ways to look like a "real woman," but Anita's non-euclidian physique is not one of them. :P