KISS THE DEAD, CHAPTER FORTY

[a_sporking_rat]

KISS THE DEAD, CHAPTER FORTY

"We didn't find any bombs" Oh, whew! I thought we might actually be getting back to the plot there for a second, after TEN CHAPTERS OF WAITING. Seriously, Ch. 28 is when they went in and did the massacre on those sleeping vamps...and I'm being absurdly generous by calling *that* part of the plot due to the fact those vamps in all likelihood had nothing to do with it. You know, I think LKH has lost the ability to maintain more than one plot at a time/the ability to do sub-plots. She just can't make two issues be going on concurrently. If this were done right, then the Asher thing would be going on as the plot with the rebel vamps was, but instead the rebel vamp plot has to take a gigantic time-out for ten-and-counting chapters for the Asher plot to be completely resolved. Only when it's entirely finished can the other plot be resumed. A story just can't work like that. It's difficult and annoying to read. Case in point, this book.

Anyway, in the meantime someone Anita's "people" are working on finding bombs if there are any. Remember you know how LKH has such a hard-on for military as the be all and end all of badass competancy and skilll and worth? She specifically mentions that among the guards, some of the leopards and hyenas are ex-military, BUT NO RATS ARE. Because rats are just not cool enough, even hyenas are better then them, so they get to be ex-military but not any of you icky ugly rats! Seriously, that's all I can read it is as, given how she went out of her way to say it, to state that the only ex-military ones were werehyenas and wereleopards and not wererats. Three hours later, Anita gets a call from Dolph with an "official go-ahead" and he also apologizes to her. She asks for what, he says what Brice did: That the big meanie poo-poo-heads up-top are "more interested in the case than in keeping people safe" (isn't that the same thing) and "conflicted about the preternatural community as I was a couple of years back." Dude, the preternatural community are not the victims of these supposed-bombs. The preternatural community are the ones who are (supposedly) making the bombs in order to fight back against JC and his bunch for how they've treated them. Calling JC and Anita "the preternatural community" is like calling a mob boss "the Italian community" okay?

Anita says that means a lot coming from him to us, and then to him. I hate little redundancies like that; if she's going to say it anyway, we don't need to be told that she thought it too. Dolph says "I don't understand the whole fascination with preternaturals, but I know my son is still happy" I love how he's totally calling it a fetish and Anita doesn't disagree. Also, hey, his son is with a vampire, right? How is she doing under JC's rule, I wonder? Suffered any ardeur mass-rape? "and I've never seen you happier than you are right now." Again, LKH is so badly trying to convince both Anita and readers of this "The wife says you're not supposed to understand love; if it made complete sense, it wouldn't be love." Anita agrees with this and Dolph agrees with her and hangs up and I call bullshit. Firstly, I don't think that applies here, as Anita's honestly not in love with anyone except maybe herself. Secondly, what, so my being able to say why I'm in love with someone means it just must not really be love? That's dumb. Thirdly, LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS SITUATION, HOW IS THIS CONVERSATION AT ALL RELEVANT? And fourth, I guess maybe this is some kind of smug sage answer to people who point out that the harem have no personalities for Anita to love, there's no reason she should love Micah for raping her, and there's no reason ANY of her harem should love HER.

Hours pass, dawn comes, Anita feels JC die for the day and knows that means Asher did already because "he wasn't powerful enough to stay awake as long as Jean-Claude" and considering how power determines your worth as a person in this universe I think this is a backhanded little insult at Asher. She also feels JC curl up around him in bed together and mentions that she doesn't like sleeping with vamps when they're dead "so I'd be bunking with Micah and Nathaniel in our room, and maybe Sin, if he was there and not in a hospital bed." It is just really weird to me, not because of the age thing but just because of how random it is, how Sin is suddenly in the top-tier of the harem with Micah and Nathaniel in this book. Why is that? Anyway, she and Claudia are now "walking down the midway of the Circus" and at first I thought she meant a midway sort of hallway inside the Circus but she actually means midway as in a road by the above-ground public part of the Circus. Anita describes how it's basic carnival stuff like prizes and food except SPOOKY AND MONSTERY like stuffed mummies and bats, bear claws and elephant ears called werewolf claws and monster ears instead, etc., and here comes another worldbuilding rant, people, hang tight---

I don't think that vampires and werebeasts would be associated with all this sort of generic Halloween-y horror type stuff in this world. Because the reason they're associated with it in our world is that they're fictional, just like the rest of the Halloween critters, and thus a part of pop culture with no real-life counterpart. In this universe, they're real people, people you might live next to, work with, see every day. They're not fictional, and while they might be frightening in what they have the potential to do, they're not SPOOKY, you know? Like, someone who has a gun might be scary, but they're not spooky, get it? They would not be associated with creatures of folklore and legends in this day and age because they are NOT folklore and legends in this world, they are and always have been known as very real beings. In correct and even hateful folklore may have sprung up about them the same way there is/has been folklore about various animals and mistaken beliefs about various peoples (for instance, beliefs about Jews killing Christian babies) but that's not going to put them in the same category as various still-fictional-in-this-world beings because they're not fictional and were never considered as such. And I honestly can't see a lot of vampires and therians not being OFFENDED at the idea they deserve to be classed like that, if anyone ever even thought to. Which brings us to a point Dottie made several times---why is the Circus even an attraction? Because their main gist seems to be "we have vampires and therians!" but while real live monsters might be exciting to people in OUR world, that would not, for aforementioned reasons, translate to this world where you can see them anywhere for free because they're everyday members of society and always have been. If their image was based more on rarities like Melanie, I could get it, but it doesn't seem to be.

There is also mention of the smell of funnel cakes that "always smelled like your grandmother's kitchen was supposed to smell, but never had." What? Is this supposed to be one of her deep emo musings? Because it...doesn't really make sense. Grandma's kitchen is stereotypically thought of as smelling like cookies, not funnel cakes. Funnel cakes are much, much more associated with fairs, and never, to my knowledge, much with home cooking. And even if she had invoked the cookies stereotype, it still wouldn't make much sense because plenty of grandma's kitchens do have cookies baking when the grandkids are over so the blanket 'your/never' statement doesn't work. Anyway, I think she and Claudia are searching the carnival grounds for bombs, but all Anita is thinking about is how she likes to walk around the Circus after it closed because "it appealed to the little girl in me who had always wondered what happened when the fair closed down" even though she now knows it's boring stuff like prep work for the next day and not a magical adventure, and, you know, I like this part actually. I can actually *understand* it, mainly, and also I like hearing about an aspect of childhood Anita that wasn't related to dead mother/step-mother/not-blonde angst or to how she was a "boy" because she went hunting with her dad.

Claudia's phone rings, she takes the call a little away from Anita and Anita "gave her the privacy" because the wererats "had business out of town" and "I carried a badge; I did not need to know details about their mercenary jobs." WORST. COP. EVER! Also, I love how while the wereleopards and werehyenas get to have ex-military among their members, the wererats have none and also are the only ones who as a group as actively involved in criminal activity....funny how they just happen to be the group primarily comprised of Hispanic men, huh? Claudia comes back and "it wasn't a good look" on her face. Anita asks what's wrong, she says "Mephistopheles is sitting against the wall in the living room, crying". What? Oh right, he's with Asher now, isn't he? Considering that happened offscreen this information really doesn't evoke any feelings for me at all like LKH is probably thinking it should. I can't care about a relationship that I have been given no opportunity to get invested in, nor in a character that likewise has had very little chance at being someone I should give a shit about. They may be your friends, LKH, but we're not in your head, okay? We only know of them as much as we are shown. Not just told, SHOWN.

Anita swears, Claudia says she must not even need to ask why, Anita says no, Claudia asks if it's true she's sending Asher away fro what he did, she nods, Claudia says it's about time, and Anita notes that Claudia really doesn't like him. Claudia also didn't like Richard and Haven...hmm, anyone noticing a pattern here? Especially since I don't think Claudia was ever noted as having any opinion at all on Asher until now that LKH decided he has to go. If she ever has a falling-out with Jon, I bet you it turns out Claudia hated both his avatars all along. Darla may not be around in person anymore, but Claudia continues to be the yes-girl that LKH wishes her assistant had remained. Claudia says she wouldn't put up with Asher's "emotional blackmail shit" (uh, and this was when?) and Anita says that "We're sort of through with it, too" Yeah, now maybe you can do something about yours, Nathaniel's, etc. They go to the entrance to the underground and Claudia says it was Graham on the phone. Anita tells us that Graham knows nothing about explosives and "was better at being a bouncer at the clubs than a gun-toting bodyguard." Again, if this were someone else, I'd think it was just a statement of facts, but given how Anita measures the worth of person, I think this is an insult, which fits because Anita doesn't like Graham last I checked. Dude has the audacity to want her to CONSENT to sex with him!

Claudia says that Graham called her to find Anita so as to send her to Meph/Dev and that "if Jean-Claude had been awake for the night, he'd have still sent me to find you." I have...literally no idea why she is saying this or what significance this is supposed to have? I guess she's saying that Anita is the one they all look to first for dealing with Meph/Dev but that's sort of a duh. Anita spends a paragraph talking about how many and where the guards are around the door before saying "Dev is my tiger to call" by which I guess she means 'well duh' like I did, and Claudia says "It's not that, Anita. Micah is traveling more for the Coalition. Nathaniel takes care of everything like a 1950s housewife, but he isn't dominant enough to handle comforting Mephistopheles." Oh wow, so much fail here. Okay, firstly, the idea that you need to be 'dominant' to comfort someone, what the hell? Secondly, of course we have to be reminded of how 'dominant' Anita is. Thirdly, I think that this bullshit is just being stuck in here so we are assured that Anita isn't being soft or sensitive or anything WEAK like that by comforting anyone, okay, it's because you have to be DOMINANT to comfort someone and that's what Anita is dammit!

"So I'm the go-to person for hand holding. I get that." I love how Anita makes it sound like picking up poop. Also, hand-holding to me sounds like a pretty patronizing, minimalizing way of referring to the fact that someone is upset over their lover being forced out of their community AND that this someone is also Anita's own lover...she just doesn't sound like she cares at all or sees it as worthwhile. How am I as a reader expected to give a shit about this even when the main character, especially an author avatar, doesn't? Claudia nods and says that her point is that they would never call JC about this. Yeah, JC is not the person you want around anyone emotionally vulnerable...Anita may upset them further, sure, since she's such a jerk, but she doesn't have the manipulative capacity that JC does to use their pain against them. I guess Anita doesn't understand this, of course, because she says "Okay, just stop being subtle; you're not good at it, and I'm not good at figuring it out." Oh Anita. She can't even make a simple request without being a rude asshole. Also, I don't think Claudia has the option of being direct when it comes to saying anything about JC that isn't 90% gold.

Claudia wisely decides to distract Anita by saying with a smile "You stand there dressed like one of us, and you don't get it" causing Anita to get distracted by going into a long internal monologue listing how she is wearing "a black T-shirt, black jeans, black belt with a blackened belt buckled, and black boots" It amuses me how the belt buckle is even blackened. And she thinks about the heel on her boots and her holsters and weapons and how all this means she looks like one of the guards. Good move, Claudia. I never realized how Anita's self-absorbed short attention span could work to help the underlings avoid any shit getting back to JC through her. Forget to watch your mouth around Anita? Just make a quick comment that makes her mentally run through what she's wearing and you'll be fine! Anita says "I do have a lot of assassin chic in my closet" and Claudia says she knows that she does indeed look like "one of us" and adds that she can tell Nathaniel didn't pick out that shirt because it doesn't show cleavage. This is cracking me up a lot because HOW DOES ANITA NOT YET SPOT THAT NATHANIEL HAS A FETISH FOR PARADING HER TITS AROUND?

Anita thinks that Claudia is pretty when she smiles and should smile more, to which I say fuck you. Claudia gushes that "We trust you to understand whatever we bring to you, Anita. We trust you with the decisions about guns and violence, and this kind of stuff, too." To which Anita responds "You mean that Dev is crying?" and it is no surprise to me that this causes Claudia's smile to fade...just I don't think Anita realizes the reason for this fading is that Claudia is trying to lay the flattery on and Anita is JUST SO STUPID SHE CAN'T EVEN GET IT. Claudia however is not deterred from trying to butter up further and talks about how she totally could never "take care of" this many people like Anita does. Anita asks if Claudia is dating anyone right now, she blushes, Anita asks who it is, Claudia tells Anita to worry about her own lover, Anita teases about how Claudia has said lover and not boyfriend. Okay, I know Anita calls her boyfriends her lovers, but most of the time when someone says they have a lover it means a same-sex partner, especially if they're really serious, would-be-married-if-they-could-be, etc. So from this it sounds to me like Anita is saying that Claudia has a girlfriend...but LKH answered on Reddit that Claudia is straight and doesn't understand why everyone always thinks she's a lesbian. So I think LKH is just clueless on what she's implying here because she's so sheltered but that's how it came off, SO THERE'S YOUR ANSWER LKH, THAT'S WHY.

Claudia laughs in a way that Anita has never heard from her and tells Anita to "Go talk to the Devil" and then walks away still laughing. You know, if your character is going to be called "the Devil" they have got to be the type of character that can pull it off. Dev is not. He has not been given much attention at all, let alone given a chance to earn that. Anita thinks about how this lover must be really serious for Claudia to mention it at all, and wonders how she missed this, and "Claudia in love; who'd have thunk it? Cool." This was just so...shoved in...that I think LKH decided she needed to give Claudia someone so people would stop saying stuff about other women not being 'allowed' to have boyfriends. It would explain why Anita asked, since she's never ever shown any interest in anything about Claudia as a person before. Fucking finally, Anita goes to the door "to take care of my Devil." She feels "as if I were trying to carry something heavy" but she stands "as straight as my five three could manage" because standing up straight is somehow impeded by height?

"It was a lot of work to take care of all the people I was dating" Except you never do. You get this token thing here but you don't actually even interact with most on a regular basis, and when you do, it gets the plot way off-track for long stretches. LKH just does not know how to make interaction organically fit in with the plot, and that's why. I appreciate that she's making this effort of actually showing Anita doing this "care" for once but I still have to criticize how it creates other problems because of how it's done poorly. "But there was no one I would trade away." No, Anita will never be forced to make such a decision. LKH will instead contrive circumstances to cull away any pet penis she's getting bored of or whose real-life counterpart has displeased her in some way. "Asher might force us to send him away" Case in point "but I'd miss him" AND THAT'S THE REAL TRAGEDY RIGHT "and I hadn't been his main sweetie for a year like Dev had." Again, I must bring up that this relationship has been entirely offscreen and so carries absolutely zero gravity for a reader. "He'd wanted to add an extra girl, not lose the man he loved." I kind of wonder if he was made to pay for the former by the latter---meaning, I wonder if LKH was displeased with him for wanting another girl besides Anita, so she took Asher away from him. I know that sounds bizarre given how he's fictional, but we all know how thin LKH claims that line is with her; if one takes her at her word, it's not at all a stretch. She thinks about her posture again "and went to take care of my golden tiger to call, my Devil" and talks about how one of the hardest things about being poly was stuff like this and how she'd once thought (because this is ALL ABOUT ANITA okay?) that loving more people means you won't get your heart broken unless you lose them all but it's not like that oh but she still wouldn't trade it and "I hoped I could convince Dev the same."

...note that when she says she wants to convince him, she gives no thought to whether being poly is the best thing for Dev or what Dev wants, just that she wants to convince him. And given that this is Anita, well, that's creepy.

Comments

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Okay, firstly, the idea that you need to be 'dominant' to comfort someone, what the hell?

LKH does not think submissives are human beings. She writes as if we're completely incapable of the full range of human emotion and ability all the damn time -- not that any of her characters have any range of emotion or ability, but she's more explicit re: submissives. Like we're literally some kind of pet, except most people don't think it's okay to rape pets.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

I bet she thinks switches are crazy insane sociopaths. Because we can be a human being one moment, then not a human being the next.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Asher is a switch.

That should tell you something. >_>

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Again, LKH is so badly trying to convince both Anita and readers of this/

Because, once again, she’s telling instead of showing.

/The wife says you're not supposed to understand love/

Ah, yes, the old “the heart knows what it wants” excuse for inexplicable romances that make no sense. No, there’s always at least one reason for you to be attracted to someone. Mr. Darcy thought that there was no reason for him to be in love with Elizabeth Bennet, but the reader sees him admiring Elizabeth’s “fine eyes,” indirectly defending her against Caroline Bingley, bantering with her, noting her devotion to her older sister, etc.

/Claudia continues to be the yes-girl that LKH wishes her assistant had remained/

Because in Anita’s world, only women who agree with her on everything deserve to exist.

/Okay, firstly, the idea that you need to be 'dominant' to comfort someone, what the hell?/

In fact, isn’t the act of comforting more commonly seen as “feminine” behavior because it involves nurturing?

/she just doesn't sound like she cares at all or sees it as worthwhile/

But remember, according to Dolph’s wife, you’re not supposed to understand love.

/We trust you to understand whatever we bring to you, Anita/

Yeah, like the werelion pride that Anita is supposedly in charge of, yet whose issues she doesn’t know about or bother with until someone tells her about them.

/"Asher might force us to send him away"/

Oh, yeah, like he forced you to send Haven away. Oh, wait, you killed him all by yourself and Asher had nothing to do with it.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

//Okay, firstly, the idea that you need to be 'dominant' to comfort someone, what the hell?/

In fact, isn’t the act of comforting more commonly seen as “feminine” behavior because it involves nurturing? /
Anita's long-running whiteknight complex. Remember, she doesn't really take care of anyone, she just starts singing 'The White Man's Burden'... figuratively speaking, at any rate. So comforting = creepy paternalistic condescension, which is right up the alley of Anitaverse "dominants".

This is also why Jean-Claude is the one most frequently coddling her and patting her ego, if you want to get even more squicked about their relationship...

/Oh, yeah, like he forced you to send Haven away. Oh, wait, you killed him all by yourself and Asher had nothing to do with it. /
Ohhh, no, Haven forced Anita to kill him! He MADE her shoot him, Your Honor! He was asking for it!

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

In fact, isn’t the act of comforting more commonly seen as “feminine” behavior because it involves nurturing?
I think that's why she threw the "dominant" thing in; because she's aware most of society sees this as a 'feminine' thing and doesn't want anyone thinking that about Anita, and dominant=masculinity to her.

But remember, according to Dolph’s wife, you’re not supposed to understand love.
Anita and LKH don't understand love, but not in the way Dolph's wife means

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

1. I read that as "We didn't find any dirty bombs" and was like "Dammit/Oh darn/Wait, they were LOOKING FOR THOSE SPECIFICALLY?!"

2. You're being generous about LKH ever having the ability to do more than one plot at a time/sub-plots.

3. The Greeks understood love pretty damn well. They had four different kinds/types of love. That pretty much sums it up. Anita's type of love is called eros. Bam, done. Everyone can go home now.

4. Also shit. I don't really love my family, boyfriend, friends, pets... I DON'T LOVE ANYONE I LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE THEM. FUCK. THAT'S SO DEEP, LKH. THANK YOU. YOU HAVE TRULY OPENED MY EYES.

5. This is a backhanded insult at everyone who is not Anita. Yup. Because no one is as great as Anita. *wanders off hummingGaston*

6. *just whisks Mephisto away to Wander and leaves him there for proper comfort* Done

7. ANITA WOULD BE GOOD AT HAND-HOLDING SHE ONLY GETS IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME FROM HER BOYTOYS.

8. Yeah. Considering all of Mephisto's possible "The Devil"-ness attitude was raped out of him by Micah and Anita in the beginning. And the next we see of him, he's crying over Asher being exiled.

9. Dude, I totally forgot this all started because Mephisto was trying to hook up with a girl and it Really Upset Asher. Who clearly wasn't okay with it like Mephisto thought. Wow.

10. I'm pretty sure even if you're poly, your heart is fucking broken if you lose EVEN ONE PERSON THAT YOU LOVE. Jesus Christ. That's almost like saying "well you lost your mom, but on the bright side, you can't be upset because you still have your dad!" Which is completely ridiculous. I'm not even poly and I find that retarded and uuuugh. My brain just blue-screened.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

4) Right? Me either, I clearly don't love my pets, family, and friends, because I can express reasons WHY I do! THAT'S NOT HOW LOVE WORKS, MAN

5) Gaston is just so perfectly Anthony Blake it hurts

6) Excellent!

7) HAHAHAH

8) Yeah, seriously.

9) Oh gosh, I forgot too, I had to actually THINK when I read this "wait, which girl? when?" before I remembered Kelly

10) Yeah, excellent example

[dagonista.livejournal.com]

Anita harps on and on about taking care of the people she loves and how only she can provide for their emotional needs, but she clearly sees actually doing it the same way I see cleaning up my cat's vomit: it's a really distasteful part of owning a cat and my life would much nicer if he didn't puke on the rug. My cat's puke is Anita's harems' emotions. They should have the decency to just sit around waiting to be banged and not annoy her with their silly feelings.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it actually explains a lot if you figure that's how she regards anyone taking care of her as well. That's why Loofah-Dick gets praised so much, that's why Jean-Claude is so awesome...

And that's probably (part of) why Richard gets regarded with such searing contempt. Ewww, you actually want to FEEL AROUND in the cat puke? And ask it what it WANTS? YOU SICK FUCKER!!!1

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that captures her tone EXACTLY

[shippingfan3.livejournal.com]

how Sin is suddenly in the top-tier of the harem with Micah and Nathaniel in this book. Why is that?

I would seriously bet that Sin is now top-tier just to spite Asher for hurting him and for the fact that's he's apparently jealous of him (though Anita made that observation, so it could be totally wrong, but still, if it's in LKH's head, I wouldn't put it past her to try to spite Asher by shoving it in his face that she was staying with Sin and not him >_>)

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

LKH would do that, totally

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Ah, that makes sense! I didn't know that, thank you.

OH GOD SHE'D TOTALLY NAME A WEREOWL "WISDOM"

[jessica collett (from livejournal.com)]

I have never understood the Circus and how it works.

In True Blood/SVM you understand why Fangtasia is succesful. Vampires have just become a part of society, and it's one of the few places where you are guaranteed to see a real-life vampire in the flesh.

In the AB universe, vampires and shapechangers are EVERYWHERE. And it's insulting to have a place where you can go and stare at them, as if they were freaks in a sideshow. Although why I'd need a place to stare at them when they working in the fucking supermarket is anybody's guess.

I also don't understand why the Circus is written as being a family place. Um, this is a place where shapechangers and vampires do around naked and do sexually provocative things. Who wants to take their fucking kids there?????

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

this is a place where shapechangers and vampires do around naked and do sexually provocative things. Who wants to take their fucking kids there?????

...Anita.

[jessica collett (from livejournal.com)]

oh god she would

'Look, Jean-Claude Jnr, look at the spangly dancing penis!'

[dwg.livejournal.com]

You know, I think LKH has lost the ability to maintain more than one plot at a time/the ability to do sub-plots. She just can't make two issues be going on concurrently. [...] Only when it's entirely finished can the other plot be resumed. A story just can't work like that.

Oh god this explains everything. Especially why we get these repetitive infodumps every time a character enters a room or Anita does something because the moment she's no longer present in that situation it ceases to exist entirely. And also why all this stuff supposedly happens off-screen/completely out of left field, because Anita wasn't there to experience it first-hand and probably got filled in by someone like Claudia or Nathaniel filling her in on what she missed. I know LKH has previously said that Anita is her "camera" on the world, I just didn't think it was quite so literal.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

I was going to say it's very first draft-ish, but really I don't think that's it. First drafts often have lots of scenes that need to be stitched together, but they aren't usually so totally and completely unrelated. If a writer does think of an unrelated scene, they'll make it related or take it out. LKH instead seems to have one plot idea per writing session or something, each of which could fuel a book by itself, and she doesn't bother to make them matter to each other. She seems to literally forget the story she's telling with each switch.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

There's that too. I'm pretty sure LKH doesn't re-read much of what she's written even as she's going along let alone go back to revise things when later information needs to be influenced by previous events. I know she's said she doesn't re-read her previous books (why bother when you can hit up fans on twitter/facebook for the info you need?) so....yeaaaah.