BULLET, CHAPTER 14

[a_sporking_rat]

Jenner got a bath today! He didn't enjoy it, but he's a cleaner, fluffier rat now. I keep trying to get ahold of Justin to do the same, but he knows something is up and is staying hidden in his box.

I wanted to give Sam something to do, since she’s really energetic and clearly needs more toys. So I strung some Cheerio-knockoffs on a piece of twine, and tied it like a garland to her cage bars so she would have to climb to get them, and have to work to nibble each one off. It didn’t quite turn out as planned. She figured out what it was really fast, but soon turned her attention from trying to painstakingly get a nibble of each individual piece to figuring out how she could get ALL the pieces easily. To my amazement, she began chewing the twine instead of the treats, causing the twine to break and all the cereal to slide off it to the cage floor, where she and Blatz were able to easily get to them at their leisure! So much for THAT attempt at occupying her! She did this in less than five minutes, by the way.

No one is half as smart as my Sam in...


BULLET, CHAPTER 14 in which it is decided Haven has to die for no reason at all

The cell phone rings again, this time with the theme song to The Sopranos, which Nathaniel programmed in for Augustine, Master of Chicago, because he's a mob boss. Anita answers the phone, and "the men responded by wrapping themselves closer around me" because Anita can't even talk on the phone without needing a cocoon of guys for support. Auggie says he got a visit form the MOAD too and, as with Max, Anita had previously assured him that she was dead. Anita tells him it was a surprise for her and her people too, and the four men (Damian, Nathaniel, Asher, Nicky) all hold her closer. As for where the rest of the harem is: JC, Micah, and Richard are by the door talking, Domino is inside the door as a guard, and Crispin has gone to clean up.

Auggie says "If Jean-Claude is supposed to be our de facto leader in the US, it shouldn't have come as a surprise."

...Jean-Claude is now the leader of ALL VAMPIRE IN AMERICA?! WTF?!

Anita whines at him about how they thought the MOAD was dead, Nicky hugs her tighter so she relaxes in hopes that he'll relax too, and in response he "rubbed his face against my hair and Nathaniel's cheek. Like most wereanimals Nicky liked to cuddle, and it wasn't about sex any more than a pile of kittens sleeping together was about sex." Except that LKH turns everything she says isn't about sex into being about sex. Also, "Like most wereanimals Nicky" should have a comma between 'wereanimals' and 'Nicky', I think? It is just baffling to me how she leaves out commas when she needs them and then puts them everywhere she shouldn't. That's a special kind of fail there.

Auggie is pissed, and Anita thinks he must be hiding his fear with anger. Because it's not possible for him to feel two emotions at once (fear of MOAD, angry at Anita for not knowing for sure when she told him she was dead). To be fair, most characters in AB have zero emotional depth, so maybe that's not a stretch. Anita asks him to tell her what happened, Auggie says that "she pretended to be Belle Morte" and by the way it turns out Auggie too used to be a part of Belle Morte's "inner circle, always regretted her loss, even as she terrified them". MOAD-Belle tried to posses him, but she needed permission to enter him, hence why she tried to use Belle to seduce a 'yes' out of him. He felt from her that "she needs a vampire who has big cats as their animal to call" and that "she is weaker than she was, or she wouldn't need permission". Anita agrees that she's probably weaker now since it took her a year since her 'death' to posess the Council and so has probably been "hanging around like a shadow or ghost of herself until she was strong enough". So, she's Voldemort in the Albanian forest and the Council is Professor Quirrel, got it.

Auggie says that if they can figure out whatever it was she did to keep herself alive and grow stronger then they might be able to prevent her from getting any more powerful than she is at this point. Instead of agreeing with him, Anita is obnoxiously negative and says that being in Padma and Belle Morte is "strong enough to give us some major problems." Well, yes, Anita, I think Augustine is aware of that, that's why he's actually trying to think of ways to stop it from getting any worse, unlike you, who just sits there in your pile of men and shoots down everyone who calls you up with an idea for a solution.

Domino's cell phone rings, and Anita feels lion, which, again, oddly translates to feeling a specific environment ("sun-burnt grass with that hot light beating down on me") as well. Domino speaks to JC, JC sends him over to Anita, he tells Anita that "Haven is here with most of his lions, the muscle anyway. he's demanding to be let inside. The guards at the door won't let him in with that much muscle."

Now, remember why Haven decided to come down here in the first place: Anita called out for a lion to help her against two MOAD-Council members, and Haven, even though she didn't want him to be the one to come, got that message. So it's understandable why he's here and why he'd bring his serious fighters.

Nicky growls and tells Anita that "if you would let me fight him I'd be your new Rex and he'd be dead." Yeah, let's have someone running the werelions who is TOTALLY BRAINWASHED AND ENSLAVED TO AN OUTSIDE PARTY, that's a great idea! Augustine tells Anita he can feel the lions (dude, he's in Chicago. I get that he's a Master and these are his animals to call, but seriously?) and tells her she and Haven need to work things out. She says to tell that to haven, Auggie says he did, Anita asks what Auggie told Haven to do, he says that "I didn't tell him to come with all his men and challenge you."

...what? How is that what's happening? Anita was being attacked, she called for help to lions, Haven answered. She then told him not to come anyway since Nicky got there first, but I don't see how him still showing up equals a challenge. And work what out with him? What problems are going on with him? Aside from some complaining about how he doesn't get along with Micah and doesn't want to 'share' her, there's been zero indication of any conflict with him in Skin Trade or Flirt. Neither of those things are urgent MUST BE DEALT WITH deals, and if there were bigger problems in books prior to Skin Trade, why are they only an issue now all of a sudden after disappearing for the last two books?

Anita asks again what Augustine told Haven to do (Haven came from Chicago where he was part of Auggie's mob and under his authority since lions were his to call, if you're wondering why Auggie would be telling anything to Haven and expecting him to listen) and Auggie says he told haven not to do anything to undermine JC's power base, and to get along with Anita and Nicky. "But you have to tame Haven, Anita. You have to make sure the lions are under your control as their master vampire."

Why? Why can't the lions be under their own damn control as a people? Why does Anita have to be their boss? And why does Augustine WANT her to? What does he get out of it if she does?

Anita tells him, as she did Bibi, that she's "not a real vampire" and she doesn't have "all the mad skills that I need."

...mad skills. She really just said mad skills. LKH, please, don't try to be nerd-hip, it hurts to read. Also, Anita enslaves therians left and right, she's perfectly fine at that skill. Augustine says that "You have them; you're just to human to want to use them." She asks what that means. "It means you feel sorry for people. It means you let your heart get in the way of business." If by 'business' you mean 'acting with sense of logic or morality' and if by 'heart' you mean 'sex drive and sociopathic need for vengeance, dominance, rape, and attention/adoration from everyone' then yes, yes that's exactly the case with her, Augustine, exactly. She asks if that's not the case with him, he tells her no BECAUSE HE'S MASTER VAMPIRE MOB BOSS FROM THE DAYS OF ROME AT ITS HEIGHT, YOU STUPID NITWIT, YOU THINK ANY OF THAT HAPPENS BY BEING A NICE PERSON?! Anita knows the way that vampire power structures and politics work, she knows the ruthlessness and violence of the society they exist in, so how can she be surprised when someone who has not only survived in, but been very successful in it, is not someone who is 'too human' to do something like what he's asking with Haven? She may claim to understand and accept the monsters and all that shit, but she doesn't. She accepts that they're undead or become animals, sure, she's fine with those parts, but she refuses to even acknowledge the cultural and psychological differences they have from baseline humans...well, until those differences serve her, then she's fine with it.

Augustine says she'll need JC's help to "control the cats" and Anita says "I think Haven would kill us both if we tried for shared sex with him." Wow, Augustine suggests getting help from Jean-Claude for taking over a weregroup via getting their leader under control...and your first thought is you and JC doing that by a threeway? Wow, I don't even need to snark that, it does it on its own. Of course, it's not just Anita, the entire universe is obsessed with sex and it's the only solution to anything ever, as evident by the fact that Augustine's response is not WTF but instead to tell her to "Have Jean-Claude try the new females that Haven's recruiting for his pride." Try the new females? They're not a sample platter of snacks! No, not even for a vampire! "They're not like the bimbo that he brought down there for his Regina." Yeah, we never met this woman onscreen and she never did anything bad, but let's lambaste her as a bimbo for existing anyway. "I think you and Jean-Claude will like them both better." Auggie, Anita is not going to like anybody with a pair of X-chromosomes (and I feel safe equating chromosomes with gender in the case of this universe because, as mentioned before, transgender people don't exist in the Anitaverse, land of biological essentialism). The best these ladies can hope for is to be like Claudia---tolerated enough that Anita will just forget about their presence for the most part rather than the universe actively trying to corrupt and dispose of them because she wills it so.

Anita asked if Auggie helped to "shop for" these women. The phrase "shop/shopping/shopped for" in regards to other human beings will crop up repeatedly in this book. It is disturbing firstly because of the objectification factor like the term 'food" for the ardeur. It is disturbing secondly because, unlike with the "food" case, shopping for human beings, in particular for sexual reasons, is something that is real. It happens in the real world to real people at the hands of other real people. It's called prostitution, slavery (sexual or otherwise), and human trafficking. Which sounds not too far off from the case here--picking out women suffering from a medical condition (theriantrhopy is treated as a disease in this world, recall) and exploiting that condition (steering them into the St. Louis pride somehow) in order to get them to have sex with a powerful man (JC) in order to profit oneself in some way (since, again, Auggie must be getting something out of this). This isn't even subtext or metaphor here, this is what is ACTUALLY HAPPENING. THEY ARE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS.

And yes, he did "shop for women I thought you might actually get along with, and women that Jean-Claude might actually like." himself, how nice. I also am somewhat amused by the "women you might actually get along with" bit in there. Apparently Auggie is aware how rare/impossible that is. Anita just notices the "Jean-Claude might actually like" part though, and asks "You mean like-like?"

...who out of grade school says "like-like"?

Auggie says that "Jean-Claude is more Belle Morte's child than I am. Her power over her animals all came through sex." What DOESN'T in this series anymore? "Let him try some of the cats and see if he gains the ability to call them." IF YOU FUCK A THERIAN, YOU CAN CALL ITS SPECIES? NO. JUST NO. IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. I DON'T CARE WHAT LINE YOU'RE FROM. Honestly, if that had a chance in hell of working, Jean-Claude would have sexed up every species in the city by now. In fact, he might even have gone after critters that don't have a therian counterpart---sure, it's bestiality, but it's a small price to pay for getting to call bulls and alligators and, best of all, pigeons! What? There are a lot more pigeons in a city than there are tigers or gators or any other big predators like that, therian or natural. A vampire who could control them could turn the place into a 24/7 sequel to The Birds. He'd be Master big-time.

Anita asked if Auggie talked to Jean-Claude about this, and Auggie gives her his word of honor that Jean-Claude has no idea. Because god-forbid Jean-Claude ever have interest in finding another piece of ass besides Anita's even as her own harem reaches Ottoman Sultan proportions. What's really funny is that Anita doesn't even question what Auggie's word of honor is worth even though on the very next page he says himself that he has no conscience. She does tell him not to "go all Machiavelli on me" and while it's true that I never finished The Prince, I don't think that "find girls to bang for a guy without telling him or his girlfriend" is in it. Auggie must agree because he tells her that "This isn't Machiavelli, more Cupid" and to put JC on while she goes to handle the lions ("tame your kittens"). Wow, someone who knows that Cupid was originally more about making people bone each other for lulz than he was about inducing pure true love.

Anita asks how to tame him, Nicky says to let him fight him, and Auggie says that would work if Nicky won but that he doubts it. Nicky says he could, but Anita asks how else, and, shock, "Sex would be a temporary solution. It would smooth things over for tonight." Anita pouts that this would "reward his bad behavior."

WHAT BAD BEHAVIOR? YOU CALLED FOR HELP FROM A LION. HE CAME. Yes, you told him not to come, but if I were him, I would think it damn suspicious that you suddenly rescinded the plea right after making it so desperately and with such fear, especially in a world full of creatures that can mind-control and roll you and such. He did absolutely nothing wrong by still coming just in case. This is so ridiculously contrived. Dammit, LKH, you are the author, you can make a GOOD reason for this happening, why do you choose to make one that makes zero sense and is not convincing at all? You could have the audience cheering for Haven's death by now, absolutely hating him, and instead I'm just sitting here horrified and baffled at Anita and feeling sorry for Haven that he's going to be punished for doing something sensible and heroic. Okay, so saving Anita probably isn't heroic anymore because it just guarantees she'll continue her reign of terror, but still.

Auggie asks her what her goal is for tonight and, after asking what he means, says that she wants everyone to survive and to make everyone into a cohesive whole. Well, is that difficult? You've got control over the leopards and wolves, and what tigers are there. The rats and swans also do whatever you want now in order to get their piece of the pie. The hyenas work as guards for the vampires like the rats do, so I'm guessing it's the same with them, and Asher can probably bully Narcissus into doing anything he wants with the hyenas (and Narci will like it) so they're covered too. And as far as lions go, you ARE Regina (much as I loathe it) and while you and Haven may not be ~mates~ there was zero indication of leadership problems with the Pride itself in the last two books. So, seriously, what about this isn't a cohesive whole already? STOP BEING SO PISSY AND OVERDRAMATIC ABOUT HAVEN NOT WANTING TO BE A SPINELESS HAREM MEMBER. IT DOESN'T MAKE HIM A BAD PERSON OR A BAD LEADER, AND IT HAS ZERO POLITICAL RAMIFICATIONS UNTIL *YOU* DECIDE TO MAKE SOME OVER IT.

Auggie again advices her to "offer him sex if he sends most of the lions home. He's Rex, so he's entitled to keep a few bodyguards." Or you could just go out and explain to him what happened and then he and his lions will go home on their own since they're no longer needed. But that would be too simple and not involve sex. Anita asks if Auggie really thinks sex will make Haven do that, and Auggie says "Remember who you're talking to, Anita. It was all I could do after sex with you and Jean-Claude not to stay in St. Louis like some sort of pet. Trust me, he'll say yes."

...well, I don't think Augustine was ever presented as a 'good' guy like Jean-Claude, so I'm not so icked out that he's suggesting using the enslaving properties of Anita's vagina against someone else. He is, after all, a very old and very successful vampire, and, as I said, you don't get to be that by being a nice moral person. Anita's objection to it, however, is not moral, but practical: "That was Jean-Claude in charge of the metaphysical head games, Auggie. Haven won't go for that." Augie says to ask Jean-Claude what kind of help he can give with the head-games without touching Haven, and points out that, given what Anita did to Nicky, he's pretty sure she can handle this "if you get out of your own way". Anita asks what that means, Auggie says "It means you feel bad about what you did to the other werelion" and Anita says that "I took his free will, Auggie; no one has that right." Again, we'll get lip service from Anita like this about Nicky, but I will bet you that at no point in this book will she make any attempt to free him from what she did. Despite the fact that in Skin Trade it turns out she can break metaphysical bonds like that with her vagina...which makes me picture her literally crushing said bonds with kegals.

Auggie says that "if Haven were as enthralled with you as this Nick is, then you wouldn't have a horde of angry werelions about to storm your battlements." How dpes anyone here know that they're there to do that? No one has said anything like 'I telepathically feel they are here to do this' or the like, it's just being ASSUMED even though there's the much more logical and likely explanation that I keep harping on. "If you had just taken him as your Rex the way you did your Nimir-Raj, he'd be much more manageable." Oh, you mean have Haven rape her? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOT HER AND HER PRECIOUS NIMIR-RAJ TOGETHER. "He's too dangerous to keep waffling. You need to either keep him or kill him, Anita." Why? What has he done in the past two novels to indicate he's dangerous at all? Fucking squat, that's what.

Anita asks if she could just send Haven back to Auggie, but Auggie says that "he's been a Rex; if you send him back my Rex will kill him" but that if Anita wants to kill him indirectly that way, that's fine with him. Anita says no, Auggie says "it would be easier on that conscience of yours" and Anita says he must not understand her conscience at all (yeah, namely that SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE) and Auggie says that's likely because he hasn't had one himself for many centuries. Anita says that rather than just sending him "home to certain death" she would rather "do my own killing."

Yeah, bullcrap. You were perfectly happy to withdraw your protection from Joseph so that he and his family could be killed by Haven and his lions instead of you dirtying your own Lady Macbeth hands by doing it yourself then.

Auggie tells her to do it then, but she whines that she doesn't want to kill him, and Auggie says to "Kill him, fuck him, make him your Rex the way you did Micah, make your animal to call like Nathaniel, make him your Groom like Nick, but you are going to have to do something."

Out of all those options, killing him sadly sounds the kindest to me.

Anita thanks Auggie for the "pep talk" and he says she needs to help JC get "his house in order" or else "the Mother of All Darkness is going to eat us alive, and undead." I like how the lions are apparently part of Jean-Claude's house. Since when did being Boss Vampire mean getting to run all the therian groups too? Oh yeah, since Anita caught them all in the net of her vagina. God that sounds so misogynistic until you remember THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENED. Of course, everything about Anita's sexuality is pretty misogynistic anyway--Good Girls can't say yes because they just WANT to, female sexuality is this out of control force that will mess men up, and so on--so I guess that's no surprise.

Domino asks what Anita wants to do and says that "The lions say they're coming to your rescue." OKAY, THIS CONFIRMS IT. HAVEN DID NOT COME TO CAUSE TROUBLE. HE CAME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT (RIGHTLY SO) THAT ANITA WAS IN DANGER. CAN WE CALL OFF THE WHOLE 'WE HAVE TO TAME/KILL/DEAL WITH HIM' NONSENSE NOW?

Anita asks him how many lions there are, there are twenty-five, and Anita realizes that "he brought cannon-fodder too" because he doesn't have that many soldiers. She says it as if it's a bad thing. Yes, how horrible Haven is for rallying his whole Pride together to come to your rescue against THE MOTHER OF ALL FREAKING DARKNESS who you totally wouldn't need everyone you had against just to survive, right? This makes Auggie suggest that "If Jean-Claude has sex with one of the female lions" why specifically female? "at the same time you're doing the Rex, he might be able to bridge the powers without touching Haven."

Anita expresses the suspicion that Jean-Claude and Augustine set this up so he could fuck other women (okay, that would be hilarious) and Auggie says "I know to talk to you first" lest anyone forget that Anita is boss of everything and everyone, even people she has no reason to be the boss over.

Anita tells Haven that "we need time to clean up, then we'll meet him and some of his lions." Domino asks how many lions they want to let inside, Anita asks JC the same, JC says as few as possible, Anita asks just how many that is, and I don't see why it matters since all they'll have to do is see that Anita, who they came to rescue, is fine. But no, first they have to find out how soon they can get some more wererat and werehyena guards so they can outnumber the lions two to one. Wow, notice which species are being used as "cannon fodder" now? When the hyenas are mentioned, Anita comments snarkily/poutily to Asher that she thought he was going to take the hyenas and leave and he's like UM DID YOU FORGET THE ORGY WE JUST HAD TO FIX THAT? And they have to ask Claudia to even tell them how many rats they can get because it turns out they don't even know about the wererat resources enough to figure out how many guards they can rustle up on short notice. Dude, if you're going to OMG RULE EVERYONE then you should probably know these things.

Asher tells her it'll take 30 to 45 minutes for more werehyena guards to get here depending how armed she wants them. May I remind everyone again that this is totally unnecessary, given WHY it is that Haven and the werelions showed up in the first place?

Anita asks JC how armed the werehyenas should be and he asks "Are we allowed to slaughter your lions, ma petite?" Instead of saying "What is wrong with you, they only came to help me and haven't done anything wrong!" she says that "If they try to fight us, then they aren't my lions anymore. They're just a danger to us." Yeah, clearly THEY'RE the dangerous ones for coming to your rescue while YOU make plans to kill them in return. This is like Bizarro-verse or something, it just makes no sense. It makes the REVERSE of sense.

JC says she'll miss her "Cookie Monster" if he is killed and Anita disagrees since "he was never a boyfriend, barely a lover. Tonight he either toes the line, or he has to go." So the only problem she has with killing someone FOR NO REASON is if he was a sweetie of hers. Wow. Asher says they can finish that tonight then and gropes JC's thigh. Anita says she'll call haven on his phone and then "we'll clean up and do this".

She talks a lot about how she doesn't want to kill Haven or any of the lions (nevermind she just basically said she won't feel bad if she does, though) "but he couldn't bring armed men to our house and demand to be let inside. We couldn't let that go, and he had to have known that."

BUT

HE CAME TO SAVE YOU

HE DIDN'T BRING THE GUNS TO USE AGAINST YOUR PEOPLE

HE CAME TO FIGHT WHATEVER WAS ATTACKING YOU

AND HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS

SO HE BROUGHT EVERYTHING HE HAD JUST IN CASE

AND IF HE'D SHOWN UP EARLIER, BEFORE PADMA AND BELLE MORTE HAD LEFT

YOU'D BE THANKING HIM

NOT DECIDING HE HAD TO DIE FOR IT

SRSLY THERE IS SO MUCH TERRIBLE SHIT THAT HAVEN COULD DO THAT COULD GET A DEATH SENTENCE

AND THIS IS WHAT EARNS HIM IT INSTEAD?

GRHERUIERUITIWEUWIUQ

And then Anita has the realization that "Haven had decided to end things tonight too" through "his version of suicide by cop, and we were the cops."

No. That is not what he's doing. Oh my god. Do not even lie, Anita. It's all right there in the text why he showed up. By the way, the "this person wants to die so it's okay for Anita kill them!" was pulled *twice* in Narcissus in Chains. It was bullshit there too, if you were wondering.

Comments

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

"the men responded by wrapping themselves closer around me" This reminds me of how my snakes will constrict around your arm if they're alarmed. Doesn't do much for my opinion of Anita's men, but that was pretty low already.

And omfg, the convoluted writing acrobatics LKH is performing so she can off Haven! Why? Was it just to prove to her anti-fans that she totes will kill off characters so there, look what you made her do?! Because the amount of effort she's going to in order to make it seems like Haven is seconds away from napalming the Circus (why didn't that happen?) is absolutely staggeringly baffling.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

What's really weird is that when she does kill him later in the book, that's not even why she does it! The reason she does it is actually pretty just! SO WHY ALL OF THIS AT ALL THEN?

[alondra-del-sol.livejournal.com]

I don't even have words for this mess. One brain bleach martini please, extra bleach, shaken not stirred.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I need one of those every other paragraph or so.

[collectively.livejournal.com]

"the men responded by wrapping themselves closer around me"... Anita tells him it was a surprise for her and her people too, and the four men (Damian, Nathaniel, Asher, Nicky) all hold her closer.
"At this point, it seemed like Damian was trying to climb into my ear canal and Asher was already halfway up my left nostril. This wasn't about sex, just the comfort of having them near me."

"Like most wereanimals Nicky" should have a comma between 'wereanimals' and 'Nicky', I think?
YES. YES, IT SHOULD. ARGH.

So, she's Voldemort in the Albanian forest and the Council is Professor Quirrel, got it.
Exactly! This is just like Harry Potter, except without the good dialogue, interesting characters, or more than a semblance of plot development!

Anita tells him, as she did Bibi, that she's "not a real vampire" and she doesn't have "all the mad skills that I need."
Excuse me, I'll be over here in the corner cringing and pondering whether I should blind myself so I never run the risk of reading that again.

"Have Jean-Claude try the new females that Haven's recruiting for his pride." Try the new females? They're not a sample platter of snacks! No, not even for a vampire!
These books have gotten in my head so badly my first thought wasn't "that's not cool, they are people too" but "Jean-Claude have sex with another female? Ha, Anita'll never go for that."

...who out of grade school says "like-like"?
People who are being purposefully silly and joke-y....and, of course, morons. (Seriously she's saying this to a powerful vampire MotC as they try to handle a crisis situation WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SOUND LIKE YOU'RE SEVEN AT THIS TIME?!)

I don't even know what to say about the rest of this chapter. They are all complete nutballs. Poor werelions. :( They do not deserve to be slaughtered for trying to help. (And the most annoying part is, you know it's going to turn out that Anita et al were totally right and Haven is trying to pull some stunt or whatever, even though LKH completely contradicted that multiple times in this chapter.)

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

These books have gotten in my head so badly my first thought wasn't "that's not cool, they are people too" but "Jean-Claude have sex with another female? Ha, Anita'll never go for that."
Hahaha, right?

And the most annoying part is, you know it's going to turn out that Anita et al were totally right and Haven is trying to pull some stunt or whatever, even though LKH completely contradicted that multiple times in this chapter

I think that these contradictions are pretty much proof as to what we already found out recently from Lashouts---LKH really does just hand in first drafts for publishing, complete with all the holes that are naturally to be found in first drafts. "Ok, I need Haven and his lions to be there for Anita to have conflict with him, what's a good reason? Oh, I know, he came when she called because of the MOAD! And I'll need a good reason for her to kill him, I'll just stick a note here to fill that in when it comes" but then she never actually gets back to it and we wind up with this instead.

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

These books have gotten in my head so badly my first thought wasn't "that's not cool, they are people too" but "Jean-Claude have sex with another female? Ha, Anita'll never go for that."

Oh, good, it wasn't just me, then. I was like "Oh shit, son! Auggie you just done stepped in it big time. Anita Nuclear Meltdown in 3...2..."

And then it didn't happen because her main focus was if it was all JC's idea. Like HOW DARE HER BELOVED FROGGIE WANT TO STICK IT IN OTHER CLAMS. Because UGH FINE IF HE WANTS TO RAM IT INTO THE BATTLEMENTS OF ASHER'S BACKSIDE BUT OH HELL TO THE NO IF JC WANTS MORE POOTANG!

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

1. Why are all the Masters mob bosses? Wouldn't it make more sense for them to be like... not involved in illegal human things? 'Cause doing so would just make the feds (and U.S. Marshalls... which, by the way, is a really stupid law enforcement group to be given jurisdiction over "putting down" the supernatural beings, by the way. Like that always bothered me. Why the fuck is Anita a U.S. Marshall of all things? It'd make more sense if she was in the ATF...) have their radar trained on them even more. WAY TO NOT USE LOGIC AGAIN, LKH. IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU PURPOSELY AREN'T BOTHERING ANYMO-- Oh. Oh, I see.

2. Ewwww. They're all cuddling in dried goo. That's... really gross. Bleh.

3. JC is Mr. President, now? Wha?

4. OH MY GOD TWO EMOTIONS AT ONCE I WOULD EXPLODE.

5. *bursts out laughing* Now I'm imagining everyone on the Council wearing the turbans to hide MOAD's face coming out of the back of their heads. LOOK OUT ANITA, YOUR SCARS ARE GOING TO BURN. THE METAPHYSICAL ONES.

6. Wait, Anita's too human? She feels too bad for people? *looks behind her, behind the couch, UNDER the couch* What Anita are we talking about here? Because clearly Auggie is not talking about the same Anita Blake that we know.

7. Hell, the best we can hope for is that these new ladies are like JJ and Cardinal. Jealous woobies that are mostly ignored.

8. WHY CAN'T WE GO MORE THAN 4 CHAPTERS WITHOUT SEX?! WHY!? This is so put-on, too! HAVEN JUST WANTS TO HELP YOU GUIZ STOP MAKING IT SEEM LIKE HE'S THERE TO TEAR SHIT APART. Srsly, Haven, babe, just come join my support group. You can bring whatever new Regina you want. Even a bimbo, I don't care. Just keep away from Nicky, he drools. And sometimes he starts spraying out of a misplaced sense of being territorial.

9. OOOOH MY GOD I'M SO MAD. ANITA HE THOUGHT YOU WERE LEGIT DYING OR BEING RIPPED TO SHREDS BY A BIG BAD. NOT METAPHYSICALLY EITHER. HE CAME TO HELP. AND EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE LIKE "JUST KIDDING~" HE WAS LIKE "MAYBE THAT WAS COERCED I HAVE TO GO HELP HER!" HE'S TRYING TO BE AN HERO! JUST CLEAN UP THE GOO AND GO FUCKING EXPLAIN! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?! WHY IS NO ONE TELLING HER THIS IS WHAT HE IS DOING? ASHER! WHERE IS YOUR SASSY LOGIC?!

[hope bracey (from livejournal.com)]

I don't understand why she is angry at Haven for coming to help. In Skin Trade she bitches him out for believing her when she comes to the door to tell him that the weretiger orgy she is having is fine, when she's actually been mind-raped by the MOAD. The poor guy just can't catch a break.

[nanoquill.livejournal.com]

Try again.

Squee at clever little Sam! Maybe you could try her with parrot toys?

Or have a look at this list of ideas:
www. ratchatter.com/what-are-fun-and-clean-games-to-play-with-pet-rats/comment-page-1/# comment-34
(I'm trying if putting spaces in will stop it tripping the automatic spam alert.)

I hadn't realised how innocent I was/am until I read the part about whether or not Auggie shopped for the women and thought it meant he chose their wardrobes for them. /embarrassed (And now I can't get the image of a mob fashionista out of my mind.)

Where did LKH get Anita's vocabulary from? Twilight fanfic?

I would be headdesking so hard if I had to read 'Haven came to rescue us so let's kill him for it!' myself. You are a champion for not shoving it aside and going, 'There must be something better than this on TV'. I bow in awe of your strong will. (I will literally bow to you (if you want) if we ever meet IRL for managing to get through this crap. *Disclaimer: meeting isn't likely, I'm in the UK.)

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the link! I got her a hanging ladder meant for birds today, along with some toys meant for rodents.

I hadn't realised how innocent I was/am until I read the part about whether or not Auggie shopped for the women and thought it meant he chose their wardrobes for them. /embarrassed (And now I can't get the image of a mob fashionista out of my mind.)

Aww, bless.

I would say "but how would you know me anyway?" and then was like "duh, I'd be the one rambling about rats!"

[phantom-kiwi.livejournal.com]

shis is off-topic but how did you come up with names for your rats/mice (what's the difference if any?)? I don't have much to contribute except that LKH has way too much deus sex machina

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Rodents are always on-topic here!

I always give my mice Hebrew and/or Biblical names. I don't know why, as I'm not religious. I started with pretty well-known ones like David and Goliath (a pair in which one mouse was very little and one was large) but now I do ones that are more obscure, like Tiras, who was a grandson of Noah. The rats are a much more mixed-bag. Currently, all of the ones that I have came with their names from someone else except Sam, who I named as a gift to a friend because her dog Sam had to be put down the day I got her. Sometimes I'll name them for a physical characteristic, like Fidget because he fidgeted a lot or Simba because he had a tan coloration like a lion, and sometimes it's just kind of random, like how Lance got his name because I wanted to name him Cogidubnus since we were learning about him in Latin class at the time, but my family wouldn't let me because they couldn't say/remember that. Cogidubnus was a king of Roman Britain, so I decided to pick the name of another historical British figure that my family would be able to remember, and went with Sir Lancelot.

Physically, they look a lot alike except that rats are MUCH bigger! Mice are around an ounce, rats are around a pound. Here are some visual aids!
http://www.afrma.org/breedimg/rbratvslnmse-1bx.jpg
http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5217/5532612293_2e44445c11_z.jpg
I hope they separate them soon in the photo! Rats see mice as prey and will gobble them up if given a chance. Speaking of that, their diets are different too. It's true they both eat a lot of grains, but while mice are almost entirely herbivorous (they might nibble a small insect here and there in the wild, and it's ok to give pet ones a small bit of cooked fish or poultry now and then) rats are active omnivores that very much enjoys eggs and meat! Rats being predators and mice being prey makes them psychologically different in many ways as well, the main one being that mice are much more nervous by nature than rats. They're both very curious, but rats are less afraid.

Rats need to be kept in pairs or groups (though you'll want to make sure all cagemates are the same sex, unless you want babies!) While female mice should also be kept in groups, male mice must be kept solitary. They will reproduce with the females, and they will fight with other males. Male mice also smell terrible due to a musk that they secrete which male rats do not.

Mice are very intelligent, but not as intelligent as rats, and while they can make good pets and be friendly, they won't normally bond to a person to the degree that a rat will. I've had rats beg to be picked up, enjoy playing with their humans, etc. With mice, it's more like they're tolerant to amiable about being held and petted but could also do without it just fine. They're sweet, but not as affectionate as rats are. Though there are exceptions to every rule, this is just my experience!

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

I am so sick of people needing to hold Anita's hand or cuddle her or what the fuck ever if something omg scary happens. What happened to the woman who lived alone? What happened to the woman who faced way worse shit than OMG a VAMPIRE ON THE PHONE. I don't mind if a character needs comfort every now and then, but Anita takes it to eleven and it doesn't make me think well of her. It's like she can't take a shit without someone holding her hand. That level of dependency is not only incredibly unhealthy, it's not fun to read about when it's shown as normal and not-bad.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

It is indeed really creepy how Anita's self-sufficiency has taken a dip down into preschool levels. And still managed to do nothing to humanize her or make her seem like she might actually have SIGNIFICANT weaknesses that will ever actually get her hurt in any way.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Will you judge me if I'm over here imagining a ninja murdering the shit out of Anita right now?
I'd judge you if you weren't!

Also, mentioning Kazakhstan just makes me want to have Borat walk in on all this.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

Few thoughts:
...who out of grade school says "like-like"?
People who get serial murders to say that they want to 'date-date' them, rather than rape and murder as is his want.
I still can't get over that. I know I shouldn't be pro-Olaf, but fuck it. He was a dark and an actually frightening monster and LKH turned him into a slow 8 year old with a crush.

Who untied Asher? Wasn't he still all bound from the bondage play? Makes sense that he's there for cuddles, at least, seeing as I can't think of any reason for him to be there other than being unable to get away. Though all I can imagine is him sorta flopping over at her. That or Anita leaning in against him for nonconsentual cuddling with a look of long suffering on Asher's face.

Finally, remember the amount of moaning that LKH did about 'having' to kill one of her sweeties off, and that she cried over it and fought with the paper, but couldn't think of a way out of it?
" I've finished crying over my imaginary friends, but I'm left empty and sort of numb. Stunned with the turn of events. I've spent days trying to save this character. I pulled a major metaphysical event to save the day & in the end not enough. Death will come, final and complete, and the light in their eyes dulls until the windows to the soul show nothing but emptiness."
I'm calling bullshit on that. Bull. Shit.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

People who get serial murders to say that they want to 'date-date' them, rather than rape and murder as is his want.
Ugh, right, I forgot about the phrase 'date-date" being used. Probably to spare myself brain damage. And yeah, I can't fucking stand that either.

I'm imagining Asher just sort of hopping around the room, still tied up, trying to get out of there.

HAHAHA did she write that about this book? Oh my gawd.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Jenner got a bath today! He didn't enjoy it, but he's a cleaner, fluffier rat now./

Aww, that sounds so cute. ^^

/Why can't the lions be under their own damn control as a people? Why does Anita have to be their boss?/

Because Anita has to be in control of everything and everyone. This is the same person who equated grown men and women with children earlier. *Her* children, who she gets to boss around and discipline and punish because Mommy Dearest always knows best.

/Yeah, we never met this woman onscreen and she never did anything bad, but let's lambaste her as a bimbo for existing anyway./

You know, it’s moments like these where the misogyny is so out-of-hand that it becomes ridiculous. Ridiculous to the point of one wondering if it’s supposed to be parody. I mean, jeez, Anita, why don’t you go hook up with John Norman already and cheer on his misogynistic tirades?

/Apparently Auggie is aware how rare/impossible that is./

And that’s supposed to be a good thing? Look, I know that there are women who get along with men better than they get along with women. But here’s the thing, Ms. Hamilton, HAVING MORE MALE FRIENDS THAN FEMALE FRIENDS DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY EQUAL HATING ALL OTHER WOMEN FOR EXISTING.

/STOP BEING SO PISSY AND OVERDRAMATIC ABOUT HAVEN NOT WANTING TO BE A SPINELESS HAREM MEMBER. IT DOESN'T MAKE HIM A BAD PERSON OR A BAD LEADER/

But that does make him a bad person and a bad leader! A good leader would realize that Anita is the supreme Mother Goddess of everything and thus he’d have to always bow to her whims in order to avoid her wrath. A good person would realize that Anita is always right and sacrifice his own wants and desires for her enjoyment. Haven failed to do any of the above; therefore he is wrong and evil!

Again, imagine if Anita was the quintessential villainous male tyrant of a standard fantasy book and demanded that all of the young and beautiful women in the kingdom had to sleep with him or else he’d slaughter them and their families. And then the author claimed that he was supposed to be a hero. Yeah, something tells me that most readers wouldn’t buy that.

/But that would be too simple and not involve sex./

Because heaven forbid something not involve sex in this series.

/AND THIS IS WHAT EARNS HIM IT INSTEAD?/

Well, Joseph was only trying to be loyal to his wife, and yet what did that earn him? (NO, I WILL NEVER LET THAT GO. JUST BECAUSE ANITA IS ABLE TO BLITHELY FORGET ABOUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I WILL).

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

/You know, it’s moments like these where the misogyny is so out-of-hand that it becomes ridiculous. Ridiculous to the point of one wondering if it’s supposed to be parody. I mean, jeez, Anita, why don’t you go hook up with John Norman already and cheer on his misogynistic tirades?/
Because then Anita can't be the One Good Woman.
But she'd definitely outdo John Norman if she ever got a sex change.

/And that’s supposed to be a good thing? Look, I know that there are women who get along with men better than they get along with women. But here’s the thing, Ms. Hamilton, HAVING MORE MALE FRIENDS THAN FEMALE FRIENDS DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY EQUAL HATING ALL OTHER WOMEN FOR EXISTING. /
SECONDED.


/Well, Joseph was only trying to be loyal to his wife, and yet what did that earn him? (NO, I WILL NEVER LET THAT GO. JUST BECAUSE ANITA IS ABLE TO BLITHELY FORGET ABOUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I WILL)./
Will ANYONE except LKH herself ever forget that?! DX

[the-mome-wrath.livejournal.com]

I really hate how all the therian groups are completely subservient to vampires in all things. They spend all their time running around at a vampire's beck and call. At least with Raina and Gabriel in charge it seemed like there was some give and take when it came to dealing with the vampires.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

Ditto. What bugs me most is how none of the therians seem to have a problem with this either.

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

I truly believe this book started with an outline based on the many questions and criticisms that LKH received over the prior books. It reads like a laundry list:

1. Note on kids ballet I had to attend - So boring I day dreamed about my imaginary friends being here. Excellent opening!
2. Readers asking where is Monica and her baby - Use to finally establish time line!
3. Readers were pissed that I bombed MOAD off screen. Must fix somehow and bring back as big threat.
4. Complaints I don't kill characters - Kill someone close to Anita (but not too close...sniff)
5. Complaints about missing characters - must include appearances of Damien, some of the London vamps, some of the other weres (tweet for names) and have a few characters give Anita a call.
6. Complaints that Anita never lets her men have other lovers - will give Damien a girlfriend and Jason a long distance lover (this is hard for Anita so must make them non-threatening)
7. Richard hasn't been around and missing explanation of his ardeur. (Fine! will include him but my way! My books, my characters, my words, my way!)

And so on. It just keeps on throughout the rest of the book. It was so obvious that many of us on the official forum were carefully posting "Wow, its like she was here in the forums reading all our posts and questions!! Isn't that special!".

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Sounds likely enough to me!

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm so behind in reading and commenting on these sporks. Pray forgive me - it was the endless negotiations on sex that broke me. You know how I mentioned that Skin Trade and Flirt are actually not too bad as far as Anita Blake books go? What I meant was that they weren't like this one. ^_^;;

Anita's stupid tendency to assume the worst of people without any particular reason (someone mentioned back in the last book that she always thinks her clients have some nefarious and/or moronic agenda, too) really annoys me. I don't know if the fact that half the time, it is very ambiguous in the text whether she's right or not makes it better or worse - I mean, it'd be bad if she was always shown to be right, but as it is, it's like LKH thinks that she doesn't even have to show Anita to be right, because of course Anita is right, why would we need to see any proof of that? *groans*